knit247
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Posts posted by knit247
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I will be praying. My cousin had micro preemie twins - she was 20-some weeks and the twins were 1.7 and 1.9 lbs - a year ago. Today they Are both chunky little toddlers and are doing well! I pray the same for your nephew.
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Did you ever think about the fact that it would have been extremely easy for your birth mother to abort you? She had to face social disgrace, likely loss of income or schooling, and nine months of physical discomfort to give you life. And after all that, after all the sacrifices she made for you, you're slamming her for rejecting you?? Did you ever think that possibly the one who really rejected you was your birth father? Or even your grandparents? You just can't know unless you go and search for your birth mother and ask her. I just can't believe that a selfish person would forego having an abortion and spend close to a year of her life making sure that you arrived safely into the world.
It's likely that your birth mother thinks about you every single day. She probably looks for you in crowds of people. She probably doesn't want to hone in on your life with your adopted family, but she hasn't forgotten you, just as you couldn't forget one of your own children. It has probably been a tremendous source of comfort to her that she gave you life and a good home. She would probably be deeply hurt and disappointed that you are holding such a grudge against her.
OK - I admit that you have hit a nerve, so please / honestly forgive me if I am snarky. I truly don't want to be. You can see, however, from my quote below that I specifically said in more than one place that these are my thoughts and feelings, and that I realize that they are likely irrational...
But you want to know what I do think...
(Please remember that these are some of the thoughts that I have. I know that they are not totally rational and am in no way am I saying that this is what all biological mothers are like).
...(and again I am not attacking - I realize that I am sensitive to this)
I was born in 1970, so abortion was not an option for my biological mother. Thankfully, my biological mother had a supportive mother herself - she wasn't sent off to a home for unwed mothers, nor was she ridiculed in her own family. She was not allowed to leave the house in daylight, however, and certainly had to hide the fact that she was pg from anyone other than immediate friends and family. She continued school at home and graduated on time. Until two weeks before she gave birth, she thought that my biological father was coming home form the Air Force (they were high school sweethearts & he had already graduated & joined the USAF) to marry her. Her own mother was living with an abusive, alcoholic husband (my biological mother's step-father - her father was tragically killed in a freak accident several years earlier), and had two young sons (I believe they were both under 5yo) plus three daughters to raise. When she realized that my biological father wasn't coming home to marry her, she felt that she had no choice but to put me up for adoption.
For the record, I never "slammed" my biological mother for giving me up. I asked a question that has been SEARED in my mind for my entire life: "What is it about me that wasn't worth fighting for?" Unless you are adopted you will never understand that feeling. Never. I didn't say that she was a rotten person - I asked what the Hell was wrong with me??? Why was I not good enough...
For the record, my biological mother found me in 2001. You are right - there are all sorts of ways to search on the internet these days. But I wasn't searching. At all. She was. And when she didn't find me online, searching for her, she hired a private investigator to find me. When they found me she called me out of the blue, announcing that she was my mother. I had a newborn baby (she knew this from the report) and the entire episode threw me into a tail-spin. It was obvious that I wasn't searching, yet she had to initiate contact to satisfy her curiosity. It was a selfish move. Period. You want more info on this & I'll provide it. Long story short, we had a very rocky start, but now I consider her one of my very best friends (although I do not think of her as my mother in any way). I also met and had a wonderful relationship with my biological father, before he passed away. I lay with that man on his death-bed (literally) and he told me the same story my biological mother has. So I know the who-what-when-where-why-and how. But I promise you it has not erased the fact that I feel like I was signed away like a piece of clothing at a consignment shop. Until you walk in my shoes...
And none of that changes how I feel - right or wrong.
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:grouphug:
Thanks for sharing that. All three of my kiddos joined us through the miracle of adoption. I hope our children always feel our love. You are not kidding, when you talk about misconceptions children may have. My 6 year old asked if we could "buy" another baby the other day. :scared: It wasn't the first time I've had to tell him, "we don't buy people!"
Just one of the reasons I don't like when people talk about "adopting" a pet. We adopt people. We BUY pets!
:grouphug: again
I know I keep posting, but I came across this thread late.
