Dooley
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Posts posted by Dooley
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Melissel, No, nothing is directed at you. I have not read this whole thread, so I have no idea what you have posted! I wish you nothing but success in whatever means works for you and your children!
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I always said I'd never spank. Like I said in the other thread, I never had to spank my first two dc.
I *hate* spanking. Biblically, I think the rod may not be meant literally, as many interpret it. I don't know, I'm not a scholar, just a lay person.
However, I started spanking my third for severe infractions 6 months ago because it is the ONLY form of discipline that gets her attention. Nothing.Else.Does. But, I feel so guilty about it that I don't think I can continue. And, I do it in a controlled fashion without being angry, etc. Still, spanking makes me feel like a failure as a parent.
You are not a failure. We are sinful people. We are born with a "bent". I think (dont mean to be snarky AGAIN, jut MHO) todays ideas are not very helpful to the real problems. Its PC not to spank, and dont we wish we never even had to think about it. But you are a loving mama that wants her child to be a success, to be a wonderful person, to be known for her integrity and composure.....we ALL want those things for our children. And because we are not exactly alike in any way, some kids need more help than others. I always ask my kids "Why do we have a fence? We have a fence so kids or animals dont run out into the road and get hit by a car. A fence is for protection. Its a boundary between safe and unsafe. Just like rules in our lives are boundary lines, we dont go beyond them, for our protection, for our good - for our lives! So dont push the rules (fences), they are meant to help you."
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Tree House Academy -
Hopefully this isnt in your future, but regarding my oldest whom I spanked A LOT....in the not too distant past, the things that worked (for a time, but they did work) was 1) taking absolutely everything away - no mascara, no phone, no TV, computer, friends, free time...increased schoolwork and must be attached to my hip when we were not at home. About 2 years later, when things again got way out of control I did this 2) Took her to the local police (she had drugs in her purse) to turn her in (couldn't cause it was not in that jurisdiction), stripped her room of EVERYTHING, including most clothes, got a list of shelters for troubled teens, had her sign a contract with us as to what she would and would not be doing and letting her know, that the moment she chose to go beyond the bounds of our household rules, I would be taking her to the shelter.
So in essence, we really had to take off the gloves in dealing with this one child. Do I love her? More than my life. Would I EVER wish harm upon her? Never. But am I willing to make tough decisions to influence this hard heart. Yes.
You had asked in an earlier post for ideas!!
Hey, parenting is not for the weak of heart - its awesome that some kids and families will never have to experience Tough Love, or go through difficult times/make hard decisions. But you are not alone!!!!
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I hope this does not sound snarky or rude, cause I dont mean it too.
In all honesty, if someone is unclear on the real difference between a spanking and a beating, then by all means, they probably should not spank.
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I have a 17, 15, 11 and 9. I have spanked our oldest a million times. I think I may have spanked the second one once and never for the other two. I believe in spanking - in our case, there was precious little that got our older childs attention. The other kids were just not hard to reach, they were all very well behaved, and no, I dont think its 'cause they saw what their sister went through! Just different type of kid.
I had a neighbor, who has one 9 yog, tell me she would be happy to deal with my teen, she would just straighten her out over the weekend. .....okay....
Anyway, my teen is a great kid, strong personality, and will go far in life and we are both glad "those" days are over!
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Dont forget The Lion in Winter - good jumping off point to discuss France and Britain, and of course, what happened with their three sons later.
To draw my kids (who were much younger then), we watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Just for laughs.
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My son's named Kellen. Love it. Watched a movie when he was little, about an Irish family, and one of the boys was named Malike (mal-uh-kee), and of course, loved that too. BTW, I also like Ilishe (Irish, girls, eye-lish).
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KlynnTX, I hear you. I would be afraid for my kids if we EVER saw a venomous snake in our yard. My son likes to venture down one the banks of the creek, and it wigs me out. My kids are a bit older, and would run from a snake; nonetheless, if I saw a snake that could endanger my child, I would kill it myself.
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We have a creek behind the house, but so far, no copperheads or venomous water snakes. I have seen many black snakes, I grew up afraid of snakes cause my dad hunted them, brought them home, and killed them on the back porch - he used to have us "help"him skin them.
So to get over my fear, I recently caught a backyard black snake and now I am good. I want them in our yard, kids know to stay away, everyone lives in peace.
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A friend of mine papered her spare bathroom with maps, it was awesome.
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I hear you. The first year I homeschooled, our oldest was in 2nd grade. I put her back after half a year. She was DIFFICULT. Took her back out for 4th on up and had everyone home. I finally had to send her back out her freshman year, the stress was making our second dd so sick, she was in and out of the ER, did a 6 month long period of hospital testing to figure out what was wrong,with the final conclusion being STRESS. So stressed it affected her body in terrible ways. I had no choice, but, home after that was MUCH easier.
PS for a time is not a bad thing. If you lived here in this school system, I would say it IS a bad thing (ha ha), but if your system is ok, send him our for a time, reagain your composure and peace, re-establish order and set everything else to rights. Do what you need to do to fix stuff, you have time a head of you.
I used to be the kind of mom that would not under any circumstances consider PS....then life and a challenging child kept happening. My oldest dd did not get the best education she could have, but it could not have been any other way for us. KWIM? God bless you .
