What are the consequences for teasing

[Gamom3]

Ds(12) is in that stage of teasing people. I do not like it(I remember my brothers doing it to me) and have talked with him about it. I told him he will have consequences the next time he does it. I know it is going to be a hard thing to break..I was hoping he would have already grown out of this stage, but he hasn't!

 

It needs to stop!!!

[LisaKinVA]

In our family, it's the same as speaking unkindly, rudely -- or intentionally hitting/hurting someone.

 

Our oldest (almost 9), has only done this a couple of times. He had to sit by himself for 8 mintues and write in his journal about what he said, and how it would have made him feel had sister/brother say something like that to him -- also he usually gets a verse to meditate on. After his time alone, we talk about what he's written -- my expectations, and why it's important he treat his siblings kindly.

 

Then, he has to go apologize to his sibling, and help his sibling accomplish something, whether that's cleaning his/her room, making them a special lunch -- or playing their favorite game. The goal here is to bring the two together in a good way and foster their relationship positively.

 

My oldest is fairly sensitive, so this doesn't happen often -- but I won't tolerate it.

[Pamela H in Texas]

People don't want to be around people that can't be nice. That is the natural consequence. Logically, that may mean he needs to go to his room (or other quiet space) until he can apologize.

 

Primary to that is that he needs to be looking for ways to "bless" people. It's hard to be ugly when you are actively looking to "bless" each member of your household daily.

 

HTHs,

[Laura K (NC)]

I have three boys close in age. Sometimes they tease each other out of meanness, and sometimes they tease out of affection. It's hard for me to know the difference sometimes. I allow them to "press charges" against their brother if their brother teases/hurts/insults them. If they don't think an offense warrants a punishment, they don't press charges. Then a punishment follows, which is usually some kind of pushups, situps, or kitchen chores. Sometimes they tease each other, in which case they have the option to have the charges cancel out, so then they will "drop" the charges against their brother. This requires them working together, which I really want to encourage. The scenario usually goes like this: "Mom, ______ called me a _______," says one son. "Can I press charges?" I then verify: "_______, is this true?" If yes, then I'll ask why to make sure the situation was one sided or two sided, real or imaginary, and whether one child or two needs pushups. :)

 

The boys don't often want to press charges because what goes around comes around, and their brothers will not be lenient with them the next time. So I like to think it also encourages them not to be pansies, and to take some good-natured ribbing without crying about it all the time. The system isn't perfect, but I haven't been able to think of anything better yet. We've used it about two years. I don't think it would work as well with a girl in the mix. I would want them to deal with girls a different way.

[Kay in Cal]

I agree... I think it depends on the teasing. I would never allow "making fun of" in a mean spirited way, and that would be considered unkind speech and against the rules.

 

But there is also a kind of affectionate "teasing" that is an appropriate way of interacting--sort of related to irony in conversational terms. I think that everyone needs to learn how to cope with what Laura calls "good natured ribbing". Maybe it is more common among boys, but I was an only child and my dad certainly falls into the "friendly teasing" sort of personality, and I hear my dh do this with my boys all the time. Part of maturity is the ability to laugh at oneself, IMHO.