I have to add a funny here: my parents adopted my brother (not biologically related) when I was two. Apparently I was not happy about a new baby in the house and I asked my Mom one day if she would please return him to Thalheimers (a department store in our city)! I thought she bought him there just like anything else she bought! Too funny!
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I'm an adoptive mom in 2 fully open adoptions with my kids' first families. As adoptive parents, we really tried to understand and accept that their loss meant our joy. That was a pretty bitter pill to swallow. But how much less bitter it has become as we spend Thanksgiving together as a family, all of us. Or how much better does it become when dd's birthmom and young son (dd's half brother) spends a few days of our Disney vacation over dd's birthday with us. :001_smile: It helps to heal a hell of a lot on all sides.
Our goal in this family is to continue to unite with each other, as an extended family. No secrets, no wondering, but transparency and openess to minimize the pain on all sides. I do everything I can to lessen any pain for my kids, and do it happily. I want their future to be as pain free as possible as well. I hope that neither of my kids will ever regret the path we've chosen to take and if they do, I can only beg for their grace, knowing I did my best.
I have always wondered how open adoptions work - mine was closed. I have always thought that I would be against them, but your post was just amazing! You sound like an absolutely amazing mother/family and I just felt I should tell you that. God bless you for being so open and honest and loving with your children.
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...no one mentioned souvenirs and I don't think anyone was treating adoption like that on this board.
...Gently - Your mom was talking about a thing, not a person. She said that to her friend because she doesn't even fathom that anyone could make the comparison between a purse and the daughter she loves.
I haven't read past your post yet, so it may have been answered, but I wanted to say that there was a post in the past week where an adopted child was called a souviner. I can't imagine that there was any malice on the poster's part, but it hurt me to see that (I am also adopted).
Also, I feel sure that the secondhand purse comment was benign, but let me tell you a story that happened to me. All four grandparents were at THE ultrasound for DD#1. We were going to find out the sex, and this baby was the 1st grandchild on both sides. My in-laws commented on how much that blob on the screen looked like a <their last name>. Now, that totally innocent and natural remark didn't bother a soul - except my poor Mom. She later told me that that one sentence hurt her sooooo deeply. She felt like it was a punch in her belly that reminded her that her first grandchild wasn't biologically related. As adoptees (or adoptive or biological parents, for that matter), we may know that the intent to say something hurtful isn't there. But it can still bring on the hurt...
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ChristyB, I am going to reply before I read any replies. I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel exactly the same.
I am also adopted and the other day when I read a post where an adopted child was called a souvenir I felt like someone had just kicked me in the belly. Hard. I had to stop reading. I promise I am not trying to call that person out (I am not here enough to even know/remember who it was). We aren't souvenirs. We aren't illegitimate (one of the most disgusting words I have ever heard). And we aren't puppies. We are human beings, and we are still "the baby" in this whole equation.
Like ChristyB I truly believe that most adoptive parents have hearts of gold. I believe that most want to share their love and home with a child, be it biological or otherwise. I don't think that anyone has ever come on these forums and intentionally said something that they knew would be hurtful to adoptees. Truly.
But you want to know what I do think, sometimes, right or wrong? I think that some people get it in their heads that they are saving some poor, unloved and unwanted child - that they are that child's personal savior. If it weren't for them...
I have a very close family. No divorce. No abuse. Always went to church on Sun & Wed. I love my Mom & Dad. I never, ever wanted to search for my biological family. But you want to know what my own Mom said a few years ago? We were discussing SIL who had had a child outside of marriage and was pg with another (same father). My Mom called SIL's children illegitimate. When I voiced my disgust at that word and how it labels a child who had nothing to do with any of it, she insisted that they were still illegitimate. When I reminded her that I was born of an unwed mother, which would make me illegitimate, she replied, " I MADE you legitimate." She thinks that she is my <insert really strong expletive> savior. Oh, she loves me - of that I have no doubt - but she also thinks that she saved me and made me acceptable. Wow.
(Please remember that these are some of the thoughts that I have. I know that they are not totally rational and am in no way am I saying that this is what all biological mothers are like). But - I also sometimes think that some biological mothers are just plain selfish. I'd like to know how someone can carry a child for 9 months, feel that child move in their belly, give birth to the child, then just sign her away. Is it really because they think that their child will have a better life? Are they really that selfless? Or is it because they are young and single and don't want to be tied down? Is it because it's easier - yes easier - than bringing home a baby? How could my biological mother have done that to me? What is it about me that wasn't worth fighting for? I would live in a one-room apartment with my children before I let them go...
