What would you do? Moving and work.

[Mynyel]

A little background. It has been an ongoing battle to move. Dh wants to move but I can't actually get him to move. So, I got a job working from home to help us in this endeavor. I was under the impression I could work anywhere in the US when I took this job. With this job I can also start my own business which I have. The business hasn't taken off yet but I have started it.

 

So... he has decided the only place he really, really wants to move... as in buy a house move. Is New York. The man pines away for that state. I swear he loves it more than me! ;) Anyway. The job/business I just got/started I can't do in NY. The company I am with will not hire or do business with residents of NY. So I won't be able to do this if we were to move there. He was talking again just a little bit ago about good deals on houses being available.

 

What would you do? Forsake it and go? I just don't know. I really want to get this business going, it is something I really would like to do. However, I also want to move and not have to worry about dh. If you only knew what I go through daily with him and moving. Ugh.

[Barb_]

Does this business mean more to you than the state of New York does to your husband, or is in vice versa? Why? Dig into the reasons. Are there reasonable alternatives to the business or to the relocation? I lean toward the business being more important and tougher to compromise on, but the reasons on both sides are important. Also, have you taken into consideration how difficult the homeschooling regulations are to follow compared to almost any other state?

[Tita Gidge]

I have friends that work in NYC but commute in from neighboring states.

 

Is that a possible compromise? He'd be pretty darn close to NY and you'd still be able to work at your current gig.

 

Which part of NY was he thinking?

[Mynyel]

Does this business mean more to you than the state of New York does to your husband, or is in vice versa? Why? Dig into the reasons. Are there reasonable alternatives to the business or to the relocation? I lean toward the business being more important and tougher to compromise on, but the reasons on both sides are important. Also, have you taken into consideration how difficult the homeschooling regulations are to follow compared to almost any other state?

 

For this kind of business there isn't any alternative. It is the only one of its kind. I have researched the HS laws and while on the surface they very intensive they aren't that bad.

I have friends that work in NYC but commute in from neighboring states.

 

Is that a possible compromise? He'd be pretty darn close to NY and you'd still be able to work at your current gig.

 

Which part of NY was he thinking?

 

I wish it was that simple. He wants to live right on the edge of the west side of the Adirondacks. There isn't another state we can live in and be close enough to there.

 

I fear we are just stuck where we are... which is horrible but it is what it is I guess.

[Tita Gidge]

When I left my island home, I had my heart and mind set on one place. Only. It was the only place I was willing to leave and re-settle. And we did. And we traveled, and I discovered there were other places I liked also :) places that had to grow on me, but that I eventually came to appreciate in their own rights.

 

Vermont is lovely. No, it's not the western edge of the Adirondacks, but it's not far for a cabin or to take regular visits. What is it about the western Adirondacks that he's set on? Is it a memory from a prior visit/home? Is it something he saw or read? If you can hone in on why he's so darn set on that one spot, you can find other areas that he may be willing to consider. The key is to let him think he's the one deciding to consider it, rather than you being the one trying to convince him that the western Adirondacks aren't happening ;) and that's totally doable.

 

What do you do? You indulge him. Look for homes in his area. Then look online at homes in neighboring states, that mimic what he envisions he'll have in the western Adirondacks. He doesn't have to commit, just compromise (to look) -- he wants to look at the western Adirondacks, so you do; you want to look near that but outside of NY, so you (both) do. Make sense? At some point you'll find an area or home you both feel as being right, and you'll move forward from there ... deciding who will ultimately make the bigger compromise.

 

But at this point, there's no need for you to throw in the towel on your business. Your desires are equally valid, and it's reasonable for you to expect he'll take them into account as you are taking his. The flip side being if he's a stubborn guy who has drawn his line in the sand ("I'm only moving if we move to ___ ), then YOU have to decide which YOU want more: to stay put and work, or to move and find a different business. In my situation, I was your husband. I drew my line and expected my husband to deal with it if he wanted to move so badly. And he did. And I'm no longer such a brat LOL but I felt like he wanted to uproot me AND deny me the only place I felt would be able to compete with home!