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EMS83

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Posts posted by EMS83

    Successful Relationships

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Sacrifice and charity.  Forgiveness.  Time.  Lots of all of that.  How much to include your DH will depend on how helpful he is in the healing process.  If it seems too much for him or you, find a mentor.  Or a counselor.  Or just keep a private journal, if that's helpful.  Just don't bottle it up.  Give him status updates, at least, though, and try not to let it crowd out other areas of your lives together.  It's hard.  Life is hard, and so is marriage.   :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  

    • Like 3

    How do you pay your bills on time?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I use Google calendar to let DH know when things are due, but I try as much as possible to just pay everything on the 1st online (manually; I don't like auto pay).  The one that I can't do this with is water, which is due at the end of the month and doesn't roll over until mid-month.  Also, I also check our bank account several times per week and balance the ledger just as frequently.  DH advised against apps, but I'm home a lot, so sticking with my laptop for fiances isn't a big deal.  I use Excel for our the ledger and other tracking methods.  It's probably scary if you don't enjoy Excel, though.  :D

    recommended TED Talk: We're building a dystopia just to make people click on ads

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by CES2005

    We already have no TV.  I told a cable telemarketer once that in order to even consider buying TV service, I'd need either a) a la carte channel purchasing capability or b) free service.  :D  I really do need to decrease my internet usage, though.  My days are better the less time the laptop is open.

     

    edited for clearer...syntax, or something...

    Clothes- for yourself and your kids

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I was talking with someone earlier this week and was curious if what she said is generally true or not. Maybe I'm crazy! Anyway, I have seen thread here talking about groceries so I was curious how much you all allow in your budget for clothes for your family and for you. So, I have two questions:

     

    1. Do you consider yourself fashionable or care about fashion? How much do you allow maybe per year for clothes, shoes, and accessories for yourself? Do you consider beauty products as part of your clothes budget?

     

    2. How much do you budget for your kids?

     

    3. How much is budgeted for your husband?

     

    I would appreciate your help.

     

    You know I've been pretty darn curious what it was she said...  If you're able to share.  :D

    • Like 2

    Clothes- for yourself and your kids

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by CES2005

    I was talking with someone earlier this week and was curious if what she said is generally true or not. Maybe I'm crazy! Anyway, I have seen thread here talking about groceries so I was curious how much you all allow in your budget for clothes for your family and for you. So, I have two questions:

     

    1. Do you consider yourself fashionable or care about fashion? How much do you allow maybe per year for clothes, shoes, and accessories for yourself? Do you consider beauty products as part of your clothes budget?

     

    2. How much do you budget for your kids?

     

    3. How much is budgeted for your husband?

     

    I would appreciate your help.

     

    1. Nope!  I like basics, even when dressing up for church.  And I don't buy beauty products at all, but if I didn't, they wouldn't be considered part of the clothing budget.  Belts are included in the clothing category, though.  But not purses.  Nor jewelry.  Neither of which I buy anyway.

     

    2. I don't budget so much as have a quota, and once it's filled, that's it.  I may buy the next size up, though, if I find a really good deal.  And I try to shop sales, unless something never goes on sale--3 of us wear Carhartt jeans.  Those are always $35.  Two of us only have 2 pairs each, and they are very durable.  I prefer to pay less than $10 for any other item of clothing.  Shoes are the exception; we buy good shoes a size or two up for the kids, and keep a minimum amount of pairs.  About $50/pair is the average; I give up on pairs only when they have irreparable holes in them, though.  I probably have the fewest clothes out of everyone, DH has the most.  For all five of us, this year so far we've spent $1,600.  One year we spent $2,500.  Drives me bonkers, but it could be a lot worse, I think.  All new, no secondhand; DH banned secondhand clothes several years ago.  HTH!

    recommended TED Talk: We're building a dystopia just to make people click on ads

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Fair enough, but did I miss her suggestions? You mention less usage, different usage, ad blockers, etc. Did she? Are those enough?

     

    It could have been my inference; I'd have to go back and watch it again to see.  The regulations inference is equally valid; I tend to focus on "what can I do now" lines of inquiry, though.  I guess I don't feel my legislator (used generically) will listen, even if I took the time to write.  I have no idea if it's enough--to protect an individual or to shift the system?  I mean, I don't know either way, but those are two different goals requiring different steps and with different timelines.

    • Like 1

    recommended TED Talk: We're building a dystopia just to make people click on ads

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Did I miss a crucial point, or was the talk's takeaway just that we need to do something? Did I miss realistic, concrete steps to take for change? Are whatever steps we think of ourselves just making us feel better, but not really changing anything? (In other words, is the information still being gathered? I've known situations where people jumped all sorts of hoops to protect privacy, but didn't know about one tiny little thing, so all their effort was entirely pointless.) 

     

    I think the TED Talk lady was thinking more along the lines of end user changes, but I could be wrong.  Less usage, different usage, ad blockers, etc.  And general awareness to create general resilience.

    • Like 2

    Magazine article: Better Off Without College

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by CES2005

    I liked the article, actually.  I saw it as some intentional boat rocking to get people thinking.  But see, I was the LAC student who went because that's what you're "supposed" to do, who has never applied for a "real" job, who never intends to, who wasted a LOT of time in very unacademic pursuits, and I wasn't alone in that (though I may have been one of the more extreme examples).  I feel like anything other than 4-year college was stigmatized, when that's really unfair.  So with anything, I'm in favor of the right tools being used for the right job, whether that's tech school, vocational school, humanities degrees, seminary, apprenticing, or homemaking.  Saying "go to school, go to college, and life will magically unfold" is just...wrong.  We should be encouraging people from a young age to be considering what they'd like to do--how they'd like to work during their adult years.  Then go and equip yourself for that.  Have a plan B.  If one truly just doesn't know and needs to do something, maybe try online courses and a part time job.  Just my opinion though.

     

    ETA: it should also be known that my greatest hopes for my kids have almost nothing to do with jobs, so there's that.

    • Like 2

    Bullied boy

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by CES2005

    It happened to me as a kid.  It sucks, but oddly most kids don't tell.  I think we have it drilled into us that tattling is worse than whatever the other person is doing.  Also, I feel teachers and other adults often turn a blind eye - I guess that's easier than addressing the issue.

     

    I talk to my kids fairly often about bullying and what they should do if they experience it or see it, but I still get concerned by some of the things my kids come home and tell me.  I don't think they always do the right thing, despite being taught.

     

    One thing I remind my kids is that even if the recipient of words or behaviors is "playing along with the joke" or "laughing too," that doesn't make it right.  They have a choice to laugh or cry or blow up and get themselves in trouble.  Which one are most kids gonna do?  Kids who have some social capital need to speak up.

     

    This is why I've always made a strong distinction between tattling and telling.  Tattling is trying to get someone into trouble when no one/nothing is being harmed.  Telling is getting someone out of trouble when someone/something is being (or might be) harmed.  Telling is good; always tell, no matter what.  Tattling's just annoying.

     

    ETA: I didn't just come up with that on my own; I'm not sure where I first heard it, though.

    • Like 5
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