You know - it seems like (and again I am not attacking - I realize that I am sensitive to this) everyone always thinks about the biological mother and her feelings. And the adoptive parents and their feelings. But no one ever stops to consider that even though I am almost 40 years old - I AM STILL THE BABY IN ALL OF THIS. I am a baby. I am human. I am not illegitimate. I am not in need of saving. And I am not a prize to be held up for all to inspect.
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We use R&S 3 with my DD. Like some of the other posters, we do a lot of the work orally. If I know that DD gets it, I don't require her to write anything. Any time we cover a new concept, however, I require her to do the lesson exactly as the TM instructs, even if she seems to get it right away.
We also use the whiteboard a lot, and I let her make up really crazy sentences. She also pretends to be the teacher and I pretend to be the student. For some reason I usually have to do an awful lot of work when she teaches :D For the definitions, we use the SCM memory system which works well for all of our memory work.
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Maybe you are healthy enough to do better now, but you aren't in the habit of getting a lot done at home. Maybe you need to read about getting into a routine with homeschooling. You know what book helped me to keep my house cleaner? Sidetracked Home Executives. It doesn't make you feel guilty, it helps you get organized. It can even help you to make time to get dressed every day. Its a funny lighthearted book.
Thanks! I just looked it up - our library lists it as lost, so I put it on my list at Amazon for the next time I order. It looks like a good, practical book!
Don't let these Dxs define you. You're bigger and better. Don't let them make you the tail, use the gifts you have to become the head, you know?
I like that - and needed that. Thanks!
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I cant help you with previous threads...but what comes to my mind is, have you checked out Flylady yet? She can help you get off your butt and she does it in such a loving way- you realise you need to do it to love yourself first. It involves baby steps. Its not just about housework..it's a whole way to get your life organised and keep on top of things. What made me think of it was you saying you stay in pajamas all day. One of the first things Flylady does is get you to get dressed to shoes in the morning, because of what that does to your energy and attitude all day. It really works.
It may be the tough love you are looking for. flylady.net
Thanks, Peela. I have looked at Flylady before but allowed myself to become overwhelmed (which I know is from not taking baby-steps). I have gained quite a bit of weight - I am about 65 lbs. over what I should be - and all my clothes are sooooo uncomfortable. I hate to get dressed unless absolutely necessary. Part of my problem is that my waist (when I am thin or not) is a full sz smaller than my hips. Pants gape open at the back and my underwear shows (TMI, probably)! I feel like a sausage...
I am going to look into her again, though. I hear that she has a really good radio show online or podcast or something... you're right that I need to love myself first. Thanks!
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Skimming some of the recent posts has been helpful, but I need to search for more and can't figure out a search term.
Long story short, I suffer from Dysthymia (chronic depression) and am Dx ADHD-Inattentive, and I have allowed it to take over my life. My children are behind. I am behind. I barely keep a tidy house anymore (it's clean, just messy if that makes sense). I rarely get dressed and live in pjs unless I have to go out. I feel like I am swimming in mud and I can't get out... I am not so depressed that I can't function, praise God. I am on medication (Lexapro) and have recently started seeing a therapist who is using Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) with me. For the first time in my life I think it may help. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I think it just might be there.
Anyhow, I remember reading awhile back a post from a mom who was not putting her children and homeschooling first. I remember that she got some pretty honest, tough-love-type responses. I need to read those today. I need to shake myself up a bit. I know that I am going to beat myself up even more, but I can't help it. If I were truly unable to get out of bed or function, that would be one thing. But I can. Maybe I can guilt myself into getting back on track? I don't know... :001_unsure:
If you have anything bookmarked - would you mind sending it my way? Or mention a good search term to use. My mind is a blank today. Thanks so much!
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Fancy Nancy is huge at our house. DD#2 loves her - take a look at this if you need proof, LOL! My Mom & Dad gave her all Fancy Nancy presents for her 5th birthday last year :)
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Mine is in my siggie. Not a very good week, I'm afraid :closedeyes:
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I loved my BB Curve 8310 - I got it several months before we found out that we were leaving for Germany and it was a lifesaver for me in helping me stay on top of things for an international move!
