imagine.more
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Posts posted by imagine.more
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I am seriously considering if I will be able to homeschool as a "private tutor" instead of under the homeschooling law since I have my teaching certificate.
Everytime I look at the homeschooling requirements it seems so overwhelming.
askPauline's site has been wonderful to help me sort through it all!
Me too! Though my teaching certificate is from GA so they probably won't accept it. Right now I'm just glad I don't have to start recording until the kids are older, sheesh! Luckily I really do think a classical-style education makes it pretty easy to meet these requirements in a way that makes sense to the people reviewing the portfolios. It's not like we're trying to pass off 'videogames' as a legit unit study in 7th grade like one mom I know did with her son, rofl!
BTW, has anyone had a problem with them not believing your child's samples are their own? My oldest is a little nuts and he's reading on a 2nd grade level at 4 so I am worried they might not believe my book lists and student work samples when we get to 1st/2nd grade when we are submitting them. I distinctly remember being accused of cheating in public school because my work submitted was 'too good' to be my own, which is absurd imo since I'm pretty average, but it's made me nervous ever since. So I worry that they might accuse us of making up stuff for T, at least until he takes his first standardized test and can kind of prove it.
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:lol: I'm Catholic; but not such a great Catholic that *it* hasn't happened, I'm ashamed to admit, with some regularity.
This pregnancy is almost finished. I'm not sure that therapy would help because of that. Lol. We go back to normal after my pregnancies.
Yes, about once a month (usually). I've *heard* that it's normal for men in their 40's to... er... lose some drive on that end, so I hadn't really considered that an issue.
This is way out of my norm for posts I'd respond to, but it sounds like this is out of your norm for topics to post on too so I'll dive in :)
Anyway, I wish I could do multiple quotes, don't know how on this board, lol! But what I've read in the past 6 pages are these facts:
1. you are frustrated emotionally
2. you are sexually frustrated specifically, hence the 'home brewing' lol! I'm no prude, and definitely no saint, but since you're Catholic too you'll be fairly in agreement that home brewing, while understandable and a normal temptation, isn't good. So if we were to truly put it in black and white (which it's not, but for argument's sake) his refusal to be intimate during pregnancy is putting you in an occasion of sin. Not that he's totally wrong or mean, but he isn't being charitable in the way a spouse should.
3. you are hurt by this
4. you feel unloved and unattractive because of this
5. you've made reasonable effort to cope with this, and fully intend to continue to make such effort to cope out of love and respect and charity towards your husband. In other words, you are not looking to blame him or escape your problems.
With all of those things, I'd say he really ought to be giving it more visible effort and try to have teA at least a few times during pregnancy. My guess is, since he is otherwise loving and attentive, that he has a naturally low libido and so the slightest infringement on his ideal of sex (ie, the weirdness of thinking there's a baby in there) is able to override his already low libido. So I think there are two options really. You guys can decide together that he can overcome this mental block himself by offering it up as love and charity for his wife. Or maybe he needs some help physically and needs to look into why his libido tends so low. There may be simple things that could help boost it a bit so he can act more loving in this area. Maybe his testosterone is a bit low, maybe exercise would help, maybe there's some pill or something that would help, but only a doctor can know that out and a doctor can only help if he will go and just ask. I have no doubt it's been heard before in the doctor's office!
To me, that is the middle ground. It doesn't sound like he's being mean or intentionally hurtful but you are legitimately frustrated and hurt by this, I don't think you're out of line to want more in marriage during pregnancy. So I think to ask that he make concerted effort to be intimate a few times during pregnancy, and that you be patient, kind, and understanding of his limitations in the meantime is completely reasonable. Nobody is off the hook, and both are working towards charity in the marriage towards one another.
Just my 2 cents, I really hope this gets better for you and at the very least you won't be pregnant forever so there is a light at the end of the tunnel :grouphug:
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I was not aware of this teaching as a child, my parents were non-practicing Catholics and chose to pretend they weren't aware either and acted as they pleased.
After learning about the teaching I still didn't know it was a big deal, thought it was a suggestion not actual considered a sin, and I didn't understand why because we were never told. After being married 1.5 years and having a child (unplanned, using condoms no less!) I did the research and realized both the church's stance and why. We switched to strictly NFP and have been happy with that, not had any surprises yet. My husband is ELCA Lutheran and agrees with the Catholic stance on birth control, so it's always a little strange to me that even some Catholics don't. I really think it's mostly a bad job in educating people about a) how serious it is and b) why the church teaches this, both from a moral/theological and a practical/social perspective. I know I felt very betrayed when I learned about it that nobody had ever talked to me about it or talked openly about it around me. Seemed a shame that I had gone for so long not knowing about it and then having to study and research myself to find out why.
