Geo
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Posts posted by Geo
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I'm sorry that your feelings are hurt, but sometimes when you're diagnosed with an illness rehashing the details with everyone is painful and difficult, no matter how close. Other mediums--FB, email, etc.--spare the patient from having to repeat the same details over and over while they're still processing the dx themselves. I do understand why you're hurt, but try not to take it personally.
:iagree::iagree::iagree:
I had cancer 10 1/2 years ago, I was pregnant at the time...my phone rang off the hook after every single Oncologist appt. I wouldn't take the calls right away because I really needed to process the incredibly negative information they were giving me....like recommending that I have a complete hysterectomy with my baby still in the womb.:eek: I was about 24-26 weeks at the time. Oddly, I found that nearly all the calls were people who would be upset/emotional and I would have to encourage them and help them handle the whole thing. One woman even became angry at me when she had to wait until the next day for me to return her call! When I explained the delicacies of the situation she told me in no uncertain terms that, "if you don't feel like talking, then you should have put ALL the information on your answering machine so that whoever called would still be able to get it....because we care about you." :001_huh: Bull-pucky.
Since then, here's advice I've given to friends and family of someone with cancer:
It's not about you, don't expect the immediately affected family to think about you or your feelings right now. This is not the time for that. Times like this can be incredibly frightening, and monstrously negative. Dr.s don't hold back...they often focus on what can go bad. It's their job.
It can be difficult to just not expect to die. Seriously. Depression is always a spector looming in shadows waiting for the weak. In fact, if you've heard the cancer news through someone else, rather than the afflicted family...then you can bet that they are personally withdrawing right now...they may have even told family members not to inform people so as to avoid the rehashing of negative information over and over...it's a cocoon of sorts....call it "taking care of Numero Uno". Send a card instead, with promises to pray for their strength and health, that you love them most dearly and that they can always look to you for hugs and support. If they're nearby, drop off a meal to put in the freezer for when their not feeling up to snuff, etc. Clean their house, pick up laundry and return it clean & folded. This is a time to let your love for this person to show itself in a practical, selfless way. You will never regret it, and they will never forget it.
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me too. I enjoy social situations and getting together with friends, but I dread it.
Once I get there I'm fine, but I need much alone time after a party or even after interacting with my kids all day long.
OK, so....I'm an introvert. That sits fine with me. I guess my weakness is that I get "moldy" if I am alone too much. Instead of feeling peaceful, I'll get down...I guess that's loneliness. The other weakness is that I have to be coerced into leaving the house sometimes. That's not good either. I can really dig in my heels to any type of activity that requires a weekly commitment...those are the worst! I can greet a one-time field trip wih a big smile on my face, but I get really cranky when the kids want to sign up for anything weekly.
Is this what you're talking about?
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I'm confused.:001_huh: I am very talkative, but I also need alone time, every day. Most people peg me as an extrovert because I do talk alot...but what they don't know is that I tend to dread social gatherings, unless it is soley comprised of my closest friends. I can stay home up to 10 days at a time, but the kids usually require that I leave the house once or twice a week. Anybody here know what I am?
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Not really a mantra, but a guiding principle: These kids are not our possessions but are ours for a brief time during which we teach, train, and discipline in such a way as to launch responsible and kind adult men into the world. This includes the idea that our kids are distinct from us rather than an extension of us. They will have lives of their own and will make their own decisions...
This is not new, I know...but I know I have never heard that in church! :glare:
Yep, they're just apples that didn't fall far from the tree... :crying:
Of course, you don't have to go to church to believe either one.
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Oh ya, I'd think so. Because I'm like your talkative friend, I tend to gather other talkative friends..(can you see the train wreck here?) - one of my own habits is to say up front, "I can only visit till X time, then I have to go."
It's the strangest thing, but those talkative types (like me) are pretty rigid about showing up on time to things generally speaking. If something else is scheduled to happen, you can bet we'll be early.
(Because we get to visit longer if we are there earlier..lol)
I don't see it as a huge personality defect personally, it's just great to be around interesting people with good stories to share with.
Start times and end times work well for me. I can respect a clock like Cinderella.
