3lilreds in NC
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Posts posted by 3lilreds in NC
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:svengo:
:lol: I hope they turn out to be fabulous! My sister lives near a bakery like that - they've been on TV and everything. She said the prices are ridiculous.
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Part of the problem is that dh has to re-understand ea time why we're saying no. They want us to come over this weekend. Since the van's not running well, dh suggested 2-3 alternatives. I finally said no, & he kind-of...was surprised...wanted to "talk about it." :glare:
I asked him if he was more concerned about disappointing his parents' expectations of if he more WANTED to go--definitely both w/ him. He couldn't tell which was more, but after thinking about it, he says, "I don't know if I really want to go at all...it's just...what we do."
Dh has *never* missed a Christmas at home. Ever. The natural rhythm between families never developed for us because my mom moved out of state, my dad died, & my grandparents...well. But that means we have no excuses to say no to ils & we're *expected* to be there/have them here for Easter, birthdays, Valentines, etc. Everything. Except Christmas--then it's their house, period.
I know you think it makes you look bad when dh takes the kids without you, honey, but really, it just doesn't matter. This is the mindset change I'm talking about. They can think what they like, throw tantrums, cry, and try to guilt or bully you into things, and that is THEIR choice and THEIR problem. I know it's easier said than done, but they are not likely to change their expectations or suddenly be able to understand where you're coming from, so you need to do what YOU need to do and leave them to get over it.
I have often wished we could have a family holiday without the inlaws. We have friends who do one year with his parents, one with hers, and then one just for themselves. I always thought that sounded like a fabulous idea, but really, I only want to skip the year with the ILs, LOL, so that wouldn't work out so well. Also, II tend to get really depressed around the holidays, living so far away from my family, so I have never forced the issue. I don't think dh would go for that either.
If you don't like every Christmas day at their house, could you go over on Christmas Eve instead? Or tell them that you're having Christmas morning at home, alone, and then see them later for lunch? I never did have to work this out, really, because we had kids after we moved to NC so whichever set of parents is in town is already at my house.
This is definitely something you have to work out with dh. He needs to be able to respect your needs, even if he doesn't fully understand them, and support you in front of his parents. If he can do that, then it truly does not matter how they react. They WILL get over it, if they want to continue to have you in their lives and still get to see their grandchildren.
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Best of My Love - The Eagles
- Bon Jovi- Journey -
That is so hard.
Are you tracking your cycle? Taking Charge of Your Fertility really helped me understand what was happening in my system. I didn't realize that you could tell if things were not functioning correctly just by watching your monthly signs.
Also, low thyroid can interfere with fertility.
:iagree:
:grouphug:
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I called mine Grandma and Grandpa, and if I needed to distiguish, Grandma/Grandpa Last Name.
You would not believe the drama dh's parents made when trying to decide what they wanted to be called when their first grandchild was born. Holy guacamole. Actually, it was probably my SIL who created most of the drama, as she is wont to do. *Her* mother did not want to be called "Grandma," so went with Nana (nah nah). Her father *did* want to be called Grandpa, so he got that name. MIL *did* want Grandma, I think, and it translated into Grammy when the first dgd couldn't say Grandma. FIL got Papa. (SIL also had the kids call her grandfather Gee-gee-Pa, which seemed unnecessarily complicated to me and NOT easy to say. Mine called my grandmother, Grandma, and if we needed to distinguish we referred to her as Great-Grandma. I called all my greats just "Grandma." I was not confused, by that, at least. :lol:)
Mine like being called Grandma and Grandpa. I find it funny that Schmooey calls both grandpas, "Papa." That name bugs me no end, and I don't know why, other than I thought all the hullabaloo over names for grandparents was just STUPID.
My favorite name ever is Grandmommy. I can't imagine my kids calling anyone that, but it is so sweet and endearing. Is it a southern thing?
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SunTrust is the bank I used. Do you have one near you?
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Sorry for lecturing. Can you tell I have inlaw issues? :lol:
The key here is a change in YOUR mindset. They're going to react how they're going to react. You have to be able to remove yourself from that and do what is best for you.