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Instead of a corner, I would take ds to his room where I would tell him that anger was a valid emotion, but that it is not appropriate to vomit that emotion all over everyone else. I typically didn't set a time, but would tell ds that he could join the rest of us when he felt that he was back in control.
Not during a meltdown but when he was calm, I repeatedly encouraged him to use his words to explain himself and when that failed to remove himself from situation. We talked a lot about emotions and appropriate behavior.
We do this too and in the corner nearby typically due to DS's age and I've just found he calms down faster when he's close by but slightly removed from the action. Time-outs are always "until you are calm and ready to join us again/apologize" not ever for 3 minutes or 10 minutes or anything. Sometimes he is calm in 1 minute, other times it has taken him up to 40 minutes to feel ready to join the family and apologize. But he always always comes back with a heart-change for sure. Then we talk about it, either briefly or in depth, but I never even try to reason with him during his meltdowns. Like above, if I can catch him before he's saying mean things then I'll do a gentle reminder and we'll talk about how he should handle it, but even that is something only I can do in the moment, DH or anyone else couldn't quite accomplish it because they can't recognize his about-to-blow signs. And I try to stay very very very calm. Don't always succeed of course, lol! but I do try and it goes better when I am calm.
But yeah, lots of emphasis on anger being okay but that disrespect is not okay no matter how angry you are. Basically I figure I'm teaching him the rules of adult life. If I'm angry with someone I'll remain respectful and if I feel I can't I remove myself from the situation by ending the conversation, going to another room, leaving, etc. until I am calm and ready to either let the issue go or address it respectfully. Our time-outs in this case are an enforced removal from the situation because kids don't always have the maturity to remove themselves to calm down yet.
The book Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids has been immensely helpful to me. It even gives good scripted dialogues for getting you started on how to respond to certain behaviors that are off the wall or just really hurtful/worrying like the kind of stuff your son has been saying.
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First, ITA with everything Ruth said above!
I'm definitely no expert, my kiddos are still quite young, but I have taught the older grades and I also see a lot of what I experienced myself in your description of your son. Except, I was never quite so demanding because my parents would never have tolerated it for an instant. And I think that is one of the few things they did well. There is a small portion here that is simply a character issue, and all kids have to develop their character slowly and steadily, it just happens that he's struggling with certain character traits like contentment, patience, perseverance, etc. Very normal things to deal with but they must be dealt with. Frankly I'd stop buying new curriculums and insist he does his basic 5 subjects plus he can choose 1 art/music and 1 other extracurricular (sports or something academic). Insist things get done and if you even suspect he slacked off or rushed through an assignment call him on it and make him re-do it at the level you know he's capable of. In the afternoons kick him outside to play! Encourage him to build forts and rafts and bike across the neighborhood or sit and watch some bug he's interested in or stargaze or whatever. Never underestimate the benefit of sunshine and fresh air and dirt for boys of any age. I'm very slowly learning this myself with 2 boys :)
About having interests, I'd say most 7 year olds don't have strong interests/passions in life. They have passing hobbies but that's it. He doesn't have to love academic work, you're laying the groundwork now so that when he's 12, 13, 18, 25, whatever and does find something he's passionate about he'll have the tools to learn about it and achieve his goals in that area.
As for the big questions, those could be somewhat in the realm of normal except that he's jumping straight to the "why am I here at all?" kind of thoughts. Those are signs of clinical depression and I would get a second opinion on that for sure. He sounds intense, and I think depression looks different in intense kids than more mellow kids. ITA with the other posters that you need to meet him where he's at and answer these questions as best you can. My parents literally laughed at me when I asked those questions and never answered them, which created a lot of problems for me.
I'd suggest searching for the thread here on the WTM forums on raising resilient gifted kids. I can't remember if it's more recent or older but I was browsing it the other day and it could not have come at a better time! I'd just finished spending the weekend with my SIL who is clearly gifted and intense. I was appalled to see that she seems to have an eating disorder and anxiety, she's a completely different person and it scared me to see her like that, and more than anything it made me worried for my own gifted son who is very similar to her. Anyway, I've been slowly reading my way through the list from that thread on resiliency in gifted kids and it's been helpful. I started with The Blessings of a Skinned Knee, which was a decent one to start with I think and enough common sense that it's an easy read but a valuable reminder. Maybe it'd be helpful for you to check out some of those same books as I think they'd address a lot of your concerns and the issues you're having, which I think are not uncommon for gifted kids.
