Year is getting more and more difficult

[MeghanL]

My oldest is testing years above his age. I see so much potential. He also has ADHD which he takes Adderall for. He was recently diagnosed with Asperger's which is in counseling for. He goes every 2 weeks.

 

My husband also has ADHD. He was going to take on the therapy part of education since I am doing everything else. Because he also has ADHD he is not able to do it consistently. In fact, he only does it when I lay everything out for him, tell him what time to do it and then check on both of them to make sure they are actually doing it.

 

I am just exhausted. I know the therapies are helping. Since my husband took over though, things are getting worse and worse. I am having a harder & harder time reaching my son. I'll read out loud to him, he'll zone out. I'll have him read, he'll zone out. I'll tell him no extras unless school is done by noon....he'll zone out. I'll scream, pull out my hair, jump up and down...no response at all. Just blank stares at me. It wasn't always this bad. Can Asperger's get worse as kids get older???

 

I know I have to take therapy over again. I guess I just wanted to unload because I'm feeling like I single-handly have to carry my family through each thing accomplished. Life just shouldn't be this hard.

[RamonaQ]

:grouphug:

 

I know that feeling. The three years we worked most heavily on ds remediation, it was all me. It was so exhausting, and emotionally draining. Looking back here are some things that would have helped-- and I am only throwing them out there, I also know when that when we are working so hard, even the slightest bit of change or troublshooting is horribly overwhelming....

 

1-Hiring a housecleaner

2-Off loading other chores to increase possible time for a break

3-A regular planned consistent break to exercise

4-Hiring a fun after-school teen to hang/ craft or something fun for my younger child

 

Best of luck getting through this time.

[MeghanL]

"1-Hiring a housecleaner

2-Off loading other chores to increase possible time for a break

3-A regular planned consistent break to exercise

4-Hiring a fun after-school teen to hang/ craft or something fun for my younger child"

 

I love this list. Thank you! I do have a housecleaner that comes 2x's a month. I will have to consider offloading the daily chores though that do take up so much time. Since my husband is a creature of habit, maybe I can have him pick up that slack while I do therapy. I've also been really struggling to get exercise in daily. I will make that a higher priority. My brother takes each boy out on Wednesday afternoon (one at a time) for some fun. So, that helps.

 

Thank you so much for the response and the list. I'm a total Type A, so I like lists of things I can control when I'm spinning out of control.

[MomatHWTK]

IMO, yes it does get harder through the adolescent years. I give DH information about therapies we are trying and we discuss techniques, but I do the teaching and any actual therapy work. DH makes the money to pay the bills (and has the insurance coverage to get the therapy). ;) He also kills bugs, unclogs drains, makes computers "go", changes the oil in the cars, mows the lawn, figures out why the printer won't print...

 

But anyway, I don't think it is always a division of labor that is a problem but the type of labor. I tend to not credit DH at all when he gets home from spending 8 hours at work because I've been spending that 8 hours wrangling kids. :tongue_smilie: So instead, of "Oh honey you've had a long day, have a break" I'm "Great! You're home, the kids are all hungry, they don't like what I've cooked, I'm taking a nap, good luck!"

 

For our situation, I have had to focus on what is the most important thing to teach. If it's the therapy then I let other things slide. I work on one issue at a time. I also modify our plans to fit our situation. If a curricula or method is not working at all- I change it. DH is very helpful as an outside point of view to help me brainstorm what to change.

 

If zoning out is the key issue, continue to work with your child's doctors about that problem.

 

For exercise, I finally gave up on the idea of alone time and joined the Y. The big kids and I all go swimming together while I leave baby with DH (or my mom). The water is very theraputic for oldest DS (ADHD, etc.) as well.