Anyone interested in giving feedback on my daughters practice ACT essay?

[Michelle My Bell]

We are interested in getting some feedback on her 2nd attempt at a timed practice essay. You can see the scoring guidelines here if you want to give an unofficial official score :tongue_smilie:: http://www.actstudent.org/writing/scores/guidelines.html

 

The Prompt was:

At one time or another we all do or say things that we regret and would like to do over or take back. Most of the time we must live with our mistakes but sometimes we get a second chance.

 

Some people take a dim view of second chances claiming that second chances foster not only reckless, irresponsible behavior but also weaken our character. Others see value in second chances. They say that second chances help us learn and permit us to take intellectual, creative and other kinds of risks instead of always playing it safe. In your opinion are second chances a good thing?

 

In your essay take a position on the issue. You may support or defend either view of the two points about second chances or you may present a different view. Whatever your position, be sure to support it with specific reasons and examples.

 

Essay:

 

Whenever someone asks me what special ability I would most like to have, I almost always answer, "To be able to go back in time." I have only lived 17 years so far; a mere drop of water, I hope, in the bucket of life to come. Yet already I look back and, while wincing and shaking my head, recall many stupid mistakes I have made! Already, there are things I said and did I wish I could just hop into a time machine and go fix or take back. But, as a time machine sits idle on my list of things to invent someday, I realize there is another option; not the same as completely wiping out mistakes, but close. It's the bright beacon of light found in a second chance.

 

Already, I have received many of these, and I am so thankful for the patient people who give them. As I get older, I find more and more that I have many shortcomings, and make so very many mistakes, and often it is all I can do to just beg for another go. Sometimes, I just have to accept the fact that I messed up, take the consequences, and move on. But other times, like a character in one of the computer games my little brother plays, I am given a chance to bounce back up and try again.

 

Where would the world be without second chances? After all, we are all only human; flawed in our very nature and destined to fail at least some of the time. But don't second chances give us an opportunity to learn from our mistakes and succeed in the future?

 

Some may argue that often there are no second chances in real life. At times, this is true. Still others may say the promise of a second chance may cause reckless behavior- action before thought. This also may be true. But this should not change out willingness to give others a second chance. They will learn because, even with another try, there are often repercussions from the first. However, whether they learn or not should not be our concern. Instead, we should remember all the chances we have been given, and be willing to do the same for others. You can't try to find perfection where it is not, but you can help others on their journeys by giving them the opportunity to make right their wrongs and move on with a fresh slate .

[Teachin'Mine]

Sorry, no help as the ACT essay questions baffle me a bit. The SAT ones seem much more easily suited to a normal academic essay than the ACT prompts. But I just want to suggest that you post this over on the sub-forum of the high school boards. You'll probably get some good feedback there. :)

[bbmom]

She needs a more clearly defined thesis sentence and I would suggest it not be written in the first person. Her ideas are good, and the last paragraph is by far the best. It seems like she wrote the first 3 paragraphs to get her thoughts down but didn't really figure out quite where it was going until the end. She should try to take a few minutes to decide on what position she is going to take on the paper and pick 3 examples to support her position, maybe listing pros/cons and arguments for or against and then start writing, incorporating her main points into the thesis and writing a paragraph on each, tying it all together in the conclusion. Based on the guidelines you posted I would probably give it a 3, but better organization and a whole paper written more in the style of the last paragraph would likely be worth at least a 5.

[Unicorn.]

I didn't look at the scoring guidelines, but what jumped out at me was that the instructions said to give specific examples, and I didn't see any specific examples.