[s/o Ask a Muslim]

Lol Heather! I agree it was probably a reflex. Maybe he knew that he wasn't supposed to shake hands with women, but forgot(or was never taught) the reason why? There is a belief floating around with some muslims that if a man "touches a woman" his wudu (ritual purity obtained via washing the limbs) leaves him, though the majority take it to mean "touching a woman intimately."

 

You have every right to feel offended, though I think his reaction was hilarious, and that is probably why he acted so surprised that you (as a woman) were in charge (he was embarrassed).

[If a job application, asked for dates attended for]

Are you in the US?

 

ETA: wow, I should have refreshed the page before responding!

[s/o Ask a Muslim]

I'm in the US. Our mosque is a community center, though I do live in an area where there are tons of mosques. There are at least four within a 20 minute drive, and God knows how many (probably 20 or more?) within a 45 minute drive.

 

The masjid that I live nearest to is the one I go to, but I will sometimes go to the friday prayer at the other masjids, definitely if I'm in the area, but sometimes the other masjids have a special program or special speaker coming. Interesting fact, our masjid hired an Imam to lead the prayers, but he doesn't lead every prayer. We have a schedule where other community members lead some of the prayers, including the friday prayer (and giving the sermon(their own, original sermon)).

 

In Ramadan, our imam leads the ishaa (night) prayer, but someone else (a young 20 something who has memorized the qur'an and has a beautiful, easy to understand recitation) leads the 2 hour long taraweh prayers that come after ishaa.

 

So that kind of takes away the idea of shopping for a mosque based on who the imam is :)

 

In our community, I see that many of the masjids tend to be separated by race and language (though the lines appear to be blurring now that the children of the immigrants (who identify as american) have grown up). Our masjid is primarily indo/pakistani, and a lot of the arabs from our city actually drive 30 or so minutes away to another masjid that is primarily arab.

 

I think that people usually buy/rent with proximity of the masjid in mind, since those who actually attend the masjid find they go there much more than once a week (usually once a day or much more often). Only men are required to actually go to the friday sermon (though lots of women usually go too - in the West, anyhow), so they usually just take an hour off in the middle of the work day and go to the closest masjid. My husband used to attend a masjid near his work that gave the friday sermon in arabic only, and since the majority of the congregation wasn't arabic speaking, the sermon was very short, like 15 minutes long, whereas our local masjid's friday sermon is usually closer to 45 min.

 

Some people DO "masjid shop" either because they have issues with the community nearest them, or because they want a masjid that actually speaks english, or because the masjid closest to them is shia and they are sunni or vice versa. But if there's a special program going on at a different masjid, people have no trouble attending a masjid other than the one that they usually go to. And it's not like if people find out that you are going to more than one masjid you will be thought of as unloyal or anything. In fact, some of the people who get out and attend programs at many different masjids in the community are looked at as being better for the communities, since they connect people from all over.

[I'm confused about required hours]

I wouldn't fret over it too much. Go with what the article says. :)

[Movies for children involving Islam]

Yes, I was also going to suggest "Muhammad, the Last Prophet" They are careful to not actually show the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) which may be confusing at first, but it's an excellent talking point (Muslims are encouraged to not draw or take pictures, and especially not make pictures of prophets for fear that it may one day lead into people using those images as a focus for worship of that person, while we believe that all worship is due to God alone).

 

If your children are ok with reading subtitles(or even if they just want to get the jist of what life was like back then), this TV series is excellent (Umr ibn AlKhattab on MBC): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELbEFTkqpCU

[Proper English under pressure - can or can't you?]

I finished level 8 and was told that I can write proper English under pressure. Does it tell you if you get one wrong?

If you get one wrong, the test/game stops. So you got a perfect score :)

[S/O Recipe SO good you'd cry if you'd lost it---any healthy recipes you'd cry if you lost it?]

 

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/jays-signature-pizza-crust/ (I use raw sugar, and you could use whole wheat flour) I use the recipe for rolls as well as for pizza crust. I usually add some seasoning to it too (garlic, basil, oregano in the crust) I cook it on cast iron - it doesn't come out right on a thin pan

[How to properly thank someone???]

If you have the financial means, could you send them a very nice gift? Like one of those arrangements of sliced/chocolate dipped fruit? You could make one, actually. A watermelon basket even. Or cookies. Or some other dessert.

[Lease requires turning in report card]

Is that legal?

[S/O: Did you want to know the sex of your baby before he/she was born?]

We wanted to know for all three pregnancies. DH and I had a really tough time agreeing on baby names for all the children. With the latest, we had a few choices, but didn't settle on a name until the baby came out and we got a good look at him. I couldn't imagine making it twice as hard by not knowing the baby's gender.

