My son is going into 9th and has Asperger Syndrome

[HistoryBuff]

I just want to say I originally started home schooling after a disastrous 6th grade year living in Vermont.

 

My son had a coordinator who was soul crushing and should never had been let near children. So it goes in school sometimes. There are people teaching who have no interest in helping kids--many seek out teaching jobs to bully kids.

 

I've taught him 7th and 8th and really did not think I could do it, but I managed!

 

Anyhow, he will be going into 9th and it looks like I may be home schooling this year, at least partly until I find a good school for him.

 

I just wanted to tell people I am here if they need some advice. I'm a certified teacher but never worked in public school.

 

I use a lot of visuals and auditory tools since that's how he learns.

 

We don't follow any curriculum. I just read the guidelines for the school year then I select materials from the library and online. I hardly buy anything!

[PeterPan]

Welcome to the boards! :)

[Maverick_Mom]

Thank you for posting, and welcome. :)

 

Ds2 was homeschooled until his diagnosis with Asperger's and ADHD at the age of ... 8? ... it's all a blur ... ;) When the diagnosis came back, we put him in school because he needed to be with the "experts." Your term "soul-crushing" is a very apt description of what that year was like for him. It's been over 4 years now, and he still reacts with a great deal of negative emotion when he remembers what it was like for him in school. (We brought him home again afte a year -- he was having daily meltdowns that lasted long after he got home, but the school insisted everything was fine.)

 

He's tough to teach. Hates school most of the time, no matter how the subject matter is presented. It's hard to feel boxed in -- to know that school would destroy his spirit, but to also know that teaching him myself is such a struggle. Definitely not what I thought homeschooling would be like. But I love him, and this is what I have to do. Just thought he and I might enjoy it more. ;)

[TippyCanoe]

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[HistoryBuff]

He's tough to teach. Hates school most of the time, no matter how the subject matter is presented. It's hard to feel boxed in -- to know that school would destroy his spirit, but to also know that teaching him myself is such a struggle. Definitely not what I thought homeschooling would be like. But I love him, and this is what I have to do. Just thought he and I might enjoy it more. ;)

 

I can relate. I am a certified teacher N-6 but never thought I would have to seriously teach my son home school. It has been very difficult the last 7 months because my husband also lost his job so I am struggling with all sorts of issues.

 

We thought by now he'd have a new job, our son would be going into a high school or special ed. program and all things home school would end.

 

Well, we are moving the end of the month (can't afford to live in a place without jobs) and I have to come up with some sort of plan for the district by Wednesday.

 

I really DO NOT want to home school again and not under these stressful conditions. I may be living back with my family who made home schooling 7th grade a NIGHTMARE because they blamed me for keeping him out of school.

 

As for your son, well, try to find what he likes, be it robots, or rocks or whatever and what kind of learner is he? Hands on? Auditory (hearing) or visual? Get out movies or cds or tapes with that style and see if he will be better to teach.

 

By the end of our day (which ends after 4-5 hours) I am wiped out and my son is shattered and not listening. I also have to deal with my unemployed spouse demanding my attention. So if you think your life is bad, think of me a little.:willy_nilly:

[dbmamaz]

I guess I'm lucky . . . my son was first dx'd aspergers/adhd but now its more like pdd-nos/atypical bipolar/tourettes. He finished up 7th grade, where he was getting detentions and suspensions, and the IEP meetings focused on how to keep him away from the phone so he couldnt call me.

 

But he's also gifted and usually enjoyed the actual school work. We had to work really hard to get him to what I considered acceptable writing and math, but we're doing really well. I still worry that he wont be ready for the heavier work load of community college - i have to ride him all day . . . "Can I skip math today? Do i really have to read my history?" etc . . . but once he gets started, he does pretty well. But he's REALLY slow in math. I mean, he is just finishing up algebra 1, and there were some times when in 20 minutes, he does 2 problems . . . upper level singapore.

 

anyways, I never taught, but i loved school, so I guess it worked out, once I figured out his learning style.

[Maverick_Mom]

You're breaking my heart! I'm so sorry that your son -- and the OP's son -- had to undergo such excruciating and difficult school experiences! I'm very glad you brought him home, but again, I'm so sorry it's a tough uphill climb.

 

What are his interests, strengths and weaknesses? What does he do on his own time? Are you using a mostly text- and writing-based program? (This could be a poor fit if like most Aspies he is a highly visual learner.) Does he have any say in what kinds of topics he gets to study, within subjects such as history, literature, and science?

 

Interests: war, spiders, sharks, movies, nature, fantasy

 

Strengths: very visual-spatial -- can build amazing creations of his own design with Legos. Likes to draw and his drawings are very detailed -- but subject matter is limited to war machines and Bionicle or Hero Factory warriors. He possesses an encyclopedic knowledge of all things Titanic, but says he's no longer interested in it (more on this in a moment). Has an almost intuitive grasp of math. Loves to be read to. Likes to cook, as long as it's something he likes to eat. :D

 

Weaknesses: handwriting; anything involving sustained effort or attention. He gets extremely frustrated when he can't do things quickly and "get them out of the way." Anything can become a frustration to him, even something he likes, if there's the slightest element of delay or perceived hard work in it. As skilled as he is with math, he still insists that it's hard work. And I'm only just starting to understand that it is, in its own way. It's not that he doesn't understand the concepts. It's the "process* of doing them that is hard for him.

