RebeccaS Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 A situation has come to my attention and I am trying to research the laws (unsuccessfully as I'm a terrible Googler). A good family friend's teen daughter is pregnant and contemplating adoption (with us as the adoptive family). I'd like to research the process to see if this is something we can even consider (I'm thinking emotional and $$ costs). We live in different states now. Has anyone done this before that might offer some thoughts/considerations? We have only adopted through the foster system and everything was arranged and paid for by the state so I'm at a bit of a loss here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I wouldn't involve Foster care. You need to find a Family Attorney in your state. They will tell you all the laws and can represent you. I would ask for referrals. Friends of ours have been having a terrible time with the attorney they chose out of the phone book. Their costs have been minimal compared to an agency adoption. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ColoNative Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 You need to check with the state regarding adoption laws. In Colorado, there are requirements even for private adoptions that usually require going through an adoption agency - and "classes" must be completed before the adoption can be finalized. I would definitely call an agency and attorney and see what they can tell you about the laws and the process. It would be a designate adoption so fees are usually lower through an agency. Also ask about interstate agreements.... Best wishes! Melody Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmama Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Our domestic adoption was through an agency, and so I can't talk much about private. But a good list of adoption attorneys can be found here: http://www.adoptionattorneys.org/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I'm no help...sorry. I'm just wondering why the good friend wouldn't (maybe can't) keep the grandbaby? My concern would be if this is a good thing or a bad thing being that it's a close friend. What will this entail in the future, especially since they live so far away (maybe that would make it better)? Could they end up wanting their grandbaby back someday?? That would be so hard for you and your family. But...maybe all will work out well. I hope so. ETA: I hope I don't sound discouraging/negative....I don't mean to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isitnaptime Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 This is what I believe you would need, but I have only adopted through an agency... You will need a homestudy from an agency (usually takes 1-5 months). You will need to go through ICPC after the baby is born since they are in a different state (unless she moves to deliver). You will both also need lawyers for the consents/termination of parental rights and finalization. You can also have an agency do all of these things for a lower price that they would normally charge, it is called a designated adoption. One piece of advise I would have, don't pay birthmother expenses, or at least only pay what you are ok with losing if she decides to parent after the baby is born. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebeccaS Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Thanks for helping point me in the right direction! Without getting into their personal details, the grandparents are not in a position to care for the baby or I'm sure that would have been a better option. I do have to think very long and hard about how we might work through the future events. However, I need to find out how it all would work and decide if it's something we can consider from a monetary standpoint (ie what the adoption costs might be) before I work through our future relationship with the biological family. :) You are not discouraging, AprilMay, just being realistic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Thanks for helping point me in the right direction! Without getting into their personal details, the grandparents are not in a position to care for the baby or I'm sure that would have been a better option. I do have to think very long and hard about how we might work through the future events. However, I need to find out how it all would work and decide if it's something we can consider from a monetary standpoint (ie what the adoption costs might be) before I work through our future relationship with the biological family. :) You are not discouraging, AprilMay, just being realistic. Our friends are spending less than $4000 for their private adoption. I am sure it varies from case to case. I wouldn't pay any birthmother expenses without speaking to an attorney first. Some states say you cannot pay anything except rent, medical costs, and so on. Other states allow a much more generous interpretation of that including clothing, groceries, etc. Another option is to work thru a private agency that is connected to your church/religious beliefs. We worked for a private foster care agency that was church based. For friends of ours they worked for the biomom - gave her counseling, made certain she knew her rights, and so on. They did this for free. They also provided free homestudies to families wanting to adopt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isitnaptime Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I'm no help...sorry. I'm just wondering why the good friend wouldn't (maybe can't) keep the grandbaby? My concern would be if this is a good thing or a bad thing being that it's a close friend. What will this entail in the future, especially since they live so far away (maybe that would make it better)? Could they end up wanting their grandbaby back someday?? That would be so hard for you and your family. But...maybe all will work out well. I hope so. ETA: I hope I don't sound discouraging/negative....I don't mean to be. If the adoption is done legally and finalized, no one can take the baby/child away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Thanks for helping point me in the right direction! Without getting into their personal details, the grandparents are not in a position to care for the baby or I'm sure that would have been a better option. I do have to think very long and hard about how we might work through the future events. However, I need to find out how it all would work and decide if it's something we can consider from a monetary standpoint (ie what the adoption costs might be) before I work through our future relationship with the biological family. :) You are not discouraging, AprilMay, just being realistic. I'm glad I didn't offend or upset you. I worried about that after I posted. It certainly sounds like you are weighing everything carefully. I sure hope it all works out....it would be very exciting! If the adoption is done legally and finalized, no one can take the baby/child away. Thanks for this reminder. I haven't dealt with adoption (sure wish I could!)...so I probably shouldn't have even posted. I wasn't thinking that there must be legal stuff that would prevent such a thing from happening. Good to know! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 In addition to attorneys (2 one in your state for you and one in the expectant mother's state for her and to do ICPC), I highly recommend setting up an account for counseling pre and post placement and if she won't do it now have the money available for later because you don't know when she will use it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebeccaS Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Thanks, all! This afternoon, I talked with the lawyer that represented us in court when we adopted our son (I don't know why I didn't think to call her before posting here). She went over the process and the potential costs and I just don't see this being something we could do. :sad: I'm so very naive about the cost of things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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