Btw, I absolutely don't think it's the workload that is causing his anxiety. Parents who haven't dealt with a gifted kid yet don't always understand. I stopped asking advice from others when I realized that refusing to teach my son to read when he wanted to was stupid of me and was causing him to be bored. Poor kid was peeling paint off the walls before I finally dived into reading instruction with him and the day I started he stopped peeling paint and destroying books. So yeah, not everyone will get it and that's okay. I'm sure you could cause issues by pushing him too hard, but it does not sound like that's the issue at all, it sounds like you're trying to stimulate him and keep everything at his level.
I really hope somebody's advice and thoughts here help. I know it can be very isolating and worrisome to deal with these kinds of concerns.
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Getting a toddler to stop tantruming and calm the heck down is hard. It is. It is absolutely one of the most draining things you will do. But it's hard and you have to do it.
And you have to KEEP doing it because they are stubborn as the day is long. Then, eventually, they will understand.
He is 'screaming' for boundaries, and you are giving him none which is why this is escalating. If you don't deal with it, he's going to run the household and you're all going to feel like you're living in hell. Can you imagine how your poor 4 yo feels? Probably like a hostage in her own home. And she knows she shouldn't hit him back-so she's left defenseless until you can save her from him.
And yes, I'm being a bit hard nosed, but it's not like I haven't learned this lesson the hard way. ;)
Yeah, I totally agree. My secondborn is like this, he can throw a tantrum like nobody's business! And we let him get away with it too long because he had colic as a baby and we were accustomed to jumping at every scream in case he was in pain (he had reflux). You would think he was being tortured when we say 'no' because he wants something he can't have (like DH's coffee). I got sick of it and went mean-mommy on him and put him on time out for every single fit. I would sternly say "No, stop that" and if he continued he got put in time-out in the corner. I stood 2 feet away and put him back probably 100 times before he calmed down. And we require that the kids calm down before they leave time-out. For ODS that was 45 minutes once but nowadays it's 30 seconds and he's all "I'm ready to 'pologize" :) YDS is learning that lesson so I'd say his worst time-out was maybe 20 minutes and average is 5-7 with them getting shorter all the time as he's realized what is required of him to get out. Oh, and when he threw himself on the floor to really get into kicking/screaming phase I just held him up to stand. He'd buckle his knees and go limp but I held him up at standing height and told him "stand up" and he eventually got uncomfortable enough to put his feet back down on the ground. I thought my arms were gonna break off though, :lol: It was an awful 3 days or so and we're still having to be very consistent with him but it really helped. He spends a lot more time happily playing and a lot less time whining, following us around, and throwing tantrums. He also stops his own tantrums more quickly.
Oh, and those superyard things someone linked to are awesome! We keep one on our porch and I might set one up inside this fall when ODS is doing more schoolwork. It's higher than a standard baby gate or pack-n-play so difficult to escape from. And really if you start small (10 minutes) and offer his favorite toy and play music they start enjoying it soom. We start playpen time as soon as the babies can sit up and by 12 months they do about 45 minutes. We switch to roomtime with a baby gate around 2 years and then 1 hour of roomtime without a gate whenever they show themselves responsible enough to do so (ODS was at 3 but YDS might take longer, we'll see). My boys love it now, they walk themselves to their room and ODS picks out the music, gets the cd player going, and settles down to play with his cars, while YDS sits in his crib and plays music or looks at books or take off his socks and chew his toes, whatever he wants :tongue_smilie: It's totally worth toddler-proofing an area to get that peace of mind to school the older ones or take a shower while knowing the toddler is safe.
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ELCA Lutheran churches tend not to have parochial schools and are usually pro-kids in worship. I'm having to convince my husband of the need for a nursery for the 1-3 year olds in his current church even. All the Lutheran churches we've attended have been very supportive of kids in worship. Not super supportive of homeschooling but not opposed either, most are just more accustomed to public school and following the trend. ELCA churches tend to be slightly bigger than LCMS from what I've seen, though that would differ depending on where you are of course, and they are fairly liturgical. Some, like my DH's keep things almost identical to a Catholic Mass, but others are more liberal.
Catholics of course are pro-kids in worship and tend to be very supportive of homeschooling. But that'd be a big leap from LCMS :)
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Gift certificates are ideal I think. Some people try to give us tickets to things but we never are able to use them because DH works a lot (you'd think his congregation would know that) and works most evenings especially so then we always end up feeling guilty we didn't use them.
