[Advice for mistake made at my job]

OP, perhaps look into Harvest https://www.getharvest.com/m

 

I've heard this is a good solution for a small business.

[WWYD - correcting mean comment]

Letting it go would be the easy thing.  Responding in kind is what first came to my mind.

 

So perhaps a post on your own instagram or facebook or whatever about how we should all assume the best in others because we might not always know the entire situation.  If you want to be real snarky, a story about an unnamed mom passing judgement on your parenting based on an incorrect assumption might be included.

 

This is exactly what you should not do. This is social media drama and is completely unnecessary.

 

Passive aggressiveness is always bad form; putting passive aggressiveness on social media is bad form + drama.

 

I'd back away from this mom who posted the remark. I'd be very distant and wouldn't bother explaining myself to her. 

 

You won't be able to change this woman. If you address it, it would be wasted effort on your part. Hold your head high and move on.

[Potential new dog owner--basic questions]

Thank you ALL for the kind answers you've given!

 

Thanks also for the information on vet bills. This is helpful.

 

This puzzles me: several of you have said that the dog should not be home along for longer than a half day. It seems as if the majority of homes around here have at least one dog. And most people work outside the home. What about these dogs? These dogs are alone all day. Again, since we live in a hot climate, I don't believe most people leave their dogs outside all day. Do you suppose these two wage-earning families with dogs all have doggie doors?

 

It does seem like it isn't a great life for a dog to stay in a crate 8-10 hours several days a week. 

 

Also, I find it amusing now that most of the articles I read insisted that dog poop be picked up once a day. It seems like most don't do that, as I surmised. These articles went to lengths to say how unhealthy it was for the environment when it's not be picked up. Again, there are the wild animals around that no one picks up after, so it didn't seem to make sense that all dogs must be picked up after--all the time. However, we live in a house with a small suburban lawn, so we would need pick up here. Our neighborhood and surrounding community is very good about picking up after dogs, so that is good for everyone around here. 

 

Also, I was told he could have his hair cut in spring and fall. It seems like most are saying it would need to be more frequent than that.

 

 

[Potential new dog owner--basic questions]

I've never had a pet before. I've never felt comfortable around many dogs--mostly large ones--and we have a family member with dog allergies.

 

I fell for a dog last week. I'd love to get it but have little knowledge about dogs. We are at a good stage in life to care for a oet, and I think I'd really like to have this added dimension to our lives. I have time to give the attention a pet would need.

 

The dog is a miniature poodle. It is small, which is the only size I'm comfortable with, and hypoallergenic.

 

Please excuse the ignorant questions. We weren't allowed a dog growing up and I know so little.

 

Do people really pick up dog poop every day? I've been reading up on dog care and have difficulty seeing people doing this daily even though it's recommended in most of the articles I read. We have a fairly small suburban lawn.

 

I've changed literally hundreds of diapers without this ever bothering me. I'm picturing myself getting used to picking up after a dog. For some reason, this seems like it would take awhile to get used to. Right? Passing off this task to one of the kids isn't an option.

 

How much is a service for this?

 

We live in a very warm climate but one that also has lots of rain. I would have this as an inside dog, so does the dog go potty in the rain? Poor dog!

 

How many walks a day would a dog like this need?

 

I'm working part time a couple days a week away from home. We don't have a doggy door. How long can the dog be left at home?

 

Do people leave dogs in their crates for the day or do they roam the house all day?

 

About how much would be the yearly dog food cost?

 

Can't believe I'm this old and don't know how this all works!

[Chick-fil-A Orlando: thank you]

I don't like their food because I think their chicken tastes nasty, and I'm not a fan of the company as a whole for the reasons you've stated above, but I'm willing to give credit where credit is due. So, Kudos to Orlando Chik-fil-A.

Wow! What a back-handed compliment!

[WWYD? Grounding & birthday party]

 

 

This 16 yo has their 17th birthday in a few days. This is the first year in quite a few years when the boy has a nice set of buddies and friends to host for a party.

 

 

In recent months, the boy has been seeing a therapist for the first time ever. It's going well. Depression and simple growing up/parent conflict issues have been the prime foci of therapy.

 

 

 

 

 

And, to make it worse, one of his best friends (of a small group) is moving cross country mid-month, so it is likely that pushing the party back one week will make it so that friend won't be able to come.

 

Historically, I tend towards bitch-fest +/- big consequences

 

WWYD?

