Need suggestions on what to say

[The Girls' Mom]

Our neighbors have two sweet little boys. They are 7 and 4. My youngest girls are a mature 11. (physically and mentally) When we first moved in here a few months ago, the girls enjoyed played with them a bit...we'd never had kid neighbors before.

 

However, the new has worn off, and they just really don't have much in common with little boys. They no longer want to go over and play (at least not very often) but the little guys are still coming over to ask them to play. I have already made them go over a time or two when they really didn't want to, but I don't want to force them...I mean they ARE a lot older.

 

We like them, we like their parents, so we don't want hurt feelings. But we need a way to let them know that the girls aren't as interested in playing hide and seek or swinging with them as they are. :tongue_smilie: And these are the type of kids that ask WHY, or if they can't play now, when CAN they?

[laundrycrisis]

I would have your girls say "not today, sorry". Repeat.

 

We are sort of on the opposite side of the situation. Our boys are 8 and 5 and there is a 12 yo boy across the street who sometimes plays with them. Our boys would stalk him if I allowed them to. I am sensitive to the situation and don't want our kids seen as pests.

 

Our boys want to go over to him every time he is outside. I tell them to leave him alone, that he will come over if he is interested in playing with them but that he is older and they should not expect him to always want to. I make sure they do not bother him or pester him when he is outside shooting baskets, etc. because I don't want him to feel that our kids won't leave him alone.

 

I can see that if I was not making sure our kids didn't impose, this could become a real problem for him. If that were the case I would see it as perfectly reasonable for him to regularly say "not today, sorry". Also I have told him that he is always welcome to tell our boys "no" when they do approach him (sometimes I am not looking out when he comes out and they run to him), and he does tell them no sometimes. I actually appreciate it because it sort of makes them believe me when I tell them he will not always want to play with them and that is his choice.

[Aubrey]

Ugh--I have a similarish problem I've thought about posting here for years. A friend has a 6yo dd--right smack between my 2 dd's ages. When we first met, she was always insisting that her dd play w/ my 2 big kids--hers was barely 2, mine were a mature 4 & 6.

 

That was fine, but she'd constantly refer to my kids as her dd's "friends" & shun the kids her dd's age. It only bugged me a little at the time.

 

NOW, though, she doesn't want her (not quite) 6yo to play w/ my 4yo--only my 8 & 10 yo. Her dd is an oldest child, & df is very...proud of her dd's advanced academic abilities. If she wanted her dd to play w/ BOTH my dds? Cool. But just the older one & ds? Because her dd is too good to play w/ younger dc?

 

I'm thinking my big dc may have to be busy w/ something else next time she comes over. :glare:

 

Ok, your neighbor situation. Gosh that's hard. The age difference, imo, is almost enough to be babysitter-babysitted, esp when you add in the gender differences. Like my friend, though, I've noticed that a lot of people underestimate age differences between their oldest kids & kids older than their range of parenting experience, if that makes sense.

 

I think it would be awkward to talk to the parents--do they even know that the boys are coming to see if your dds want to play? I guess I'm w/ PPs: just keep saying no until they quit asking.

 

I probably wouldn't send my girls over there to play any more, either, though...it sends a mixed message. I hope that's not too harsh for them. But maybe at some point soon-ish, their parents will need a sitter. When mine were 7 & under, I would have been thrilled to live near a responsible 11yo! :D

[Margo out of lurking]

I don't have any real advice, but have you tried talking to the mom? Maybe she doesn't know it's become a chore to your dd's--or maybe she's hoping it's not.

 

We have brand new little neighbors who are 5 and 6. They come over and watch my ds and another neighbor boy on the trampoline. Dh (wisely) told them they could only jump if there mom was here to watch. I think my ds is torn between having someone to show off for, and being annoyed.

 

Are there any other neighbor kids closer in age? (I know you said kids in your neighborhood were a new thing.) When they ask, maybe you can just tell them, "They are doing big girl things right now!"