[Basements]

I'm also in NC, and basements are not common in my area, though I know of a handful. When we were house-hunting there weren't any houses with basements in our price range. They were all in either walk-out nicely finished basements in expensive houses,  or in very small, old fixer-upper houses.

I'm from Michigan, where every house I knew of had a basement. It was nice to have a place to store things, keep appliances, exercise machines, space for hobbies, massive playroom/TV room where no one can see the mess, etc. Lots of people built bedrooms for their teens if space was getting tight upstairs. On the downside, some people had problems with flooding. And it's all too easy to keep putting junk down there, decade after decade. I've heard horror stories about the clean-up.

[Can we share smart, little habits that make a difference?]

I wash my hands as soon as I enter the house. Still working on getting the whole family to do it.

Junk mail goes in the trash immediately.

For exercise (I'm a walker): just get out the door. As long as I can get out the door, the route takes over and my full 4 miles get done, even if I was telling myself that I only had to do 2 or 3.

I have two laundry sorter hampers, one for adults in our closet, and one for kids in the upstairs hall. Everyone is trained to use them. Not only is laundry sorted the moment it comes off our backs, but I can also tell at a glance which loads need to be done.

Fold laundry on the bed. Can't fall asleep with laundry on the bed!

Saturday is Family Cleaning Day.

Kitchen is tidied right after breakfast.

Downstairs tidied every night.

Trash taken out of car every time we pull into the driveway.

Clean kid rooms weekly. I'd prefer every day, but life doesn't always work out that way. Weekly keeps things from becoming a disaster.

[I joined Grove Collaborative and it was 85% because the Jenkins woman is so hillarious!]

12 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

She’s funny.  

I have heard why too many stories on issues with canceling/holds on auto shipments with grove.  To the point, one of the groups I read recommends using a visa gift card with them.  Also, I find I get stuff cheaper at target/amazon/Jet. 

If you have hard wood floors, try jet’s hard wood floor cleaner.  It has a light cherry almond scent and cleans well. 

I loooove the scent of that floor cleaner. And my kids get such kick out of squeezing and mopping it. Everyone wins.

When I signed up, I missed the memo that you get put on auto shipments. It was really irritating to figure out how to stop it - I only need so much cleaner concentrate and handsoap, kwim? I did manage it, though.

I also found it's true that you can find stuff cheaper elsewhere.

But it's also true that those initial bonus gifts are really cool! Enjoy!

[How often do your kids bathe?]

When they need it/get around to it/want it. Getting three little kids fully bathed takes an hour or more, and we just don't always have that kind of time on school days. We have a two hour window to have dinner, homework, family time, unwinding, screens as a reward for good behavior, and bedtime routines. If we try to cram in too much it eats into bed time, and my kids turn into monsters without adequate sleep. It's really sleep vs bathing.

Now, if they're stinky, genuinely dirty (they love to play in creeks), or just really feel like a bath, of course we'll make time for it. 

Anyway, to actually answer the question, 7 year old (who has the tightest school schedule) 1-2 or more times a week. Sometimes he likes to relax in the tub on the weekends. Sometimes he can take a quick shower before school, but that makes mornings more hectic. He's by far the messiest kid. 5 year old is going through a phase where he wants to play in the tub daily. He's in preschool so that's an easy way to while away the afternoon. When he's not in a tub playing phase I insist on once a week. 3 year old likes to strip and play with brother's bathwater but won't actually get in the tub. She's scared of being in water and it makes her throw up. So fun. I have to covertly clean her. "Oops, I spilled bubbles on your foot! I'm going to wipe that up with a washcloth. I'm just going to scrub your leg too. And now your belly! Okay, hold your arm over the tub so I can rinse all those bubbles off! Good girly!" 

[My cat is a hair tie thief]

I once caught my cats batting my hair ties in and out of the litter box! They were legit playing a little game! 

Not to be a downer, but my in-laws lost a cat that way. She loved playing with hair ties, and one night got one lodged in her throat and suffocated. Keep an eye on your kitties.

[Article on Shinto and Marie Kondo...What White, Western Folks Don't Understand About Tidying Up]

30 minutes ago, PrincessMommy said:

I think this is quite well said.   I had not made the connection to Shintoism before reading that article.  Then it all clicked.  

I read her book (couldn't finish it though)... what I found strange about *her* was her stories about her childhood and how she couldn't wait to get home and organize her mom's drawers or her parent's bathroom.. etc.  That struck me as an obsessive tendency and not something I necessarily wanted to emulate.  That turned me off of *her* book.  I don't necessarily disagree with her *method* of going through by type (clothes, kitchen, etc.) and decluttering, but I found her off- putting because of the above mentioned.  But, bully for her for making a living off of her obsession... that is commendable.    She has been able to take something that could be debilitating in her life and succeeded with it.

