lavender's green
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Posts posted by lavender's green
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I was always surprised to see smoking still allowed. The walkway in the Magic Kingdom where it was allowed is one of our favorite quiet spaces. Great place to have a snack and get away from the crowds. With no smokers it'll be even better.
I just went and measured our stroller. At first I thought it was 26", but with the wheels it's 32". However, the thing is on its last legs, and middle child will definitely be past stroller age by our next trip. I'm glad the rule wasn't in place for our December trip. I get it, though. The parks are getting crowded.
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I think it's overreacting a bit, but if you're really worried you could spring for uber or a limo.
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I think a lot of it depends on the cause of the headache. I can cure a tension headache with a good self-massage, if I can hit the right spot. In one of my pregnancies I had low blood pressure with headaches, and needed salt and caffeine to feel better (this was okayed by my doctor). Now that I'm not pregnant or nursing, if I have too much salt or caffeine my blood pressure goes up and gives me a headache. Obviously I wouldn't treat that with...salt and caffeine. I don't know what the cure for that is; mostly I just moderate those things and that keeps my blood pressure normal. If you think your medication is the cause of it, pick your doctor's or pharmacist's brain to figure out exactly how the medication acts on your body. It could be as simple as needing more water.
Aside from that, some things that are helpful:
Adequate sleep
Adequate exercise
Stress Management
Allergies treated appropriately
Dark room and rest
Massage
Hydration (with electrolytes. My mom drinks gatorade under her kidney specialist's orders. I've also heard of using coconut water or a sprinkle of sea salt in a glass of water)
Cold or hot rice pack on neck
A little lavender or spearmint oil massaged on your shoulders and neck, or lavender or mint tea
Caffeine
Stretches
Magnesium, either dietary or a supplement like Natural Calm. I swear every time magnesium is mentioned, someone comes out of the woodwork and says it's bad for you. I can only say that I take it under my doctor's supervision and I trust my doctor more than some stranger on the internet.
I usually crave spicy food when I have a headache. And sometimes cranberry juice.
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The snowman in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
The original House of Cards, although he's very much party of the story from the beginning.
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Oh, it takes so much practice. I used to take on way too much and finally reached the breaking point.
If it's hard for you to just say no, say "I'll check my calendar and get back with you." That buys you time and physical and emotional distance. Much easier to say no when the person's not in your face, tugging your heartstrings. If you're inclined to say yes, use the extra time to really think it through.
Sometimes it helps to ask myself if my DH would feel bad about saying no (I'm thinking especially about volunteering at church or school). Once in a while he does do extra things, but for the most part he has a full time job and simply can't take on more, and doesn't give a fig if someone thinks he should. Well, as a SAHM with kids who aren't school age yet, I have a full time job too, so why should I feel bad if I can't work more stuff into my schedule.
Finally, don't compare yourself with someone else, or let others compare you to someone else. They may have more free time, more passion for the work, or maybe their job or family is being neglected, or they're about to burn out.
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4 hours ago, BakersDozen said:
Most of this is in response to MedicMom:
We don't watch our kids' checking accounts. They are linked to ours as they are student accounts yet they (3 of them) know that we aren't looking to see where they are spending/earning money. I checked my dd's once because she was at work and there were high charges being made at the mall w/her card. And I only saw my ds's enormous deposit because I had gone on-line to look at my own account and saw that his balance was no longer in the $6 range (he really has no money). Given the van issue it was our first thought that he had somehow made a claim and received money - money which was out of his account the next morning. We were seriously confused and asked our ds via email if the claim he had made was done legally, which he assured us it was. That was all the information we received from him and it was in the context of emails about repairs for our van. So yes, we assumed that the funds in/out of his account were connected with the current van issue. His accident was completely unknown to us. We knew it couldn't be loan money or anything else (he has not graduated high school...was slated to do so in May but now that is off the table).
As far as him not telling us about the accident, we, too, have not shared many things with our parents so that isn't the issue so much as our ds's heart/attitude at this point. For those who have young adult/older teens like this, you know what I'm talking about and what we are going through with him.
