BBG580 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I've not started homeschooling yet and when I do next fall it will be with a 6 year old first grader, so this is clearly not going to be an issue for awhile but what can I say, I'm a worrier and I plan ahead for it. :tongue_smilie: My two biggest fears about homeschooling my children are: 1) Taking their disinterest or failure in a particular area personally. I know when I was in school there were some subjects I just didn't like and I could have worked harder and done better in them. I think I will feel twice the failure if my kids are not doing well in a particular subject. I will feel like I am not doing a good enough job teaching them the material and I will feel like they are unappreciative of all my hard work (which, really, isn't a new thing since they largely are oblivious to my hard work at this point but I guess I'm hoping with age they gain a bit of clarity and empathy?!!). 2) Excessive hand-holding. I feel like I will have a tendency to over-manage their academics and not hold them accountable for learning and completing their work as it is assigned. I can see how a homeschooled child could arrive in college fairly helpless because they've had too much "hand-holding" from their homeschooling parent in the way of getting assignments completed. Am I over thinking things? How do you start a precedent for academic independence early on in the lower grammar years while also taking into account their age and ability? Obviously my first grader will need 100% hand-holding, but how and when do you make the shift and start fostering independence? Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowfall Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I can't comment on anything past first grade (dd is 6.5) but I will say that, as long as you're paying attention, you will notice when your kids are ready for more independence and accountability. It's not an exact science - you might not always notice right away, and sometimes you might think they're ready before they are - but you'll do fine, as long as you pay attention. The thing to keep in mind is that education isn't really different than every other aspect of life. We're culturally conditioned to believe it is, but it's not. Just like you don't need an expert to tell you when your child is ready to cross the street alone or take out the trash, you don't need an expert to tell you when your child is ready to read and follow the directions on an assignment alone. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryAtHope Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Most of us have probably struggled with these questions at various times. The things to remember: even in ps, you had subjects you liked and didn't like, subjects you excelled in and subjects you struggled with. Your children will too, no matter how they are schooled. The difference with homeschooling is that you have the personal resources (because of your one on one tutoring-type relationship rather than one teacher to 20-30 students) to figure out what will work. This can be both bane and blessing. Bane because sometimes we homeschoolers get caught up in looking for "perfect." Don't look for perfect. Look for "excellent." Don't try to fix what's not broken, but if something isn't working, you'll be able to find something else, or learn what you need to learn, etc... I can't tell you what a feeling of freedom it was to decide that my children's happiness is mostly their choice and not my responsibility. Do you love everything you do to clean your house? For the things you don't love, do you throw tantrums and let the world know you hate it, or do you endeavor to do those things with a good attitude? And...do you enjoy life more when you are grumping & complaining, or when you just decide to do the necessary things with a good attitude? This is the mindset that you want to gradually pass on to your children. Sure, it's great if school is fun or enjoyable, and most of us strive to make learning enjoyable--but remember that the responsibility for a person's attitude rests squarely on their own shoulders. Free yourself of this burden. Independence--yeah, you don't need to worry about this one for awhile :). Here's what it looked like in my house--but your children may certainly be different: No independence until they are reading well. Even in math, they needed my help to stay focused. I often even needed to do work orally in 1st and 2nd grade, and wrote what they said. Especially in math--you might think, hey, it's not reading, it's numbers, I'll go throw a load of wash in. You'll come back to kids staring out the window, playing, doodling...anything but doing math! Handwriting might be tempting to give independence, but don't until they consistently form letters correctly--you'll regret it otherwise. For independent work for young ones, give things like manipulative play, play dough, art, lacing beads, dress-up, etc... As I saw that they were able, and as I needed (think, adding 2nd child into the "learning to read and do math" mix), I gradually nudged them towards some independence in some subjects in 3rd and 4th grades. I did things like say, "who can finish first, you with your math, or me with this laundry? Ready...go!" and "raced" them. They liked the competition, and it helped them focus and try to work independently, but I was still there to help. Another thing I did when they came to me with a question, was have them read the directions to me. 90% of the time that answered their question! If it didn't, I asked them what the directions meant, and that helped another 5% of the time. Gradually they learn to do this for themselves & ask less. By 5th grade I saw lots of independence, and they could come to me with questions. In Junior High you'll see that your time helping them with things is less, but your planning increases. Workboxes helped us immensely with developing independence. I'd bet most homeschooled kids won't get to college still needing hand-holding. As I gradually release my kids to more independence, they demand more. It's the nature of