Ds's first draft on current essay.

[Ohdanigirl]

Any feedback would be wonderful. Likes, suggestions, even grammar. I know he has a few spelling and grammar mistakes that he will be tackling this week-end. Also, he feels that his wording is sometimes a bit awkward, so any suggestions or questions regarding this that will point him towards sentences he should rework would be greatly appreciated.

 

Ds is 13 and still not a confident writer. He also recognizes that he uses a lot of repetition but sometimes doesn't realize it. He would also like to know if you feel he supported his opinion, or needs elaboration. If so, where?

 

Thanks!

 

 

My Opinion on Fiction

 

Imagine traveling to faraway places and make believe lands without spending any money. How can I do this? By reading fiction, which allows readers to do this and much more without spending any money. It is an easy way to experience foreign things and travel the world. Reading fiction is a worth while because it helps the readers learn, can increase imagination, and is fun at the same time.

 

Reading fiction provides a good alternative to textbooks for learning very important things. Fiction can teach readers about the past and what life was like without electricity and other luxuries of today. For example, The Little House series demonstrates how people lived during the 1800‘s. While reading these books children will learn how maple syrup gets collected, how to make ice cream, and churn butter by hand. These are things children of today likely would not do or learn otherwise. Likewise, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, By Mark Twain teaches readers about dialect. Although reading this book may be a challenge at first, readers will begin to understand the southern dialect and increase their vocabulary. This is beneficial for people who may travel to the southern part of the US, as well as future writers of fiction. Basically, fiction teaches readers new things in an new way, often without them even noticing, so fiction is a worthwhile activity.

 

When children read fiction their imagination expands and gets stimulated. while reading fiction, the reader gains the ability to visit places and people that they can never meet in real life. A good example of this is Peter Pan which takes readers to the imaginary world of Never Never Land and allows them to imagine a place where children can fly and never grow old. Young readers can create in there minds scenes of Peter’s adventures and decide what the characters look like. Similarly, Treasure Island, by Robert Louis Stevenson contains a pirate ship and a boy that gets stranded on a deserted island. Following this young man’s adventures while reading allows readers to experience adventure and even danger without ever being in real peril. Reading fiction challenges readers to utilize their imaginations making reading fiction a profitable endeaver.

 

Children receive hours of free entertainment while reading fiction. When choosing a work of fiction to read, readers can pick books on subjects of interest to them. Books may be serious, dramatic, or even funny. Diary of a wimpy kid often makes it’s readers chuckle. As a result, readers are entertained and may not even notice time passing by. Another entertaining piece of fiction, The Emperors New Clothes tells a hilarious story about an king walking around in the nude until a child chooses to tell him he is not wearing any clothes. As the reader, children can see what is going on and have a laugh at the emperors situation. As a result, reading fiction gives readers various choices for entertainment, making it a valuable pastime.

 

Through reading fiction readers get the ability to master new things, entertain themselves and imagine at the same time. While reading fiction children can read about subjects that are of interest to them while learning about topics that are new. At the same time, they will be forced to use their imagination. This is a skill that can help students in school for essay writing, and even further in the future in creative careers. Can you imagine what life might be like without our many works of fiction?

[Ohdanigirl]

Bump

[AnnaM]

In the first paragraph he uses the phrase "without spending any money" twice. The second time seems like a good place to add a more creative sentence such as "without spending a dime" or maybe an idiom such as "without breaking the bank".

 

In the second paragraph I might have him be more specific with what type of fiction he is describing. So he might say "for instance, historical fiction..."

He has a spelling error here "Young readers can create in there minds scenes of Peter’s adventures"

 

Something else I noticed is that he is "closing" each paragraph. You might consider having him take those last sentences and combine them into one final closing thought that he adds to his closing paragraph.

 

I think he did very well. I like how he used the different type of examples and gave many ways in which fiction can engage the reader! With a tiny bit of tweaking I think it is a fantastic essay and he should be proud!

 

 

Edited to Add: I should check my own over usage of the phrase "you might consider" LOL