 

On his own time: if left to his own devices, he would watch movies (sometimes the same movie over and over again), play games on the computer, build Lego creations and then take over an entire room creating a world for them, or draw for extended periods. We live in a much more developed area now, but where we used to live, he would also spend hours outside looking for snakes and frogs or other things in the creek in our backyard.

 

What we've used, instruction-wise: we've tried, and eliminated ;), a lot over the years, based on what worked and what didn't. We learned very quickly that anything that was "schoolish" was likely to be a bomb. With math, we've found that Teaching Textbooks works well ("well" meaning less frustration than with other programs -- it has the constant review he needs with a consistent format, and the lessons are fairly short with a minimum of distraction). Writing, I keep to a minimum. Usually he dictates and I write, although this past year we did very short writing assignments that, while frustrating to him, he was still capable of doing. Have tried a typing software program with less than stellar results (in terms of his frustration level). Hands-on resources, which I thought would be helpful, tend to be too much of a distraction for him. And we did a lapbook last year on the Titanic -- I think that was what killed his interest in it. He hated finding the information and had no patience with creating the graphic organizers for the lapbook.

 

Part of what is so hard to understand is that what's "supposed" to work with a child like him, he doesn't like; and what he says he likes, doesn't work (if that makes any sense ;)). He doesn't like most hands-on learning; he says he wants things that are straight and to-the-point -- "Just give me the work and let me get it done." That sounds like workbooks, right? But workbooks overwhelm him -- all he can see are the pages he has to complete. Short lessons with frequent breaks should be ideal for him -- but he doesn't like that approach. Again, he wants to do the work and get it over with -- but he doesn't understand that if he tries to tackle it all in one fell swoop, he is emotionally incapable of handling the frustration which that causes in him.

 

Sometimes it's hard for me to feel that he is not being arbitrary or just plain defiant. But I really don't think he is. I really think this is just that hard for him.

 

I can relate. I am a certified teacher N-6 but never thought I would have to seriously teach my son home school. It has been very difficult the last 7 months because my husband also lost his job so I am struggling with all sorts of issues.

 

We thought by now he'd have a new job, our son would be going into a high school or special ed. program and all things home school would end.

 

Well, we are moving the end of the month (can't afford to live in a place without jobs) and I have to come up with some sort of plan for the district by Wednesday.

 

I really DO NOT want to home school again and not under these stressful conditions. I may be living back with my family who made home schooling 7th grade a NIGHTMARE because they blamed me for keeping him out of school.

 

As for your son, well, try to find what he likes, be it robots, or rocks or whatever and what kind of learner is he? Hands on? Auditory (hearing) or visual? Get out movies or cds or tapes with that style and see if he will be better to teach.

 

By the end of our day (which ends after 4-5 hours) I am wiped out and my son is shattered and not listening. I also have to deal with my unemployed spouse demanding my attention. So if you think your life is bad, think of me a little.:willy_nilly:

 

Oh, my. I'm so sorry. That is a LOT to deal with. I used to live in a heavily regulated state, and I had to jump through hoops for my district. I hated it. And any time there's an upheaval in your life, it makes you feel like you're just barely going through the motions with homeschooling (which can also cause a lot of guilt). Add to that an unsupportive family, and you've got the perfect storm. I hope things get better for you -- even if on just one front, because that would lessen the stress on the other fronts. There are many people on these boards who have experienced the kinds of things you're dealing with. :grouphug:

 

I guess I'm lucky . . . my son was first dx'd aspergers/adhd but now its more like pdd-nos/atypical bipolar/tourettes. He finished up 7th grade, where he was getting detentions and suspensions, and the IEP meetings focused on how to keep him away from the phone so he couldnt call me.

 

But he's also gifted and usually enjoyed the actual school work. We had to work really hard to get him to what I considered acceptable writing and math, but we're doing really well. I still worry that he wont be ready for the heavier work load of community college - i have to ride him all day . . . "Can I skip math today? Do i really have to read my history?" etc . . . but once he gets started, he does pretty well. But he's REALLY slow in math. I mean, he is just finishing up algebra 1, and there were some times when in 20 minutes, he does 2 problems . . . upper level singapore.

 

anyways, I never taught, but i loved school, so I guess it worked out, once I figured out his learning style.

 

I've got so much more freedom now that we live in a different and minimally-regulared state -- I just need a vision of some sort, some idea of where we are going. Ds2 is 13, but more like 8 or 9 emotionally. It's amusing to listen to him talk, because he has that pedantic "little professor" speech so common to Asperger's, but he is still very much a kid who still believes in Santa Claus (not the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy, though ;)) and thinks there might be monsters under his bed. So I'm teaching a teenager, but I'm not. It's ... different. ;)

Edited August 12, 2012 by Maverick_Mom

[dbmamaz]

Well, actually, once you get to high school, i guess i start thinking about meeting future goals and enforcing increased workload every year.