We kept the gender a surprise for DS, and narrowed it down to about two names per gender. I really liked both the boy names, but I didn't really like any of the girl names. Surprise surprise we had a DS (I had a feeling it would be a boy, though I really hoped it would be a girl since I had so much more experience with girls, and none with boys). BUT, I didn't name him either of the names we had picked out, because when I looked at him, his looks suited another name so much better. It was a name we considered, but passed on when I was pregnant.

[WRTR or Bust for FALL! Who's with me?]

They are in the Spelling Assessment Manual, but yes, somewhere they are on-line.

http://marenschmidt.com/uploads/Spelling_Tests.pdf

 

Is this it?

[Crock Pot Dinner, Oops! Is it safe to eat?]

I'd probably toss it too. That type of warmth seems like it would be a perfect environment for bacteria to grow to harmful levels. And I'm not the type to follow all the meat safety rules by the book. I've been known to let thawed meat sit out for an hour or so before cooking (or realizing it has thawed).

[Setting up iPod touch for kiddos... How do you do it?]

go into settings and set restrictions. Turn off youtube and safari, facetime, itunes, ibookstore, and installing apps if you don't want them browsing those. you can turn off in-app purchases (so they can't be playing a game and buy more coins (with real money) or whatever it is the game is offering). you can set the ratings of games, movies, music, etc to what you want. (if you let them install and browse the app store they can potentially come across M or X rated apps.

 

You can either give them access to the app store on their own, or turn installing apps off to make it so you have to give access to it by turning it back on in the restrictions when they want a new game. If you choose to give them access to the app store on their own, they can browse apps, but not purchase anything without the purchase password. Set "require password" to immediately if you only want a password to be required for each app installed, or set it to "15 minutes" if you want to be able to enter the password once and have it work for 15 minutes without having to input it again. I'm not sure if inputing the password for a free app would let a child purchase an app (at cost) without inputing the password again within those 15 minutes.

 

ETA: There's also something called guided access that I use when i want my ds to stay in a certain app, like when it's an education app

[Muslim women a question for you :)]

Interesting thread.  I have a question.  At what age do girls start covering their hair/faces?

Like said above, puberty is when it's considered required religiously (meaning the girl is accountable with God to cover her hair/neck/arms/legs in loose fitting clothing. Some girls choose to cover their faces as well, though they usually choose to do this a little later in life, after covering their hair/rest of the body for a few years.

 

First menstrual period is when puberty is considered "official" and all of the same religious legal responsibilities that adults have get passed on to the child. We believe that children who haven't reached puberty are considered free from sin, and once they reach puberty, they have the potential to sin. Though, that doesn't stop me from trying to bribe my 4yo with all the candy and cupcakes that God will give him in heaven for listening to his mama :p

 

But in practice (since onset of puberty is a sensitive subject in many cultures) "puberty" is usually considered to be around 13 years old, though it can occur anywhere between 9 and an upward limit of I'm thinking 15?.

 

Among my religious friends, parents expect their daughters to wear hijab around 13, but in practice, many start covering full time earlier than that (9 or 10yo, by choice), but girls of all ages tend to cover on occasion like when going to the masjid, or occasionally to the store, etc.

 

Some less religious friends of mine expect their daughters to cover by the age of 13 or 15, but some expressly discourage covering until the moment the girl turns 13yo. Some discourage covering at any age.

 

Many parents (religious and not so much) try to ease their daughters into it by encouraging them to cover when going to the masjid starting around age 5 or 6, but others feel that hijab will keep the girls from being able to do things, so they discourage it until around age 13, then they turn around and wonder why the girl doesn't want to wear it, or why, at 20, she decides she's not going to wear it anymore.

 

Western born/raised or younger girls who cover their faces usually do so as a result of studying about Islam in depth. I only know 3 girls personally who chose to start covering their faces in high school (many girls choose to start covering their faces later on in life, either in college or after a visit overseas or something), but I know that it is more common in other communities around the US, at least.

 

and I'll stop now, cause I think I said way, way too much :p

[Favorite picture books about emotions (especially anger)]

4yo DS has been having trouble lately in dealing with his emotions - specifically anger. I think the problem is that he doesn't even know how to express his different emotions verbally (multilingual home; late talker) but also that he doesn't seem to recognize the different emotions. He only has two words to express his emotions: happy and sad. He usually seems to understand something better once he hears a story about it, so I think reading stories about anger might help him.

 

So favorite book recommendations for dealing with anger and emotions in general? (and warnings about books that may do more harm than help?)

