[S/O Mental illness.]

I do this, too.

 

I'm at the very least, quirky, but likely on the edge of the spectrum, according to ds's psychiatrist who initially diagnosed/treated him for his social anxiety.

Still, having had a close relative who was mentally ill, it's nothing like that.

[Do you call carbonated beverages Soda or Pop?]

Sometimes soda, otherwise Coke. (For me, Coke is the beverage of choice, but it can refer to other carbonated beverages in a general way). I live in Texas now, but was raised in many places (usually the south -- New Orleans, Charleston, Norfolk making up the bulk).

[What would you do if your husband INSISTED on ps?]

I would probably look at charter school options (smaller, often but not always a bit better with the usual middle school junk), and I would also put it in his court to get them registered, etc. and deal with all of the school stuff, since it's important to him, not me. My older dc were in ps before. While there were good things about it, it became obvious that it's not ideal for our dc. My older dd wants to go back for high school, and she's at a point where she's competent enough to make that decision, though we will put provisions on it to make sure that she makes the most of what educational resources are available to her there.

[Children of a mentally ill parent]

 

As for trying to get the kids out, there is literally no way. I am VERY familiar with the ins and outs of the foster care system. The parent in question is crazy but never physically abusive, and everyone is fed and clothed. The parent in question is not delusional or dangerous. The only avenue I have for helping the children is by my own continued presence in their lives and open home.

My grandfather was in the Merchant Marine, so often my mom and aunt's situation was much like a single parent situation. and their mom wasn't usually completely unfit. But one thing that I know that they did enjoy was getting a break from it all. They had some family members and close family friends who would come up with an excuse to take them for a week or so ... it was tricky sometimes, but they definitely did enjoy the respite, and it helped them deal with the home situation, knowing that every now and then, they could get a break. A neighbor was apparently especially good at seeing when my grandmother was having a particularly bad spell, and would hire them to help around the house or something and make some excuse (like wanting to get a 6 am start, or needing to keep working until late) to have them just sleep over.

[It is okay to have a hissy fit sometimes]

What did you do??? Some people really have nerve!

I told them up front that given the fact that dogs give their son asthmatic reactions, I needed to keep the house completely free of dog allergens, so the dog would not be allowed in the house and everyone who went out to be with the dog would be expected to use a lint brush before coming in. I reminded them that it would be cold, and suggested that the dog would be happier staying home in a kennel or with friends (they trade dogsitting with friends often, like when they go to s-i-l's -- they live in a seventh floor high rise in Chicago). I cleared only enough room in the garage for the kennel they brought. And I held my line -- had a basket of lint brushes by the door, and when f-i-l whined, I held my ground and let him go pout.

This time, they just declared that they were coming (I was hoping for a no-company Christmas) and that they were bringing the dog. They did this when dh was out in CO at our nephew's baptism. I wasn't even there, and he was raised to never contradict his mother, especially when his father is around :001_rolleyes:. If it weren't such a pain to relocate Christmas, I would have been so tempted to go invade my family and not say anything to his. Both sides are about 17 hours away, in opposite directions. My dad is clergy and has to work on Christmas, so they never get to come to us, so my s-i-ls know that if they pull the 'other side of the family' card, we don't have one. (Youngest s-i-l hates getting stuck with the dog, too, as he terrorizes her cats, trying to play with them. The dog is a relatively new addition, and gets much more consideration than any of the kids or grandkids. ... Overall, he's a nice dog, except for bad training, which I place on the owners more than the animal.)

[It is okay to have a hissy fit sometimes]

Dang. I'd tell them they could leave the dog home or not bother coming at all.

I did that last time, they brought him anyway. This time, they didn't even contact me/haven't talked to me, and are going through dh.

[It is okay to have a hissy fit sometimes]

I'm saving mine for Christmas.

 

My in-laws invited themselves, which isn't a huge deal, but they also invited their golden retriever along. Dh (their son, their firstborn) has MAJOR dog allergies -- like he can't breathe around them, yet last time they brought the dog, f-i-l pouted the whole time when I wouldn't let the dog in the house. This policy was established when they asked to bring him -- I didn't really give permission, suggested a kennel, but they can't do that to their baby.

