My bf's daughter just died...

[lovemykids]

If it were me, I think I would want exactly what Sunshine said. People around me, helping, wet eyes, someone who wouldn't leave.

 

I'm so sorry.

 

Alley

 

ITA,

I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

[ConnieB]

As a mother who has lost a child.............what she needs right now is hugs, lots of them. And more hugs. Other than that let her lead the conversation. Don't feel like you have to say anything. Just hold her. Silently giving her permission to let loose the flood inside her.

 

 

Since you also mentioned you both attend the same church, I'll also say, don't be shocked or hurt if she lashes out at God/Jesus. But also, try to avoid the platitudes about how the child is now with Jesus. Yes, that's so but she's not ready to hear that this is a good thing yet. Because to her it's not, and may never be....she will eventually come to accept it, but not now.

 

 

And while it's probably perfectly acceptable for you to ask someone else to take over the church duties.....realize that it will mean so much to her to know that YOU are handling these tasks. You have permission to grieve and cry and weep and rail against the world while you do it....but if at all possible do it for her.

 

Another well meaning platitude is "Call me if you need anything"...."I'm here for you". She's not completely capable of knowing that she needs anything right now....and probably won't have the strength to ask for it anyway. So....be there for her. Every day, for as much time as you can spare, just hang out with her....or be there when she wakes up from the naps.....and answer her phone so she doesn't have to talk if she doesn't want to.....and have tea and coffee ready for those that drop by, so she doesn't have to deal with it, nor feel guilty (now or later when she realizes) for not being the "perfect hostess". This is probably the most loving thing you can do, basically taking over the little things that must be done but that she simply can't even think of let alone do. An accountant friend took over paying our bills for us....we were close enough that she knew where I put the incoming bills, where the checkbook was, etc. She just made sure they didn't get behind, brought me completed checks to simply sign then took them to the post office for me. Another friend made sure that we had food in the house for guests but also that the other children were fed on schedule. And that there was someone around to hug THEM as well...because even though they'd lost a sister, I was in no shape those first days to give them what THEY needed for that loss.

 

I guess what I'm saying is take over whatever you can so that she doesn't have to think about things for a while. And without the fussing and clucking that well-meaning inlaws bring. Just do it.

 

And while you're doing all that.....be sure that you're also taking care of yourself. :grouphug::grouphug: