I Don't Know How to Help ADHD DS.

[Paige]

I feel like nothing is working and he's so miserable all the time. Maybe the problem is me? Maybe my expectations are off?

 

DS is closer to 11 than 10 and in 4th grade. At first the Dr thought it was OCD/Anxiety but we've decided that's not the main issue. He was on prozac for a while and we didn't think we saw any change. Prozac was for OCD since he didn't do well on zoloft when he was younger. We tried adderal and he became mean. Now, we're on strattera and I see no improvement. It's been a month and he might not be getting worse, but we are both getting more frustrated. I think the prozac may have actually been helping his mood so that while his behavior hadn't improved, he didn't care so much if he got in trouble. Going back on it, however, is not appropriate, IMO.

 

So, he's moping around the house and so mad and crying about life being unfair and poor, pitiful him because he can't play outside because he hasn't done his work. Everyone else finished their work hours ago and he will probably never finish it because he's just pouting about it instead of doing it. This is what he's done today since 8:30am: 30min Spanish and 30min Greek lesson on DVD. We did that first thing and he was fine. He copied one sentence for handwriting practice, diagrammed 1 sentence and then wrote 1 original sentence in that pattern, he had 2 math pages (MM) that we worked through. He read for an hour after lunch and he played about 30min after lunch. Now, he needs to type up the final draft of a book report that he's been editing for the past few days. It's already written and only 4 paragraphs. He needs to do 15min math fact practice, study his taekwondo flashcards (should take less than 5min), review his vocab words with me (5-10min), and then he's done. I have significantly cut back on his work since he started having his issues but it doesn't matter. He still does not get it done. Last year, he could have done all this and more before lunch.

 

What can I do? I've taken the hard approach of you must do your work before you play, but I cut back on the work to make it easier for him to succeed. It doesn't matter- he still whines and cries and just doesn't do it. What he does do, other than moping, is get out of his chair and take the super long way of doing everything, he talks and talks about everything off topic, he drops his pencil and loses his papers that are all right on or by the table with him! He asks if he can be done, he draws pictures, he gets drinks, asks for drinks, runs off to pick up the cat, gets involved in his sisters' business, and a hundred other little things that add up to wasting all of our time. Of course, everything is not his fault. :glare: I am miserable dealing with his drama and grumpiness and complaining. He's miserable because he's never finished with his homework. Sometimes, I'll just call it a day because he's too grumpy to do reasonable work and we're both done, but I feel like I have a responsibility to make sure he does a reasonable amount of school.

 

He's seeing a therapist who he loves, in addition to the psychiatrist, but so far he hasn't given me any ideas of what to do to make our days go better. From his perspective, I think he feels like he's trying but can't do anything right. He's very smart and none of the work is hard for him. He sometimes gets stuck on a problem, but it's usually because he didn't take the time to read the directions and is trying to answer something that wasn't asked.

[bluedarling]

some of the things that have helped us are 1) my daughter listens to music along with sound-cancelling headphones (that my hubby uses for sawing) to help with distractions of me typing, or other kids pencils writing, etc. She wasn't able to communicate this was part of the problem until recently...she used to get frustrated and scream and carry on...this has helped. 2) My oldest takes L-tryptophan and 5-HTP to help with mood. The L-tryptophan REALLY helped his aggression/outbursts. My daughter also takes the 5-HTP to help with mood (not sure it helps her as much). Both supplements also help with sleep. 3) Fish oil also helps these issues....look for 2x the EPA to DHA ratio, according to our neurological chiropractor. 4) As for the schoolwork....that is harder. It sounds like you're doing really well! You've reduced the schoolwork, but standing firm with what is required. My HIGHLY distractible child has days still where he accomplishes very little (he's using a workbook curriculum and supposed to complete 26 pages/day...yesterday he did 4, and today he did 8....but he also has streaks where he is more focused, and gets the work done...often by noon!) He does better with interaction/discussion (if we can tame rabbit trails). He wants to talk through everything, and if I were homeschooling just him, we'd have a great discussions! BUT, getting him to write is an issue. The computer helps some (but can also lead to distraction). Really, all I can suggest with the schoolwork is patience....they get better with this as they age. I'd do as much orally as possible...grammar, etc., if you have the time. Make him write just for handwriting. Do math orally or on whiteboard, do reading comprehension aloud, etc. At some point, your child will likely say, "I'd rather work on my own." Maybe around 12yo....give or take a couple years. Then you can start working toward more independence. Of course, if you have multiple children (like I do)...all that we SHOULD do just isn't possible....so you're still going to have days where he accomplishes very little. I don't think there's really a cure for that....I have days I accomplish very little, too.

--Deidre

[rafiki]

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[MomatHWTK]

This site has some helpful information:

http://www.udel.edu/cds/familyeducation/parent-info.html

[Paige]

Thanks for the advice and commiseration. I have a hard time letting go of typical school plans and expectations. I think I'll let him try project based learning this summer and see how it goes. I have been planning on sending him back to school partly because we are so frustrated with each other. He did well in school when he was there. He didn't whine at the teachers. :tongue_smilie: The problem was that he was bored and not learning anything new.

 

To answer some questions or comment:

 

He does do better if I sit right next to him and do everything orally but I have a hard time sticking to it. He has 3 younger siblings who don't read as well as him so they can do very little independent work. I tried splitting the day up so he had all of my attention during his times but our schedule can't support that anymore and it drains me to spend all morning and all afternoon doing school. I'll try doing more orally with him when I can.

 

I try to keep his diet clean. He is sensitive to dyes. The problem is that DH is not a believer and keeps bringing home things like Cookie Crunch cereal so I can't completely control or restrict his diet.

 

I did expect this level of independence/work when he was 9. He did well but he wasn't having issues with ADHD or anything. We moved and he has been all out of sorts ever since. Part of it is that he's getting a lot less exercise. He was taking about 8hours of martial arts and now he has about 4hrs of martial arts or gymnastics. In our new city, any more is just not possible. He definitely misses it. Sending him out to exercise or do work either results in him getting mad and whining about how he doesn't want to or him aimlessly looking around and not doing anything. He says he's tired anytime work is mentioned. I used to have him do yoga every morning, but now we have to go to his sister's pt appointment instead. I think he does have OCD/anxiety but before we moved, nothing had set him off. Now, the ocd/anxiety is making what was manageable ADHD into something harder to deal with.

 

He wants to do the foreign languages. It's his favorite subject and it comes naturally to him. He keeps asking me to add more languages but I have told him it would be too much for now.

 

Thanks for the link. I'm looking over some of the handouts tonight.