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Kathryn, I'm so sorry.
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Yeah, I cut off the gnawed bit already (and fed it to my nice, well-behaved cat in front of the naughty one. I'm evil. :p) Dd saw the whole thing, so I'm sure she'll tell dh about it, but he's not picky. Knowing him, he wouldn't even have bothered to cut off the chewed bit, lol.
Oh, ok, well, that's just gross, LOL. :D I'd TOTALLY cut off the chewed part.
And LOL about feeding it to the good cat. Sounds like something I'd do, too. :)
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Well, um, I'd cut off the chewed on part and continue on.
But tbh, I wouldn't mention it to dh or the kids. That's bad, isn't it? I dunno. They'd be all freaky about it and not eat it, even though I think it'd be perfectly fine. Sigh. Maybe it's bad that I'd do that to them. I'm not sure.
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Well, for many many reasons I'm thankful I wasn't forced by a judge to spend 1/2 the time at my father's house.
And I also believe it would be a bad idea for kids to not have a stable "place" where they can have a full life. Constantly being shuttled between homes hours apart doesn't allow kids to have a solid identity anywhere. How are they going to play sports or participate in other extracurriculars, get a job, etc., etc., etc. if they are forced to be hours away 1/2 the time?
The father of my oldest boys neglected them while they were at his house. How is it right to let a 4 year old get Pop Tarts for the 2 year old for breakfast each morning at 8am, that they eat while watching TV all day, so that Dad can sleep until 2, while Mom who provides good meals and a wholesome environment is home waiting for them to come back? I had to FLY home in the middle of my boys' 3-month-long visits with their father to get their hair cut, cut their nails, brush their teeth, and clean their ears. He truly wanted nothing to do with them, and then insisted on taking them for the longest time possible as a power play, just to get back at me for leaving him. His indifference toward any of us was ONE of the reasons I left in the first place. I could write a book with all the trouble he has caused in their lives. And you think that's okay? And he should have been sanctioned by law to do that with more of their time?
Is your position about what's best for the father, or the kids? Fair doesn't mean equal. In a divorce it should mean the KIDS get what they need.
Of course I don't think that children should be left with neglectful parents. :rolleyes:
However, I think the courts *default* should be that both parents should have equal time with their children, assuming both parents are not neglectful. That would be the IDEAL for children. Both mothers and fathers are equally important in their children's lives, and should have equal input into them, provided that both the mother and father are not neglectful.
In your case, you should have taken dad back to court if he was being neglectful to the children.
My mother used to smoke pot in front of us when we were with here for visitaition. I was five years old. It's not just dads that can be neglectful.
My point is that courts are still skewed towards giving mom more rights than dad SIMPLY BECAUSE they're mom. That's not right. Both parents should have equal time to parent their children if they are fit parents. THAT is what is best for children.
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Well, we never got a white noise machine, but we did use white noise a lot for naps. The boys had a clock radio in their room, and I just set the radio on a static station. :D Worked pretty well.
Now we just turn on either our fan our air purifier if we want white noise.
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Thinking about my personal enounters a bit more...
My mom and dad were 18 and 19 when they married. Dad was like two months out of highschool. They had my sister exactly 9 months later; conceived on their honeymoon. So, not a shotgun wedding. They divorced after only 4 years. They were highschool sweethearts, and it could've been a wonderful love story. Except my mother had a miscarrage the pregnancy after me. She had to deliver the baby dead at 7 months along. Apparently this caused her to have a mental breakdown. She got into drugs and was never the same person after. So sad.
My bil and sil had their first child before marriage, and married one month before dh and I. So, they've been married 11 years now. They had another child after marriage. I don't know if it was a shotgun wedding, but I do suspect HIS parents put pressure on them, as they are religious people. Anyway, while they don't seem particularly thrilled to be married to each other, LOL, they also don't seem like they'll get divorced anytime soon.
So there's my stories, FWIW.
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Well, all I can say is that I'm forever grateful that dh and his older children's mother did NOT have a shotgun wedding. They most certainly would have ended up divorced (based on the fact that, well, they're not still together right now, LOL).
Because of my personal beliefs on divorce and remarriage, I therefore would not have married my dh.
I see NO reason to pressure someone into getting married because the woman is pregnant. It doesn't fix *anything*. If you believe sex before marriage is a sin, then getting married after having sex doesn't change that, you know? And marriage is a sacred bond that the Lord does NOT take lightly.
If my children were ever in this postion (God forbid, but seeing as my dh was, I *am* realistic about the posibility), I would NOT counsel them to get married based on the pregnancy alone. What an awful idea.
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Then it's unfair how the women "automatically" get the kids, plus get child support
Well, I must say that *in general*, I agree with the above.
I believe that if a woman stays home to raise the children, and therefore has no income, that in the case of divorce, a husband should be required to supply alimony for a length of time. I don't, however, agree with child support at all. I think the default should be that the children split their time EQUALLY between homes, and no one pays anyone child support.