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Yeah, "that won't work for me" works fine initially, but somehow it always comes out later that I wasn't doing anything at all. And my ils have a tendency to go through bouts of planning something every. single. weekend. Things that are Very Important & Can't Be Skipped w/out causing a rift in the fabric of humanity. Things like bridal showers for distant cousins' new brides. Or distant cousins' 5th weddings. Or Random Barbecue where Distant Cousins Who Never Come to Town will be & want to see us.
We're the only ones in our generation w/ kids (until very recently), & I think that effects the pressures they put on us.
One option you have is to let dh take the kids, if it's important to him and them that you guys make an appearance. The nice part about that is that it gives you some alone time.
You can also sit down with dh and decide, for example, that you will do something with his parents one weekend per month, period. He can choose which activity you will attend, but once a month for those kind of social occasions is all you will do. You can decide if "you" means "you, yourself" or "you, the entire family." You can also decide to do more than one thing if something truly special comes up that you would like to attend.
You have to get over caring what they think if they find out you weren't doing anything. If you don't like all those social activities, and lots of people don't, then DON'T GO TO THEM ALL. Really, it's OK. I would not participate in all that stuff for dh's family if I lived near them. His parents would sulk and throw tantrums and tell dh and everyone else that I was trying to keep him from his family and keep the kids away from them, but I still wouldn't do it (they already say those things and we live 11 hours away). Dh could decide to take the kids, more power to him, but there is no way I would be doing all that.
They will get over the disappointment, I promise. They can accept it or not, that's their problem. If you have a good relationship with them and could tell them that you feel overwhelmed by all this stuff, that's fine, but if not, simply decline politely and go on about your business. It's not their business why you don't feel like socializing with half the state of TX on a regular basis, but you have to remember that it's not and communicate that to them.
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I have to ask... Those of you with children that run around naked, or have it as a phase your kids go through, how do you dress everyday?
:lol: Do you wonder if we are all secretly nudists?
I wear jeans & t-shirt every day.
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Try Breakout Br@s. They have a great sizing calculator and they carry TONS of styles and sizes.
:grouphug: That is no fun at all. I'm sorry!
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It's hard with inlaws and parents. I am still not good at setting those boundaries. It's easier with my inlaws because I don't like them, and really, my parents don't require that many boundaries because they live 20 hours away.
Just accept that the inlaws are going to be disappointed. It's a fact of life at my house. :D You and dh need to decide what works for your family, and they can decide to get upset or accept that you're doing what you believe is best. Either way, it's NOT YOUR PROBLEM and that is the hardest part to accept.
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In that ex, let's say YOU have a boundary that your evenings are spent w/ your dh. You'll only do things w/ friends on the weekend. How would you guys work that out? (Theoretically) I'm willing to bet that in most cases, the other person would think *you* were being rude for having these boundaries--whether they had their own or not.
And do you think "boundaries" means "inflexibility"? Because, yeah, w/out *some* give, the 2 of you could easily not see ea other. But I'm passive-aggressive, so I'd be fine w/ that. ;)
We just did things that the kids could do, too. I will say that our time together decreased greatly when she found out I was going to homeschool. She is still my best friend. I don't blame her for not wanting my entourage with us all the time. We don't live in the same place anymore, but every now and then we would get together in an evening, during the week, when dh could watch the kids. We really didn't see each other much.
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Tadpoles are fun! We have some in a 5 gallon aquarium right now. If you want some of mine, you can certainly have them. We have WAY too many!
You could study aquatic plants. That's what Abbie is supposed to be doing in our 20 gallon.
Actually, it's turned more into her fish tank. She's got lots of baby dalmation lyretail mollies, and would have some creamsicle lyretail babies if the killifish weren't eating them. You could get some livebearing fish and watch them have babies. That's been a lot of fun.
A terrarium would be easy and fun too!
Ah, the possibilities :D!
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I do think you have to temper your boundary-setting with prayer and love. You shouldn't use them to be rude. I will say that as a boundary-challenged person, I have found people with good boundaries to be a little off-putting at first, simply because it's so strange to me that someone would HAVE boundaries in the first place.
