Coach yelling at kids in front of peers--where do you draw the line?

[homeschoolally]

I searched the archives and found a few interesting posts on this topic, but would like to revisit it if anyone is willing.

 

ETA: Thanks everyone for the input! After walking away from the computer for a bit, I started to get paranoid that someone else from the team (all homeschoolers and several who've mentioned buying used curriculum here in the past) might see this and recognize my daughter's situation. I know it is a long, long, long shot---but I guess stranger things have happened! I'd be heartbroken if I caused the situation to get worse so I deleted my message.

 

Thanks again for the thoughts so far--they've been very helpful!

Edited June 28, 2011 by homeschoolally
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[Kim in Appalachia]

It would depend on how the coach was yelling. If the coach was tearing the child down (calling him stupid, lazy, etc...) I would find that unacceptable. It would also depend if that was the coach's style, meaning does he yell at everyone at one time or another.

 

There is a time for yelling in coaching a sports team, and kids do need to learn to deal with it. That being said, I didn't pursue sports in high school because I didn't like being yelled at, and had no respect for the coach who felt the need to always be yelling at the kids.

 

My kids are on a swim team, and it takes a lot before the coach yells, and even then, she usually directs it at the group, not an individual. Screaming at the kids in the water doesn't count, because they can only hear her if she screams.:001_smile: If she is yelling at a individual child, that child must have done something very wrong, or even dangerous.

 

If your child is really upset by the yelling, then I would take a break. If your child just accepts it as being part of the team, and isn't phased by it, then I would let it go. It can teach a child how to deal with such a person.

[Frontier Mom]

Not usually. Having been the Mom to dcs playing multiple sports, I think it is usually more the coach trying to be big than a necessary component to coaching. If my child is doing something that I think will endanger him or a teammate, then yell away. For instance, my ds was not paying attention at 2nd base when a big hitter was up. The coach yelled at him and that was OK with me. Otherwise, he might have been knocked silly or worse. However, to yell just to yell and embarrass is never OK with me.

 

This spring we drove one hour 5 days a week in order to have my three dss play on a home school baseball team because they hired coaches. Even though the time and gas commitment was ridiculous to the average person, it was worth it to us to have our boys actually coached.

 

I am not sure what level you are playing at but most coaches in things like rec leagues are often Dads who said yes. They usually have no or little training and really coach to make sure their children get on the team of choice. I usually don't agree with the way they raise their children either so I refuse for my dcs to be subjected to unnecessary criticism by someone I wouldn't choose as a mentor for them anyway. Please don't blast me on that because I know there are many, many exceptions but usually the most vocal ones are not adequately trained.

 

All this to say, it is hard to discern. For us, we chose to find teams with hired coaches who exhibited Christian character while still having very competitive teams. It made all the difference for us. My dd on the other hand plays softball and she has had a truly wonderful coach the entire time she has played. She never yells and just encourages the girls.

[NanceXToo]

Like someone else said, it would depend.

 

Does he only yell at my kid, or is his just a yelling style and everyone "gets it" now and then?

 

When he yells, is he just yelling things like "pay more attention!" "You have to do it like this!" etc... or is he really belittling them and calling names or some such?