These lines from the OP are what stood out for me. I've found that when kids don't have a solid friend group, this is often the cause for discouragement or even depression. Here is a kid who's been lonely, has a difficult relationship with his parents (not unusual so not bashing OP AT ALL). He turns to some bad behavior which results in more strain at home. And the cycle repeats. And repeats again...

 

Now he finally has a social group but one good friend is moving away. Losing a friend is discouraging even for adults.

 

Unless these friends are a bad influence, I'd extend grace. I'd use this (undeserved) offer to have his party to help mend the relationship and reduce strain. I'd let him know the consequences laid out ahead of time should result in him missing party. But you know his friends are important and want him to have this time with them, particularly with friend that's moving. Lessening dicouragement can go a long way for him to see that you are on. his. side. No one wants his success more than you. No one is cheering him on more than you. No one. Let him see that. Encourage good friendships. Most kids wither without them, and good friends are hard to find. When kids are discouraged enough, they do stupid things because they just don't care.

 

Again, If these are the kids who led him to sneak and take up this bad habit, I might follow through with the consequences and then put all my energy into helping him find a good peer group.

[Article on women returning to work after break]

I'm passionate about education.

 

Used my accounting degree degree for about 10 minutes before I stayed home with first baby. Homeschooled for 15 years, and two oldest are homeschooling graduates that have done well academically and socially as adults. (One has two bachelor degrees and the other is a senior in college.)

 

We have two younger and I was tired/burned out and needed a change. Kids needed a change too. Enrolled them in classical, university model school. They attended two days/week. Now in high school, they go two days and part of Friday. Anyway, I was so restless and needed a challenge. After some school volunteering, I started working part time at the school on days when the kids attended. Then I was offered a job in admissions.

 

Now I get to talk to people about classical education all the time. Love, love, love it. It's the change and challenge I needed. Plus, they are willing to be completely flexible with my schedule. I only go into the office on the days my kids attend.

 

When I started volunteering, I didn't consider it would end up resulting in employment. But I had the opportunity to get to know people and they got to know me. It ended up working out. Never thought I could get a job after 25 years out of the work force, and I'm very grateful.

[meal etiquette for someone invites you to their vacation home]

If you are issuing an invitation, you are hosting. If you don't want to host, don't issue the invitations. I don't understand the dilemma.

This is not a helpful comment. Since you don't understand the OP's dilemma, why post a comment?

 

OP, since this is a vacation home and you are also on vacation, you should absolutely not feel you need to plan, prepare and serve meals.

 

I also wouldn't invite people who hint around. They're being tacky.

 

I'd invite people who bring joy. I'd invite people who are likely to reciprocate--not by inviting you to a vacation but in other ways. You know, two-way friendships. It feels icky to be taken advantage of. Then, I'd make meal expectations clear. Maybe trade off for dinner if other family understands your food restrictions. Or, they bring their own food. If I had to make food for another family on vacation--I wouldn't want to go!

 

Also, I find it astonishing that a family would hint to be invited and then expect their family to be hosted and fed.

[If you are at your ideal weight...]

My weight is relatively unchanged. 

 

I'm 5'5" tall and weighed 110 pounds until my third child was born. I gained over 50 pounds and my weight went down to 125 after that pregnancy and has stayed there. When I was 110 pounds (very small boned) I was healthy and weight didn't fluctuate. 

 

Prior to age 40, I had a blazing fast metabolism. No matter how much or how little I ate, I would be hungry 4 hours later. In fact, I would be light-headed until I ate around that four hour mark. Around age 40, I could skip meals and now don't get light-headed much anymore. I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted with regard to carbs and sweets and my weight wouldn't change. Honestly, my overall caloric intake was probably less than a lot of people's overall as I ate smaller portion-sized meals most days. I've always been a picky eater and don't eat a wide variety of foods. I'm content with the same choices. 

 

After age 40, weight started creeping up. All my clothes are the same size, and I didn't like the way they were fitting. I learned by trial and error that when I cut down on gluten-containing foods, I can manage my weight better. It allows me to eat more of the other things I want--desserts/sweets. So, I'll skip a dinner roll or eat a hamburger without the bun. I don't feel this is a sacrifice. So, I eat gluten, but when I cut way back on it, i can have other carbs I desire more. If I had to go without some candy each week, that is a sacrifice to me. Terrible sweet tooth! So, I can't eat whatever I want anymore, but I can balance what I eat and don't gain. So, if I know I'm going out to eat in the evening, I'll have something light for lunch. (I tend to skip breakfast.) I might eat a yogurt or a salad with vinaigrette dressing for lunch. I never feel deprived because I'm still getting my 900 calorie meal, but I've only eaten 200 calories earlier in the day. A nutritionist would judge me, but it works. I don't gain; I feel energetic; and I'm healthy.

