Self-esteem

[Night Elf]

How do I help two teenagers with extremely low self-esteem? Dd15 even worries she's not good enough for her friends. Ds17 doesn't have friends but worries about becoming an adult and not being liked by anyone. They are both really unhappy. Mom and Dad's opinions don't seem to matter and we have no outside adults who can help. If we keep encouraging them, is this something they will grow into as they get older?

[mytwomonkeys]

Do they do any community service? What are they involved in?  I would get the focus on what is going well in their lives.  When my daughter is down, sometimes I ask her to share 3 things that went right that day. Or if she made a mistake, I ask her 3 things that she did well.  Of course I tell my kids what I love about them, but having them recognize their own strengths is empowering.  Self esteem values who you are and what you're worth. So I would help them figure out what core things they want to matter in their lives. Then I would set out to incorporate activities and service that align with those values.  

 

Is this plausible? It's really hard, because I don't know your kids personalities. This is what would work here though.

[Elm in NJ]

My 18 year old is like this. He has Asperger tendencies though. Civil Air Patrol has really helped him a lot. He is in a leadership position and his speaking skills have really improved.  Also attending the CC for the past 2 years has also helped him. He still has low self-esteem issues and I think he probably always will. He has always been jealous of his younger siblings ability to make friends. My backyard  is always full of kids and as soon as the public school is out and on weekends, the doorbell starts ringing. My oldest has no close friends and that is really hard on him since his brothers are the exact opposite.