I'm making my son sleep in a tent tonight

[Happy]

:lol::lol::lol: I am writing this down in case I walk this road in the future. My brother moved back in with my parents after graduating from college while "looking for a job." He spent the year in their basement getting addicted to computer games. He didn't do any housework or yard work. It was so frustrating to watch my parents totally screw up. I will not be so nice in the future.

 

Don't be so hard on your parents. I was them. Our son lived in our game room for a year. He wouldn't go look for a job. He wouldn't get up during the day. After we went to bed, he would get up and go hang out with friends. He wouldn't do squat toward a job or school.

 

He is 6'8" and 225lbs. When we tried to force him physically out, we were in danger ourselves. It got ugly pretty fast.

 

Maybe your parents were like us...totally and completely baffled by the disrespect this son dished out.

 

And I will also say...we did not raise our son to be like that. The story is long and involved, so you'll just have to believe me.

 

I never want to live like that again.

 

ETA...why didn't we change the locks? We considered it. A wise lady who's stepson had just died of a drug overdose counseled us to do what we could to keep our son alive. That meant giving him some access while we worked on the rest.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

Don't be so hard on your parents. I was them. Our son lived in our game room for a year. He wouldn't go look for a job. He wouldn't get up during the day. After we went to bed, he would get up and go hang out with friends. He wouldn't do squat toward a job or school.

 

He is 6'8" and 225lbs. When we tried to force him physically out, we were in danger ourselves. It got ugly pretty fast.

 

Maybe your parents were like us...totally and completely baffled by the disrespect this son dished out.

 

And I will also say...we did not raise our son to be like that. The story is long and involved, so you'll just have to believe me.

 

I never want to live like that again.

 

ETA...why didn't we change the locks? We considered it. A wise lady who's stepson had just died of a drug overdose counseled us to do what we could to keep our son alive. That meant giving him some access while we worked on the rest.

This! I do understand every word. :grouphug:

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

I think you are going a GREAT job. I'm sending you strength vibes till November!

Thank you so much.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

:grouphug: I haven't been through this, but you have my sympathy! It must be sooo hard!! One thing you said has confused me, why would putting him out of your house keep him from going in the Army? Is he in the process of enlisting now?

 

Mary

He has been accepted into the Army and his boot camp begins in November. If he was on the street he would get into trouble...drugs and who knows what else. I know this is a definite. He would be homeless. These things do not look good for new recruits and will get them kicked out before even starting.

[GWOB]

As an older sister who is watching her younger sister take advantage of her parents, I say GOOD JOB MOM!!!! I get that it sucks, but your are truly a rock star in my book. You are getting the job done without being overly harsh. You are not physically/emotionally/verbally abusing your son. You are just showing him the consequences of his inaction. You have struck parenting gold right there. Stay strong Momma! He will thank you one day.

 

:grouphug:

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

Since he's starting boot camp in November, but having trouble structuring his day, perhaps you or a male he respects could help him develop somes structure. Aside from chores for the household, his personals, and a job, he could get on the Army website and figure out what he needs to do to maintain or improve his fitness to pass the physical fitness test on the first go round. It's cooler to run in the early a.m., so maybe that and the sun will get him up out of the tent. He could find some community 5Ks to run between now and then.

 

http://www.armystudyguide.com/content/Prep_For_Basic_Training/index.shtml

http://www.military.com/military-fitness/workouts/prepare-yourself-for-boot-camp

He knows what he has to do to get ready but he claims he won't need it, it will be a breeze:glare: My oldest Ds is in the Navy and has offered some advice on getting ready...he still says he is fine. Anything we suggest gets disregarded. He has done some things with the future soldier program though.

 

Thank you for the sites.

Edited September 10, 2011 by Down_the_Rabbit_Hole

[Harriet Vane]

He has been accepted into the Army and his boot camp begins in November. If he was on the street he would get into trouble...drugs and who knows what else. I know this is a definite. He would be homeless. These things do not look good for new recruits and will get them kicked out before even starting.

 

Normally, I would be heartily in favor of strong boundaries for an adult child who refuses to pull his own weight.

 

However.

 

An alternate point of view here:

 

Someone very dear and close to me suffered with drug addiction for seven years. Those were long, very painful years. She has been clean for many years now but continues to suffer drastic health effects from the drug abuse and other choices of those years.

 

You've got two months before he is in the Army. From the way you describe him, it sounds like the Army is his chance at shaping up and staying clean. As such, I would do absolutely whatever it takes to get him into the army--it may just save his life.

 

Yes, continue trying to assert a better way of living and some boundaries. However, since you have an end date and a goal in sight, fix your eyes on that goal and do what it takes to get there. It may well mean making some compromises in the short term.

 

:grouphug:

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

Normally, I would be heartily in favor of strong boundaries for an adult child who refuses to pull his own weight.

 

However.

 

An alternate point of view here:

 

Someone very dear and close to me suffered with drug addiction for seven years. Those were long, very painful years. She has been clean for many years now but continues to suffer drastic health effects from the drug abuse and other choices of those years.

 

You've got two months before he is in the Army. From the way you describe him, it sounds like the Army is his chance at shaping up and staying clean. As such, I would do absolutely whatever it takes to get him into the army--it may just save his life.

 

Yes, continue trying to assert a better way of living and some boundaries. However, since you have an end date and a goal in sight, fix your eyes on that goal and do what it takes to get there. It may well mean making some compromises in the short term.

 

:grouphug:

This is how we feel and is the only reason my son is still under our roof. Otherwise I truely believe he would end up homeless or worse....and he still might be on that path but if I can just hang on till November Il feel like we will gave him a shot at a successful life. After that he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions....as sad as this makes me. He is a toxic child and I do have other children to protect but I am trying to protect him from himself for now.

[Harriet Vane]

This is how we feel and is the only reason my son is still under our roof. Otherwise I truely believe he would end up homeless or worse....and he still might be on that path but if I can just hang on till November Il feel like we will gave him a shot at a successful life. After that he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions....as sad as this makes me. He is a toxic child and I do have other children to protect but I am trying to protect him from himself for now.

 

:grouphug: Hang in there. :grouphug: