Writing samples - WWE Level 4

[ELaurie]

Please post narrations from WWE level 4 here!

Include your child's grade level and / or age, and tell us which lesson s/he is on in WWE.

Edited February 17, 2011 by ELaurie

[ELaurie]

Here is his first draft; as you will see, he included extraneous details to add interest to his narration, but they weren't essential to the story line. This made for some very long, wordy sentences :tongue_smilie:

 

In this assignment, I wrote the narration for him; his task was to remember the first sentence or two, and write them down.

 

Benjamin Franklin and his friends loved to go and fish in a pond, but to get to the best fishing spot they had to stand in the pond with water up to their knees. One day, when they were fishing, Benjamin Franklin went and stood upon a pile of rocks that had been dropped off to build a foundation for a new house, and he told all the other boys his idea to build a wharf with the stones so they didn't have to stand in water, and they did so. Now the chief mason, when he found out, was mad, at the boys, so he went to the magistrate and the magistrate told him that he could do whatever he wanted with the boys. The mason let the boys off easy because he saw the spirit of the whole thing, but when Benjamin Franklin came home, he had a talk with his father. Benjamin explained that the only reason they did it was because it was for everyone's benefit. Benjamin's father told him that evil can only make evil, but to make something good, it has to be wrought from good.

 

Here is his final draft:

 

Benjamin Franklin and his friends liked to fish in a pond, but to get to the best fishing spot, they had to stand in water. Benjamin Franklin suggested that they build a wharf with a pile of rocks that had been delivered to build a foundation for a house. The mason who was going to build the foundation was mad, and went to the magistrate; the magistrate said he could do whatever he wanted with the boys. The mason let the boys off easy, but when Benjamin Franklin came home, he had a talk with his father. Benjamin's father told him that evil can only make evil, but to make something good, it has to be wrought from good.

 

From my vantage point, there's still room for improvement, but he did what I asked him to do, which was to create more concise sentences, while still communicating the essential details that would move the narration forward.

[Capt_Uhura]

He has been writing his own narrations. After he gives me a quick summary of what he's going to write, he writes it. He doesn't like telling me exactly what he's going to say and then writing it.

 

A century ago, people were interested in Mars because Percival Lowell saw canals on the red planet. He thought that the canals were made by intelligent life. NASA is now planning to send men to our red neighbor.

[Capt_Uhura]

DS10, WWE4 Week 7 Day 1 Original Sentence Exercise. I believe DC is supposed to write his first one or two sentences but I just have DS write his entire narration. We're not doing a lot of writing yet in other areas and he says he prefers it this way.

 

The baboons were lazy because they would not do work for food. When the people saw them not doing work, they stopped giving them food so the baboons have to steal to eat.

 

DS10, WWE4 week 9 Day 3 original sentence exercise.

 

If you want to live Mars, you need food. Three food sources are corn, rice, and wheat, which are good for food but you only eat part of it. So have livestock to eat the inedible parts. Goats are good but due to the lower gravity, jump your fences with ease and chew your domes. Chikens would work but, stupid low gravity!, they can fly and go to the bathroom in the sky. Mushrooms are good source of protein and are easy to grow. Choose your foods carefully.

 

By the Mars Travel Association

 

I'm not sure that is what SWB had in mind for that passage but I found it humorous and DS enjoyed writing it which is great for him. He HATES to write.

 

We do no editing of these original sentence exercises. I'm focusing on him quickly getting his thoughts together reasonably coherent and then getting them on paper. When I had him tell me the narration first, he was nervous about recalling exactly what he said, that he forgot what he told me. He said he prefers to just write it. I have him tell me generally what he's going to write so I can make sure he's on track and then I let him just write. He often edits while he's writing, combining simple sentences into more compound/complex sentences.

[Kuovonne]

If you want to live Mars, you need food. Three food sources are corn, rice, and wheat, which are good for food but you only eat part of it. So have livestock to eat the inedible parts. Goats are good but due to the lower gravity, jump your fences with ease and chew your domes. Chikens would work but, stupid low gravity!, they can fly and go to the bathroom in the sky. Mushrooms are good source of protein and are easy to grow. Choose your foods carefully.

 

I found it humorous and DS enjoyed writing it which is great for him. He HATES to write.

 

I found what your DS wrote hilarious.

 

I'm focusing on him quickly getting his thoughts together reasonably coherent and then getting them on paper.

 

Sounds like you're making great progress on this. This writing sample has the feel of someone talking, rather than the more formal feel of academic writing. That says that he is writing what he is thinking, rather than simplifying his ideas to write less.

 

The writing sample feels like he is trying to apply paragraph structure while also figuring out how to put complex ideas into sentences, and doing it all with the pressure to write quickly. That's a lot to do all at once. Remember the adage "fast, good, and cheap: pick two?" The same applies here. Notice that his other narrations, which don't look like paragraphs, have much clearer sentence structure.

 

I have him tell me generally what he's going to write so I can make sure he's on track and then I let him just write. He often edits while he's writing, combining simple sentences into more compound/complex sentences.

 

My DD also prefers to go straight to the writing. I have her quickly tell me what she wants to write so I can make sure that she's on the right track. Then she writes her narrations by herself, often changing her wording slightly in the process.

 

The concept of dictating a child's narrations back to him is one of the reasons that I don't use WWE. It simply wouldn't work for my DD.

Edited March 7, 2011 by Kuovonne

[Capt_Uhura]

WEll, what I meant by quickly is that he reads the passage, I give whatever prompt is given in WWE, he tells me in general terms what he is going to write, and then he writes. There is no editing or rewriting or discussing to make sure it makes sense. So it's not time, it's just, have a coherent thought and get it on paper.

 

His narrations are usually pretty close to what SWB gives as examples so I found it interesting that his personality and humor came out in this one.

 

Since we've done all the levels of WWE, I figure we might as well finish. I like the ease of having the dictations all laid out for me. However, it does take time and after the summer, we will move to doing narrations/dictations in history and science and end WWE4 where ever we are.

 

thanks for your feedback! :001_smile:

 

Capt Uhura

[Kuovonne]

His narrations are usually pretty close to what SWB gives as examples so I found it interesting that his personality and humor came out in this one.

 

Of the narrations you posted, this one with his personality was the one that was fun to read. It also made sense, despite the wandering sentences and misspellings. It was also the longest, which says a lot for someone who hates to write. Perhaps this time he found something that he *wanted* to write about, instead of something that he *had* to write?

[Capt_Uhura]

Exactly! And we've been reading about paragraph structure and essay structure so I think he's starting to incorporate those elements into his writing. He writes pretty well when he wants to so I have to get back to more student led writing once we finish WWE4.