AimeeM
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Posts posted by AimeeM
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It sounds like she was feeling anger towards the child and felt it was safest to put distance between herself and the child, and as it was at an event, didn't feel comfortable asking somebody else to take over for her at that point.
I would be very uncomfortable witnessing it and would have addressed it at the time -- but as gently as possible. I have special needs' kids and I understand frustration, so I likely wouldn't have "confronted" her, as much as I would have said something like, "I'm going to stand outside with Max because I'm not comfortable with him being outside in the cold by himself right now; that will give you some space to take a breather. Do you need anything before I head out there? Oh, and where is his coat -- I'm sure you meant to put it on him, so I'll go do it for you now."
It's a hard place to be in (your place in this, I mean). Discomfort over the parenting details another makes is always difficult. For example, I'm highly uncomfortable with children being struck -- on the bottom, on the hand, wherever. It makes me feel nauseated. However, it's certainly legal in my state to spank/smack/belt your child if you choose to do so, so saying something would only be MY discomfort -- not a potential legal abuse matter.
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I'm sorry, y'all. For some reason, my threads aren't popping in my activity, so I can't find the original.
We are still waiting on more diagnostics. I'm not sure that I updated with that DH had a panic attack at his late-night MRI, so they had to pull him out and reschedule. There are only two open-air machines for our entire county (largest county in the state), and both are located at the outpatient center, not the hospital, so we've run into a couple problems --
1. Timing. Even with his order flagged, he was rescheduled a week out from the first one. Because... two open-airs for the entire county.
2. No medical supervision. Since it's an outpatient facility, there is only "a radiologist somewhere in the building" -- but DH has a history of respiratory distress, and will be taking a sedative... but they aren't able, according to them, to even monitor his vitals because of their "outpatient" status. They can give him oxygen if he stops breathing, but I'm still not sure HOW THEY WOULD KNOW, since they can't monitor his vitals.
3. His doctors wanted him completely under and monitored by an anesthesiologist at the main campus -- he's severely claustrophobic, has a history of respiratory distress, etc. but they only have a regular closed MRI at the main hospital campus, and DH's shoulders measured far too wide, from one end of his shoulders to the other, to get him in -- the can only take 25 inches, and his shoulders are 32 inches wide, so it just isn't even an option.
Positive notes -- we have friends who are trying to call in a couple favors to get medical supervision of some kind in the room with him.
And DH has a personal friend who is a spinal/neuro surgeon, who will be seeing DH the first business day after the MRI, with results in hand, so we can get that ball rolling and quickly.
So, nothing much new, just a bunch of "not knowing" stress.
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I don't know about "common," but it isn't abnormal around here.
For example, my best friend's oldest child (a DD) is autistic. She enjoys "escaping" -- always has. One morning, she went bolting out their front door, in bare feet, onto the ice-covered sidewalk, and my friend quickly reached and yanked her back in, before she fell flat on her face (or worse; her head). Apparently she scratched her DD's hand/arm in the process (and I saw the scratch -- it was literally not an inch long and very thin. Anyway, the school nurse saw it when her DD asked for a band-aid. Nurse (who knew this child's diagnosis) asked who scratched her, child answered the direct question with a direct answer -- "Mom." Nurse never asked any follow-up questions like, you know, "Oh, how did that happen?" Instead, she just called CPS.
Of course, when the social worker (CPS worker) came to the house, mom was terrified, but when asked DIRECTLY HOW it happened, the DD was happy to relay the incident. But, technically, even for that short period of time, there was a report and an open investigation (it was closed after, but it was open for that period of time).
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It was on the spine, and behind the aorta. Does the placement behind the aorta mean anything significant?
The doctor seemed concerned. I guess that's what concerns me. I really hope it's the kind that can just be removed. He went in this time with radiating pain (radiating from his back and wrapping all the way around his ribs and front), but last time he went in it was with chest pains.
You don't sound like an idiot at all. It's a ton of information I'm throwing at you, during a scary time.
The initial CT imagery gave the ER doctor an idea of size and placement. Placement matters.
