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Upward Journey

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Posts posted by Upward Journey

    Need some support re: 4 kids JAWM

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    :grouphug:

     

    I was the mean mom that said, "You're all swimming and that's that. Don't even ask about other sports." I knew I didn't have the fortitude that you do. So we swam because even if I was at the pool for 4 hours every evening and all weekend, at least I was only at one pool.  :tongue_smilie:

     

    We ate a lot of burritos and one pot meals during those years.

     

    Again, hugs.  Remember that it's just a season. You can do it!

    • Like 5

    asking for help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Some other things we did so that I could stay semi-sane during those years:

     

    I tried to run my errands after dh was home for the evening, just so that I had time away from the kids.

     

    Dh did the bedtime routine with most of the children, not me.

     

    If a child, other than the baby, needed help in the middle of the night, dh was that guy.  That way, usually, neither of us was getting up multiple times a night. A good nights sleep make a world of difference.

     

    For awhile I cooked in bulk, and made liberal use of my freezer.

     

    Dh always took at least one child with him when he ran his own errands on the weekend.

     

    I did not keep an immaculate house.

     

    I taught my olders how to get breakfast for the youngers, and we ate very simply or left-overs for lunch everyday.

     

    And I strictly enforced what came to be known as "lay-down" every afternoon.

     

    We pretty much only did together/ mom-intensive school in the morning. Oldest used "lay down time" to do his reading.

    • Like 1

    asking for help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    You are outnumbered, holding down three full time jobs (mom, special-order chef and special-ed teacher) and don't get much in the way of breaks because you are in the trenches with little kids.  Then pile on lots of special dietary requirements and high-energy kids.

     

    I'm tired just reading your post above.  Hugs, OP!

     

    My suggestion would be mandatory quiet time during the day if you don't do this already.  Get them in the habit of an hour or so of quiet activity in their rooms each day so you can get some time to organize your thoughts.

     

    Maybe your DH can get up a half hour early and watch kids while you prep his special lunches in the morning?  

     

    Again - Hugs!  :grouphug:

     

    I agree! This was the only way I managed to stay sane when I had five with about the same age spread as yours.

    Vent: Adults just need to do

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    what they SAY they are going to do.

     

    If you tell a 17 year old boy something do NOT blow him off because he is a seventeen year old boy.

     

    This generation will make the laws and procedures that impact your nursing home care.  Think carefully on that. :p :D

     

     

    Ugh.

     

    CJ turns 18 tomorrow.  His scout troop dissolved a year ago which left him without a lot of power and pretty dependent on strangers to complete his Eagle.  The project was done in October.  Do we have an Eagle? Nope, no we do not.

     

    I am going to the Council this AM.  We tried not to helicopter.  I have tried to step back.  But NO ONE respects a 17 year old even if he is A-freaking-Mazing and has his crap together.

     

    They, um, "lost" his records of two Eagle required merit badges.  (This is the newest thing.) Thank goodness he is the only 17 year old I know that keeps all records "in case" and had them in his room.

     

    Seriously? He should get a merit badge just for that.

     

     

    Ugh.

     

    I promise I am going to try nice first.  But if that doesn't work and they have to remove me from the premises, I promise to post really cool mug shots.   :p

     

    If it makes you feel any better, our council lost the registration for our WHOLE TROOP, TWICE!!!!

     

    How does that even happen? :huh:   :cursing:

    • Like 1

    Sad to see toy store close! (Also malls in general)

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Upward Journey

    I hate them too :laugh:

     

    Rec centers where residents can walk are much more conducive to community building than malls, and just as walker friendly.

     

    Old paradigms inevitably fall away. Communities can decide to ignore it, or do something better. I vote better.

     

     I agree. 

     

    Unfortunately, using the local rec center usually costs money  :( Walking around a mall in the winter is free.

    • Like 2

    PSA, JAWM, Vent: "Plans" to get together

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I totally commiserate. I have had luck making friends with younger, single people through a specific hobby I have. All of my friends who are mid-40s and married with kids, even my best friend who has a daughter my son's age and lives 15 minutes away, seem way too busy with career and family to ever get together. Single people seem more willing to go out of their way for dinner, coffee, drinks, etc. The nice thing about this is that childfree people in their 20s can't get competitive about kids and don't care about how I'm educating DS and they have stuff to talk about other than childrearing. Though it would be nice to have a mom friend with similar lifestyle and values to talk about those issues with, I just recognize thats not going to happen.

     

    I was just about to say the same thing, though in my case the women are in their early thirties. I have moved into more of a mentoring role, rather than peer related.

     

    One of these younger women had a little last year, and now I have a goddaughter :)

    • Like 2

    Opening A Discussion On Severe Mental Illness

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Sorry in advance that this is lengthy, but this has been eating at me this past week...

     

    Every year, my kids and I work at a homeless shelter in January - cleaning, cooking meals, being overnight monitors for the shelter, etc...  Monday after serving dinner I sat down to visit with the guests, and one young man caught my eye because he stuck out like a sore thumb - pacing like a trapped animal, very young (17/18, I guessed; at the outside 20), very handsome and in good physical shape, clean clothes, and he did not have that beaten down look that so many have.  So I tried to start a conversation, and the only thing he wanted was "Meat, good bloody meat."  I told him we were completely out of meat (we were, although he didn't believe me), but I offered him other food, which he rejected, saying he needed protein.  So I offered PB + J or a cheese sandwich, but he was having none of it, he wanted "clean" protein.  So I figured, given his decent physical shape, he was probably an athlete in high school or recently in high school, or that he was a body builder and wanted his protein for that, so I offered up scrambled eggs.  Nope, he wasn't interested in that, but he did ask for eggs whites, raw, which he rejected as having been contaminated by the yolk.  Anyway, I asked him why he wasn't sleeping and he said he couldn't because he needed meat.  So I suggested he at least sit down and rest, and I chatted him up, or rather tried to.  But conversation was impossible because as I was trying to talk to him, he was holding 2 separate conversations with imaginary people who were obviously part of his recent past.  His attention would bounce from me to imaginary person 1 and on to imaginary person 2 and so on.  When he was conversing with "us", the conversations were very short and sometimes one of my questions were followed by a completely non-sense answer, and sometimes I got a decent snippet of conversation out of him.  I did learn that he was 18 and recently attended a local high school, where he was on the basketball team.  He apparently had a girlfriend who broke up with him because she told him he needed to see a doctor for his schizophrenia, which he refused because "he didn't have that."  One breath later, he tells me his head isn't right, and that I must be working for his girlfriend who tried to get him to take medication, because I work at the same place as his girlfriend's mother, so clearly, she put me up to working him over.  Anyway, someone at the shelter told me his symptoms were of schizophrenia, and I realized this kid has an entire life to live and here he was out on the street with no one to care for him, in the heavy snow and bitter cold that southern Virginia got this past weekend.

     

    I looked at that kid and I didn't know what to do for him; I don't think he can be helped unless he gets treatment.  There is no way he could hold a job and rent an apartment; he can't even hold a conversation for more than 30 seconds.  Which brings me to what I have been pondering for a while:  Involuntary treatment for the mentally ill.  I have mixed feelings about this.  On one hand, I would not want treatment forced on me, and having the government force someone into medical treatment is disagreeable to me.  OTOH, his life is lost if he doesn't get treatment. 

     

    The week at the shelter wasn't all bad, though.  I met a person who grew up in my hometown and graduated the same year as me, but from a different school.  We had common memories of swimming at the lake, shopping at the local mall, and so on that we talked about.  When I moved to NYC, by coincidence so did he.  When I moved from NYC, he did as well, to the same town where I moved!  And then, when the Navy brought me here to Norfolk, VA, the Navy brought him here, as well.  We both met our spouses in the same way (we each went to the same high school as our spouses, but got together with them years after high school).  And here we were, by coincidence, in the same shelter in Virginia!  It was an amazing coincidence!  Then there was the 60-something man who had just been released into a bitter cold snow and blizzard from a 5-day hospital stay after having suffered a heart attack.  The guy had no hat, no gloves, no coat that zippered, and the hospital released him!  WTF?  But he had a good outcome - his medical condition sent him to the top of the list for housing, and he will be leaving the homeless shelter by tomorrow.

     

    ETA:  I'm not sure what the point of my post is, except to maybe discuss treatment for the severely mentally ill.  But I wanted to get this off my chest anyway.

     

    I know I'm jumping in here late, and I haven't read the discussion that follows, but this makes my heart hurt :(

    • Like 1

    Busy Christmas day

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    You are wise to be flexible about your family Christmas celebration as your family changes.   My mother released me from a load of guilt about this before I was married.  I know so many families that want to keep everything just like it was when the kids were little, and expect their kids' significant others to drop their own family traditions.   Or couples/families run ragged on Christmas because everyone must be visited. 

     

    The year before I got married my husband wanted to take me to meet his family at Christmas.  We celebrated Christmas with my mom about a week before.  We ate corned beef and cabbage (her choice) and had a nice time. The best gift she gave me was not hassling me about going away.  

     

    Yes, I keep telling my kids that I'm not attached to dates, and I mean it.  I want them to feel free to pursue their own traditions, and not be burdened by my expectations for what a holiday should be.

    • Like 4

    building forts

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Upward Journey

    We used to keep a stack of wooden pallets and straw bales, some long PVC pipes and a couple of smaller tarps in the back yard.  I also had clothespins and twine available to them. My yard was always a mess, but my kids were happy :)

     

    ETA: Oh, yup, bungees as well.

    Boggs for winter- upstate NY

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I see lots of kids wearing Boggs here, gets down to -40 occasionally, so "real" winters temps., though I can't imagine that they're wearing them when it's so cold out. Actually, I wouldn't know because I stay inside when it's that cold ;) For sure they're out and about in them at -10 to -20.

    • Like 1

    Parenting JAWM

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I, too, thought teen boys were harder than girls, but my 17yo dd is currently putting that theory to a test ;)

     

    Gently, I think you need to back off, let him fail, and own his own mistakes.  He's old enough to come to you for help when/if he needs it. I would only make sure that he's getting his homework done and remind him to study. Do keep track of when his tests are and the grades he receives, so that your study reminders are pertinent. Be available when he wants you as a study buddy. Does he have a sibling that will do flash cards etc. with him? Sometimes that works better than Mom or Dad.

     

    Signed,

     

    The mom of 2 adults and 3 teens.

    • Like 2

    Minimalist mamas - toys

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Upward Journey

    After toys had been passed down through all the children, if they were still intact, I put them in storage for the grandchildren. Legos and nerf are still in use (youngest is 12).  I have 5 children, so in theory I should have many grandchildren.  I remember being soooo bored when I would visit my own grandparents and I didn't want my own house to be like that. I also didn't want to have to go out and re-buy expensive toys.

     

    When they were little I tried to only buy sturdy toys that would last, and threw away broken/incomplete things all the time. They also all had stuffed animals that lived on their beds.  I do remember at one point instituting a rule that one stuffy in meant 1-2 out ;) And we always had a purge in October/November. Sometimes I also passed still being used toys that were almost, but not quite outgrown, on to friends and cousins that were younger than mine.

     

    What I ended up keeping & storing for the grand kids that have started arriving :)

     

    1. Duplos + Playmobil 1.2.3 train tracks (stored together)

    2. a box of wooden puzzles

    3. older kid Playmobil

    4. dress-up clothes

    5. a trunk of American Girl stuff

    6. Madeleine (barbie type dolls) bin

    7. large erector set

    8. toddler friendly "marble" run

    9. real marble run

    10. Lauri pegs & puzzles, plus lacing activities

    11. a large bucket of matchbox cars

     

     

    Horrific Stench at Church...aka "perfume and Aftershave" JAWM

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Same here as well as my mom who had copd.  It may help if you talk to the pastor/priest/father and see if he will let a notice be put in the church bulletin requesting folks tone down or forgo scents due to major allergies and sensitivities among the congregants.  Same as with cell phone and talking etiquette, some people just have to be educated on how to act in public.  

     

    Sorry, forgot the JAWM heading.  Yes, I agree, it's horrible and sorry you have to deal with that.  I hate scented anything and mad now that fresh step cat litter new and improved it and put in febreze.   :svengo:

     

    I'm so sorry. Febreeze is of the devil.

    • Like 6
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