mum
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Posts posted by mum
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On 1/20/2024 at 3:59 PM, Heartstrings said:
2 related things jump out me.
Your little sample size shows that education is crucial. Not just education, but college. The comfortable ones went to college. Which is a huge problem when the cost of college is growing exponentially. That either leaves people with very little opportunity or in debt.
Which also reminds me of the current push to just have kids forgo college. That’s setting up a lot of young people to really struggle. I know it’s caused mostly by fear of the cost, and other social reasons but it worries me. I know parents pushing that are well meaning, but man does it make life harder.
I am ALL for college. But it isn't for everyone. I think the takeaway from the sample of 11 is that one needs SOME qualifications. Welding is not 'college' but a welder makes good money. One could enlist in the military and get paid enough to live, and learn a skill at the same time. There are federal jobs like the post office that offer stability, advancement and a pension. Those jobs can support a family (I have immediate family in all 3).
If one has NO qualifications then life will probably be hard and finances will be tight-to-terrible. But college isn't the only answer, in my opinion and experience.
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There's private insurance separate from NHS. The UK hustles people out just as quickly as the US. I have first hand experience of both of the above.
For her to need to stay IN hospital 10-14 days is something - especially when the doctors know she will get first rate care at home and won't have to lift a finger for anything. To me, 10-14 days in hospital means she needs actual hospital care that can't be given at home. I mean she could hire a whole nursing staff at home and not feel it financially.
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I just read an excerpt. I know that city WELL. We raised our kids in a nearby small town. It almost made me cry to read her descriptions of it.
Our kids qualified for free school lunches, AP test fee assistance, etc. and yet my kids did and do consider themselves middle class. There was so much true poverty. In some ways I am glad they had that experience, they know the wealth of a steady job, a small apartment/house and a car that runs. There's real camaraderie in living in a tough place, there are so many wonderful people there. The heat is brutal...a LOW in the high 80's many summer nights and highs in the 110's. And the fog... they have actual foggy day school cancellations, the fog is so thick and it just sits.
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The school nurse where I sub is a man in his 60's. He was a contractor until he had a serious back injury. He had always gone on mission trips to build schools or orphanages and was the first aid person on those trips. So when he hurt his back in his 50's some of his friends suggested becoming a nurse. He does a great job as a school nurse and loves it. I'd like to have vision for something for myself but I just don't.
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9 hours ago, Tina said:
My dad was 11 years older than mom, and he was one who expected her to watch tv with him or entertain him. They played cards daily, and he couldn't eat a meal without her fixing it. They kept a jigsaw puzzle going all the time, and he did Sudoku puzzles and read the paper daily. She did gardening, reading, and took care of all the household tasks, and spent many nights doing her quilting in the basement when he went to bed early.
My grandparents were like this. And to a lesser extent, my parents. My mother deals with all the household tasks. They are both 77. But my dad does still work 3/4 time.
I'm 50 and dh is 55. I'm already 'teaching' him in preparation for retirement. He witnessed his parents do same as yours. His dad needed direction to do anything, his mother did all cooking, cleaning, household tasks. My husband now does part of the cleaning, he goes grocery shopping, has learned how to cook some meals, he does laundry when needed, etc. Not exactly the modern man, but light years better than his dad was. When he retires it's going to be 50/50 on all cooking/household tasks, unless he's working at some other paid position.
I'm not really retired, but our kids are grown and independent out of the house, and I work very part time. My days are really varied, but every week contains food shopping, cooking from scratch, line drying laundry, working in my food garden, volunteering as Master Gardener at a community garden, checking in with my kids, once a month travelling to see my grandson, sewing clothes or cloth napkins or other needed household items (curtains, etc) and occasionally sewing items to sell. I do a tiny bit of paid writing and I sell a bit on ebay. I walk and exercise daily, meet friends for walk or kayak or garden event, do canning. It's quite good other than the fact that at 50 I feel I 'should' be doing paid work, but I've got a couple chronic illnesses that make that very hard. I've always said I'm better at saving money (through sometimes extreme frugality) than I am at making money. But it fits with my illnesses and so maybe it's what I'm meant to be doing.
My husband plays pickleball and golf. I can see him doing more pickleball (free except for paddle) and a tiny bit more golf, but not too much, since it costs. He says he will volunteer, and I fully expect he will. He will also substitute teach occasionally for fun money (he's a teacher now). We may grow a bigger garden when he retires and has more time to help.