 

So, can you work with him to think about possible things he would like to do as an adult, or at least things he would like to study in college, and start putting together goals from that direction?

 

One thing for me - we have 'no electronic entertainment' rules during 'school hours' - about 10-3. that way rushing through the school work doesnt get them anywhere . . . he HAS to be working on academics (or reasonable self-directed projects) during those hours . . or exercising or doing chores.

 

we also use a timer, so he has to do so many minutes of each subject, or read so many pages. with a clear short-term goal he can get it done.

 

i guess my son might be more high functioning, and you dont make it clear . . . CAN he do the work if you force him? or will he melt down if you push too hard? Do you think there is a comorbid adhd issue maybe? btw, many of my friends found caffeine helped their adhd kids focus - we tried it and it upped his tics, so that didnt work, but it cant hurt to try (if he isnt already consuming caffeine, of course). Or perhaps some anxiety? My son (being bipolar) is heavily medicated, which i thought i'd never do, but it makes a HUGE difference for his ability to function.

 

but yeah, i guess i'm curious what your goals are for the year, and what you know you can accomplish, and what we can maybe help brainstorm for?

[Maverick_Mom]

Well, actually, once you get to high school, i guess i start thinking about meeting future goals and enforcing increased workload every year.

 

So, can you work with him to think about possible things he would like to do as an adult, or at least things he would like to study in college, and start putting together goals from that direction?

 

This approach is *exactly* what we've used with his neurotypical brother, ds1, who is starting high school. But ds2 lacks the emotional maturity to think realistically about the future. (Then again, when I was his emotional age, I wanted to get a gig as a London tour guide in hopes of catching a glimpse of the Queen. :D)

 

His goals so far have been to:

Work at his favorite pizza joint

Organize the Lego shelves for WalMart

 

And he has zero interest in college, which he refers to as "giant schoolery."

 

One thing for me - we have 'no electronic entertainment' rules during 'school hours' - about 10-3. that way rushing through the school work doesnt get them anywhere . . . he HAS to be working on academics (or reasonable self-directed projects) during those hours . . or exercising or doing chores.

 

We have that rule, too. If he's not working specifically on academics, he can choose from other specified activities. But he doesn't get to use the computer or watch a movie until a certain time in the afternoon, subject to his work being done *and* his behavior being acceptable.

 

 

 

i guess my son might be more high functioning, and you dont make it clear . . . CAN he do the work if you force him? or will he melt down if you push too hard? Do you think there is a comorbid adhd issue maybe? btw, many of my friends found caffeine helped their adhd kids focus - we tried it and it upped his tics, so that didnt work, but it cant hurt to try (if he isnt already consuming caffeine, of course). Or perhaps some anxiety? My son (being bipolar) is heavily medicated, which i thought i'd never do, but it makes a HUGE difference for his ability to function.

 

I think of ds being fairly high-functioning, but now I'm questioning my own definition of it. Clearly he's *not* high-functioning when it comes to dealing with schoolwork, because his inability to handle frustration is short-circuiting his ability to function in that environment. As to whether he can do the work if I force him, it depends on his frame of mind. Even in math, his best subject, there are times when he seems to have forgotten things he knew the day before. And he'll say, "It's too hard -- I can't do it," and at first I won't believe him because I *know* he knows the concepts, but then I'll realize that for whatever reason, today the work really *is* too hard for him and the fact that I don't believe him just frustrates him all the more. And at those times, he will have a meltdown that is either anger or tears.

 

He does have ADHD. We haven't medicated him for it because he was on other meds for seizures, but he's off those now. Our pediatrician has suggested that we might want to try something like Seroquel or Risperdal or Abilify to help ds deal with the emotional issues; he says that these meds can help a lot in kids like ds. I waffle back and forth on it but really need to make a decision -- this is his life, and our family's life, that we're talking about here. ;)

 

 

but yeah, i guess i'm curious what your goals are for the year, and what you know you can accomplish, and what we can maybe help brainstorm for?

 

I want to work on character issues this year, so our academics are less intensive than they've been in past years:

 

He's going to continue on with math (Teaching Textbooks);

grammar will be covered with games;

we're going to give Typing Instructor another try;

for reading, we'll be using the Great Illustrated Classics versions of novels that he's chosen;

spelling will be All About Spelling (level 3 -- he's doing well with this program);

vocabulary is a word roots game;

history is SOTW 1 with some Magic Tree House books (he has requested to learn about ancient history);

geography is covering the countries we missed during our last go-round with world geography (also his request);

for science, we're using the Magic School Bus DVDs and doing experiments (which he loves);

for music, he wants to learn to play the organ, and I've told him that he can do that if he will let me teach him piano, since the keyboard is the same;

and for art, we do informal picture study and he draws all the time.

 

I haven't listed writing because I still haven't figured it out yet...

 

But even though he's weighed in and requested to do certain things (and these requests were made out of the blue, not in response to my asking him what he wants to study this year), all that will be forgotten the first time the going (or in this case, the schooling) gets tough.

Edited August 13, 2012 by Maverick_Mom