How hard do you push the ill child?

[mamatohaleybug]

Yes, by law you have to "do school," but certainly with chronic illness "accommodations" are appropriate.  If a chronically ill child is enrolled in public school, by law the school would have to provide reasonable accomodations.  It is not a question of either doing school or not, it is a matter of balancing the academic needs with the medical needs with the social needs.

 

As someone who has been down a long road and has successfully gotten a chronically ill child launched in a top 30 college, the key really is balance rather than pushing your child without regard for the extenuating medical conditions so that they can be a successful adult.  Quite frankly, give me a break!  We all want our children to reach their full potential, but there is not any one road to success.  Balancing the academic needs with the medical and other needs of a chronically ill child especially in the pre-highschool years is not dooming them to life as an unemployable slacker--=not even close.

 

For what it's worth, my daughter is a national AP scholar, scoring 5 on 7 AP tests and 4 on 1 AP tests in subjects as diverse as Calc bC to English to APUSH.  She also was our state's winner in the National Peace Essay Contest, competed in swimming before she became too ill in 8th grade (6,000 yds plus practices a day) and then competed in rowing for 2 years before she decided to focus more on her academics/writing.  And yes, during her highschool years there were many, many days when she had to sleep till noon and could barely focus, but she always did her best.  We did balance and quite frankly, I wish we would have balanced more in the pre-highschool and early highschool years.  She's doing great academically in college, has a great job within the school (and yes, they do make reasonable accomodations) and any adult she interacts with is nothing but impressed and would hire her in a second.  I have no idea what the future holds, but her future is certainly not predetermined by accomodating her medical needs during her pre-high school and highschool years.

 

Um, sorry my post seems to have upset you somehow. I certainly never suggested It being a question of either doing school or not, or pushing a child without regard to extenuating circumstances or that I was concerned about dooming her to a life as an unemployable slacker. I hope your whole post wasn't being directed at me.  :(

 

FWIW, I pulled my child from school because the district couldn't (wouldn't) do enough to accommodate her needs. The only reason we homeschooled in the beginning was because of my child's health and well-being. I have devoted my life, full-time, to this child's care for 11 years. I have ONLY her well-being in mind.

 

This is a hard discussion to have in such general terms. My child's illnesses/disabilities are mainly brain based, but do go well beyond neurological issues. She has 5-8 medical specialists she sees at any given time. She feels "bad" every day in one way or another. She also has hopes and dreams and talents and abilities. So, my goal is to accommodate her health needs enough to meet her needs for stimulation and accomplishment. It's a VERY hard balance and I am sincere in my questions about how other parents handle these issues.

 

You have the benefit of hindsight. Someday I will too and I hope to have few regrets. That's why I'm so interested in how other families balance their lives. 

 

Grateful to the OP for asking these questions.

[Capt_Uhura]

I am in the same boat. My son, 13yrs old, has been dealing with Lyme disease for 2yrs. The fatigue is horrible. We now think he is clear of the Lyme bacteria but is left w/ awful nausea and stomach pain. he is on omeprazol and that seems to be helping so maybe he has just been left with GERD. I try to do as much as I can orally. He's better in the evenings so we've been up as late as 11:30pm doing algebra. We have lost about 1.5yrs of his education but I think he's still on par w/ the local schools for 9th grade last year. It is really hard. I will read the rest of this thread.

 

Big hugs,

Sybil

 

DS12 has a chronic illness.  He has good days, but he also has many bad days.  I really struggle with how hard and when to push him with things like school work and when to let him "off the hook".  Some would say to never push, yet I know that if I NEVER push a little then his illness will become an excuse.  He says he wants to be married someday and provide for a family.  He is building habits now that will either allow or disallow him this privilege.  Sometimes I push and then I feel guilty :(

 

[Ann.without.an.e]

Sybil,

 

First of all,  :grouphug:.  It is difficult, isn't it?  Difficult to know how hard to push, difficult to know exactly what our expectations should be?  I don't think there is a clear right and wrong way to handle a child with chronic health issues.  All of our situations are similar, yet very different.  I think the hardest part for me, other than watching my child suffer, is feeling confident that the day to day decisions I make are best.  I am always second guessing myself :(

To choose meds or not to choose meds?  When to push and when to back off?  

 

hang in there <3