Lisa R.
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Posts posted by Lisa R.
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For those of you who think it’s socially appropriate to have one friend use points for the free night while the other pays, what about this:
Two friends stay just one night at hotel. Friend A has points and uses them for the room. Friend B is expected to pay A for half the room rate.
Really, it’s the same scenario—just one night instead of two.
Each person is paying for half the room—one with points and one with money. Is this wrong of friend A to expect money for half the room? No. But it is tacky, IMO
(I was in this situation once. I was the friend that paid the person that reserved the room and used points for the night. I did not complain. We are still friends. But it made her look cheap IMO. I would’ve shared freely with a friend in that situation.)
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I find it odd to look at this like a math textbook story problem rather than through the lense of friendship or manners.
As a story problem, yes, each person owes half whether through money or points.
If someone is close enough to share a hotel room, they’re friends. I find it so tacky that a friend would take the free night and let the other friend pay the whole amount. Yes, friend with points is saving money, but they are making themself look small. Is that worth the money they’re saving?
I think it’s just as tacky for someone to bring a coupon to a restaurant and split the bill but applying the coupon only to their portion.
Is it fair in the strictest sense? Maybe. But I’m glad I have better friends than that.
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I'm hopeful they can get her in counseling immediately. If she's not sharing with her family and friends, perhaps she will share with them.
Also, it's critical to do this while she's still 17. The counselors will still share some information with the family. After she's 18, it could become difficult or impossible for the family to insist she goes to counseling (assuming she's not a danger to herself) and the flow of information from counseling could stop since she's a legal adult.
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I am passionate about education because it is what brought both my parents out of poverty, my mother especially. Her grandparents (my great-grandparents) were tenet farmers, and her grandmother had a second grade education. Her mother (my grandmother) finished high school at night classes (no ged pass/fail test back then) and was the only child of nine children to finish high school. However, she was a single parent during and after the Depression so life hard and employment options were few for a single woman with chronic migraines. Both my parents were the first (and only) college graduates in their families.
I continue to be passionate about classical education, but I am no longer passionate about homeschooling. I homeschooled for 15 years and it was honestly a few years too long. I grew weary of the mediocre standards and some very odd social environments. My two oldest are homeschool graduates and have both graduated from college now. I'd recommend homeschooling only to a dedicated parent and only for elementary school. I'm not sure I'd recommend it after that.
My two younger children attended a classical university model school where I now work part time. I get to talk about classical education, and it is a great fit for me. The part time job is just what I needed after being at home for a few too many years. It's brought balance into my life, and I'm grateful.
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You know, I think about things like this now. When I was a parent to younger kids, I made things hard on myself by choice. I could've changed my babies or toddlers in public but never did so. I made the extra effort to go to the car or a bathroom to do so. It was inconvenient. I watched my kids closely when I was with a group of friends and missed lots of conversations when others were more free range. I never wanted my kids to bother other people so I would take them outside at a restaurant or other public place if they were fussy leaving my meal.
It was a tiring way to parent. I see other parents that make easier choices and they seem less stressed. They don't seem too concerned if those around them are bothered or not. I'm not saying one way is better or more superior, but it's just a different set of choices. There were times I wished I could've been more laid back because I was always inconveniencing myself so I wouldn't potentially bother other people.
I think there's a happy medium here which I never found. Maybe this mother could've found a corner in the waiting area and had her back to everyone shielding the scene from the other passengers rather than picking everything up and going to a germy restroom nearby.
I was definitely the right decision for you not to say anything. I think it's important we don't police other's manners.
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1) What is his problem anyway? Ugh. Please don't let him control your behavior. Be pleasant (I'm sure it will feel forced) around him and feel free to treat him as you would any other guest in your house. If he doesn't like it and doesn't want to come back, so be it.
2) I don't think it's alright to have an all-family dinner and specifically ask for him to be excluded.
3) I would schedule a time for you and ds and dd to go out together--just you three. If you keep it a small group like that, it won't feel like you're excluding people.
4) Having a group together for a birthday is fun. So, make a birthday dinner with another group of people. Maybe all girlfriends. Maybe two other couple friends. Maybe dd and a couple of your sisters. Just make sure it's a group of people you choose and you enjoy.
If you don't feel like you know enough people to ask, think of the people closest to you, even if you don't know them well. I think they'd be flattered to be included in your "inner circle". It's an excuse to branch out.