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So far, you gals have reflected my thoughts. It takes work and do what you can. Thank you for your posts, it helps me to feel that we are in the majority.....:001_smile:
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...how did you do it? I tend to get negative quickly, when thinking of how much stuff costs vs. how little money we have. My parents were poor, did not provide a car or an education for any of us. Dont think we expected it, but I have always wanted to send our children off with more than I was sent off with, KWIM? We have about 7K per child to give. Right now, my husband is barely working and we are living off savings. I have a teen graduating and another learning to drive, so I am wondering 2 things here.
1. What did you do concerning cars? Buy a used one? Loan them yours till they could buy their own? Make them pay for the car while you paid insurance? What?
2. How did you assist them, if you did, with college? (our oldest is starting with a junior college and will transfer later to state, thats the plan anyway)
I want all my children to go to college and be successful in life, I dont want my experience or my negativity to hold them down. Thanks for any input!
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Wonderful! Thank you all, my computer only now allowed me to get on and thank you....
Isn't it great not to have to re-invent the wheel? :grouphug:
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I just agreed to do a middle school class for the above. Before I write my own survey, does anyone have a good recommendation I might look at?
Thanks!
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I dont like to be touched when I am sleeping either. Sex is not that big of a deal. Dont like to make dinner. I have let my kids watch R rated movies - only if its historical and I do not let them see any sex. I am not very social, just in spurts. I dont do schedules anymore, one master for the year and thats it. I do get judgemental, but am reminded I need lots of work. I tend to speak to our oldest teen in "that" voice. Tend to be negative, trying to work on that too. I think a lot of Christians are hypocritical. I am a Christian and thankful I am saved by grace, not of my own works.
Gee, I am sure there is more.
forgot to add, I secretly like to watch that High School Reunion show, Gone Country and Wife Swap. And, looking at British tabloids, though most of the time, I dont know who they are talking about.
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You know, I just found out why its good NOT to cut them off. At least the mattresses. We are now having to try and get our SQUEAKY box springs replaced and they would not even entertain the thought without those darn tags!
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1. I am so dying to know what Rich With Kids said....
2. He is talking and hugging me again. He was concerned that I left the room and had dad talk to him, instead of me. I thought he didnt want me and thought it might be a man-to-man moment. So now that I addressed that, told him I love him tons, hugged him for about 1/2 hour, everything is back to normal.
3. Ended up being a good thread, ladies. Thanks =:tongue_smilie:
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Whew...thanks ladies. He does know about tea making and is a wonderful, mature kid. I am thankful I never heard MY folks make tea. Ewww. I too, dont really understand the reaction (he heard us once before, and yes, we do try to be quiet - but he did not react this way). He is pretty sensitive and really loves mom. I talked to him - said all the things you all pretty much said, he still doesnt want to hug me, he is just being very quiet now. I was thinking he is almost acting like a spurned boyfriend, in a way. He is not as close to dh as he is to me.
I guess I would just covet your prayers at this point, that he could erase, erase, erase and regain his composure.
Thank you!!!
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...Ok, now that no one is responding, I want to slink away into a dark hole with embarrassment. :001_huh:
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I heard him outside the door, thought someone was trying to blow up our excercise ball with that pump thingy. It was him, with a terrified look, crying wildly, unable to breathe, ran away from me, wouldnt let me touch him...I sent my husband in to calm him. DS and I are very close. He is not speaking to me this morning. I want to tell him to 1. Keep your door closed at night, 2. Moms and Dads do these things you know, 3. At least we werent fighting! and, 4. Keep that door closed!!
I am embarrassed, hurting for him (no child should have to hear THAT, I imagine he IS traumatised) and dont know how to help him be ok again.
Ideas? :001_huh:
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This is a great movie to get you pondering, however, fair warning that some Christians may not be comfortable with the section on religion.
Yes. The first time I watched it, I skipped this part. Later, I did watch - just so I would know what was there. The parts that I am recommending, and most interested in, are parts 2,3 and 4.
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Along conspiracy lines, you all should watch Zeitgeist - its on the internet. If you can get past the really long intro, its got some stuff that should make you go HMMMMMM.
Honestly, I think governments, by their nature, are not honest and ethical and the public is "fooled" if you will, about a great many things. :glare:
My passion is history, BTW!
If you spank, what do you do if it doesn't work?
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
Melissel, I see your children are young, so the things we resorted to with our oldest is many, many years off for you, if ever. I posted what we ended up doing with her on the other thread, I think you might have read it, as you posted after me....
As I mentioned, my youngest three - no problem - the oldest, well, she was ready for a fight by the time she was two. My mind is foggy now, as to how we got through those years, but the results were....we did not fix a problem; we never changed a behavior. I think its really a heart issue. Is the problem fixed now? Well, she is a bit too old to spank - she just graduated from HS. She is still very, very strong willed, but she has told me many times, she does want me to be pleased with her, so apparently, I still have a place in her heart, after all the tough years. YIPPEE!!
M - I cant say there is any ONE right answer for anyone. Its finding what will work for that particular child. Some do need a heavier hand than others.
OHHH - just remembered a great book - Hold Onto Your Kids - its about always being mindful of being that person in your childs life to whom he/she looks to for directions and love. I dont know if this book would have enabled us to get through our oldest kids childhood any better (probably not....it was T.O.U.G.H.) , but it sure gave me insight to the difficult child.