As far as protecting the relationship vs. straining/damaging it...I grew up watching my mom get verbally abused by my brother. He could say/do anything and she would take it because she didn't want to "lose" him. It was disgusting. She enabled him, he was horrible to all of us, and we hated him. That is my son. He thrives on conflict and hurting others. We have shown him more than his share of grace and had told him to shape up or get out. He didn't take us seriously, so the decision was made for him to get out. He's also one of those who likes to throw around that he is 18 (as if that is some magical age) when it suits his purpose yet then says we somehow owe him something (like paying a bill) because he's only 18. Nice try, kid.
Back to the van issue...we told our ds that the van was going to a shop and he would pay. Our ds told us to use insurance, then suddenly he said he would be coming over this Sunday with his bil to try to fix the van. That is where things stood until the bank account/deposit thing happened. We're not trying to gouge our son out of money, but we want this van fixed and fixed correctly.
Our intention isn't to be "hard" on our son but to be real. He wanted real life...here it is.I'm sorry. My sister was exactly like your brother. And my parents were exactly like your parents, with me left to fend for myself. My greatest fear is that my kids will turn out like that and I'll be like...what the heck do I do now? Actually my dad does hope that my kids will turn out like that. Nice, huh? Then he didn't speak to me for seven years, all because I wouldn't allow my abusive and violent sister around my kids. People who haven't been there may not understand how many relationships it can ruin. It is ugly, ugly, ugly.
With a different relationship, I might say to let it slide, let the young adult off easy as they figure out this whole adulting thing. But here I'd say to file an insurance claim (or whatever your situation is...maybe small claims court?) like you would if any other adult had accidentally damaged your car. That is the normal legal channel. You might skip the normal legal channel for friends or family, or if the damage is minor, but it's still the norm for a reason. And your son has asked you to.
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I keep starting to type a response and then deleting it. I'm just not quite sure what Omishev is saying.
If you're happy with your marriage and your responsibilities, that's great. There are many ways to do marriage. However, some are more likely to lead to resentment and bitterness than others.
This doesn't have to be an either/or thing. I mother the kids, and he fathers them. I'm home and he works a traditional job, therefore I see more and he sees less, but he doesn't see nothing. When we're both home we both pitch in, and if I leave to shop or get a haircut it's NBD for him. He knows the kids and their ways, even if he lacks the Mommy touch (but he has his own Daddy touch which the kids love). That's a far cry from his parents' marriage, where his mom did everything around the house, his dad was a workaholic, and if he did something "wrong" with the kids she'd threaten him with divorce. It's also pretty different from my parents' marriage, which was more egalitarian - actually they mostly outsourced the mothering aspect to my grandma.
I also think the daddy babysitting meme has taken on a life of its own. Some people use the word to mean whoever's watching the kids. I reserve it for paid teens. I get that we're talking about the attitude behind it, but sometimes, for some people, that's just a normal word to mean whoever is doing the childcare right now.
I think that never expecting heart-to-heart conversations to lead to long-term change is a problem. I was pretty shocked to read that. DH and I can state our needs, expectations, weaknesses, etc, to each other, because those things evolve over time. We want to be on the same page, and the way you get on the same page is by spelling things out, not leaving the other guessing, or quietly accepting a position that secretly makes you miserable.
Why does this irk you, OP? Why the vent? If you're happy with how things are why even get worked up about how other people do marriage, or feel about their role in their household?
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I wouldn't be mad. I could see my DH doing it for me if he knew I'd been busy all day. But that's me and this is you, and you are mad (and that's okay). Maybe there's a backstory, or a relationship or personality issue?
OTOH, DH knows that a quick way to make me really mad is to finish something for me that I've been working on for a long time. To me it feels like running a marathon and right when the end is in sight someone who's fresh and rested says "I got this for you" and crosses the finish line. No! I want the feeling of crossing the finish line! Which is maybe strange/irrational/emotional to some people, but DH and I are on the same page about it now.
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I have a pair of clarks boots with a slight heel for winter, and tieks for summer. For walking, hiking, mud, or yardwork I switch to merrills, although I don't always mind a long walk in tieks. I also have a pair of snow boots for the rare occasion in winter when it's too slippery or snowy for my regular boots.