 

They have a specific idea about what the menu and schedule must be, and I'll have to conform to it or deal with their whining.

 

I may well have a fit and throw them out if this time is anything like last time.

[iPod Touch advice needed?]

My boys both have a LOT of apps, music, etc. on their 8GB iTouches. Unless your ds needs to have a LOT of music or wants to watch lots of movies (my boys stream movies no problem form YouTube and Netflix), then the 8 should be fine.

[Do you contribute to the meal when invited to others home?]

I always offer as a guest.

 

I don't expect anyone to bring anything (for family events, they're in from out of town, so not even practical). For times when we have local friends over, I might have them bring rolls or dessert or wine if they ask, but when I invite them, I'm not expecting them to offer unless it's set up as a potluck in the first place.

[Have you ever taken a self defense class??]

I went to Europe between high school and college (including the Soviet Union), and then went to high school in a tough neighborhood in Northeast DC (and commuted to ROTC at another college in an only slightly less dangerous neighborhood through a really ...interesting part of town). So I spent the last part of my high school career involved heavily in self-defense classes.

 

Now, I'm studying TaeKwonDo with my children, and my primary instructor has a black belt in hapkido, so I'm learning all kinds of really cool self defense techniques.

[Children of a mentally ill parent]

It's a tough situation. My parents weren't mentally ill, but my mom's mom was (bipolar, undiagnosed until she was in her 70s, unmedicated until her 80s). I remember when my aunt was in college, she'd have to call and have my dad come get her and bring her to our house because it wasn't safe with her mom at home. When my grandmother passed away, there was a strange sense of relief that both of her children had and felt guilty for.

[Do you rotate your childs chores?]

I do weekly ... if i do daily, it's too hard for me to keep track of, but weekly assures that every area gets a decent clean once a cycle (I still have to help my 6 year old, so on her cycle, I do a lot), and it allows them to learn the different jobs without getting bored with always being stuck with x or y.

[why would buyers look at house on rainy, dark night]

When we're househunting, we're in town for a very small window of time, moving from somewhere else in another state. We will look at houses until relatively late (7-8pm) if the homeowners are available, and we have absolutely no control over the weather during our very limited time (we once saw 26 houses in one weekend, made an offer, went home, packed and moved).

[Proud mama moment]

They did a beautiful job! Several girls from ds's homeschool group were there.

Rachel looks so much more grown up than she did even in M's newborn pictures. I think it's that adorable haircut!

[S/O Did your child(ren) attend school before you homeschooled them?]

One went to preschool -- it was through the city parks and rec, so I guess that's public. The others have all been home, though both older dc went to public for third. The oldest stayed there for fourth (bad experience that year that has him still not wanting to go back to school), so the second went to private school for fourth ... it wasn't a great experience and the cost/benefit ratio didn't make sense to keep her in school (she is still saying that she wants to go back for high school). The littles have never been. They might have gone to ps this year, but a combination of redistricting, overcrowding and layoffs made it seem like it would not likely be a positive experience, so I backed out of that plan.

[Activities that empower dc(including teens) and are good for anxious dc.]

My ds with moderate to severe anxiety has improved a lot with martial arts. Boy Scout camping with canoeing, rock climbing, etc. has helped, too. At first, it isn't easy to be out of his comfort zone, but the boost he gets when he breaks through it is totally worth it. Between these two things, his anxiety has probably dropped up to 50% in general, though he still takes meds to help manage some of the day to day stuff.

[For those who have frequently traveled with kids on a plane...]

I can't recall a time where my kids got sick after being on a plane, and we make as many as 6 round trips a year. I do have one who gets motion sick, so sometimes turbulence does him in. He's a teen now, so he knows to check the seat pocket as soon as he sits down and go back to the lavatory and grab a bag (or ask an attendant for one) if there's not one already there.

[Is it possible for a single mom to homeschool?]

It's a juggling act, but I have several online friends and a couple local friends who make it work.

[Have you had problems getting assigned seats while flying with kids?]

