[I'm a lightweight, going out for cockatials - Help]

Late on this but just in case anyone else is in the same situation- I like to order a shot of rum and a coke. Then I end up with a large coke and can just put a splash of rum in. As they refill my coke, I can add more splashes. One shot can last me hours.

[Beach body and Shakeology question]

Some of the workouts are fun but the shakes are way overpriced. You can get very high quality ones from the store at a fraction of the cost.

Does your library have workout dvds? Mine does and I prefer to rent them rather than buy my own. I get soooooooo bored of them after a few workouts that it seems like a waste. ;)

[Konmari/minimalist advice sought]

Get rid of the table! If you can't pull some other piece to serve the purpose, then you can buy one that does spark joy.

 

Can you use a label maker to label containers, shelves, etc.? If he's just buying toiletries I might let him just go with it rather than push it if it causes stress.

 

Legos are evil from the devil. Ok kidding. We have thousands too. I look forward to hearing what others say

[Exploring Hypothetical TeA/Consent Scenario and Curious]

No, I completely agree...I'm not much of a drinker myself and I would caution both my daughter and my sons against it, but I'm partly eondering if, when DS gets this caution, I should add a layer of, "...and also, if you are too drunk or high to really understand what's going on, you could be accused of rape, at which point, your future is shuttered."

I talk with both my older boys about consent, the dangers of drinking and alcohol induced hook ups and how they should be the ones staying sober, etc. We talk about a lot of the stupid/dangerous things that can happen with the binge drinking/drug using/hook up culture

 

I also made them both read this. http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a33751/occidental-justice-case/ And I made them watch the 30 in 30 show about the Duke lacrosse team.

My hope is that they really get an idea of how dangerous it is to put yourself in certain situations and also to understand that people do things while drunk that they might massively regret when sober.

[A moving and real look at life in a collapsing economy]

Thank you so much for your prayers. She needs them!!

[A moving and real look at life in a collapsing economy]

Tech wife, thank you so much for asking. It's bad there. Her expat elderly neighbor just had his home invaded. Three armed men held him at gunpoint and stole $600 from him (which he gave up quickly to try to save his life). She and her kids had to run out the back way because they feared they would be next. She is still afraid that the robbers will be back. She has made it through a lot of the all hurdles (due to much fundraising and bribing.)and I think she and her kids may be able to come back to the states next month. Fingers crossed.

Continued prayers would be great.

[Gwenyth Paltrow is a liar liar pants on fire..."It's All Easy!"...not.]

Yeah, never trust a woman who steams her nether regions to be a fan of simple, hey ?

She does what?!! Why?!! And why is she sharing that info with the world?

[13 yo Girl Assaulted on Flight]

I flew as an UM often as a child/teen. What that man did was horrible and criminal. But it can happen anywhere. I was assaulted as a preteen going to school on a crowded metro during the am commute. Unfortunately there are clown holes (fill in the appropriate word) in many different areas. I would hate for this to cause airlines to limit UM flying or cause parents to avoid it. I was able to do and see so much with the freedom to travel as a UM. My parents simply couldnt have afforded to accompany me. Id hate to limit young women's - and young mens'- experiences out of fear. Assaults can happen anywhere. Limiting kids' freedoms and movement isn't the answer.

[What do you do for a living?]

I'm blessed to do three jobs I'd do without getting paid (shhh but don't tell cause we do need the money) -fitness instructor, business coach and kid wrangler. Basically all of my jobs involve helping people believe in themselves and find ways to overcome challenges.

Currently I'm trying to get my son to believe he can clean his room. 😂😂😂

[so gyms are not fun but]

Way to go!!

And happy happy birthday!

[in a society the profits from self-doubt]

I didn't set out to combat it, but battling these perceptions has been the most surprising thing about my work. I teach bellydance classes. Over half of my students are middle aged women. I get to see them go from reluctant to attend a class because they think they're too _______(fat, thin,old, etc.), to performers. It's magic to me as they look around and realize that this particular dance is FOR women and has nothing to do with the Hollywood harem girl image. They begin to move the body they're in and come to love and except what it can do. When their confidence and personality begins to creep into their dancing, that is THE moment for me. I love that part of my job most of all. My troupe has had members from children, to pregnant women, to grandparents.