Here's what little I know about spinal tumors: There are a few different types of spinal tumors--vertebral column ones (either primary or metastic), intramedullary (growing from inside the spinal column or along nerve paths)--neurofibromas and schwannomas fall in here, and intradural (outside of the nerves, but inside the dural membrane). Statistically, most intradural and intramedullary tumors are benign. That's not always the case, which is why there are often biopsies to confirm. The most common type of spinal tumor is a meningioma which is a type of intradural tumor. They usually happen in middle aged people, and honestly, that's what I'm hoping for for you guys.....no nerve involvement, benign, easy to debulk and move on with life. Vertebral column tumors are kinda sketchy. Primary ones are rare, and usually happen in younger people. Metastic ones scare the heck out of me. Usually it's mets from brain, lung, or breast/prostate cancer. But, there are usually lots of masses involved, not one, so that makes me think this isn't what your dh is dealing with. The bloodwork that should've been ordered as part of this process should've given the doctor additional information. The fact that he had chest pain going in makes me wonder about mediastinal tumors---that area between your spine/heart/trachea. They are rare, but he's the right age for it, and they are a bitch to deal with benign or not because they are ventral.
In any event, ER doctor knows size and placement from the CT scan which gave him some clue as to type. An MRI is going to give him better images & more of them because he can visualize this thing layer by layer after the imagery. He will also be able to see whether blood vessels are feeding it. Neuroradiologists know way more about this than I do, but they should be able to give you more information based on what they see in exact positioning, what they see in the images with contrast in terms of vascular supply to the mass, and how much that thing lights up on scans. If you want to see what some MRI images look like google "MRI spinal tumor images".
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I'm so glad to hear you found a place that will work for your dh.
Still praying! :grouphug:
It actually won't (work), unfortunately. They aren't able to do contrast, and the doctor needs contrast.
The doctors are working to get him an appointment asap, within our hospital system, to just be put under fully, with an anesthesiologist, I think.
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I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound like an idiot :( What do you mean by the bolded?
It takes about 200,000 cells (?)--it's been a while since I thought about this--for something to show up on a MRI scan. You can have more cancer than what is visible, which is sometimes why spectroscopy is used so that glucose uptake can be monitored in suspicious areas. (Cancer cells uptake more glucose than healthy cells.) Given that you've already got a detectable mass on CT, though, this should give you a pretty good thumbs up/thumbs down on the point. I would expect that he's also going to be biopsied, too, unless the MRI shows that he has something else going on that's pretty definitively not cancer.
If you're wanting more information at this point (and it's totally ok if you're not ready to go there yet), you might find this helpful:
and
proton therapy: http://www.proton-therapy.org/howit.htm--I don't think the map is totally up to date because I know of other centers not listed
v.
traditional radiation therapy: https://www.cancer.org/cancer/brain-spinal-cord-tumors-adults/treating/radiation-therapy.html
and
gamma knife/stereotactic surgery: https://www.mdanderson.org/treatment-options/stereotactic-radiosurgery.html
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Will an MRI be able to tell if it's malignant?
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I found a place that hasn't even opened to the public yet (private imagining), but offers something called multi-position, specifically for claustrophobic patients -- and they offered to let him come in before they are technically open, and be a "body" for when they are teaching their MRI techs to use the new equipment. It might take a while longer, but nothing is over his face in this machine, and they will send the images straight to his doctors. The techs know what they're doing, but it may take 15 minutes longer because they're just learning the new controls on this particular machine-type.
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We went and it didn't happen. Somebody forgot to note in the order that DH has ONE SINGLE phobia in life -- closed spaces. He's incredibly claustrophobic. Because they scheduled this after hours, and the machines are located at the outpatient facility there were no doctors on site (only techs), and nobody had ordered medication. He tried, but had a panic attack as soon as the bar lowered toward his chest and he found out that the MRI would last almost an hour. They had to reschedule -- and had zero openings until 10 days from now, even with the flag on the order.
Apparently, for our entire huge county hospital system, and our large private hospital system, they only have TWO open-air MRI machines for both. Period. That's it.
We do have one privately-run imaging company that I happen to know has ONE open-air machine. I'm going to call them tomorrow. Because they are private, they were able to get my DD in very quickly (and hers had no emergency flag on it, even). There aren't any doctors on site, I don't believe, but his GP can call in a nice large dose of a sedative, which is what the techs tonight recommended anyway (having his GP call in a sedative, to move things along more quickly). DH doesn't want me to call, though, because he wants to stay within the local hospital system, since that's where any ongoing care would occur. This private company has their own radiologists, and I know he trusts our hospital radiologists more.
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Thank you, everyone. Radiology called this morning and scheduled his MRI for 8 pm tonight. It's an outpatient radiology lab connected to the hospital and our son has been a patient in the outpatient center for years -- I didn't think they were open that late. It appears they only have one open-air MRI... but his doctor flagged it as urgent so they were able to get him in pretty ASAP.
DH got up this morning and went into the office? I'm not really sure why. I don't think anyone expected him in today. I haven't been able to get ahold of him all day.