5) Chose a time to confront your daughter. She is dating a boy with a problem. Come up with your list of concerns with examples to back up your point. Don't nag, but purpose to have one conversation about this, so make sure it's thorough. Compliment his good qualities (again, you'll likely have to force yourself) but show her a balanced prospective including his good qualities and share your concerns. You're daughter's in an unhealthy situation and doesn't realize it yet.
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But....they ARE doing other things, too! Especially Kapernick!
I ageee that Kapeenick is. How about the other 150 that protested on Sunday?
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If you hear me shouting it's because for the vast majority of my life I listened to people who said just keep your head down, do the right things, and you'll be OK. Well it's not ok. It's just.not.OK. and doing/saying nothing is no longer an option no matter how uncomfortable that may make some people. I am frustrated and hurt and angry that after all that's happened and continues to happen folks are still telling me to keep your head down, stay quiet, and do the 'right' thing only no one can tell me what that right thing is. It's not working. It's.not.working. When it was just me, ok, kill me. So what, who cares. I have kids now. These are my children. My children. And in the faces of Samaria Rice and Sybrina Fulton, I see myself. Do you know what that's like? Do you have ANY idea what that's like? And you want these men, fathers, to sit down and shut up so you can comfortably watch TV? SMH.
I hear your pain and your frustration.
However, if you want to change people's minds and start them thinking with a different paradigm, talking calmly, listening well, and finding a common ground is more effective. Shouting and snark and being contentious won't make your point clearer. It will cause people to ignore and/or dig their heels in further.
Really, I'd like to hear your viewpoint.
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My apologies. Kneeling is OK for you, just not satire. Got it.
Speaking of respect and disrespect, can we have a calm and respectful conversation about this issue that is dominating the news? I'm hopeful we can. However, if you continue to shout, using your all caps, and jump over people who agree, disagree, and with those who are asking questions to sort through all this, the thread will be shut down.
I think this can be an enlightening discussion as long as someone doesn't talk down (or shout down) those with whom they disagree.
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I see a lot more slactivism from people who don't want to turn off the TV than from the people on the field, many of whom have individual charities that do a lot for their communities. See LeBron James, Stephen Curry, etc. Have you looked into what these athletes do in their off time? Also note, they're not all millionaires, particularly in the NFL where careers are short and the league minimum is $450K.
I agree that many of these athletes are active in their community and generous with their time and resources.
My point is if the only protest or action is the sitting on the bench or holding a fair, it's not much action.
Again, I don't find those that take a knee disrespectful.
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First, did you read the article? Kneeling is a posture of respect, not disrespect. They kneel when a fellow player is injured, to show solidarity. They kneel when a coach or other authority figure is speaking. They kneel like that to pray in the locker room or on the field. It is NOT a statement of disrespect.
I think standing with a hand over a heart is respectful. Kneeling seems quite respectful, too, in any context I've heard. While I'm not sure it's a choice I'd make, it seems to be a type of quiet, calm but respectful protest.
I think sitting down and holding a fist up are disrespectful choices. If people want to show that disrespect, they are free to do so. The NFL and its fans also have a right to issue a consequence for that behavior whether it is to fire the player, not renew a contract and the fans can stop viewing or attending the games. So, there's freedom on all sides here.
Also, the term slactivism comes to mind. See further explanation here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slacktivism I'd think highly of those respectfully protesting if they're doing something to further race relations or make specific measures furthering the discussion on race relations or police misconduct. However, simply kneeling or sitting or fist raising with a group of people who are doing likewise, isn't taking much of a stand.
It's somewhat similar to someone "liking" or "sharing" their social outrage on Facebook or other social media. That don't make you a force for social change.
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Whenever I hear people saying they don't like dishwashers or feel washing dishes by hand is easier, my guess is that they haven't had a good dishwasher.
Older dishwashers and current cheaper models don't wash very well. Dishwashers in apartments tend to be lower quality. If you buy a good one nowadays, they truly are much, much easier than washing by hand. They have rinse cycles that practically clean off really dirty plates before the washing cycle starts.
So, if you get a cheap one, it would be practically as easy to wash by hand. Pay a little more, and it is a big difference. It is so worth it to me and a total timesaver.
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The NextDoor app provides entertainment money can't buy. Wild animals, crime concerns, and local politics are hot topics. Anytime there is a bobcat spotted, there are two groups that are deeply divided and continue to argue whether we should fear or appreciate these animals. Half the group responding thinks these animals are slinking around waiting to devour small animals and children. The other half thinks anyone that is concerned is stupid as bobcats are harmless. The responses often lack graciousness, tact and common sense.