 

However you go about it, a strong network of supportive women is an invaluable and healing thing. I adore my husband and have had nothing but positive reinforcement from him for 26 years. However, I think a lot of 'issues' come from women buying what (the wrong)men are selling. Literally! Most of those people getting rich on the self-help circuit are men. (Don't even get me started on cult leaders and mega-preachers).

 

I say find a troupe of confident, happy older women and learn from them!

I love love love this!! I have tried to create the same atmosphere in my classes. I'm going to pm you to beg, I mean ask, for more details.

 

I totally agree that a supportive group of women and men is key!! I've seen that with my team. I've literally seen women changing. And we will bust each other's negative thinking and refocus it on better thoughts. But there is so much "reprogramming" of our thinking that is happening. I guess that's what promoted my post.

[in a society the profits from self-doubt]

I was also wondering whether the claim in the title of the thread is accurate.

I do not believe society profits from self doubt at all. There may be certain industries that profit, but society as a whole suffers terribly, because self doubt and insecurities often cause people to be non-productive or even destructive towards self and others.

That is an excellent point and I agree. And Id add to it the loss of focused energy, money and health. At the gyms in my area the current hot item is an expensive weight loss patch that is causing people to get sick in class. It's lovely. And expensive. Another trend is the really expensive "pink drink" weight loss scheme that has caused several of our gym members to have racing resting heart rates. (the gyms are NOT pushing this. It's what I am seeing members do. I wouldn't be part of a company that did that.)

Dangerous to people but big bucks for those industries.

[in a society the profits from self-doubt]

I don't see it much among the women I know. There's a bit of chat about diets but not in terms of failure.

 

Among the women who attend the same yoga classes as I, people talk about not being able to do x today whereas they could last week, but it's just chat about how things change from day to day.

In rereading I did make it sound like that is all the ladies talk about. It's not. Wow. How boring. Lol! Its there though. I'll go edit to clarify.

 

Interesting. So you find the women you know to be pretty self confident and not self denigrating? You give me hope.

[in a society the profits from self-doubt]

It feels like in our current culture it's very socially acceptable to judge yourself and feel bad about yourself but it's not ok to be content with yourself or celebrate any achievements - that would be bragging, right? There's a quote that I love that sums this up well. "In a culture that profits from your self-doubt, loving yourself becomes a rebellious act."

 

I work with a lot of women and I've noticed that so many of us (including me):

 

Will get together and lament about how fat and ugly we are. Then much time is spent talking about diets, workouts and failures at them.

Eta: this is not all the women talk about but it will come up. Even if it's just a passing comment it's seems always there.

 

Will put ourselves down in other ways - I'm such a bad mom, I totally forgot to ...., I'm a wreck and my house looks like a disaster...

 

And these are real complaints that seem to hurt us to the core. I have literally had someone tell me they are too ugly to do something. These thoughts aren't just blips on the screen. They hold us back.

 

And there are so many companies that profit from this: weight loss, anti-aging, etc.

 

 

So do you find this to be the case? I'm in the fitness industry so maybe my perception is skewed.

How do we combat this? How do we change our inner dialogue and our societal norms about putting ourselves down?

[Friendship Question *Do Not Quote*]

What's the expression? Hurting people hurt people? That sounds like what may be happening now. I wouldn't drop her but I would distance myself. These situations can turn into HUGE time and emotional energy drains. If you choose to keep in touch, Id try to remember to "put your oxygen mask on first before helping others." Make sure you are in a good place and are getting all of your stuff done before dealing with her stuff. It's easy to take on those burdens and get sucked in while trying to be a good friend.

[What does religious freedom mean?]

I think it's un-American to have to choose between sex and employment. Or between birthing children and unemployment. Or simply knowing that an employer could have that much impact on my reproductive life.

 

It's been ages since I've paid for any form of birth control but, IIRC, the doctor visits to get the bc were more expensive than the birth control itself. And the insurance still has to pay for those, right? So that's slightly amusing.