[Would this be completely absurd? (re: my youngest and bedding...)]

What if you put the mattress on the floor or your room, and babyproof your room? Put a childlock on the inside of your doorknob, fasten the heavy furniture to the walls (I think it's supposed to be with young kids in the house anyway?), and either put enough stuff under your bed (under the bed storage boxes?) or remove everything from under the bed so that it would be ok if he climbs around?

 

Another option might be putting your bedframe away for a little while, and sleeping on either just the mattress or the mattress and boxspring with baby.

 

Or just do whatever you were talking about with the rug and the pillow. At 12 months(much younger than that actually), my DS was capable of navigating bedding just fine, which for him meant our bedding - a comforter, sheet, and pillows (the two pillows that me and DH sleep on)

[If you do grades and tests....]

When I give open book tests, the test is timed so the student benefits from actually knowing the material. Before giving a "real test" though, I would lightly touch on study skills and test taking skills, then continue to add on to those lessons as time passes.

[Red Cross babysitter boot camp....worth $125?]

I think it would be a good experience. I attended a multiple week baby sitter course ( a couple hours/wk) when I was around your middle DD's age and it helped me feel confident watching other people's kids, but it's also benefited me in life, learning valuable first aid skills and whatnot.

[Kinda JAWM... I can't believe what I heard as the opening "speech" at a friend's son's 1st grade graduation..]

Incredibly distasteful reading that in front of the kids. OR in front of the parents for that matter. Saying stuff like that in front of kids tells them it's ok to act up and that their parents can't handle them. AND it tells the kids that their parents can't handle them/don't want to and just want to "deal with" the kids.

 

Reading stuff like that to parents encourages the "kids are annoying/a bother" mindset, which I do believe is harmful.

[s/o Ask a Muslim]

 

 

Actually, I was just going to ask something like that. I grew up in a Chicago suburb area with a decent sized Muslim population. In K-8 in the 1980s, a lot of the kids in my class had older sisters and moms that were wearing just the hijab in mostly darker colors. In high school, I think most of the super-devout kids started going to Aqsa (private Muslim school) when it opened. My high school still had a big Muslim population and it was mixed, but mostly the same more neutral colored hijab if anyone even wore it.

 

I moved around the state for a while and have recently moved back. Some things I've noticed are that I am seeing way more women wearing a niqab. I noticed that there was a woman completely covered and with a niqab in the WIC office yesterday, and her husband wasn't letting her talk to the WIC desk nor talk to anyone in the waiting room. I thought that was a little weird, especially for a WIC office. The other thing I noticed is that more teen and twenty-something women were wearing some pretty funky looking hijab, inlcuding sports teams (bears and cubs mostly) tie dye, pink and things I never saw as I kid.

 

Is some of this just a cultural change for the area? Teen rebellion? I have to admit I was kind of surprised seeing the Chicago Bears hijab! Is it just people feeling more comfortable? There's a good sized Muslim population mixed in with everything else around there. I was wondering if maybe we were seeing more traditional newer immigrants from more conservative countries clashing with 4th and 5th genreational Americans wanting to blend their traditional cultures with things popular for their age group.

 

I think it's probably a cultural change, though perhaps also a sign that muslim girls (and women) are assimilating more to the society (not a bad thing). In my area, you see a rainbow of scarves. Women/girls match their scarves to their clothing and a lot of people choose to wear printed scarves (things like flowers and polka dots or lines usually). Though I've also seen designer brand (gucci and calvin klein) scarves quite a bit, I've never seen sports team scarves. I think that's hilarious!

 

A lot of the more conservative women (in both religion and culture) tend to choose solid and neutral tones, but if someone is wearing a solid black scarf, it doesn't mean they are conservative at all.

 

I think that a lot of girls wear hijab because they know it is the right thing to do, but they want to retain a sense of fashion or style, or add a certain bling to their wardrobe. Others choose to dress more modestly and choose more grown up looks, with their scarf matching/blending in with their outfit or abaya/jilbab, while others feel that plain black (or other dark tones) are best. Then others just wear the same ol' scarf day in and day out because it is their most comfortable scarf and it matches everything.

[s/o Ask a Muslim]

 

So how specific are these requirements. Might a person believe in God and believe in a general sense that Muhammad was a messenger from Him and brought about positive change in his region, but not adore him to the degree a follower of Islam does, and according to the Koran not go to Hell?