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We have a person with that exact same history who loiters outside of our neighborhood (a good mile or two away from where I live). His original crime was about 20 years ago. He is absolutely unsafe to be around. He gets drunk and tries to rape women in the grocery store parking lot, and gets belligerent with men. He keeps getting arrested for these things, does his jail time, and returns to the same place once he's free.
I'm sure some people can turn their lives around. But some don't. I wouldn't want to live near someone like this.
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I'm in NC and the churches I know of that use beeswax candles get them from the Saints Mary and Martha monastery.
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Write it down in my journal. Everything goes in there - calendars, daily lists, monthly lists, school lists, get-around-to-it-someday lists. If it's written down I don't have to think about it.
Exercise, preferably outside. Exertion offers a nice break from thinking.
Don't baby people along. Kids or adults. Or myself. If other adults can do it, so can I, even if it's icky and I know DH wouldn't mind.
If something is unnecessary, and I can't whole-heartedly embrace it, I just say no. This might change some day, but right now I need that margin in my life.
I let other people handle their own relationships. I used to remind DH to call his relatives (they never call us unless there's a birth or a death). Then one day, after a few difficult communications with my in-laws, I said, you know what, you can handle this. So now he calls maybe once a month and they continue to never call. So ironic that I, the daughter-in-law, the one who they hardly recognize as a member of the family, was the one holding the relationship together. If no one else can be bothered, then I certainly can't either.
A lot of household management comes in two parts: the Get On Top of It, and the Stay On Top of It. I'm always hesitant to offer specific advice, because we all differ in family size, time, money, executive function, etc. It can take a while to find the right system to fit your needs, and needs change over time. In general, simpler is better. Right now I'm putting a lot of mental energy into the back yard. It used to be a nicely landscaped garden, but we moved in and I immediately conceived my most difficult pregnancy, there was no time or money for anything, then we had a third kid, and now the garden is just an overgrown, weedy mess. It's hilly, very shady, dry (except when it's not). There are a lot of challenges for this wannabe gardener to puzzle through. But I know that if I can Get On Top of It, and have a system in place to Stay On Top, it can be a great place again.
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35 minutes ago, Quill said:
I’m chuckling about “introvert time.” I almost always feel this way about breakfast. I want to eat my little breakfast alone.
My husband is amazing and gives me breakfast in bed every single day. This started a little after our second was born, and I begged him to give me a cup of tea and a little toast before I jumped into the day. Just a few minutes by myself to regroup, build up strength to face the day (later it turned out that one has autism, and now it looks like the other might have it too....extra challenges in those early years, kwim, and Dear God do I even know what neurotypical childhood looks like?!). It just kind of continued. Every now and then I mention that hey, maybe I don't need this anymore, but breakfast has become this thing that he really likes to do for everyone.
Did I mention he's amazing?
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We try to eat a meal together every day. Sometimes we feed the kids early and have an "in-house date" to ourselves after they're in bed.
When everyone was home all day (and always really, really needing Mommy right now), sometimes meals were my introvert time. Not all the time, but once in a while as a sanity saver.
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Our house is semi-open. The rooms are definitely separate and have walls, but there are no doors, and some of the doorways are quite wide. We hear almost everything, especially cooking noise while others are watching TV. I'm sick of them turning the volume way up just because I have the vent fan on, or I'm sauteeing. And we normally try to run the dishwasher at night, but if it has to be during the day...ugh. 4 hours of swooshing and odd mechanical noises. Oh, and the floorplan is a sort of figure-8, so the kids just chase each other around until I yell "Upstairs or outside!" I'd hate to live in anything more open than this! I am all for walls.
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Did they check for pancreatitis? My friend first experienced it as extreme heartburn (triggered by gallbladder), and my dad had it triggered by ibuprofen.
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I tried stitch fix recently. I loved and kept one of the items, but for the rest, I just felt like "Who is this Frumpy Mom in the mirror?"