I found her tv show to be too saccharine sweet for my taste.  At least she is - maybe the family's she works with are not. 

I think that part of her book sets the stage for the rest of her method. She said she wants to go back and smack herself for overstepping those boundaries, which is why she's so big on everyone tidying their own things. She also recognized that constantly purging and/or re-organizing one's possessions is unhealthy (and I completely agree), which is why she advocates a one-time approach.

I know several people who stopped reading there, which is a shame, because she obviously grew in a lot of ways, and it takes a big person to publicly talk in such detail about how badly they've screwed up in the past.

[Folding underwear, etc.]

I frequently fold DH's socks and underwear, because if I leave them unfolded in a pile, they may or may not get put away. I'd rather just do the whole chore properly and have a totally clean bedroom in the end. I also took over the organization of the drawer, because everything fits only if it's neat.

I don't mind. He does the dishes, scrubs the shower, and handles anything remotely icky. 

I wouldn't talk about it in public, though. LOL. I can see how it might look subservient. 

Edit: FTR, my parents would be horrified if they knew I was folding DH's laundry and tucking it neatly into his sock drawer. They have enough of a problem with me not having a "real job." Folding DH's undies would just be icing on the cake. 

[When is it worth it to buy a more expensive house?]

If you haven't done so yet, it's an interesting exercise to calculate gas and wear&tear and compare it with the cost of housing. We were once choosing between a larger, cheaper apartment with a long commute, and a smaller, more expensive apartment with a short commute. We were *this close* to signing a lease for the larger, cheaper place, but then decided to calculate the gas. It came out dead even. That's not even counting wear&tear, commuting time, and traffic stress. We chose the shorter commute.

[Much older neighbor kid]

Thanks for helping me think through this. My gut says he's a nice kid with impulse and filter issues. For now this is only a problem on the weekends. I think before summer break I'll have to bite the bullet and talk with his mom about limiting his time here during the week. I am not going to spend my whole summer supervising someone else's kid that closely!

[Much older neighbor kid]

3 minutes ago, maize said:

I don't know that age itself is so much an issue as what kind of influence he is having. My 13 year old son plays with the six and eight year old neighbor boys, honestly they are closer to his social development level than most kids his own age. My kid though is definitely not sharing rude words or inappropriate songs with them, and at least one of my own younger kids is usually playing with them.

We had some older "bad influence" kids in the neighborhood we lived in years ago and I had to severely limit their contact with my own young kids. The kids who did spend a lot of time with them ended up getting dragged into some seriously problematic behavior.

Thanks for this. I was raised in a large multi-age group of cousins, and it was beneficial for all of us, so I guess part of me wanted it to work out.

[Speaking of weddings...]

I hope to enjoy their weddings, though it might depend on the personalities involved, or the amount of work, official or unofficial, that has to be done. I know my mom dealt with a couple of difficult relatives at my wedding, unbeknownst to me. Who else was going to do it? Some things will just naturally fall on the parents' shoulders.

I expect I'll need a little Introvert Recovery Time afterwards. Nothing major, just a good night's sleep and maybe a day to quietly putter around the house.

[Much older neighbor kid]

Hive, I could use your wisdom here. I kind of remember a thread a while back about a much older kid playing with younger kids and the hive concluded (maybe?) that it sounded developmentally inappropriate and should be discouraged. I tried searching. If anyone remembers and could point me to it, I'd appreciate it.

Here's my situation: My boys are 7 and 5. About a year and a half ago they met a neighbor kid and started playing with him. The kid'd older lives a couple streets away. I think he forgot where we lived. Recently he's been showing up again, and my kids are over the moon, because our same-age homeschooled neighbors moved away a while ago. My kids say he's 13, and he's definitely in middle school (he told me that). Maturity-wise he seems barely older than our 7 year old who has ASD (DH and I comment on it every time he's over). He's also barely taller than my 7 year old, so I had thought he was more like 8 or 9.

Now, he seems like a pretty nice, good kid. His mom and I have a mutual friend. He's obviously been raised well in a good and loving home.

The problem is that he's a lot older and knows a lot more stuff that my kids (especially my preschooler!) have no business knowing yet. Like the other day he started telling them about the N word, then he stopped and asked me if he could teach them what the N word is. Or a few months ago he told my kids to cover their ears and he sang me a song about drugs (DH and I started discouraging the friendship then, but lately he's been coming around multiple times per weekend). I don't believe the kids uses drugs, though. I'm pretty sure was just being a silly middle school boy. Yesterday my 5 year old started singing something that made my alarm bells go off, which he likely picked up from the older kid.