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I was listening to a podcast this week and one comment was that there's so much more available to buy now than there was 50 years ago. The amount that is considered 'normal' for middle class life is greater in terms of choice and therefore cost. I liked this perspective, rather than the usual, 'people are wrong for wanting things '.
The way we raised our kids, we could still get away with having very little, but even in the 24 years since our youngest was born what is considered very basic middle class necessities has increased.
I fully agree with all of the above. And yet, I see my kids buying things in their early 20's that we would have never aspired to even in our 40's - not extravagant things, just things like a matching couch and loveseat 🤣.
We purposefully did not put our kids in sports that were expensive, we simply could not afford it. We had one do expensive academic camps but on scholarships. But many around us were in the same position, so we didn't feel left behind, our kids didn't stand out. It is much harder when there are Jones around to keep up with.
If we take a VERY honest look at what we NEED to be comfortable, I think it would be different than how many of us are living, me included. I have observed several people who have spent time in the military and particularly those who have been deployed, have quite low needs for happiness. A hot shower, a clean bed
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2 minutes ago, Clarita said:
Not necessarily a fixed amount but at the very least a CEO's compensation package should not exceed a certain ratio of the lowest paid employee's compensation package at a company. So if you want to give the CEO 7+figures fine but then you also have to up all your other employee's compensation accordingly.
I like this!
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Smart wool is REALLY nice. If she's not picky about color, she might find one on clearance. Costco sells a wool base layer that is Segments brand.
I have one from REI that I found in a free pile! I love it.
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2 hours ago, popmom said:
I am very aware of the blue zones. 🙂 I’m not promoting or arguing for any particular way of eating. lol I was just explaining my comparison. 🙂
There are plenty of plant based folks in the longevity groups, too. I didn’t make that clear in my post.
I became interested in this after my autoimmune diagnosis.
I do think it’s interesting to follow their progress. Many of them get extensive bloodwork every few months to monitor their biological age. So I do believe now more than I did before that this is an individual thing. When someone is 70 years old and their bloodwork and body composition is that of a 38 year old, I’m going to say to him/her…all that fish, beef, and kimchi is working really well for you! Well done!
Except not your beef lol. Beef should never be eaten well done. 😉
I also have autoimmune disease. I find it really interesting that most autoimmune diets seem to be meat based. It makes me FEEL like that's the 'right' way. Then I remember Loma Linda and I feel better!
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5 hours ago, popmom said:
@katilac my comparison is based on some folks in longevity groups’ discussions. Many of them eat meat (primarily fish and shellfish (for the astazanthin), eggs, some beef and chicken) with the only veggies they eat being fermented stuff and not much even then. No grains either. Some fermented dairy. Of course there is some variation in their diets, but it is high protein/meat based keto.
The zones where people are studied to live the longest are Blue Zones. One of which is Loma Linda, CA. The people group there are predominately vegetarian. So eating primarily fish/meat doesn't hold true for that group.
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29 minutes ago, Scarlett said:
I think this is my issue. I am sick to death of these quacks. She has a four four high stack of books she has ordered. Do do much money has been spent.
And I feel like she is exerting energy on junk scams that needs to be reserved for actual remedies that might work if she would stick to it for more than a week.I have a family member who is the same. Has the stack of crazy-town books and is trying to eat (or not eat) their way out of a very mainstream and treatable life threatening/shortening medical condition. And the money that has been spent.....
But I have learned this last year, a VERY hard year with this person, is that it's their journey. I can advocate for science/evidence based treatment and facilitate the accessing of those. And unless I want to do great harm to the relationship, which has come close on several occasions, I really do need to smile and nod.
I have chronic illness. I was raised in the any-other-remedy-but-the-ones-that-are-actually-proven world. When those family members suggest this or that, I will literally say, "I may as well put my money directly in the toilet and flush"-it will save me a whole lot of time and energy. It cuts out the middle man. Having said that, deep in my soul I understand the desperation that leads people to that world. What would I want from a friend? I guess I'd want someone who would support me no matter what I felt I had to try, and who from time to time might gently say, "Have you considered this __________" (mainstream proven thing). And then left it with me. No nagging or reminding.
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Update in original post
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I threw away ALL of the take-out condiment packets in the fridge. I'm sure some were 3 years old. We only get Costco pizza (Parmesan cheese packets) or In n Out (ketchup packets) but they took up a whole section in the door of the fridge. Dh will not be happy but he'll get over it.
It felt SO good. A fresh start.