And how does believing that non-believers are heading to hell make you feel toward them? From my experience with other moms who are visible followers of Islam, I felt they were cold and unwelcoming of me as a non-believer. Well, actually the relationship usually comes in two parts first they would try to talk about their religion at every turn possible. Then after it was apparent I was interested in them as a fellow mom but not going to convert, there was a disdain for me and a tangible disrespect for my opinions and personal beliefs. I was treated as stupid without directly saying so and the friendship dropped. I must add this is a common thing that I've felt from extremely religious people of many faiths and is not singular to followers of Islam. But I have to ask what are your feelings toward people who believe differently from you? Would you mingle with them and share other interests?

I do have a two very good friends who are followers of Islam, but they read the Koran and practice their own applications of what they read. Neither wears coverings, etc.. And their beliefs are a bit nontraditional though they claim to back each one from the book itself..

 

I know a few people (usually converts) who say they are Muslim, but they want to interpret texts like the Qur'an and books of hadith themselves. My belief, and that of the majority of the muslims is that you can only interpret texts at the allowed/forbidden level if you are incredibly well educated (something like 10+ years studying with various sciences of Islam in depth. I do believe that some things definitely do adapt with the times, for instance, one account says that 3 important skills to learn are horseback riding, archery, and swimming. Many people would argue that a modern version of this would be driving/biking, archery/using a firearm, and swimming.

 

Some muslims, especially those who come from countries where you either assume everyone is muslim, or the majority of the people are muslim, don't really know how to interact with non-muslims.

 

We dont have a strong emphasis on hell like some christian groups (not all, just some), and there is a lot of focus on the idea that we have no idea what is in a person's heart, or what is even in their future. For all I know, you could convert to Islam on your deathbed, so I'm not going to imagine a non muslim suffering in hell or anything. I do feel a little bothered when attending wakes of non-muslims. I feel strange because I feel it would be wrong to comfort the family by saying their loved one is "looking down at them" from heaven, though I would NEVER be so rude as to suggest that their loved one is suffering such a torment. And though maybe 70% of the reason for me keeping myself quiet would be etiquette, the other 30% would be because I can't really know weather God had mercy on that person or not (though that is true weather they were muslim or not (for example, the person may have been a closet believer or disbeliever).

 

That said, some people (muslims are no exception) feel uncomfortable around people of another faith, though in my experience (with muslims), it is usually because they feel that the other person wouldn't understand their beliefs. For example, if I was out at the zoo with you and I had to pray (salah) at some point during the trip, or if I didn't want my kids over your house because you have a dog (many muslims consider them unclean, and would feel uncomfortable getting dog saliva or even hair on them), or because I'd be worried that you would feed them something they aren't allowed to eat.

 

Personally, I've been turned off of friendships with some non-muslims or with some converted muslims due to what I consider crude/rude language (not the same to mainstream america, but probably similar to the standards shared by many on this board), talking about s*x, gossip, etc. I'd have no problem being friends with non-muslims, but as it is, I am very shy and don't get out much. The only friends I really have are related to my masjid.

[s/o Ask a Muslim]

As far as other books sent by God, I'd like to add some clarification. We believe that the Qur'an is the final, perfect book in that it is the book that applies to all of humanity at this point in time and forever after (or until the last day when all souls will have perished from this realm). We do believe that the torah, bible, psalms were perfect at the time they were revealed, but that they were intended only for that audience.

 

To continue with that thought, we believe that christians and jews who obeyed God (pre-islam/hearing of islam) will have their reward with God. And like Sharazad said, all of my learning/study has taught me that what she said is correct. (esp. those who have not even heard about Islam will not be accountable for it, nor will (to give an extreme example) a 5 year old who engages in satanism.

 

View of Heaven/Hell: We are given graphic descriptions of these in the Qur'an and from hadith (accounts from trustworthy companions about what the Prophet said/did/meant), but understand that these are for our understanding. There will be things in Heaven/Hell that we do not have the words to describe, and they are compared to things like the feeling of intercourse or, in contrast, the feeling of molten metals.

[Silicone Ice Pop things, anyone have them?]

I like mine, but they can be difficult to clean (hand washing, I don't use a dishwasher) if you don't clean them right away. I recently turned mine inside out (with moderate difficulty) to clean out some gunk that I assumed (correctly) had accumulated. BUT, when I say "if you don't clean them right away," I really mean that they sat in the sink for many days. :blush:

[Trimming a neighbor's crepe myrtles]

 

This is the thread you're referring to?

[If you work in a library, I have a question . . .]

Our library sells (at least a portion of the books they've taken out of circulation) in the attached bookstore. The bookstore is small, and is comprised of donated books, and library discards. The majority of the books are cheap (25cents to $1) though books that are worth much more are separately priced and on a separate shelf. The bookstore is run by volunteers.