...That would make you an organized extrovert. :D
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Is she ADD/ADHD? If so,
I'm a Chatty Cathy. I know it, too. I am ADHD...not offered as an excuse, but a medical fact. I've been the offender in so many situations, I cringe to think of it. I'm not trying to be selfish, I'm just "in the moment" and hyper-focused on the visit. Common sense, and nonverbal social skills often elude us, especially when we're "focused"...which is another medical fact. We do NOT respect clocks for the most part...you will have to do it, because it matters to you.
Please, take control and cut off the visit at an acceptable time for you, especially if you expect to become trapped or inconvenienced, OR resentful. She'll have to bear it if she wants to be your friend because she'll eventually lose you if you don't...or worse, be avoided...which is akin to rejection. :crying:
I think it's more important that you protect your time so that you two can remain friends. After a couple of times (or possibly more ;)), she'll eventually make the connection and become easier to get rid of. You may even become able to joke about it together someday.
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Which scripture would you like excluded? All? Christian Bible, Book of Mormon, Quran, Tanakh, Buddhist sutras, Hindu Vedas, the Guru Granth Sahib, Tao te Ching...
Do you believe there is no worthy maxim in any of these (or other) ancient and sacred texts?
:chillpill:...maybe they don't like it, or believe in it. No need to challenge, it's not your call. I am a christian, btw.
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But they get plenty of 'treats' in our house - popsicles (coconut milk + pureed fruit = delicious and healthy enough to let them have as part of breakfast if they want it), 'anytime cookies' that are pureed banana and apple plus almond flour and almond butter - it cooks up just like soft cookies and the kids are welcome to have their '2 a day' whenever they want. Smoothies. Nuts. Dried fruit (in moderatio - this is really high in sugar so might trigger her, you'll have to see), homemade lara bars (dates/nuts - google for recipes). Plain yogurt made 'chocolate flavored' by stirring in plain cocoa powder (no sugar in it!). As a special treat 85%-90% dark chocolate (it has almost no sugar but is so fatty and rich that it's delicious and they love it).
QUOTE]
Cookie recipe...pretty please?
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I always figured kids were given to keep us in a perpetual state of poverty and humility. :D
:thumbup: Mine certainly were/are!
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Praying for Ben...and his mommy.
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Too much Dr. Oz.....:D
:lol:
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I would chalk it up to an 85 year old person. Almost every person I 've known in that age range says things that have been border-line rude, if you want to take it that way. I choose to just take it as old age, when they either forget their manners or just think life is too short to mince words. If I love them and want to show respect, then I just shake my head internally. If they get really hurtful I prefer to just limit contact.
Either way, I wouldn't take it too much to heart. Especially in this circumstance where you know he is blowing things waaay out of proportion. Just no response, or if you want to keep him happy, a simple "Thank you".
Little things like that make older people really happy.
:iagree:
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I could use some advice. I get together with some friends for a weekly game night. I've known these people for over a decade, and they are typically kind and considerate folks.
However, this past week, one guy was doing poorly in the game, and he made a joke about belonging "on the short bus," complete with spastic movements of his arm and a moan. Everyone else laughed very loudly and found that hysterical. I felt like I'd been kicked in the chest; I couldn't breathe, and it was all I could do to keep from crying at the moment. All I could think was, "My little guy is going to be ON that short bus in a few months!" :crying:
I admit, I chickened out and didn't say anything at the time. It's really weighing heavily on my heart, though, and I know I'll need to say something when we're together next week. I could use advice for how to approach it. I've been in tears for days over it. They don't really know my son, although a few of them have met him very briefly. They *do* know, though, that he's autistic, and 2 of the ones who laughed so hard know that he can't speak. He doesn't have spastic arm movements, but some of his little friends do. My ds hums and flaps his hands; I could easily see that being used as a "joke" by ignorant people too. :(
I have to believe that this is simply a case of know better, do better. It's my job to speak for my son and all the other kids on the short bus....to point out that they are NOT fodder for jokes, and that something that seems like "just an expression" is really and truly mocking their disabilities and struggles. I'm sure that these people will be horrified to know how hurtful that was, and they'll be sorry. I know I'll probably cry, too, while talking, which I guess will be a mixed bag. It will be humiliating, but at least they'll see that their words have power, you know?