I took 3 boxes to craft thrift store. I sold an item on FB marketplace and listed several more. I gave away 25 items on Buy Nothing.
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Our daughter just got married and one of the items on their registry was monetary donation to honeymoon fund. Many people did that, including some of our extended family and they commented how happy they were to do that.
Our son was USMC when he married. He was changing duty stations 2 weeks before wedding. Outgoing duty station couldn't give leave for the duty station he would actually be at. He did not find out that he had leave to attend his own wedding 3000 miles away until 2 days before the wedding. I had guests in my house from far away before I learned if my son would be there. It was very hard. But that's how it goes and there's no changing it. I learned over his 6 years in USMC to not count on anything and not make any advance plans.
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A neighbor boy is doing a welding program. He loves it. I have heard that graduates are highly employable and are paid well. I have actually seen evidence of that too. Welding was one of the options my own son was looking at.
Son has worked as a diesel technician. Pay is decent, employees are union in our state so there's protections from unreasonable number of hours, etc. It's very physically demanding.
Son is currently working as electronics technician for the USPS. It only requires that you pass their test, my son's Bachelors is in Classics 🤣. He says it's a fine place to work. It requires shift work and holiday work. Pays better than the diesel technician job, which is decent pay itself.
You can tell there's some career exploration going on in my family!
I'm in the medical field and I think there's a lot of scope there for certificate programs, as mentioned above.
I don't know if there's anything that would limit this, but I pretty highly recommend the military.
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On 12/16/2023 at 4:41 PM, KSera said:
@mumHow’s your finger?
It's still a bit swollen and some pain. Doc ran a bunch of blood work but it didn't show anything except very high ALT and slightly high AST. I have appointment with rheumatologist in my HMO the last week of December.
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My mother, 77, had Covid before Christmas. She has severe heart failure and a lung disease like TB. She had a mild case and was fine in 2 weeks. I trust that your parents will have a similarly mild case.
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Mine graduated with no debt. Two have bachelors degrees, one has a masters as well. None of them did a degree that they 'needed' a big name school that would have been expensive. If they wanted one of those then things might have been different. Two got full ride scholarships, the third went to CC for the first 2 years. The one with the masters found a University that had her area of interest and was WAY cheaper than anything else, and she went there and worked part time and rented a room from a family and shared one bathroom with that family of 4 (about as cheap as you can get, except to live at home and we didn't live near that University). Another one is about to go to grad school but has GI bill which will cover tuition. Both they and their spouse will probably work part time to cover living expenses. Our state university is reasonably priced. Living at home is cheapest, unless you have a full ride.
We approached college like we approach our other purchases. How much can we afford? And what can we find in that price range? A college financial aid person who was pushing us to take out loans got a lecture from me on how college is one of the first huge financial decisions a young person will make. That decision is often followed by "how much car can I afford" and the even bigger "how much house can I afford". We always encouraged our children to look at what they can afford, and choose within that.
My husband went to college for the first time in his 30's, we already had 3 children, the older 2 were school age. His parents helped us with living expenses, he did 2 years worth of community college in a single year (you pay same amount for 12 units as you do for 22, so why not take the 22?). He got a couple of scholarships, and took out a small loan for teachers which he paid part of and the state paid back part. He finished his degree and credential the year our oldest went into 6th grade. As a beginning teacher he made so little that our kids qualified for free school lunch, free AP tests, etc. Between the years he was in college and those beginning years of teaching, we had some exceedingly lean years. When our oldest went to grad school and started to figure out how to pay for everything, she asked us how we had done it because she was old enough to remember those years my husband was in college. I smiled and said, "now you know why we live the way we do"
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2 hours ago, TravelingChris said:
That is a super high ANA. So you are not on anything? Have you seen a rheumatologist? With that high ANA, you should definitely be followed w one.
I have extreme fatigue and brain fog. I have other joint pain but just thought it was being 50. I've had that ANA for 10 years and all the doctors just shake their heads and say they don't know. I was diagnosed with UC 2 years ago, so I'm certainly on the AI train. The surgeon said he would refer to rheumatology. I never present 'normally'. For example my blood markers for UC are almost non existent, but on colonoscopy I had a great deal of moderate UC. I despair of ever finding out what's wrong because my stupid body doesn't do the normal things.
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1 hour ago, TravelingChris said:
Just to let you know, back in 1986, I developed a red, painful finger. The OR doctor told me to go to a rheumatologist- I didn’t since insurance was running out. It was RA.
I hope yours is something easily healed.