JMO, which is likely influenced by the fact that 1)my father raised me and my two sisters from a very young age with NO child support from my mother at all, and 2) my dh (even though he wasn't married to her, they do have visitation and support agreements) has never missed ONE child support payment, is a wonderful father, and yet the courts still did/do not allow him to have his children half the time. His kids, according to the court order, spend roughly 1/3 of their time here at dads. It just isn't fair, IMO.
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Bethany and Jennifer, I am so touched by your offering.
I'm not certain what campus we would be on. In the past, we've been at the Troy hospital for my sister's surgery and my mom's foot. That is the one closest to us. However, I am sure that each campus has it's own set of specialities so it's hard to say where we may end up.
Gals, normally, I'm not a "put other people out" kind of person. I stick my chin out and roll. But, this one, this one may have me beat. I may need some help. I'm going to suck it up and try not to inconvenience others, however, it's possible that this time my "can do it myself" independence may not be enough.
I need to go make my children get an education. I worked out at the gym for so long I completely lost track of time. I think, on most levels, this obsession with working out some of my tension by exercising is good because I need it! On the other hand, I need to be a bit more moderate in my approach because my poor arm muscles are getting angry with me. I think, in particular, the one weight lifting machine, I may have overdone it a bit. I didn't notice anything during the work-out, but YIKES...now that I'm sitting down and typing, there some "dogs a barking!"
Thank you everyone. I am so blessed to have the Hive!
Faith
Faith, seriously, I just google maped it; Troy Beaumont is six miles from my house.
Please let me know if there's any way I can help you.
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I've got IRL girlfriends that I talk to, but I've got friends on here, too.
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He has been a nite owl since he was a baby :) I would love to let him work at night but he doesn't sleep in.
Ah. This is important info.
My ds is almost 10, so here's what I'd do if it were me:
I'd let ds do his school work in the middle of the night if he wanted ,but he then MUST get adequate sleep, either by sleeping in or by taking a nap. I'd allow this so long as it didn't interfere with the rest of the family's day. 10 is plenty old enough to understand that he's not allowed to get up in the middle of the night and do his work if he's going to be grumpy due to lack of sleep.
I'd allow it here so long as ds followed the rules. And he couldn't wake us all up, either. If he was doing it and then not sleeping enough (and therefore being grumpy), I'd tell him he wasn't allowed to do it anymore and why. If he disobeyed, I'd enforce disobedience consequences that you have in your house.
And in full disclosure, while I'd allow it here at my house if ds followed the rules (get enough sleep, don't wake anyone up), dh would put the kibosh on it. He would think it too weird, and wouldn't want ds up in the middle of the night alone. :D
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I'm agreeing with Bethany here. I live very, very close to the Beaumont in Grosse Pointe, if that is where you are going. Please PM me. I would love to be able to help in ANY way. We have a nice guest room and you are welcme to use it. I can cook meals. Whatever. Oh - and we have a piano you can play!!
If you are in Royal Oak, we are still pretty close! Please let me know. Really. Take Bethany and me up on our offers please!!!
I don't have a guest room, but I can cook, bring food, suggest restaurants, or just come sit with you.
I'd love to meet you. I wish the circumstances were different, but still.
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Laurel, I have no words that seem helpful. I'm so sorry for your loss. Fathers/grandfathers are very precious, and are missed deeply when they leave us.
You know it *will* be ok, but right now is just so hard. Please lean on any IRL support you have. And if you're a Christian, lean on the Lord. He is there. :grouphug:
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So, what's his deal, LOL.
Does he just like to be done with his work early in the day so that he can have the rest of the day free? What's his reason for getting up in the middle of the night to do his school work? That'd help me understand how to respond. Is he just bored, does he ENJOY doing his schoolwork, or is he just trying to get it done?
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Faith, listen to me, because I mean this.
I live very close to both the Troy and Royal Oak Beaumont Campuses. Grosse Pointe is much further, but I'm assuming you're considering the Royal Oak campus.
My stepkids live in Royal Oak, and Dh works in Troy. I am in the area FREQUENTLY, and we live just 20-25 minutes north of Royal Oak.
I want you to contact me if there's anything I can do for you. I forget where exactly you live, but I know it's a ways north of here (maybe you're up in the thumb more, closer to Bad Axe, or over by Bay City?). Either way, that's a LONG drive for you guys.
I'm here, and I want to help you any way I can. You can pm me anytime, and I'll send you my personal email and cell phone number.