Between that and his lower maturity, I feel like I have to be really on top of things when he's over, and I'm getting sick of it. I don't want to outright ban him, but the more I think about it, and type out and re-read it, the more I think this has to be heavily discouraged. They're just on such different levels. BTW it's only pretty recently he's been coming over a lot and I realized he's a middle schooler. He always shows up at the same times, so I think he makes his rounds in the neighborhood and leaves as kids have to go in for meals. My strategy so far has been to call the kids in for meals after a little while, and to make them play outside because the weather is a little cold and miserable, so it limits how long everyone feels like playing.

Any hive wisdom? 

[Jayme Closs found alive]

I wouldn't be surprised if the aunt is allowing a few statements and pictures just to get the press off their backs.

About ten years ago, DH's family's friends were involved in a really tragic can't-make-this-stuff-up accident. I was shocked at how low the press sank just to try to get the first scoop on the story. They absolutely hounded this grieving family, stalking them outside the hospital, basically camping outside their house, calling at all hours, stuffing business cards in their mailbox, door frames, and windows. The family finally put together a basic statement and a picture or two just so they could finally be left alone.

[What could this be a ssymptom of?]

Sounds like the norm in our house. I stash things in special places "so I won't forget about them" (LOL), DH has an absent-minded professor thing going on, and we all hide stuff from each other. Like if a toy or the remote is becoming a problem, I'll tell the kids it needs a time-out and I'll throw it in a hidden place. Often the kitchen because it's central and has lots of hidey-holes. The kids stash stuff from each other in random places all the time. Each of my kids have gone through a phase where they have a certain toy they like to keep in the freezer. Right now it's vampire teeth.

But you know your person best. :)

[What else do I need?]

I think just getting rid of off-putting smells is really important. What smells clean and fresh to you may smell like covered-up dog to someone else. Or a family I knew who couldn't sell their house in a fast-paced market. I'm pretty sure it had to do with their bathrooms, which smelled their four little boys had aiming problems.

I know you don't want to bake, but I still remember how my current house had a cake in an attractive cloche cake stand sitting on the counter. So homey! And I thought I was above falling for tricks like that...

Closets that aren't over-full. First, I want to see what those babies can hold. Second, it's weird to walk into a mostly-bare room, then open the closet and wonder if you have to dodge an avalanche.

[A slightly different "would you eat this?"]

With immediate family, sure, no problem. It sounds like a dish for an intimate gathering, anyway.

In a larger group, even if I can turn off my germophobia (and it's possible, in situations like communion), I'd be uncomfortable in case I accidentally do something that someone else finds objectionable. Like, is it okay to use the plate as leverage if the cookie is tough? What if I brush the plate with my fingertips? What if it's crumbly and breaks off right at my finger so I've accidentally touched another piece? Do I keep awkwardly trying to get untouched cookie? I'd rather just skip the social anxiety and the calories.

Much easier for the hostess to just cut it up and provide a serving utensil or two. 

[S/O Laundry Detergent...What things do you make from scratch that others typically buy? (Food, cleaning products, make up, skin care, etc.)]

Lots of food items, like sauces, spice mixes, salad dressing, hummus. I truly enjoy going the extra mile for those, but I'm not above just buying it from the store, either. I've dabbled in yogurt and soft cheese, but I rarely feel like it anymore. DH has experimented with bitters and hard cheese. The cheese was fun, but he's usually not up to that amount of work. I didn't care for the bitters. Too many harsh clashing flavors. Maybe if they'd had time to mellow in an oak barrel or something.

I once made a cleaner out of vinegar and a little essential oil. DH's nose interpreted it as cat pee. He was on the hunt for a long time before we realized he was smelling my homemade cleaner. 😄 I've given up on all cleaning products.

I've tried making my own massage oil, but I can't get it to smell layered and complex. It just smells like my usual EOs - like the peppermint I might add to homemade playdoh (I guess there's another one, but I haven't done it recently), or the lavender I use when I have a headache. So sexy. Not.

I also did a little candle making. DH got a kit because he thought it would be a fun pastime for me and the kids, and we'd get candles for cheaper, too. At their ages it means Mommy does all the work while they watch, and then Mommy gets uptight about safety around the hot wax, and irritated when the wick falls in. The candles didn't even burn well.

[Swapping dining room w/living room?]

We have a similar layout, and I had seriously considered doing it, especially when it looked like we'd have more than 3 kids, we'd homeschool them all from the dining room table, and we'd have relatives moving nearby (extra guests for dinner a couple times a week). Basically your situation. But those things are not happening or looking likely now, so we got the dining room decorated really nice, and I'm very satisfied with it.