I'm trying not to worry, but I am (worried). All of this happening so fast is making me more scared, because while we typically don't have long wait times for things like MRIs, it is usually still a few days or a week or two... and because if the doctors are concerned, I guess I'm more concerned. The positive is that everything is being done in a very timely manner, but it's all kind of a horrible flashback to our DS8's medical issues, when we went in for something that seemed relatively minor, then everything started spinning and happening so fast.
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Yesterday DH was sitting at the table, sorting through mail and listening to the football game. He suddenly started clutching at his chest and sides, stands up, is short of breath, and struggling. He told me to call the paramedics.
They took him via ambulance to the largest hospital in the area, as they were advised to do when they called it in.
Long story short, what they thought was a cardiac incident, wasn't (his heart appears to be in great working condition), but the ER doctor wasn't satisfied, considering DH's symptoms including "wrap around" pain and was more in the back area, so he ordered a CT scan of the area and they found a "mass" on his spine, behind his aorta. They need to do an MRI because they need a better look at it, but the open-air MRI they want for him is at another campus and has to wait until tomorrow.
Two months ago he had chest pains and went to an ER, they did only cardiac workups, and sent him home. I'm concerned that this "mass" has been there for some time.
The ER doctor last night was great and spent a lot of time with DH. He did impress (gently) on him that the location of the mass typically isn't a good sign. I don't really understand what any of this means. And after the MRI tomorrow, I don't know what will happen. Does everything depend on the MRI?
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NONE OF THE HOAs MOVE THEIR TRICK OR TREAT TO HALLOWEEN NIGHT! They had trick or treat TODAY and today is not Halloween! It has nothing to do with whether they trick or treat on actual Halloween. The point of my post was the all the HOA neighborhoods pick a day *other* than the community wide date. It really seems that they are picking a night other than the accepted trick or treat night specifically to exclude children who don't live in their neighborhoods. I just wondered if maybe I'm missing something or it's really just a classist/racist thing.
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NONE OF THE HOAs MOVE THEIR TRICK OR TREAT TO HALLOWEEN NIGHT! They had trick or treat TODAY and today is not Halloween! It has nothing to do with whether they trick or treat on actual Halloween. The point of my post was the all the HOA neighborhoods pick a day *other* than the community wide date. It really seems that they are picking a night other than the accepted trick or treat night specifically to exclude children who don't live in their neighborhoods. I just wondered if maybe I'm missing something or it's really just a classist/racist thing.
If they are doing it because they want it to be an event only for their own neighborhood, I'm not sure what that is any more racist or classist than any group of people hosting an even that isn't open to the public.
Again, many subdivisions exist to be somewhat separate from the larger community, and function as a smaller and separate community.
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I doubt many people would participate on Halloween evening during the week. Lots of people teach or take evening classes or participate in evening extracurricular activities. Most of the communities around here have a set day and time near Halloween for trick or treating.
We've never lived in an area that did Trick or Treating on a day other than Halloween and we've always had a ton of participants.
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Home day cares charge much less than centers, at least in my area. Centers in my area require "room teachers" and caregivers go through certain types of training and certification procedures, their food areas are inspected, they typically have cameras in all rooms, etc.
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We live an HOA neighborhood.
We do trick or treating on HALLOWEEN. Period -- even if it's a school night.
With that said, I have zero problems with people coming in from outside the neighborhoods -- but if the traffic becomes bad because of it, I can see it becoming a "rule." Nobody here drives cars in the subdivision to trick or treat (some drive golf carts), so we don't really have to worry about kids getting hit by cars... one less thing to worry about. We have narrow roads and parking a ton of extra cars outside of houses is dangerous when kids just pop out from around cars and into traffic -- and there is nowhere nearby to park cars outside the neighborhood (ours is on a road strip with miles of nothing but subdivisions). When we have extras for Halloween, we have them either park at our place or drop their kids off with us first.
ETA: traffic and safety is a real problem on Halloween in a lot of areas -- and has been since I was a kid. And a lot of subdivisions function as their own communities -- they frequently have events that are only for neighborhood folks. Many who live in such places chose to do so specifically because they wanted that separate, smaller community. I can't comment on whether or not the OP's specific circumstance, so I'll leave that alone.
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I would try putting a damp towel on it for a couple of hours to rehydrate. Then I would use a home carpet cleaning machine.
I don't have a carpet cleaning machine -- I have a vacuum and carpet cleaning spray. We only have carpet on the second floor of the house and we hadn't -- until now -- had an issue that a vacuum and scrubbing couldn't handle, lol.