I've flown frequently with all of my dc since they were pretty little. The last couple of times we flew on an airline with assigned seats (we used to live at a Delta hub, but I think that it happened on Frontier a few times too when they were still all assigned), two or three were separated from me and each other, but I usually had 2-3 seats together anyway, so my preschooler and I at least got to sit together, and sometimes my youngest grade schooler. My dc are confident travelers and the elementary dc did great on their own-- they kind of enjoyed the independence (I checked on all of them a few times while taking the little one to the bathroom.) Lately, we've been flying Southwest, mostly for cost, but also for convenience from our location. We've always been able to get sets of 2 and 3 (or 3 and 3 if dh flies with us, which doesn't happen a lot), usually close to each other. Even with C line position (rare, but it has happened) and no pre-boarding, I've never been out of sight of any of the dc in quite a while, and nobody has had to sit alone, not that that matters as much to me anymore, since the older two or three dc fly without adults pretty frequently.

[would you move to colder state if job there?]

Yes, I have and would again.

 

I really, really, really don't like the cold, but going where the work is is more important than that. So if I had to, I absolutely would.

I guess that being a military kid has given me my perspective on this issue. We moved a lot when I was a kid, to places that none of us really wanted to go sometimes, but we all learned to make the best of it. My mom was a great example to us, I think. She was usually the most reluctant to go, but would get us uprooted and back into new soil as quickly as possible, herself included, while dad usually immediately re-deployed with his new ship.

[College Textbooks with 12 Year Old]

If he's not getting all of it, I wouldn't count it as his regular schooling for now ... not to say that I'd take it away from him, just that I'd revisit it when he's able to synthesize and extrapolate, and then count it at school at that time.

[public school trying to talk us out of homeschooling]

My ds's anxiety was one of the reasons we ultimately pulled him out of ps. We tried to work through the school system, we worked with professionals outside the school system, but for him in the end, homeschooling has been much better. I didn't realize just how bad it was for him until recently (almost 4 years after we pulled him). He and his sister were watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and he compared Delores Umbridge, the villain in the movie, to his fourth grade teacher -- "She was just like that, mom" with tears in his eyes, even now. His anxiety levels dropped a lot the moment I pulled him. It's still something he struggles with (he had issues from the time he was a toddler), but he has no interest in going back, unless it's to take college courses.

[Planning WTM Curriculum with Accelerated Learner]

My oldest was about 5 when we started the history and science cycles. My others were 3 and 4 and following along from there. One thing that i really need to keep in mind with accelerated learners is to get rid of the timeframes. Miquon could take 2 years, it could take 6 months, or they could lose interest halfway through and leave you looking for something else. It worked much better for me once I adjusted my thinking to 'we'll do Miquon as long as it works, then move on to Singapore' ... similarly, the '4 year' cycle of history has taken us anywhere from 2 years to 5 years, depending on the depth that the kids seemed to want to accommodate at the time (we're 2/3 of the way through our 4th time through). The nice thing about this kind of learner is they're usually pretty capable of taking the lead as far as pacing is concerned -- they'll run until they're tired, then stop for a while, and let you know when they're ready to run again. The most difficult part of balancing 4 like this is they don't all have the same run/rest cycles.

[Joy Hakim's "Story of Science" for a 6yo?]

Agreeing with the others that for most gifted 6 year olds, it would still be a stretch. My science and history nut 10 year old still isn't fully engaged with it and asked to put it aside a couple of months ago.

 

But if you can get a copy and try it, you never know. The whole thing about kids like this is they're different, and different from each other, so the only way to know for sure is to try it, though I wouldn't really count on it being a good fit just yet.

[Dd wants to go on dh's next work trip...]

This is what I wondered about. At what age would it NOT be child abandonment?

Definitely check the state's rules and try to feel the hotel chain out. Also, since you seem to be having some hesitation and it sounds like this thing seems to come up frequently, I'd be inclined to skip this trip and maybe give it a few more months to re-evaluate. 10 is way on the young end of this sort of thing being appropriate, so having her wait a little longer seems reasonable to me. I think that all parties -- the parent on the trip, the parent at home and the child need to be fully comfortable with the situation, and it sounds like you might not quite be there yet.