For example, I have a friend who will not do anything with anyone but her husband on the weekend. They don't have any kids, and they make their time together a priority. I thought she would make an exception for *me* since I can only leave the kids with dh on the weekends. Nope. We do things with my kids, and on the occasional evening, but she does not break her weekend rule. I know it's good for her marriage, but it was weird to me at first. She is not rude about it, though.
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It was very helpful to me to read it. I haven't read it in a long time, so bear with me. :)
My philosophy is that if everyone would just play nicely, we would all get along. Much to my astonishment, everyone does not play by MY rules. :confused::lol: What it helped me to see is that I need to communicate my boundaries. If I don't like being treated a certain way, I don't have to tolerate it. Letting myself get squashed and then stewing about it is silly.
I also learned that my MIL is a master boundary buster. She can be any type, any time. If one way isn't working, she switches to another. It's quite impressive, really. Learning to recognize the ways in which she tries to manipulate was eye-opening, and made it easier to stand up for myself because I learned to expect the behavior and be somewhat proactive rather than reactive when she gets started.
Dh's family prefers to deal with things on a case-by-case basis. Rather than sitting down and saying "This is OK, this is not" they wait until a situation arises. This does not work for me. There is *always* a situation. While dh is not willing to sit down and have a discussion with his parents (it really would be pointless) he knows what my expectations are, and I know his, so we know generally how to respond.
I think the key with your dh is to talk to him about the boundaries you'd like to set and why you feel that way. Try to help him understand where you're coming from. When we had our "marriage moment" a few years ago, I was not very nice about setting boundaries with him. He still loves me. :D I do think it helped to get the issues out into the open and talk about what was OK and what was not.
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Oh, my goodness! :lol::lol::lol:
Schmooey peed on the playground the other day, at the Lutheran school where Emma participates in Girls on the Run. He was underneath the jungle gym, the one that looks like a dome, whipped his shorts down and peed. His little friend was mortified. I told him he needs to pee in the potty, and he's been good about telling me since then that he needs to go and we go inside, but I thought I would die.
He really likes it when we're working outside and he gets to pee in the bushes. By "gets to" I mean he sneaks off where I can't see him and pees on something.
A good friend of mine asked me recently if he'd tried to see how big of an arc he could make yet. :ack2::laugh:
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Warning: there is some language. I found it highly entertaining, however, and have re-named my Sienna "Millennium Falcon." :D
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Not really. The less they wear at home, the less laundry I have to do.
That too. :D
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Ummmmm..... Schmooey prefers to be naked. Even if I get him dressed, he's quite adept at removing his clothing. When it's just us during they day, if he wants to have a bare hiney, I let him. If there are people here, he has to get dressed, and sometime re-dressed as he tends to strip when he uses the bathroom and HE doesn't care if other people are here when the desire to be naked strikes.
Daddy prefers that he wear underwear, so when Dad's home, we put the dunders on. Abbie went through her nudist phase, as well, and eventually outgrew it. I have faith that Schmooey will someday want to wear clothes, too. :D
It doesn't bother me and we have bigger fish to fry at this point.
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No, you may not. It's TOP SECRET. That's why the link is in my signature line. :D
Just kidding. I use Blogger, too, and it's really easy. They've made some updates recently that made it even easier.
AudreyTN made mine pretty for me. She rocks.
ETA: I need idiot-proof too, and I can do Blogger.:)
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:grouphug: It's OK! I am sure you did just fine.
It's funny, isn't it, how people can react to homeschooling?
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Why, you must have a child related to Schmooey by osmosis! I am pretty sure his goal in life is to make sure his sisters remain uneducated and ignorant. If I am not actually looking at him, he's getting into something, somewhere. His latest favorites are getting into lotion or cream, any kind he can find, and covering himself and everything around him with it, and then putting however much TP is left on the roll into the toilet and then seeing if it flushes. :glare:
Bless his little pea-pickin' heart. :D
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Oh my goodness - that is AWESOME!
:party:
Perhaps I shall have to start going to Goodwill on Fridays, too!
Need a Quick Laugh? Time for Easter Cake Wrecks!
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
:lol: That bread is crazy!