I've also come to realize that lots of people are really, really concerned about crime. I live in an area that is relatively and thankfully crime free, but it doesn't stop people from suspecting door-to-door solicitors or slow driving cars from being hardened criminals who are waiting for a violent crime opportunity. The paranoia is astonishing.
It can be a great place to get good recommendations for local services, though. It's also an easy place to buy and sell without the craziness that can happen with Craigslist.
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I don't agree that there may come a moment when you are ABSOLUTELY DONE! I know I am done, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like more kids. Dh is definitely done. I am so sure I'm done that I finally got my abdominal hernia repaired, which is not a great idea if a person thinks they might have more kids.
Now, my absolute baby fever that I used to have is gone, so that helps me accept our "doneness". Baby 4 was a surprise, and that was pretty stressful for us, and that also helps me see that numbers 5-infinity would just be increasingly stressful on our marriage. So again, I accept our doneness and don't begrudge it at all.
And now that we're done, here are some advantages I have found:
- Baby is 3 years old. This is the first time in 11 years that I had not been pregnant or nursing, and the first time in 11 years that I am getting consistant sleep. Wow, what a difference this makes for me in terms of energy, mood, productivity...
- I feel like I can take time for my own health now. I got an operation that I'd been putting off for 10 years (got the hernia during pregnancy with first kid) and that has made it possible for me to exercise more strenuously.
- I started exercising again- running and lifting weights- which I was previously too worn out to do and/or couldn't do because of hernia pain.
- I changed my look- new haircut, updated clothes.
- I feel a bit younger than I have for probably the last 5 years because of the improved sleep, energy, and attention to myself.
- I am really enjoying my big kids because I don't have a laser focus on baby's needs.
I want things out of life that I didn't know I wanted until now. I want a career after kids, including going back to school. I want to regain some serious fitness and maintain it well into my senior years. I want to be an active grandparent. It would be incorrect to say I will love those things more than I would love another child. But it is correct to say that at this point, I want them more than I want another child.
Love this post. I, too, had a much needed surgery I'd put off until my youngest was born. I've felt better in my 40s than I did in my 30s because I was healthier--I was getting more sleep and was able to spend more time taking care of myself. I had (a little) time to exercise which gave me more energy and better sleep. As the kids got older, they've expressed happiness as they've watched me enjoy things I didn't have the time for in the past. They like that I can travel easily, visit friends, shop for nice clothes, exercise regularly, etc. It warms my heart to see they are genuinely happy for me. It turns out it wasn't too late to get a part time job that's been very rewarding.
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I'm also one of those people that says the taboo thing that you can totally have a child and regret that choice -- socially we don't seem to give people space to do that. I guess because people can't grasp the idea that someone can wish they didn't have a child and still love that child with all that they are. But hey, that's okay, to each their own.
I do think this is a hidden secret some moms carry. I've had some friends hint that while they love their youngest, they had more children than was optimum for their family. Everyone has a different capacity, and it's hard to predict the pressure and effort all the kids will take. I've seen large families stretched almost to the breaking point taking care of teens in crisis while still caring for toddlers and babies. Many (most?) are surprised at how much time the average teen takes as we tend to think it gets easier after the toddler years. It does get easier, but then it can get harder as people ride out some rocky teen or young adult years. (Hint: if our teens don't take a lot of time, we're probably not doing something right.)
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That nurse is a hero. The easy way to end the conflict would have been to draw the blood. She's calling supervisors, checking into hospital policy while being pressured by the law enforcement officer. She stood her ground because she didn't want to violate the patient's rights. She stood up to his bullying to the end to protect the unconscious patient.
If there's a Nurse of the Year award in that state, she should get it.
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:grouphug: What is more bothersome though, are the few who seem to have a need to be braggadocious about their fecundity. There is a small handful of posters who push the line of tact quite far on that subject, and it is unfortunate that their lack of consideration and modesty painfully affects so many members here.
Wow. I read these boards most days, and I'm not aware of people having a pattern of bragging about their fertility.
That aside, my sympathies to all who are dealing with fertility issues. If you are, could you give us some ways to be more sensitive, other than asking those invasive and clueless questions in your original post?
It is a hidden pain, and I'd like t hear more how we can appropriately respond and support. (Other than not bragging about one's fertility--because I'm not sure I've seen anyone do that IRL or online.)