But no one is saying that. Again, the issue is who is going to pay for it, not whether someone can buy it.

Personally I think it is stupid that we have to go to the dr to get a script and then return every year for it. PP and many college clinics just hand them out without any sort of health screening or follow up and people don't seem to be dying on the streets or going on BC benders.

I think a lot of this could become a non-issue if we simply got drs and health insurance out of it. If it became something more like cold medicine- in ease of purchasing and in cost.

 

Wrt the hobby lobby case, HL actually covers most of the forms of bc that most people mentioned:

 

Male condoms, Female condoms, Diaphragms with spermicide, Sponges with spermicide, Cervical caps with spermicide, Spermicide alone, Birth-control pills with estrogen and progestin (“Combined Pill), Birth-control pills with progestin alone (“The Mini Pill), Birth control pills (extended/continuous use), Contraceptive patches, Contraceptive rings, Progestin injections, Implantable rods, Vasectomies, Female sterilization surgeries, Female sterilization implants

 

 

It didn't cover 4 specific types: Plan B (“The Morning After Pillâ€), Ella (a similar type of “emergency contraceptionâ€), Copper Intra-Uterine Device, IUD with progestine

[Can we talk about Jesse Williams' speech?]

Ernest Owens is incredibly media savvy. His website is one of the most engaging I've seen in a while. This is a smart guy who grew up in the social media world and knows how to expertly use it. He is very in touch and absolutely took advantage of the opportunity JTs tweet opened up. Of course he wasn't going to tweet a nice conversation opener. First Twitters format makes pleasantries difficult -you try not to waste those limited characters. Second being nice doesn't get you publicity. His tweet did exactly what he wanted it to - it stirred up some controversy and got a lot of publicity for him and for an issue.

 

JT has certainly used the same tactic to his advantageous the past. The Super Bowl stunt which absolutely was designed to stir up controversy and publicity. So I'm not really feeling to sorry for him. Besides this controversy is probably boosting his sales too - no such thing as bad publicity and all that.

[What does religious freedom mean?]

Why the distinction? Why is one religious belief protected but not the other?

Not the poster but going to try to answer.

Both people's beliefs are protected. The distinction is who is being forced to do what. In her example, the employer is opposed to paying for contraception or sterilization. The employee is still free to get those services, he/she has to pay for them.

 

To use a different illustration (and probably poor illustration but the coffee is still brewing), just because owning a handgun is legal and a person thinks it's his/her right to own one, no one should be forced to buy a handgun for him/her.

[What do you do when you are not busy?]

 

Worry about what the heck we forgot we were supposed to be doing. 😂

 

If we have a day free we will go kayaking or hiking. If it's just an evening we will make dinner together and then play cards on the porch.

[Can we talk about Jesse Williams' speech?]

Just listen and hold it and think, okay. I'm going to think about that for a little while.

 

This is wisdom for so many issues.

[Can we talk about Jesse Williams' speech?]

I'm not an expert by any means... but take the example of music. If a white musician is culturally influenced by African-American music and performs music that is clearly influenced that way, then employing and collaborating with Black producers, back up artists, songwriters, etc. and praising their contributions seems like it would be a good step. Publicly thanking and promoting Black artists, especially once an artist has some professional clout to do so. Doing art that shows you're aware of your status like Macklemore's song about white privilege instead of copying Black artists' themes.

 

The thing I see all the time in everyday life with the whole "listen" thing is that liberal, well-meaning white people constantly want to apologize for other white people. Or, a Black person says, "it's like this" and instead of listening and assuming that person is probably an expert on the Black experience, we dismiss. We go, oh, that's too bad, but here's *my* anecdote about that from another friend or something I saw when really, we're not the experts. Or, especially for women, but really for any other form of minority grouping like gay men, we tend to compare racism to our own experiences of discrimination. So it becomes, you've experienced discrimination and I've experienced discrimination, we've all experienced discrimination. But that's a false equivalence. They're different experiences and being a white woman doesn't mean we should not listen and validate other experiences of other types of discrimination. And it's so subtle sometimes. And I know I'm super guilty of it too sometimes. And it's hard and awkward.