Keep fighting for your dad. He's blessed to have you. :grouphug:
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Hmm. If I were trying to keep it around $20, I think I'd get (these are 'regular'/non-sale prices I'd pay here in MI):
A loat of HFCS free 100% whole wheat bread (we get Aunt Millies) - $2.29
A jar of natural peanut butter: $3.49
A bag of either apples or oranges: $3.49
Three microwave ready bowls of EasyMac or some other sort of ravioli/ramen noodles: $4
A bag of sunchips or other healthyish snack, like veggie chips or whatever: $3.49
That's $16.76. I'd spend the rest on whatever I could find a good deal on. Some ideas would be:
Some drink boxes of milk; Somtimes Kroger puts the Horizons Organic milk boxes on sale for $1 each
A box of healthyish cereal, like Cheerios for example
those tuna salad packages that come with the tuna and mayo together
natural jelly/jam
100% juice boxes
individual cups of fruit or applesauce
perhaps a small treat, like right now I'd check out the clearance Easter candy (I'm sure this would be much appreciated by a broke college student)
Knowing me, I'd end up spending somewhere between $30 and $40 because I couldn't get him everything I wanted to for $20. :D
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I was a bride last summer. I had the most filled out registry on the planet, and I loved it when people got us that stuff. However, from my MIL, the family tradition pancake pan would have been very special. If I was the bride, that's what I would want from you.
I agree.
And I'd give her the mixer too Julie. Just not at the shower; some other time, just because you want to.
She sounds like a great gal, and she's lucky to have you for a MIL.
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:blink:
:iagree: :D
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Really, most recipes are just suggestions, aren't they? :D
Honestly, other than with baking, I mainly use recipes as idea starters for what *my* family would enjoy. And even with baking I do substitutions and whatnot. Just takes a bit more experience, because baking is more of a science than cooking is.
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Unless we need to be somewhere, if they sleep in, I don't wake them, no matter how late (though I think 9 is the latest that's ever happened).
We're the same. In fact, to be honest, we usually let the boys stay up until 10 pm. Then they wake up whenever they're rested. We don't make early morning appointments usually, so it works well for us. The boys usually wake by themselves anytime between 7 and 9, just depending on how much rest they need. It really works well for us at this season in our lives.
I know other families like to put their kids to bed early to have 'adult time', but we like to hang out all together as a family. At some point in the evening we do often ask the boys to go play together so mommy and daddy can have some time, and that's when we discuss anything we need to without little ears around. Other than that, we spend our evenings mostly together as a family. Since our boys are older and no one's co-sleeping anymore, we also have private time in bed. Um, unless Moose is 'camping out' on our floor, which he does about half the time. :p If he had his way, we'd all four of us share one bedroom. But daddy has drawn the line there. :D
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I've actually been pleasantly surprised at what I've been able to get at the hospital my mom works at/dad stayed at with his heart attack. They had mixed greens or spinach alongside their iceberg in the salad bar, and I was always able to build a healthy salad there. My favorite combo was the mixed greens, sunflower seeds, hard boiled eggs, cucumber, tomato, sharp cheddar, and dried cranberries, topped with a grilled chicken breast. And I even was able to find a carton of milk. Not sure why I wanted milk so bad that one time, but sure enough, they had skim milk. :)
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Oh Faith! What wonderful news! Praise Jesus. :)
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Your biomom is where she is because of her own choices. Feel sorry for her, pray for her, help her find whatever resources she may need if she asks, but DO NOT GIVE HER MONEY! Be gentle, but wise.
Um, Chucki already told me not to give her money.
:D
Seriously, I'm not going to. I realize she may very well still have an addiction problem, and there's no way I'm going to support that.
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You know, my bio mom who recently found me on facebook? She lives in a motel in Flint. 2 miles from the hospital my father is living in.
It all just makes me so sad.
I mean, she *lives* in a *motel*. In *Flint.*
That's two tiny steps up from homeless. You've got motel, homeless shelter, the streets.
Anyway, I don't really know why I'm sharing except it makes me sad.
In happier news, my dad was in good spirits at my visit with him today. He has plastic surgery scheduled for Monday to put a skin graft over his pressure ulcer. Still no idea how many more weeks he'll be living in the hospital. He SOOO wants to go home. He was talking to me about the fun things he wants to do with me and the boys this spring and summer.
s/o wedding presents
in The Chat Board
Posted
My husband had two sets of parents when we married; mom/stepdad, and dad/stepmom.
His dad/stepmom bought us a trailer at the lake where they also had a trailer. Even though dh specifically asked them not to, because we were still in an apartment at the time and didn't need a 'second home', LOL. (We sold the trailer within a year I think.) His father also forgave the loan he gave dh for my engagement ring. They also hosted the rehersal dinner at their home. His stepmom made my veil, the favors, the card box, and she gave me a purse to carry that was, um, very *not* my taste, LOL, but it was a sweet gesture.
His mother and stepdad paid for our honeymoon, some various wedding things (like disposable cameras for the reception and a few other smaller things I think), and they gave us a cash gift of a few thousand dollars, if I recall correctly.
My parents gave us nothing and contributed nothing to the wedding. They did attend, however.