Other people's kids...

[FlockOfSillies]

And then there is the dreaded combination--the parents who use the disability to excuse the behavior.

 

There is the perception on this board that those of us with no patience with out of control kids must never have been there ourselves. It's not true.

 

If that makes me judgemental, then write it on a sticker and slap it on my shirt.

Hey, if you design one on CafePress, I'd totally buy it.

[Joanne]

This is not directed at Doran personally! Usually the topics are along the lines of other people's kids are picky eaters, smart mouthed or media obsessed. And you hate being around them. And you feel a need to talk to their parents about their children's behavior and their poor parenting.

 

I don't read that into or out of most of the threads here. :001_huh: :confused:

 

I, for one, never feel a need to talk to their parents and poor parenting. Not in person. I will answer parenting questions here because it is by implication solicited.

 

I'm torn on how to respond to the issues you present. While I know that there *are* special needs situations, I also know the kids I have had here (either casually or in daycare) that I've evaluated do not have special/additional needs. I find parenting, kids, social and family dynamics intertesting. And I do see a people who make parenting choices that create a child that can be hard to be around.

 

In public, however, with a meltdown or tantrum, or other "more" behavior, I rarely assume anything. I've learned that a simple "I've been there" look or phrase helps. You can't assume much from a 2 minute observation of complete strangers.

[frogpond1]

that we moms should have close friends who are honest about the habits our children have that need refining. This is more than just eating habits, but a wider term. Sometimes we are too close to realize the areas we really need to work on. I think she is fair to say this. Right now I'm a member of the "My daughter is acting like a selfish Brat Club," and it isn't very fun. I know I could excuse it away in a lot of ways, but I also know she is getting a habit of being selfish and I need to curb it. I know this because I am around her a lot right now, but if it was rearing its ugly head at my friend's house I would want to know it too. It is hard raising children. I'm not sure if it fits the thread, but I am a mom who wants to know the good, bad and the ugly because I want to work on pruning and shaping my children. Even the most darling child can turn into a terrible beast some weeks. I love my daughter, and this is the week to fight the big fight so that I will love to be around her and others will too.

[frogpond1]

in the manner they were written to be read. I think a board needs to remember graciousness and give people the benefit of the doubt on posts. If people ask questions deemed ignorant or rude, perhaps it is because we have a limited understanding of things and are attempting to learn more.

[FlockOfSillies]

I think one thing we tend to forget here on these boards is that, as diverse as we are in our opinions on certain things, we actually have a lot in common. It's a pretty narrow, self-selected group of people that doesn't accurately reflect the wider society.

 

We're homeschoolers, so that leaves out about 98% of the population to begin with. Then there are these boards, which are a subset of homeschoolers looking for support for a range of issues. The proportion of parents with special-needs kids is much, much higher here than it is IRL. That has been a help to me, as I've learned about syndromes and allergies and diagnoses that I wouldn't have otherwise. But the biggest teacher of compassion toward other parents, for me at least, has been raising a whole flock of adorably silly little heathens.

 

It would be nice if kids with invisible issues had little symbols on their foreheads or shirts or something, so that everyone who encountered them would be more understanding. But that's not life. People will assume our kids are normal unless they have evidence to believe otherwise. That's the way we're wired. Once we can see the problem, it's much easier to be understanding. In those cases, it's not really fair for you to expect people to be able to read your kid's mind. There's no way people can just know that your kid has special needs. Plus, some people just don't want to understand. But I daresay that those people don't generally populate these boards.

[Laurie]

Thank you for this reminder about graciousness. I would just like to add that there's nothing wrong with asking questions, but perhaps there's a kind way to do it. For example...saying that eating with someone else's child is like eating with dogs is hardly the most gracious way to go about it. Estne?

[frogpond1]

I apologize for upsetting anyone with the food comments. The thing is some things are really difficult to stomach. I had a very disgusting day at my lunch table and felt totally grossed out. I obviously should not have spoken it here. It was just a terrible frustrating day for me.