Descriptive essay/narration of a painting

[Kfamily]

This is dd's(8th grade) essay/narration describing one of six paintings we studied from the artist Velazquez. We also read I, Juan de Pareja which is a historical fiction on the life of the slave, Juan de Pareja, and his relationship with his master Velazquez. We really enjoyed this book.

 

Here is a link to the painting she describes:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph's_Tunic

 

Here is her essay/narration:

 

 

A Description of "Joseph's Tunic" by Velazquez

 

The painting "Joseph's Tunic" was painted by the artist Velazquez in the year 1630. Diego Velazquez was born in Spain, but much of his personal life is unknown. He was the painter of many well-known religious pieces.

 

"Joseph's Tunic" depicts a very famous Bible story of Joseph and the coat of many colors. The story told of how Joseph, favored by his father over his brothers, was given a beautiful coat the color of the rainbow. His brothers, in a jealous rage, sold him as a slave to a passing Egyptian caravan, and taking the coat for their own coated it with the blood of a wild animal and presented it to their father. They then told that Joseph had been devoured by a wild beast. Later Joseph became a favorite of the King and one day became Pharoah himself. And when the famine came, he was overcome with brotherly affection and forgave his brothers and showed them mercy by providing for them.

 

The painting is very dark and is darker in the background than the foreground. The bodies and flesh of the brothers are painted with light and life. The painting shows three of the brothers displaying the coat to their father with faces of mock concern. The father looks on in despair with a cane and a dog on a rug at his feet. The brothers are clad in many colors such as, blues, reds and blacks. Two of the brothers stand silent, saying nothing, but looks of guilt plague their faces. The background is surprisingly light in contrast to the darkness of the event projected in the foreground.

 

The sky is a hazy blue with streaks of grey. There are also trees in the background framed against the sky. The emotions of the people's faces are very expressive and their bodies are posed in a very natural way. I enjoy this painting because of the story it portrays and the accuracy with which Velazquez paints.

 

*This is her first and unedited draft. I have found many errors and have marked them on her paper, but I would love another pair of eyes to look over this. Please feel free to comment on her errors. I should also emphasize that this was a very informal assignment. She is working on a more formal assignment at this time as well. I do expect her to edit and rewrite this to reflect proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. I have not taught her transitions yet, but I'm planning on this with the formal paper she is working on right now.

 

Thanks for looking at it!

Edited May 5, 2011 by Kfamily

[Capt_Uhura]

I'm not an expert at this but I'll give my 2cents if you want it. :001_smile:

 

Here is her essay/narration:

 

 

A Description of "Joseph's Tunic" by Velazquez

 

The painting, "Joseph's Tunic," (appositive phrase) was painted by the artist Velazquez in the year 1630. Diego Velazquez was born in Spain, but much of his personal life is unknown. He was the painter of many well-known religious pieces.

 

"Joseph's Tunic" depicts a very famous Bible story of Joseph and the coat of many colors. The story told of how Joseph, favored by his father over his brothers, was given a beautiful coat the color of the rainbow. His brothers, in a jealous rage, sold him as a slave to a passing Egyptian caravan, (I'd make this two sentences) and taking the coat for their own coated it with the blood of a wild animal and presented it to their father. They then told that Joseph had been devoured by a wild beast. Later Joseph became a favorite of the King and one day became Pharoah himself. And when the famine came, he was overcome with brotherly affection and forgave his brothers and showed them mercy by providing for them.

 

The painting is very dark and is darker in the background than the foreground. The bodies and flesh of the brothers are painted with light and life. The painting shows three of the brothers displaying the coat to their father with faces of mock concern. The father looks on in despair with a cane and a dog on a rug at his feet. (I'd make "w/ a cane and a dog on a rug at his feet, a phrase modifying father and set apart with commas) The brothers are clad in many colors such as, blues, reds and blacks. Two of the brothers stand silent, saying nothing, but looks of guilt plague their faces. The background is surprisingly light in contrast to the darkness of the event projected in the foreground.

 

(This is out of place. Perhaps at the beginning of the previous paragraph?)The sky is a hazy blue with streaks of grey. There are also trees in the background framed against the sky. (This would be the concluding paragraph, perhaps switching the last two sentences around ). The emotions of the people's faces are very expressive and their bodies are posed in a very natural way. I enjoy this painting because of the story it portrays and the accuracy with which Velazquez paints.

 

*This is her first and unedited draft. I have found many errors and have marked them on her paper, but I would love another pair of eyes to look over this. Please feel free to comment on her errors. I should also emphasize that this was a very informal assignment. She is working on a more formal assignment at this time as well. I do expect her to edit and rewrite this to reflect proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. I have not taught her transitions yet, but I'm planning on this with the formal paper she is working on right now.

 

Thanks for looking at it!

 

I enjoyed reading her narration. She had sentence variety. I'm not sure if there is a standard form for narrations of paintings.

[Kfamily]

Thank you so much! I saw some things you did, but you also brought some new things to my attention. I knew having another person's perspective would be of great help to me!:001_smile:

 

I have considered having her add a little more to the last paragraph. I know we talked about light and truth being the two most important aspects of painting to Velazquez. I think she was trying to include that in her last sentence. I will ask her to expand on that too. Also, I normally expect more about the artist himself than she included in her first paragraph. I think she got carried away with giving the background of the Bible story. I think the oddness of her last paragraph was because she was trying to discuss the background. She was focused on the foreground in the second paragraph. I need to give her that lesson on transitions! (We're moving again...(2nd time this year)...in two weeks so I've really been off in my role as teacher.)

 

Thanks again for looking at this!

Edited May 6, 2011 by Kfamily

[Capt_Uhura]

Also, the very first sentence is in passive voice. I always have issues with that. IT would be stronger if she wrote, "Velasquez painted "Joseph's Tunic" in 1630. Or "Velasquez, a famous painter of religious pieces, painted "Joseph's Tunic" in 1630. (then tell more about Velasquez).

 

I don't know if this point was clear so I'll type it out below:

 

His brothers, in a jealous rage, sold him as a slave to a passing Egyptian caravan. Taking the coat for their own, the brothers coated it with the blood of a wild animal and presented it to their father.

 

That would make a nice opening participial phrase. Can you tell we've been doing Killgallon? :lol: I like how she used "in a jealous rage" as a subject-verb split.

[Kfamily]

Thanks! This is so helpful!:001_smile:

 

We have the Killgallon books now too, but I just haven't had a chance to incorporate them into our lessons yet. I am eagerly awaiting for life to settle down so that we can use them.:lol:

[Capt_Uhura]

For clarification, I meant that I have issues w/ passive voice in my own writing not that I have issues w/ it in other's writing. But now that I'm trying to write along w/ my DS10, I'm starting to notice it more.

 

Isn't writing tough? And it's soooo much easier to critique someone else's DC's writing! :001_smile: