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Pamela H in Texas

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Posts posted by Pamela H in Texas

    Beat up by life (I need less drama in life)

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    21 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

    I don't know how the CASA thing works, but maybe you can take a break. I don't know if you're actively working with a child already?

    The current case is just about over.  I will definitely take a break.  My therapist thinks I *can* do this.  She agrees things have been kind of crazy so maybe I need a little time to breathe before taking another case. That sounds like a reasonable time to assess things. 

    • Like 3

    Beat up by life (I need less drama in life)

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    2 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

    Integration- Processing what happened and what to learn from it.

    I think I avoid this because its easier to beat myself up rather than processing. I also tend to feel victim, at least somewhat and for some time.  I've gotten a LOT better about it; but still get caught up in it.  

    Beat up by life (I need less drama in life)

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    2 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

    Huge hugs, 

     Parenting  damaged foster children is HARD

    I only have 2 adopted and it is a full time job for dh and I. 

    How do I cope, I withdraw into myself. With limited contact with others. I focus on gardening and retro 1940s sewing. I just don't have the mental energy to communicate with other human beings. Plus nobody in real life here apart from the workers who come here have the slightest understanding of what it is like, what we are working on and why the boys behave how they do. It is embarrassing. 

    The other week we got invited to someone locale's house for afternoon tea. That was the first time in 7 years(length of time we have had the boys) that dh and I with the boys have gone into someone's house(not family) together with the twins. They behaved beautifully, but it has taken us 7 years to get to that point.

    Very hard indeed.  I thought, going into this, that a lot of love and a little discipline and all would be fine.  I figured I could "fix" whatever had gone wrong for them.  I never knew alcohol could cause brain damage to any degree, much less to this degree.  And abuse and neglect is awful but a good loving home is awesome, right?  And nurture was supposed to trump nature.   

    My kids are wonderful.  They are just also very challenging.  And I made so many mistakes along the way, most of which were caused by my savior complex, tbh. 

    Anyway, I also have withdrawn into myself.  I have my first in-person friend in years.  My best friend is a text friend who adopted a sibling set of five.  She gets it and doesn't judge anything.  But mostly, its hubby and me...

    I'm glad your kiddos behaved well while visiting recently.  Hopefully, you didn't pay for it afterward.  And hopefully it can happen again.

    My one son is visiting this week.  We've had a good time so far including playing a game tonight.  It hasn't always been so nice during his visits so I'm happy we get this. 

    I also think whining in this thread helped.  I could say what was on my mind and get it off my chest.

    • Like 7

    Beat up by life (I need less drama in life)

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    1 hour ago, scbusf said:

    Our kids are also super complicated - eating disorder for one, epilepsy for one, multiple learning disabilities for the other. 

    I am so sorry for the issues y'all are experiencing.  IME it doesn't really get easier as they get older; it just gets different.  I could have written a whole post on my worries over each of my children.  FASD (and related problems) and medical problems (two kids, but especially one) are kicking our rears right now.

    • Like 1
    • Sad 1

    Beat up by life (I need less drama in life)

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    52 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

    maybe your teen is reacting to the chaos and hard stuff? 

    Of course it makes sense that if I'm struggling, the kids likely are also. They also have been through this tough move, the house's condition, worrying about brother, etc, right?  Add that, though I'm trying not to lose it particularly obviously, they may also be sensing some of my internal chaos.  Kids seem to have radars for that.  

    I do think a big part of things with this kiddo is that teen has always been a bit young for age so probably just hit this more challenging time a lot later than other kids might. It just makes her seem even more immature as she is asserting herself. But if I hear "I'm XX" as if that means teen is grown one more time, I might start pinching off heads (your signature)!

    • Like 3

    Beat up by life (I need less drama in life)

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    25 minutes ago, Katy said:

    all things that might not stress you out at all when you’re dealing with the complex problems many families with kids in foster care have. 

    Well, I definitely think it can give perspective.  Somewhat.  My CASA case is pretty easy (which is nice for all involved).  But after fostering 50 kids (having adopted five), I definitely get that some families have significant concerns.  

    I think the issue really is that its so much at one time.  But slowly, each will resolve.  The flooring is about to be done, for example.  And that will be so nice that it won't matter that the renters ruined the other flooring.  The AirBnB is behind us.  The specialists will figure out the right treatment for the one son.  The middle kids won't all be teens forever (of course, then it'll be the little two!  LOL). It'll all come together.  There is just some stress today (and the last few months).  But it'll all be fine in the end.  

    I just needed to vent, I think.  And always nice to get some great ideas on making it through 🙂

    • Like 8

    Beat up by life (I need less drama in life)

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    1 hour ago, Kassia said:

    Don't do what I do - stress eat.  I've gained a bunch of weight and my clothes don't fit,which just all results in even more stress. 

    Yeah, I'm up a bit because of poor choices and overeating.  Working on it though.  But its another stress. Hopefully, you get some relief soon and can get back to where you're comfortable.

    • Thanks 1

    Beat up by life (I need less drama in life)

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I just feel beat up by life.  It seems everything is going awfully. I try to focus on the positives; but I can't help but see the negatives piling up!  What do you do when everything seems to be going wrong?

    For example, we stayed in the nastiest AirBnB between our rental and getting back into our own home.  I tried to focus on things like "at least we have a roof overhead" or "the backyard was really nice". But it was hard to not notice all that was REALLY wrong with this place!  I tried to take back some control by calling AirBnB and leaving an honest review, but...

    Then when we get home, I try to remember, we're home rather than how we will have to change out sheetrock (!) and flooring because of our renters. And then our driveway buckled (which makes a huge boom when it happens, btw). 

    I try to focus on the kids who are doing okay or better; but I'm significantly worried about a couple.  One is having severe medical issues which gives me flashbacks of when we almost lost another child.  Another has turned into a rebellious, ultra-immature teenager all of a sudden after being the greatest one ever.

    I'm stressed so much I don't think I can handle being a CASA at this point.  I'm forgetting med refills.  I'm having trouble keeping up the house (though middle daughter and hubby help a lot).   

    PLEASE life, lose the DRAMA.  I need calm and quiet in my life.  I don't do negative things well.

    Sorry for one of my first posts back to be so filled with CRUD. 

    What do YOU do when life just seems to get to be so out of whack?  Or have you found a way to not be here in the first place?

    • Sad 34

    Do you drive barefoot?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Never. Not even to just move the car in the driveway. 

    Strangely, I thought of this just today as I had to go get shoes to move the van to the other side of the driveway due to a large delivery we were expecting.  I SOOOOO wouldn't have done it with no shoes on.

    • Like 1

    Wordle

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Wordle 383 4/6

    ⬜⬜⬜🟨⬜
    🟨⬜⬜🟨⬜
    ⬜⬜🟩⬜⬜
    🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

    So those of you with two "FLU" words yesterday, I'd love to know what the first guess was 🙂

    • Like 2
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