 

I will say I weigh myself every day now. When I see my weight creep up 2-3 pounds, I cut way back on the gluten. My weight goes back down to the 125 mark. For me, weighing daily has been a key for me to keep track of how much I need to adjust my eating. 

 

I jog 45 minutes 3 days/week.

 

I would say my weight is due 90% to genetics. I'm also not too food-oriented--I can skip meals (now that I don't get light headed anymore) and don't care if I'm hungry. If something comes up and I don't eat until 2pm, I doesn't bother me. My picky eating has helped me, too, I think. I could eat Greek yogurt for lunch 5 days/week and not care. My mom never made a big deal out of food when I was young which really helped me, I think. I think I could've had food issues and possibly an eating disorder if my mom had forced the Clean Plate Club on me. I have put effort forth in my 40s to eat better and more balanced. Exercise has helped my energy levels overall. 

 

I do not pat myself on the back and consider myself to have amazing will power. I know I've found a few tricks that work for me that wouldn't work for everyone.  Even though I've always been thin, I've seen first hand people struggling with their weight and have enormous sympathy.

[If you grew up in a conservative Christian home (CC)]

I'd like to add that conservative Christian and fundamentalist are two different things. Southern Baptist=conservative Christian. Independent Baptist=fundie. Very different.

[UGH! I HATE MLM companies, and my feelings are a bit hurt]

+1

When I was a kid we had friends who were into Amway big time. I was never sure if those deep into it were a cult or if they were so socially inept that they couldn't see how they were behaving.  Amway and the other MLMs seem to attract a specific type of person I am better off avoiding.

 

 

Part of the difference is that MLMers like to think of themselves as business owners, when in reality Amway reps and the like are basically telemarketers in person.

 

 

Usually a combination of both.  It depends on the product, but from my experience most of them are not quite as bright as they think they are, so they easily fall for whatever their MLM/Amway masters shovel at them.

 

 I think the OP had every right to feel insulted.

 

I am not involved in MLM and do not intend to be.

 

However, there are board members who are MLM. Even if some of us would not participate in that industry, what was written by this poster was a personal insult towards them, and as such, was unfair and unkind.

[When Silicon Valley Techies Start Schools]

"His vision fit the prevailing ethos of middle-class child rearing, in which offspring are urged to find their enthusiasms and pursue them into rewarding nonconformity."

 

It sounds like unschooling with technology in a brick and mortar school.

 

It's an educational experiment that costs parents $30k/year.

 

The results might be good because with this tuition, you're likely to have parents that care about education and will provide additional enrichment opportunities to their children outside the school. Involved and educated parents often have kids who do well academically.

 

Here's what is worth millions of dollars: figure out a way to help educate kids who don't have strong family support, have parents who don't value education, and find a way to provide a nurturing environment that produces good educational and social results for those kids.

["He stole her heart..." (Am I the only one? Trivial but heartfelt rant.)]

For those that dislike the sappy inspirational sayings, here's a site that has a nice twist for us cynical ones: http://despair.com/collections/

 

Do not click on the link above if you take yourself seriously!

 

I dare you to put this on your wall: "Mistakes. It could be that the purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others."

[Hypothetical Question about spouse having an affair]

???

 

I don't consider that an affair. I consider it unwise timing, tacky, and immature but not an affair. Marriage is not a piece of paper. That said, I find the question bizarre.

 

The people involved in the relationship are the responsible parties.

I always appreciate Joanne's personal and professional insight. However, this time I do not agree.

 

The marriage is legally over when the divorce happens. Many people in unhappy situations could believe their marriage is "over" when, really, they're still married but unfulfilled, contemplating divorce, considering counseling, etc.

 

In this hypothetical situation, the couple is headed toward divorce. They are still married while legal stuff is sorted. Husband (not Ex-husband) is secretly sleeping with someone while living with his current wife. Call me old fashioned, but I think dating is for single people. What the OP is describing is even beyond dating.

 

I also figure if you are doing something in secret, you're probably doing something wrong. There secrecy here adds to the deception.

 

To answer the OP's question, she is not responsible for what her spouse does and certainly not responsible for what he does in secret.