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I would try putting a damp towel on it for a couple of hours to rehydrate. Then I would use a home carpet cleaning machine.
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DD16 and her best friend have a slime addiction. It's a costly -- and messy -- addiction. Somehow, There are about 5 large spots of obviously dried, glittery slime on DD's bedroom carpet. She has tried all of the typical ways to get it out -- goo gone, rubbing alcohol, etc. It appears that the slime they made leaked out of the ziplocks they were stored in (probably not shut correctly).
Where there weren't rules and guidelines in place for making the slime before, there are NOW.
However, that doesn't solve the current dilemma -- how to get the old stuff off.
I'm absolutely willing to hire someone, if they can do something I can't, but I hesitate because outside of the "slime spots," the carpet is immaculate (and new *sob*).
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I assume that wasn't what happened, that would be alarming. I don't know that I'd worry about a kid refusing for two days, if what was offered was reasonable. Some kids are stubborn, they can go that long without minding too much.
I assumed she meant it took that long for him to accept the new situation, stop complaining, and eat pretty regularly of what was offered rather than balking a lot of the time.
Really? I would be absolutely sick (vomiting, headache, etc.) if I went without food for two days.
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With our largely neurotypical child with no oral sensory issues, we had a two-bite "no thank you" rule. If, after those two bites, she still didn't like it or want it, she could have something else. Even that, though, wasn't a hard and fast rule.
Both younger boys have special needs and major sensory issues. For example, today we went out for breakfast/early lunch and DS8 ordered mac and cheese, without realizing it had "crunchy" on top. He sincerely gagged and vomited into his napkin -- tears falling down his cheeks. I only require they try even one bite of something they are adverse to trying if I know (like really, really know) that it isn't something they can handle (nothing thick and creamy like yogurt, nothing with a variety of textures (like smashed potatoes), etc.
We don't make food a battle here. Nobody is absolutely required to eat what they are served. And other food isn't withheld because they refuse what they are served. I have my own, personal reasons for it, but it is what it is. At the end of the day, I think it's perfectly valid for children to have their own preferences -- and, as an adult, I wouldn't typically eat something I knew I disliked.
ETA: if money were very tight, I might be singing a different tune
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We pay our babysitters -- teen or otherwise -- $10/hr for one child, $15-17/hr for both boys.
Our teenage daughter doesn't really babysit outside of her younger brothers, and that's typically just paid for in food from a favorite restaurant we're coming back from, lol.
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On a somewhat unrelated note (because it isn't related to race, but gender), I find this entire problem odd considering many of the same in my circle who do frequently assert that white people shouldn't dress in costumes that depict people of other races, because of systemic racism... are the same people who openly encourage their boy children to dress as girl characters for halloween. Because there's no history at all of men being considered superior to, and holding power over, women?
I mean, if it isn't okay for my daughter to dress as a black character because white people have historically held power over black people, then why isn't the same true for my son if he wants to dress as a princess with a wig, dress, etc.?
ETA: This is a sincere question -- not snark. I have legitimately scratched my head over this.
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I'm Catholic and I'd like to say there are no deal breakers. That's idealistic, though, so I'll give it a go.
One thing that ISN'T an automatic deal breaker for me is one or two instances of physical abuse. I know I'm not the majority on that, but after this many years of marriage, I can say that if my husband hit me, I would be far more concerned that something much bigger was going on and more inclined to immediately seek medical help. Physical reactions from him would be SO far out of his norm that leaving immediately wouldn't be the first thing that registered for me.
I can say that open-marriages are a deal breaker for me, as would my husband telling me he wanted to live as a woman. These are things that would change the core of my marriage, our belief system, and our family... and I'm not attracted at all to women.
If he did a complete reversal regarding his religious beliefs we'd have problems, but I would hope we could work past them.
If he suddenly did a complete reversal and decided he wanted to use corporal punishment with the children, it'd be a deal breaker for me -- as that's something I made very sure we were on the same page about, prior to marriage.
I like to think of myself as a good Catholic, again, but if he completely cut out or children because one of them were gay -- or for any reason, really, he cut them out entirely -- it's a deal breaker for me.
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Homeschooling and menopause. Yikes.
in The Chat Board
Posted
I'm just here for the ride and to listen in.
My kids have started calling me "Mommy Monster." Seriously -- it's like every bit of restraint I had, regarding what I say and how I say it, goes out the window when I feel the least bit irritated, hot and sweaty, or tired (which, by the way, is essentially always these days). I'm fine one minute, and an emotional, irate mess literally five minutes later. And I'm so, so tired.