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BTW, it can help to know this isn't just a religious thing. It is often seen in any human when they do something different than what they were raised with - enjoying/avoiding sports, changing brand names of grocery items, cooking foods (like steaks or veggies) differently, parenting differently, vacationing differently, buying a different type of car, etc.
. Most of us have something we need to logically "get over" or simply decide there's nothing wrong with it and continue the legacy. The big deal (that I see) is not teaching the next generation that this is the only right way to do things or condemning folks in this generation for choosing differently.
Yes! I agree that this extends to areas beyond a religious upbringing.
I think that, as parents, the best we can do as we try to extend ourselves as best we can, is to model a non-judgmental attitude for our kids so they have fewer hang-ups.
So, while I may have a strong personal opinion on immunizations, I can make clear to my kids that thoughtful, invested and educated parents fall on both sides is this issue.
Same with different political views, doctrinal differences, housekeeping habits and on and on. I want to teach my kids to think through and follow their convictions and have respect for people that make different choices.
This goes DOUBLE for nonessential, small issues like women wearing make up, people who follow or don't follow celebrities, people who eat or don't eat gluten free and so on.
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There's not really enough information here to evaluate this welll.
From the little you've described, it sounds like this is, in fact, an effective way to deal with bullies. Kudos to her for not being diplomatic. Or tactful. Or quiet.
From your description, it sounds like the bullies got their feelings hurt. "I was in the middle of inappropriately asserting myself over a person less powerful than me, and you directly told me to knock it off. That's mean!"
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I find it weird that someone would comment on another's food choices. It's not like you were eating chocolate covered grasshoppers or anything.
I've found that some people are really food-centered. They are not only really concerned about what they eat, they are also invested in other people's food choices.
Sincerely,
A picky eater whose food choices have brought comments most of my life.
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OP here. I have no idea who the other boys are and no way to find out, really.
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There are 12 yr olds on top of the roof of a 2 story house? Did I read that right?
Honestly, I might be inclined to place an anonymous call to the police. That's insanity. How are they getting up there?
Yes, you read it right. She is honestly a very responsible and concerned person. (She's a PTA and neighborhood volunteer.) it seems like a wild and odd lapse. I'm afraid this kind mama will have someone calling CPS on her.
I don't know how they are managing to get up on the roof.
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Please don't quote as I will delete later.
We have a two story house, and each floor has 10 foot ceilings plus an attic. So, the house is at least 30 feet tall. The roof is steep with multiple angled pitches. When we've had roofers, they've commented on the steepness of our roof.
My neighbor has a similar complicated roofline and house height.
Yesterday, I observed her 12 year old son on her roof with two friends of similar age.
I don't know neighbor too well. I've found her to be very friendly and known her to be a responsible person. (My dd has babysat for her and ds has done work for her as well. She's always been awesome.)
I like to mind my own business, but I was so concerned given height and multiple kids and what professional roofers have told me about my own roof. 😯
So, I texted neighbor and said, "just wanted you to know your son and friends are playing on the roof. I'm not judging as that likely something my son would have like to do at one time. Just wanted to make sure you knew."
She replied back, "I'm aware and son knows I don't like it. I hope he doesn't break his neck!! Thanks for letting me know, though."
Then today, they were back on the roof again.
I guess I'm just astonished given the height and steepness of roof and the liability of having other children on there too.
I've never tattled on neigjtbor kids before, and now that I did--parent is ok with that behavior.
Hive thoughts?
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There is evil in the world. I'm allowed to talk about my experience of it. Even if that challenges the narrative that a low chance of things happening means a guarantee that they will not happen. Yes, I used words to communicate my thoughts. There's a difference between that and judgement. I feel very judged by you. You are needling me by throwing trauma I stuck my neck out to share back in my face repeatedly. Please stop.
Yes, there is evil in the world. Yes, you're allowed to talk about it. In fact, your experiences were helpful to hear in the context of this thread. On this board we come from vastly different backgrounds and sharing those is been eye opening and broadening. While statistics are helpful, it is also helpful to hear stories so we realize there is a person behind each and every
situation.
I'm sorry your were repeatedly treated as you were.
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What are the secrets? The unwritten rules?
in The Chat Board
Posted
For my daughters, I tell them that girls can seek attention or respect. Attention is easy to get. Respect is not. Aim for respect. It takes longer but it earned and it is satisfying.
When girls/ women take that advice to heart, it changes how and why they make certain choices. It’s helped my daughters become more independent and want to make wiser choices for themselves while foregoing some of the shallowness than can be temporarily rewarding but fleeting and ultimately empty.