I think it sounds like a cool thing to experiment with, though. In my house, at least, the living room is so much more open and airy feeling, and if we basically lived at the table (which we don't), I'd want to at least try it.

[The T-Rex bit me.]

When I was a kid my toddler cousin called elevators "alligators." One day she put her hand on an elevator door as it was opening, and it got stuck between the door and the outer wall, poor kid. For the longest time she was telling people about the time the alligator got her.

[She did it -- mommy brag inside]

I am so happy for both of you!

I hear a lot of young adult Aspie stories that aren't going well (which is good, it helps me prepare for the future), but it's awfully nice to hear that things can all work out.

[Wedding expenses and expectations - past and present]

My parents regretted a lot of things about their wedding. Just about everything was done by relatives, but rather shabbily. Too many corners were cut, to the point that it still stings today. Their dream was to give me a really nice wedding. My tastes tend toward the simple, so I think we met in the middle and pulled off a nice affair without breaking the bank. 

I remember my dress was $800, ten years ago. The Justice of Peace had a reasonable fee. No idea about the venue and they in-house catering they required, but that was important to my parents and they were paying, so it worked out. Same with the photographer. I'm sure the venue, catering, wine/beer, and photographer were by far the most expensive parts.

I don't remember the cost of the cakes (different flavors, one per table, you could get up and help yourself to whichever flavor), but I remember thinking it was reasonable. But they were not decorated in a super fancy way. Just elegantly-textured frosting and a flower or two on top. I remember the baker commenting that I was going to be a happy bride because I was focusing on the marriage and not the little details of the wedding.

I balked at the cost of the flowers. I didn't like the arrangements they were coming up with, and couldn't stomach whatever the price was. Mom suggested silk flowers. I'm sorry, guys, I hate silk flowers. I bought some pretty fans and gussied them up with ribbons, and that's what we carried. In hindsight I wish we had bought some flowers from the farmer's market or something, although that would have added to my stress levels, so I dunno...

I also balked at the cost of a veil. I wound up buying a fascinator from Etsy, for maybe $30. It was a really pretty focal point to our pictures. If I were doing it again I might try to make my own veil, or trim one with a fine crochet border, but I wasn't crafty at the time.

My female relatives got their hair done. I had short style at the time, and didn't want anything to compete with the fascinator. But I did get my makeup done. I'm very happy with those decisions.

For my kids I plan to write a check and they can use that however they want. It could cover all of a simpler wedding, or go toward the costs if they want more expensive options, or the honeymoon, house down payment, whatever.

[Are you able to fully function if you are]

Funny how the only two women he knows well enough to even have this information about them, are the ones with debilitating periods. I mean, that is 100%. 100% of the women he is close to have debilitating periods. (Unless there are other sisters who talk about it. Still, I would think this is a pretty high percentage.)

For me, some months are okay, and some are horrible. Usually for me the pain and heavy bleeding don't mix - either it's painful because my body's working to get it out, or it's so heavy my body doesn't need to work, I guess(?). Usually a light month is followed by a heavy month. But those painful months can make me sick to my stomach, and the heavy months can leave me tethered to the bathroom.

Don't even get me started on PMDD, which I used to suffer from. It is real and it is deadly serious.

My DH had a vasectomy and I'm still thinking of getting an IUD just to get this crud under control.

[would this bug you?]

I'm not bothered by a lack of the word "please," though I always try to use it because I know others feel really put-out without it.

As far as the question itself, I think it would depend on the person and our history, and whether they have a generally entitled attitude. I could see thinking "Who the heck are you to waltz on in here and ask for my old things?? What if I have other plans for them? And even if I don't, just, like, back off!" But for a close family member just a "Yeah, sure, I'll think about it."

[And now her watch is done]

I am so sorry you lost your Daisy. What a beautiful and loyal girl.

[How often do you get a totally new hairstyle?]

Now that I think about it, I'm on a surprisingly tight 5 year schedule. Long, pixie, long, lob, long, and currently pixie/bob. I think past chin length to collar bone length hair weighs down my face and makes me look heavier and older than I am. Long hair can look good on me but eventually gets unkempt-looking and hairdressers act a little horrified at its state. I also live with hot summers where I hate the heat on my neck, and cold winters where I have to dry it or get seriously chilled. I get a lot of compliments on pixie or bob length, and it's so easy in terms of daily maintenance, but it gets pricey to touch it up every 6 weeks because it grows quickly. 

Edit: My hair has also progressively more curly with each pregnancy, so that changes what I can do with it.