Question for those who have adopted older children

[Lilymax]

Did you have any family members that were totally against the idea of your adopting? (I mean extended family; not your spouse or other children--in our case, my DH and DC are all 100% on-board with it.)

 

I finally shared with my sister that we were looking into adopting internationally and told her about the child we hope to get from the orphanage our church has been partnering with. Her reaction was so cruel, it was downright shocking. I can't begin to delve into everything she said in her email. It left me reeling. She also expressed that she's certain the rest of the family would agree with her.

 

We are still getting things ready for our home study process to begin. I know that for part of the home study, they want to know how extended family feels about it. It sickens my heart to think that people I love would be cruel to an innocent orphan, and that their negativity could prevent us from giving this precious child a home.

 

I thought there might be some initial misgivings, but nothing anywhere near what she dumped on me today.

 

If you've experienced this, what did you do? I don't even know how to respond.

[Denisemomof4]

maybe your sister knows someone, someone like me, who has adopted a child that has RAD? (reactive attachment disorder) Chances of an older child having it are pretty good.

 

Have you checked into RAD and/or attachment disorders?

 

I just don't want you to think your family will definitely have a fairy tale ending. I think you really need to research RAD. If you want, start right here on this forum.

 

Adopting can rip a family apart. You really need to do your research and go into it with your eyes open. I would never, EVER recommend adopting a child older than any of your children.

 

ETA: I see your youngest is only two years old. PLEASE research this thoroughly, you and your dh. RAD kids can be especially dangerous to younger children and pets. How old is the child you're looking to adopt?

Edited March 29, 2012 by Denisemomof4

[torikei]

In my experience, people can and do say the rudest things imaginable. :001_huh: I know it's painful but I would suggest arming yourself with a great deal of knowledge. When I adopted the first time, I sent letters(picture a small novel) to our family and friends. I shared our decision, info about China, appropriate adoption terminology, etc. I tried to be Kind and Informative but the best thing about the letter was it set boundaries. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. I've adopted five children of varying ages. Our journey hasn't been easy but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

Lots of luck,

Tori