I still have my 8310 but it's on a pre-paid SIM card through T-Mobile. I do not use the internet, text or BBM anymore. My 8310 is a glorified PDA now... Cell phone plans here are crazy-expensive and they charge extra for things like calls to other cells not with the same provider, or for calls to landlines! I could never keep track of all of that.
All that to say that I can't wait to get back to the US where I can get my BB fix!!! It's a great phone & you won't be sorry! Oh - and check out the Crackberry site for tons of info for newbies and old-times alike. That site saved me during the first few days when I didn't know how to use the thing!
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I read a great post today on Julie Bogart's blog, and wanted to share it for all those, who like myself, are struggling to homeschool while grieving. I hope this blesses someone today.
TY, Greta - it certainly was a good read. I am not suffering from the loss of a loved one, but I am terribly sad and lonely much of the time. We recently moved from VA - just 3 1/2 hours away from family - to Germany. It's beautiful here and we have met some really nice people, but I am terribly homesick at times. Reading her post helped me realize that my "funk" is probably a form of grief. Thanks again for linking to it.
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As an adoptee, I just want to say that I am so touched that you are keeping such careful records. Your children are blessed to have an adoptive mom who has such respect for their biological heritage.
I, too, am adopted and agree with ChristyB. It's wonderful that you are doing this for your child.
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I'm curious, I thought they stopped using headgear years ago and replaced it with RPEs and such.
:confused:
our ortho in VA put headgear on our DD last yr. When we got to Germany, her new ortho was totally against it & gave her retainers (not sure if that's the correct term) with these little screws that we adjust each week. This will make more room for her adult teeth to come in.:tongue_smilie:
I guess some orthos still use headgear - and some don't! :rolleyes:
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When my DD had headgear (the ortho here in Germany removed it and gave her retainers that we expand each week) she used a simple neck rest pillow - shaped the exact same as the pillow you linked - on top of her regular pillow. It worked very well and she said it was so much easier to sleep. Maybe you could try one of those, as they'd likely be much less & $$$. HTH!
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Mine is in my siggie. I recently started my blog and decided to get a custom domain. I switched from Wordpress to Blogger & am just waiting on payment to clear. All this to say: all previous comments were lost in the transfer. I didn't want anyone who did comment last week to think I deleted them!
Whew! Lots of words for *Wordless* Wednesday! Hope you like my picture!!!
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We moved to Germany from the US this past summer. I had not heard of Kleinbrucken or Tell Me More, but did receive Rosetta Stone Deutsch for Christmas and *love* it! The girls have fun with it and we have already learned so much.
If RS isn't for you, I agree with the poster who suggested contacting the company to see if you can get a lower shopping rate! Good luck! We love Deutsch and are not finding it too difficult!
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TY so much! I just joined (I am ilove2knit there).
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If so, could someone post the link? I just joined & would love to find a group/team. Thanks so much!
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Mine is here.
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I keep my yarn in our schoolroom in shelves we bought from Ikea (Billy system). I'd love to get the glass doors on my Billy shelves to keep all my yarn from falling out, though!
I have about 15 WIPs :001_huh: - all but three are in a large Rubbermaid bin on top of the Schrank (wardrobe) in our bedroom. The ones I am currently working on are in felted bags that I made, and one is in an old Vera Bradley purse that I now use for a knitting bag.
Leftover yarn goes in Zip-Loc bags and goes back on the shelves. My needles are in the blue bag on top of the bookcase (link above).
Happy knitting!!!
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How did you learn to knit? How did you get started? I've always wanted to learn, but I don't know anyone who knits (as far as I know).
I taught myself to knit using the videos at Knitting Help. They are awesome!!! I have been knitting just over two years and it is the greatest hobby ever - be warned, though: it's easy to quickly get addicted! The best advice I have, though, is to find a LYS (local yarn shop) where someone can help you get started - I made the same mistake over and over in the beginning and had to have a live person show me where I was going wrong.
Good luck!
Wordless Wednesday 20Jan10
in K-8 Curriculum Board
Posted
Mine is up! Happy WW, y'all!