Sarah CB Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 My parents divorced when I was 7 and my sister was 5. It was a very amicable divorce, my sister and I didn't feel we were responsible, there was no fighting between our parents, dad helped out considerably after moving out and always kept in close contact. He never married again. Everything is so "healthy" that my parents are both coming to stay at my house for a week this summer - together (but not "together"). We've been doing this for the last few summers. Anyhow, all this to say that we had about as good a divorce as possible but it had huge ramifications on my sister and I and my sister is still very wounded. She is 28 and is convinced that it is impossible to find someone to love and then actually get to the point where she could get married. She wrote an essay about it called "The Ladder" about how impossible it is to go through all of the steps one would need to take to get to a healthy marriage. I would really like her to read a book on the effects of divorce on children and how to try and heal those wounds. I think that once she recognizes that her insecurity stems from not having Dad in the home that she may be able to begin taking steps to move past this. Any book or website recommendations would be appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Dominion Heather Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 The best book I have ever seen for adult children of divorce is The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce which Mama Bear recommended on her blog. It isn't a happy book, but it does confirm lots of the mental processes/thought patterns that I was having are common to adult children of divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 My parents divorced when I was 7 and my sister was 5. It was a very amicable divorce, my sister and I didn't feel we were responsible, there was no fighting between our parents, dad helped out considerably after moving out and always kept in close contact. He never married again. Everything is so "healthy" that my parents are both coming to stay at my house for a week this summer - together (but not "together"). We've been doing this for the last few summers. Anyhow, all this to say that we had about as good a divorce as possible but it had huge ramifications on my sister and I and my sister is still very wounded. She is 28 and is convinced that it is impossible to find someone to love and then actually get to the point where she could get married. She wrote an essay about it called "The Ladder" about how impossible it is to go through all of the steps one would need to take to get to a healthy marriage. I would really like her to read a book on the effects of divorce on children and how to try and heal those wounds. I think that once she recognizes that her insecurity stems from not having Dad in the home that she may be able to begin taking steps to move past this. Any book or website recommendations would be appreciated. I highly recommend the book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judith Wallerstein. My parents divorced amicably also, but I found this book very enlightening - it was like this lightbulb going off, "Oh, THAT'S the reason I am this way". I also have a sister who has no desire to ever be married (although she has had long-term boyfriends) and I do believe this mindset is because of my parents' divorce. This book is very good - I hope it helps your sister. I'd love to read her essay if she has it published anywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa at Home Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 on this same topic. The book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judith Wallerstein was recommended. It isn't a self help book, but it does discuss the effects of divorce on children. Perhaps beyond that she could find something more to help in the resource/appendix section in the back. My parents didn't divorce until I was out of the house, but I feel I benefitted from reading the book, to a certain extent just because I could understand where I fit in with all the my peers pertaining to life statistics, struggles, and successes. Also, you might find help reading Laura in China's thread "Adult Children of Divorce-relayed reaction?" thread that is probably at the bottom of your screen. It was a good discussion. HTH ~Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa at Home Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy in TN Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Also, you might find help reading Laura in China's thread "Adult Children of Divorce-relayed reaction?" thread that is probably at the bottom of your screan. It was a good discussion. I am divorced and I am a child of divorce. Thanks for pointing to that thread. It was good. Now I guess I need the book! Mandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa at Home Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 :D Defiantly from a Christian perspective... :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 A few years ago i read a book called "The Love they Lost", I can't remember the author but she is a journalist who's parents divorced when she was 13. After realizing how much of an mpact the divorce had on her years later she conducted interviews of more then 150 grown children of divorce. It was helpful for me just realizing I was not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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