I appreciate your answer and am just trying to think through this too. Not trying to be snarky. I think I see what you are saying but if say Iggy Azalea did choose black producers and back up singers do you think that would actually stop the criticisms that people have about her? Or would people just say she is using them?

 

With regards to the second part about different experiences - I def see your point that we each need to listen to others. The first thought that came to my mind was a woman talking about childbirth and a man jumping in and saying oh yeah I was in the hospital for pneumonia so I totally know what you went through. Yikes! That's a man about to get in trouble.

But there is value is sharing experiences and learning from each other. Isn't that how we understand and make improvements? Going back to my ridiculous example, equating the experiences isn't valuable. But both the pregnant lady and the guy could discuss long waits to be seen, hospital food, hospital bills, etc. How that relates to cultural appropriation I don't know. Sorry. I think I wandered off topic.

[Can we talk about the Brexit vote??]

While my own personal opinion is that Brussels overregulates and that certain entities are overreaching (EBA eg), the flip side is that at least in the sphere of financial regulation, UK financial institutions and those based elsewhere in the EU do benefit from having regulation unified across the EU. If you're a financial institution of a certain type, for instance, and are authorised in the UK by the Financial Conduct Authority, you will automatically be permitted to passport that authorisation into other Member States. In other words, you don't have to jump through the hoops set up by the financial authorities of all the other Member States to be able to do business in each one. So one the one hand lots of regs from Brussels, on the other hand lots of country-specific regs set up by individual Member States.

Absolutely! There are definitely benefits to being in the EU. That is why it appealed in the first place - breaking down barriers, streamlining processes, etc.

[Can we talk about the Brexit vote??]

If you get arrested for shoplifting in the UK, then the laws of the UK apply. If you get arrested for fraud etc then UK laws apply. You will not be tried in a Spanish court and subject to Spanish law. Nor are you brought before some EU court. The UK has it's own government, their own legal system, electoral system, educational system, penal system, transportation system, the BBC is not available to people outside the BBC due to copyright laws etc. The social services systems are not the same between countries. There are some EU regs that countries can opt to not follow, it's up to the individual country. It's not like the United States of America, which has much stronger central, federal, government.

 

There are more similarities, I think, between the EU than maybe the UN, than the EU and the USA.

 

But there are some who think that US membership in the UN is a "loss of sovereignty" etc.

 

But there are many regulations that individual countries cannot choose to follow or not. They must follow them. And there are so many regulations - each one costing time and money to learn about and implement. Some are no doubt very good but many are minor and micromanaging.

 

"Since the 2010 general election Brussels has handed down almost 3,600 pieces of new regulation and directives affecting British businesses.

A campaign group said last night that the 13million words contained in the deluge of bureaucracy would take more than 92 days to read in all."

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2458354/3-600-new-laws-3-years-EU-strangles-UK-firms.html#ixzz4CgSrLzIG

 

 

As far as the criminal system, even in that area there were issues of European overreach into the UK system. This example is the ECHR stating that life without parole is unacceptable.

 

"The new president of the ECHR, Judge Dean Spielmann, threatened in June 2013 that if Britain did not adhere to European human rights laws, it could face being ejected from the European Union altogether.

 

Britain's Lord Judge told the BBC that Judge Spielmann was claiming too much power for a body of unelected judges whose rulings could not be challenged. "This is a court which is not answerable to anybody," he said. "My own view is: stop here.""

http://www.gatestoneinstitute.org/4134/echr-uk

[Can we talk about the Brexit vote??]

Nm- someone just said it better than I

[How do you recover from a hard workout?]

So true and you lose strength and stamina too. I took off from everything but walking for 3 months in the fall. I swear I was sore for a month after starting. So, a couple of months back when I had a spell of feeling really bad I went to work out anyway and did the best I could. I even scheduled workouts at gyms on vacation :) I still get sore but it isn't debilitating.

Yes! How does it go so fast but take so long to build back up?!! ;)

I do hover challenges and tons of push-ups in the hotel room on vacay. I also plan running routes and go for some short but fast runs. Great way to check out new places and still keep the fitness from completely going.