[I am so disappointed, I could just cry. A vent.]

I don't understand about the Crutches. I had Broken Ankles twice. The first after an accident, required emergency surgery. I think I was on Crutches for about 3 months. The cast I had was not a "Walking" cast. Before I was discharged from the hospital, in Physical Therapy (?) I had a course on how to use the Crutches. That involved going up and down some stairs. At that time, I lived upstairs. I managed to survive it. I do not understand why you had so much pain after the surgery. Swelling and discomfort, sure, but to be as uncomfortable as you described, I wonder if something else is going on, either with the medication(s) you were taking, or with the surgery itself. That you fell after the surgery is *not* good and I'm glad you did not injure the ankle that had surgery or anything else. Good luck on getting the scooter you want and I hope that you will recover quickly and completely. BTW, after I recovered from the first broken ankle, I continued to Ice Skate, walk the dog, and other things. I ride my bicycle about 5 days a week now. Physical Therapy is a HUGE help when recovering from surgery. My cousin the eminent M.D. had Spinal surgery about a month ago. He is eager to return to the gym.

I don't understand your confusion. Her experience is different from yours and your cousin's. Her injury, her surgery, and her recovery.

[Practicing NFP when you hyper ovulate?]

Please explain. This sounds interesting.

 

I think we're both exceptionally fertile. Based on how easily we've conceived trying or not my guess is his little guys just keep swimming and my eggs live a good 48 hours.

 

We've only half heartedly tried for 2/5 pregnancies, no charting or anything like that, and this is before I did nfp.

 

I'm only 31, and I have conceived 4 babies in 3 years. Clearly we can't keep going at this rate.

If I had conceived twins while using a particular birth control method, I think I wouldn't use that method anymore.

[A cautionary tale for the introverts amongst us]

I have yet to find the richness and joy in community, but ok.

 

 

Really? You frequent this board. Don't you find some joy in this community? 

 

If so, do you think it's possible to find some people like this IRL?

[A cautionary tale for the introverts amongst us]

For the record, I have two brothers who have been visiting Mum regularly while she has been in hospital. For various reasons, main responsibility for looking after Mum has fallen to me. That's fine.

This is good. Your mother lived a life on her terms and it worked for her. I'm glad she has family, and I'm sure she appreciates you and your brothers' time and attention.

 

For those that are fine with not having friends or community, I keep thinking about the story my nurse friend told me about her Christmas Day experience on her ICU floor. There were several patients nearing the end of their life alone on Christmas Day. Perhaps they had no children or their children live out of town. At any rate they were alone and had been during their hospital stay, including Christmas Day. And, no, these patients were not ok with this.

 

I guess it's one thing to live a relatively isolated life when one is active. It's an entirely different thing to have an isolated life when one is bedridden or at the end of their days.

 

I appreciate the OP sharing her story.

[A cautionary tale for the introverts amongst us]

I guess my objection is to the insinuation that she was/is unhappy living like that. That is not necessarily the case.

 

It is indeed extreme and unusual, but I would not necessarily say it means she is mentally ill. I've had people insinuate that surely I'm not happy if I'm an introvert.

 

I would say the statement of having no hobbies or interests is more telling than the introversion.

I don't see where anyone suggested she was mentally ill for the way she chose to live. My question was wondering if this was something driven by more than just introversion.

 

I know lots of introverts and while I enjoy being around friends, I definitely recharge by myself. I must say that for someone to isolate themselves from everyone but their one child is not typical of most introverts. I appreciate the caution the OP is giving as I think people can have a very small social circle that becomes smaller, perhaps non existent, as they get older. It's something to think about. Personally, I think actively disliking people is a sad way to live. I think people like this are missing out on the richness and joy of community. No one is suggesting parties every week, but some sort of involvement is others' lives, at some points during the year, seems healthy.

[A cautionary tale for the introverts amongst us]

Laura, you say she doesn't like people. So, is she happy having lived like this? It is difficult for me to imagine that someone this isolated isn't lonely. This seems like "introvert" isn't the correct label.

 

I think you posted this more as a warning for people who aren't social rather than a way for your mom to get another reference. It think it really is something to ponder, particularly as people get older.

[a too friendly neighbor friend of my son]

Because I have no confidence that you are able to effect those changes (because your son has progressed to open defiance and because he's so old) my suggestion is find a good boarding school for him. I'm not talking about some mean, punitive place. But a school with a good culture that has things that your son will be interested in. And then spend a lot of time praying for him.