I am classified as a "complex medical issues" patient with many problems. My ANA has been 1:1280 (with speckled pattern) for 10 years but no one seems to know what to do with that. Honestly, a diagnosis would be a relief. My quality of life is poor and I need some help. I did wonder when that finger swelled if it was rheumatologic, the splinter may have been a red herring. The splinter was not at the joint that swelled, but was on the same finger.
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UPDATE
Saw rheumatologist. He thinks it's autoimmune liver disease due to some of the labs (extensive). His recommendation is biopsy but he's referring to GI doc. Doesn't know about finger but he said they've got to figure out the liver first. I don't know what I think. I mean it totally fits other problems and test results, but I've come too close to getting help and then have it pulled away before so I'm leery. But I don't think rheumatologist would have said anything unless he'd been reasonably sure. He says he just likes actual biopsy before starting on the meds (implied they are no joke).
Two weeks ago all of a sudden my right index finger swelled at PIP joint. I did not injure it in any way. I did get a splinter near the DIP joint around the same time. I picked it out (cleanly). The PIP joint continued to swell and had a very specific tender point. I called advice nurse (HMO) and they sent me to urgent care. Long story but the NP at urgent care was a waste of time. Sent me for an xray, dug in the splinter area and did find another bit. Prescribed Keflex. X ray was normal, not even any osteoarthritis. On Keflex the finger continued to swell. At about 10 days after the initial swelling, I saw my primary care doctor who asked me all the questions in his computer rubric and it said I had to go to Emergency. He talked to ortho on call who said same thing. I went to Emergency, they looked and prodded. Changed antibiotic to Augmentin. Now 10 days of that and finger is improved but still swollen, tender, and there is a dusky color to that joint. Like a dark bruise color, except I never bruised it. That dusky color has been there since about day 5.
Any ideas?
I see a hand surgeon tomorrow for another issue and he's going to evaluate that finger as well. Not that it's a surgical case, but his specialty is hands. I'd like to have some good questions to ask him and I'll be damned if I'm going to take a 3rd round of antibiotics unless someone can be more sure of the problem. I do not have known joint issues.
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Is there a habit you could replace it with? I love all of James Clear's ideas, and his book Atomic Habits is excellent. I have just successfully incorporated a new habit into an already existing habit. So is there something else that you could do that is quicker/more efficient that you could do in place of the laborious balancing?
My husband was a banker. We sit down twice a month with our receipts and our accounts pulled up online. We check that every entry on the account online is correct. I save the receipts I might need (taxes, returns) and the rest get shredded. Doing this does sit us down to talk about money, we tend to have our discussions about investments,/charitable giving/budget for events, etc at this time. I have found refunds that haven't been credited fairly often-not the bank's fault but the business didn't process something.
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I had such a difficult discussion with my mother yesterday. She has 2 serious and life-shortening diseases. She's lonely and afraid, which usually comes across as angry. She second guesses her doctors, tells them what she's read about her medications-as if they didn't know. She always wants the lowest dose of everything and then cries and complains when she's feeling terrible-some of which would be fixed by taking the dose that the doctor wanted to prescribe.
She wants to die suddenly like my aunt, who passed away this spring. Sudden heart attack while on vacation. I told her that my aunt was taking all her medications as directed and that's why she was even able to go on vacation overseas. TAKE THE MEDS, it's how you have the chance of dying on vacation. And oh by the way, we don't get to choose. But that is a personal affront to my mother who has always sought the highest level of control over her health.
I'm so frazzled.
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It's so hard. My mother was 100% sure that she would be 100% healthy until the day she dropped dead (conveniently of no cause) in her 90's. Now to her outrage, she has 2 very serious medical issues. The anger and grief is large. The messing with medications is terrible. They have no plans for any future care, they were determined not to need it. It's awful. I'm taking notes and planning for my own future care. I turned 50 this year.
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Living paycheck to paycheck (article)
in The Chat Board
Posted
I should have clarified, college=4 year degree for me in this discussion. Things like welding are vocational paths.
I see too many with college degrees with a mountain of debt and no specific qualifications, bouncing from one job to another. This isn't a general statement, this is specific people in my direct circle.
My soapbox about college is that hardly anyone NEEDS to go to an expensive college. Many want to and confuse the want with need. In-state public college is in reach for those for whom 4 year college is the correct academic fit. Choice about college is the first big financial decision point, followed by how much car to buy and how much house to buy. It's a good thing to present the college decision in this context. Overextending financially is mostly not worth it for any of these things.