growing up, becoming a mature person. They don't want to continue being coddled, they want to know you can trust them to work more on their own. I started off reading everything to my kids, and my 13 yo let me know he's done with me reading history to him (the last hold-out besides our literature read-alouds at night, which I hope to continue through high school...we'll see!). He was respectful when he asked if he could just read it on his own...and I adjusted how I can do discussion with him and sent him on his way. He doesn't need me (sniff sniff!). Really...it's good. It's what we work towards. I've told my kids all along, this is YOUR education. I'm not doing this for me--this is for YOU. What do you want to make of it? When my kids struggle with a subject, I let them be part of deciding the solution. Is it my approach? Is it curriculum? Kids can assess curriculum. When my son was 7 & struggling with one math curriculum, I showed him samples of another. He promptly picked up the first and said, "the makers of this curriculum don't want kids to understand math." Now, he couldn't verbalize why one approach didn't make sense to him and another did, and it took us a couple of tries to find a good fit...but we did! I'm excited as he goes into high school--excited to plan together with him, to let him choose his course of study to some degree (meeting college requirements), to work together to map his course. I won't be hands off by any means...but he is taking over more and more. Much more than I was ready for at his age. I hardly knew I had choices, they were mostly chosen for me, except electives, by my mother and the PS. I was happy enough to just let others decide, and either like it or grump about it but not try that hard to change it. Hsing allows me to give my son a totally different outlook on his education than I ever had. He still has to do math, but education is HIS--it's not something "done to him," as education in a school where others make all the decisions for you might seem. It's a grand adventure! Don't look too far ahead though. Take things one step at a time. High school looked terrifying to me when my kids were your kids' ages. But just like you're taking the next step now, that's what you do when your kids get older. You keep taking the next step. HTH! Merry :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 1) Taking their disinterest or failure in a particular area personally. I know when I was in school there were some subjects I just didn't like and I could have worked harder and done better in them. I think I will feel twice the failure if my kids are not doing well in a particular subject. I will feel like I am not doing a good enough job teaching them the material and I will feel like they are unappreciative of all my hard work (which, really, isn't a new thing since they largely are oblivious to my hard work at this point but I guess I'm hoping with age they gain a bit of clarity and empathy?!!). 2) Excessive hand-holding. I feel like I will have a tendency to over-manage their academics and not hold them accountable for learning and completing their work as it is assigned. I can see how a homeschooled child could arrive in college fairly helpless because they've had too much "hand-holding" from their homeschooling parent in the way of getting assignments completed. Am I over thinking things? How do you start a precedent for academic independence early on in the lower grammar years while also taking into account their age and ability? Obviously my first grader will need 100% hand-holding, but how and when do you make the shift and start fostering independence? Thanks! I'm only in my second year homeschooling, so feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt, but I think you'll be fine. I understand completely what you're saying, though! 1) Failure/disinterest - When DS goes on rants about how horrible his copywork is or how much he hates spelling, I have a really hard time stepping back and realizing that it's not ME he's yelling at. I have a hard time not taking things personally in other areas as well (new recipes that don't go over well are a particular problem), so you'd think I'd know better, but it still hurts. It usually takes a couple of tearful sessions before the light bulb clicks on and I step back and have a chat with DS about what he's REALLY mad at. For copywork, I'm ditching it. He hates it, and he's an auditory learner anyway; dictation will do more than copywork ever could. For spelling, we revamped the way we did it, and he likes the curriculum a lot better now. So there's give and take, and it's actually been really nice to have his input on how school works. Also, seeing his face light up when he finally understands something or we do a fun project definitely makes all the effort worth it, appreciation or not. 2) Hand-holding - You will find a good balance. You're aware of the issues that could arise, so you can prepare. I intend to step back very slowly, one subject and one thing at a time, to encourage independence. My ultimate goal is that by the time DS hits middle school/junior high age, he'll be primarily independent for his education. It's a slow process, but I think I'll get there one day. Right now all I do as far as stepping back is to encourage him to try everything first before asking for help and try to get him to write stories without me sitting next to him, but it's a start! Hopefully someone with an older kid (or three) will weigh in with more (and better) words of wisdom, but it sounds like you'll be fine! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I've not started homeschooling yet and when I do next fall it will be with a 6 year old first grader, so this is clearly not going to be an issue for awhile but what can I say, I'm a worrier and I plan ahead for it. :tongue_smilie: My two biggest fears about homeschooling my children are: 1) Taking their disinterest or failure in a particular area personally. From the experience of 11 years of homeschooling, this is going to happen sometimes. It is entirely up to you how you will respond to it. The reality is exactly what the others (and you) have already said--there are going to be subjects they are just not excited about. Shoot, there are subjects *I* am not crazy about teaching! I have learned that each one of my five children are completely different in their passions and enjoyments. If I teach history to all of them, not all of them are going to love it as I do no matter how exciting or interesting the delivery. That is just the way it is. Should I get defensive about it? I don't think that is productive. You can be the best teacher in the world and still have students that are not wild about the subject. Sometimes their level of response indicates an area we as teacher should evaluate, but most of the time it is just different interests in different people. 2) Excessive hand-holding. I feel like I will have a tendency to over-manage their academics and not hold them accountable for learning and completing their work as it is assigned. I can see how a homeschooled child could arrive in college fairly helpless because they've had too much "hand-holding" from their homeschooling parent in the way of getting assignments completed. Well, at some point it is quite likely they will tell you to knock it off if you are! LOL I found that the more children I added, the less I could micro-manage so it worked out that I didn't. You have three and when you are homeschooling them all at different levels, you will probably find that there are things you will have to let go of and let them do on their own--and this will be good for both of you. Am I over thinking things? How do you start a precedent for academic independence early on in the lower grammar years while also taking into account their age and ability? Obviously my first grader will need 100% hand-holding, but how and when do you make the shift and start fostering independence? Thanks! You will know when to let go because they will no longer need it. If they need it (for upper level math concepts, or some other area) they will come to you. That is how it works here. I have pretty independent oldest children that have a schedule that I make up and they are to follow. Some things we do together and some things are independent and we discuss the work or I check their work. Some things they will come to me and ask for help and we go over it together and I help them. I do think you are over-thinking things a bit. Each year you gain more confidence and understanding of who your children are and what their strengths and weaknesses are. Each year your relationship with your children will grow and change. I could never have imagined what my life would be like now with 16 down to 8 year-old children. It is so great! I love having older children and I love that we have a great relationship and that we still love to learn together. I could never have guessed that I would enjoy them as much as I do. My biggest suggestion is to *enjoy* the ride. You will just not believe how fast the time goes. I have two years left of homeschooling my oldest. It stuns me to think about it. I wish I had worried less and enjoyed the ride more. They will learn--even the things you think they won't ever get! You will have hard days; you will have wonderful days! It will be one of the hardest things you have ever done and it will be one of the biggest blessings of your life. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennW in SoCal Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 The thing to keep in mind is that education isn't really different than every other aspect of life. We're culturally conditioned to believe it is, but it's not. Just like you don't need an expert to tell you when your child is ready to cross the street alone or take out the trash, you don't need an expert to tell you when your child is ready to read and follow the directions on an assignment alone. :) :iagree: This is very wise! Your 5 year old is weaned and potty trained and walking and talking, right? All the other milestones will come about too, and by the time he (she?) is 18, will be perfectly capable of functioning in the adult world. Just as when you were pregnant with your first child you couldn't truly fathom what motherhood would be like, you can't possibly know now what homeschooling a teenager is going to be like or what it will be like when they decide to move across the country for college. You just have to trust yourself, and love that child. I took far too many things about homeschooling personally over the years. Even when I intellectually knew I was being irrational in taking it personally, my boys still could get to me! And yet, there is so much busy work built in to most curricula that I had to figure out what was essential to do and what could be skipped or done orally. With each year I'd have to decide what really mattered. And I had to figure out what my philosophy of education was and stick to that year in and year out. Most of all (echoing Kate in CA) enjoy the ride!! Read aloud every day, even when they are teenagers (or listen together to audio books). Go to the zoo, even once in a while when they are teenagers. They will learn. They will argue and whine and resist. But they will learn and turn into wonderful young adults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Most of all (echoing Kate in CA) enjoy the ride!! Read aloud every day, even when they are teenagers (or listen together to audio books). Go to the zoo, even once in a while when they are teenagers. They will learn. They will argue and whine and resist. But they will learn and turn into wonderful young adults. Thanks! :D We still read aloud too and the children love it. We do it at night now and they all snuggle on the couch with their tea and beg for more chapters. It is one of the best times of the day. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mallory Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Here is a thread I really enjoyed about independance- http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=218231&highlight=responsible Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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