I'm sure you didn't mean to come across harsh and judgmental of the OP.

 

It is my understanding the OP is recently widowed and doing the best she can.

 

OP, I don't think boarding school is the answer. Moving away may well be. In the meantime, maybe some of your older children or a trusted male adult relative or friend can spend some time with DS. He's hurting. This is a hard age for any kid, regardless.

[I think my throat closed up tonight during dinner. Allergy help needed.]

OP here. My insurance has a benefit where I can call and speak to a doctor over the phone. 

 

I relayed in detail what happened at the dinner. I told him that when I thought I was chocking, I quickly took a sip of water to dislodge what I thought was food stuck in my throat. When none of the water would go down, I knew I was in trouble. I also told him I felt like I had a lump in my throat for about an hour afterwards and that my voice was hoarse.

 

He said it was a esophageal spasm. He said if it was an anaphylaxis reaction, the 911 paramedics would've needed to treat me and take me to the ER. He also said since the water wouldn't go down, it was the esophagus that closed, not the lungs. He said that it was the spicy food that likely created this issue. He said once the irritation of the spice was diminishing, my throat opened up.

 

Based on my story, he did not recommend allergy testing.

 

Really, this is great news that it is not a food allergy. While I like spicy food, this meal was far spicier that I've had in the past. I will be more careful about very spicy foods going forward.

 

Good night! I have the upmost sympathy and respect for those who suffer anaphylaxis reactions. I cannot imagine having this ever-present concern. I look at this experience as having gained a heightened awareness of those with life-threatening allergies and will find ways to support and defend them when needed.

[I think my throat closed up tonight during dinner. Allergy help needed.]

I have no environmental or food allergies.

 

I made a new Szechwan beef recipe for dinner tonight. I followed recipe exactly but it was very, very spicy. The recipe called for chilie sauce and red pepper flakes. I didn't know what brand to buy at the store, so I bought a Tabaaco brand which said Thai chilie sauce.

 

The meal was very, very spicy. (No nuts in recipe.) After several bites, I thought I was choking. I took a quick drink to dislodge the food, and water wouldn't go down. I felt I could not get a breath. My kids said later I was wheezing so obviously breathing somewhat.

 

DH performed the Heimlich many times to no avail whole ds called 911.

 

After 10 or so Heimlichs, I felt my throat open. Paramedics came shortly after. All is fine. We realize that I was not choking but rather the throat has closed. Obviously the Heimlich wasn't needed, but how was he to know??

 

I felt like my throat has a lump in it for over an hour afterwards. Was strained to talk. I'm totally fine now though.

 

Can this happen from very spicy food? Sorry to sound so ignorant, but I have never ever had anything like this happen.

 

The one good thing---at least this happened to me and not anyone else tonight. If my cooking had caused this to happen to someone else, I'd be forever traumatized!

 

What do you think happened?

[Oversharing--is it generational, is it social media...]

I definitely think people share more than they used to, overall. Yes, there have always been those who share more freely, but it's different now.

 

In some ways, it is a good thing. For instance, when I was growing up, people didn't talk openly about depression, sexual abuse, or domestic violence. I think people having open discussions about their struggles has helped many that used to feel their issue was a isolated one that they are now not alone. That is huge. When I was growing up, much emphasis was put on showing a good face. Nowadays, when you ask people how they're doing, they just might actually answer the question truthfully. I like that there is a move toward people not being ashamed of things that are not their fault.

 

However, along with that authenticity are people sharing details I don't really need to know. If someone isn't a good friend, it doesn't seem appropriate to share one's drama. Also, I've seen teen and young adult girls freely discuss feminine health issues around males. Maybe I'm being old fashioned, but this seems to lack a sense of propriety and dignity.

 

So, I think the increase in sharing has been both good and bad.

[Need a teen or young adult gift? Great, simple game.]

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B009SAAV0C/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1448813060&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=avalon+game&dpPl=1&dpID=51R-3VzuSYL&ref=plSrch

 

If you want an interactive, lively game you can learn in about 5 minutes, this is awesome.

 

It can get loud and intense. Basically, you get a card that tells you you're either a good or a bad person. You pretend to be a good person and fool people even if you're a bad person. A round goes quickly and you get a new card each time. There's a bit more to it than that, but we've played with multiple people and all of them love it.

 

We've also played Resistance. Same idea and slightly simpler. Get both, but if you can just get one, get Avalon.