my turn to ask for help with a writing assessment

[jenniferlee]

My 7th grade dd is getting ready for her state evaluated writing assessment this week. She has not done any actual essay writing for me so far and so I had her write a practice essay so I could see where she needed improvement (trying to help her get ready for the test). I gave her a few guidelines - make sure you have some sort of intro, pick a main point to prove or explain and sum it up at the end.

After she wrote it, I read it over and realized that I'm not much help because she's my oldest and we haven't done this before. I thought she did great, but I don't really know if it is up to a standard or not. I mean, I can correct grammar, etc. But the quality of the writing? I just don't know. So I hoped maybe some of you could give it a quick read and let me know if we are in the ballpark or if there are some major areas that she should be concentrating on improving.

Thank you all so much! This is what she wrote with no corrections:

 

Why a Guinea Pig Would be a Good Pet

 

Many chilren want a pet by the time they are 4-7 years old. There are many pets that are suitable for young children, but none better to my mind than the guinea pig. These small furry creatures are perfect size for little hands, and they are oh, so cute.

 

Guinea pigs are about the size of a large rat, not too big, not too small. This makes them perfect size pets for children ages 4+ provided the child is gentle. They are normally very calm animals, and will never bite unless in pain. Guinea pigs are sweet loving pets, and, in time may learn to recognize their name.

 

Guinea pigs are social animals, so it is best to keep them in pairs or groups. Acctually, it is easier to keeps two rather than one, it prevents some illnesses caused

by lonlieness and stress. They will play endlessly running and chasing eachother around the cage. They love to be in the middle of everything, so having their cage in your living room or a place where people are constantly going by.

 

A big plus in having a guinea pig is that they will eat almost all your vegtable scraps, and more! Guinea pigs are not pickey eaters when it comes to veggies, they will eat any thing, so it is important to know which ones to feed them, and which ones not to. They love bread crusts too, but it is important not to feed this treat very often.

 

It should cost 75-100 dollars to take care of a single guinea pig every year, as apposed to the 1500-2000 dollars it would take for a dog, and 350-400 dollars for a cat. The basics for taking care of 2 guinea pigs are: one 5lb bag of guinea pig pellet food a month, two bales of timothey hay a year, one red, green or yellow bell pepper a week, plus a few carrots, a soft plastic brush and a pair of nail clippers, an 8oz waterbottle with metal tube.

 

Over all I think guinea pigs are a good pet because they are easy to take care of, cheap to feed and sweet loving animals. Even children who live in small houses or apartments where a dog or cat may not be allowed, a guinea pig will fit in a small cage so as to be out of the way completly.

Edited February 17, 2011 by jenniferlee

[jenniferlee]

I just saw the thread on writing...should I have posted this there?

Jen

[calandalsmom]

I think its very cute and well done. I'd have her add one line to the last paragraph, probably. Im not much help as a critic bc I think its rather good and a sweet topic!

[Spock]

There are a few grammar problems, but it seems like good work for her age otherwise.