They really didn't listen to my requests. I asked for no polyester, and most of the things had a high percentage of polyester. I asked for a certain price range, and three of the items were well above it. I asked for covered arms and got sleeveless tops. I asked for a defined waist and they sent two tent-like tops (even tucked in they flared out in an unflattering way). I asked for no pants and got pants. Asked for easy care, got a dry clean only item and a handwash only item. Like....seriously?
I decided to go through the style stuff again and give them another shot. I realized that my sense of style is more well-defined than I thought it was, and I needed to do a better job of conveying it. I also had to think about what I wanted out of Stitch Fix. Do I want someone to send basics? No, I want to shop for basics myself to get good deals and the best fit. Do I want them to keep my accessories up-to-date? Yes, because I have a smaller, more classic wardrobe and don't want to look like a dinosaur by wearing out-of-date accessories. Do I want to branch out from my usual stores? Yes, too much eShakti and Banana Republic. Also, this time rather than negatives ("Don't send X") I'm making positive statements ("Please send a date night dress and a statement necklace"). I hope that will help them or their algorithms or whatever.
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Bagged salads
Frozen veggies, especially edamame
Nachos. Might bring frozen shredded chicken or ground beef from home for extra protein
Meatballs
Grapes
Pickles or cucumbers
Nuts
Bagels
Yogurt
Dips that I might not normally buy
Basically I try to some plants and fresh stuff in there, just to feel normal and good, and don't sweat the rest. I mean, it's not normal for me to have a bagel for breakfast and nachos for dinner. But if I'm walking and being touristy all day, pack reasonable snacks like grapes and nuts, and order a decently healthy lunch, I figure it evens out.
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When it doubt, freeze it!
I'd make preserved lemons, too. A restaurant near me makes a preserved lemon vinaigrette, and they're great in tagines, or with chicken or seafood. And I'd probably look into canning the juice, just for fun and to save on freezer space.
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Excited! As long as it's not something I'm outright allergic to, things that are eaten on shows to gross people out, or something that could cause health problems (I'm thinking of prions in brains, that type of thing). I also wouldn't eat something likely to be bad for me personally - there's only so much fat my tummy wants in it, only so much sugar I want in my bloodstream, only so much spice my tissues can handle. But if we're talking about non-extreme foods that most westerners would recognize as food, I'm usually game.
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My kids played at the park for a half hour and didn't fight or whine the whole time! And then they left willingly! Now I'm upstairs reading while DH takes over for a bit, and...no one is screaming! Woo!
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I've had a few bites from strange cats who suddenly freaked out from being petted. I've always followed basic wound care (definitely hydrogen peroxide and neosporin), and it's always been fine. That said, I think cat mouths are known to be nasty, so definitely keep an eye on it.
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8 minutes ago, Katy said:
It's always better to be overdressed and under accessorized than the reverse.
In the scenario you describe I'd wear a simple jersey dress (comfortable as yoga pants but more presentable) or a preppier khakis or cords with a layered button down, sweater, and gold knot earrings. Not business exactly but casual upper middle class, and dressier than jeans.
This is what I would wear. I have those things in my closet, and they speak to who I really am. I personally wouldn't feel myself in business attire. I also think it puts you on a more equal level, per Quill's post about clothing and power, but without acting/looking like you're something you're not.
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We both come from two-child families, so everyone thinks more than two is nuts. There was a noticeable lack of enthusiasm over #3, until she turned out to be the first girl grandchild.
At one point MIL said in a dry voice "I'll never be able to retire." Okaaaay...? Sorry for being such a burden by supplying you with grandbabies....? They do not financially support us in any way, shape, or form. I'm still scratching my head over that. Unfortunately it was before I learned to call out all her little remarks.
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Kitchen day inspiration
in The Chat Board
Posted
That all sounds yummy!
I like to prepare meatballs, carnitas, taco chicken, taco beef, marinated grilled chicken breast, and diced or julienned ham to freeze. I'm usually busy in the afternoons for several hours before dinner, so I love having so many options of pre-prepped meat.
I also like to double or triple a batch of soup/stew and freeze the excess. I think I currently have lentil, tomato, mushroom, chili, and beef burgundy in the freezer, plus a bunch of chicken stock.
I don't prepare these things on a weekly basis, though.