What would you do/say?
I don't know....I was hoping you could show me the way.:001_huh: But...your heart attitude is in a good place, so just share what you shared here. If he's ashamed, don't feel guilty, that's just the consequence of his thoughtless joking. You'll be a gracious and forgiving, yet hurting mom who will speak up for all those on the short bus. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
I think you'll be an awesome spokeswoman.
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I'm headed there next weekend for the first time!!! I have a very small budget and have most of it already "spent" - my shopping list is printed! However....is there anything I just have to have that maybe I don't know about? Things you've found invaluable in your school room or kids' rooms? Things you've loved?
I'm so excited! I've been selling my little tail off for a few months to "earn" this trip! I can't wait :)
First time, you say? Ha!...man, are you gonna be overwhelmed! I won't make it worse by making any suggestions. :001_smile:
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My shoes say, "this lady lives in a small town far away from anywhere of consequence....so she buys her shoes at Shoe Show, Walmart, or Kmart." :glare:
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I'm sure there are other mama's out there with babies/toddlers and older dh's...:bigear:
...and don't forget the older mamas who share their husbands antiquity!
uh, that would be me.
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I raised a baby robin while in college. My cat had gotten hold of it but hadn't yet injured it and we couldn't find the nest or put it back in a tree to wait for its mom without the cat getting it again. I made it a nest in a box and dug worms out of my dad's compost pile every other day. I kept them in a can, chopped one every 3 hours and mixed with egg (if I remember correctly), then cleaned out the "nest" after it had eaten.
It lived and I taught it to fly in the yard. Once it could fly well, it lived outside on its own and whenever I wanted to feed it I banged on that can of worms and it would fly down and land on my shoulder to eat or follow me out to the strawberry patch for a treat. Friends thought it was the coolest thing to have a robin come down and land. Sometimes I would find it coming out of the strawberries with its little beak covered in them. I taught it to find its own worms in the compost pile so he would "dig" when I dug. When it was fully grown the cat got a couple of its tail feathers and it would not come to me after that.
How beautiful. I raised a sparrow in my teens. We weren't nearly as adoreable though. :D
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Weird how I can connect your situation to your avatar/name. I have been so fond of the name you picked...it sounds so warm, tender, and loving....and also being the mom of 4browneyedboysANDgirls myself (2 of 6 have blue eyes, like their mama).
So...that aside, how could she do that to one of your browneyedboys?
The nerve. She should offer you a discount on next year's lessons...or I'll never speak to her again...in fact, consider it done.
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I stay, or husband stays, it's the right thing to do.
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My chickens know where home is, for sure. They do free range during the day, but always come home.
Guinea fowl are supposed to be excellent tick removers...AND they're homely, call it a two-fer. :D
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:bigear:
Post it here, please!
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I got what you meant. I was just saying, you are worried about being over half-way to 40. I am half-way from 40 to 50 :lol:. I started having babies late :tongue_smilie:.
I have two active boys, always bouncing full of energy. I really wish I had the energy I had in my 20's. Back then I was pumping weights, rollerblading, ice skating... Now I don't even have time to take deep breaths anymore :lol:.
FYI, I'm just about halfway from 50 to 60. I fight for energy...we've started juicing just to aquire the endurance each day requires from us, mentally, physically, and emotionally. It definitely helps all three...alot. I had my first baby in my teens, and the last baby at 43.
See my siggy. :tongue_smilie:
P.S. OhElizabeth- you're still young, it's just that it gets so much harder as you go. How's that for encouragement? :lol: I must add that my oldest is actually 3 years older than you...but I learn so much from you, and others on this board.
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I really hoping you find the help you're looking for. :grouphug: Your situation is out of my league. The least I can do is give you a "bump".
Growing Old Gracefully?
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
I believe it means not to fight the aging process, but to embrace it.
Personally, after my 40s I stopped dying my long hair and cut it to a near-pixie, leaving me completely silver haired. Mental state is paramount. Being happy and content with who you are and not becoming grizzled or bitter by life goes a long, long way towards aging gracefully.