ITA with previous posters that we definitely do not need more stuff. No crosses, no angel statues or corny plaques with bible verses, lol! DH always appreciates the thought and feels obligated to keep everything he is given, so things can get cluttered pretty quickly :)
And I'd say no to food. Most pastors struggle to keep their waistline in check (desk job, lots of nice old church ladies bringing them baked goods every day) and I find it's not uncommon for them to be on a diet or at least trying to watch their eating habits. It's appreciated, and will get eaten, but long-term can add up to lots of pounds over the years, lol!
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Sounds like he likely just needs some more time. I didn't date anyone until I was 18 and even then had just two very short (one month) relationships and then started dating my DH when I was 19. We got married 3 years later, the first of our close friends to get married or have kids, so it all worked out.
One thing to consider though, if he's pre-med and very intelligent, could he be too busy for girls? Not actually too busy, but is he giving off that vibe? My SIL is 22, has never once dated anyone, and is a very pretty, smart, fun girl. But she has so many hobbies and responsibilities (gymnastics, 4.0 GPA, church, ivy league secret society thing, running, rock-climbing, etc) that she definitely intimidates guys and gives them the vibe that she has no time for a relationship though she wants one. Her mom encourages this by saying there's nothing wrong with her and the guys are just dumb and need to see her for who she is. That may be true, but honestly I wouldn't have dated a guy who was as busy as she is because I'd assume he had no room for me in his life, kwim? So obviously academics are a priority and certain other things but if your son has too many hobbies and groups he's a part of maybe encourage him to drop some for next year and see if having more free time opens him up to those spontaneous get-togethers with friends and just really spending time on whatever girl he becomes interested in. That may not be the case for him, but I figured I'd throw it out there to consider.
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Me either! I think that's why I'm gearing AWAY from the amazingly neat free preschool online curriculum's. I'd rather pay to have it ALREADY printed! Even though I have the binders and laser printer. It's just alot of additional work PLUS filling in the gaps and getting the supplies together. I'd rather just gather supplies and own a printed copy of the curriculum.
:iagree: We're ordering Handwriting Without Tears, Miquon Math, finishing up OPGTR, and then we'll do a new unit study every couple of weeks with some printables but most of our stuff will be pre-printed and ready to go. Another thing I realized with printing out these great online curriculums, is we end up spending a ton on ink, paper, and everything. not to mention the time involved, and that even with laminating a lot of things aren't going to last through more than 1-2 kids. Right now I'm thinking it's better to order the curriculums per subject that I like.
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OTOH, do larger families try to find ways to combine more, so separate workbooks for each grade/subject would make more work? Maybe that's why this hasn't been developed yet. Open & go is easier in the beginning (less prep), but getting several students working on the same thing is easier in the end (only teach it once, only grade it once).
I think you're right to a point. But with skill-based subjects like math, phonics, grammar, and writing I think a workbook-style would still be best because each child has to do those skill-based subjects separately anyway typically. We're hoping to adopt from foster care soon so might jump from 2 kids to 4 or more all at once so my personal plan long-term is to do History, Science, Religion, and Literature altogether as a group with each kid doing an assignment that fits their age. But Math, Phonics/Grammar, and Writing will be done separately and for those I'd love a more independent workbook style for the kids when they're older or just as a back up for times when life is chaotic.
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Thirsties covers are hands down my favorite covers, I got rid of all my other ones. I make some similar to Thirsties now because those were the best ones. The gussets make all the difference. And they come in cute colors :)
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:lol: that's awesome, bad manners of course, but funny!
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CHC has descent science program. I like it, but I prefer more of the WTM way of science and CHC is not. I use it some years, but not always.
I agree. I was actually browsing their stuff and realized that what I could do is to order all 4 (I think it's 4) years of science curriculum, which all touch a bit on every subject. Then go through and say for 1st grade Biology I'd go through each textbook and mark which chapters dealt with Biology subjects and we'd do all of those in 1st grade. Then I'd go through and do the same each year so by the end of 4 years we've used up all their materials but did it in the WTM order which follows along with our history cycle. Probably more complicated than it needs to be but whatever :)
I do agree that I'd love to see more homeschool friendly open-and-go Catholic curriculums. When you consider that as a general rule homeschooling Catholics tend to have larger families, it seems it'd be best to have a curriculum that is easier on mom/dad to educate several students with babies/toddlers around. I see several large Protestant families who do a much better job equipping each other to home educate a large family by using these primarily Protestant publishers.
Crimson Wife, you have a really good point. That's kind of where we fall in I suppose. To me at least I think all subjects point to God and the truth of the faith without needing us to artificially insert Jesus into everything. He's already there. I don't sit with my preschooler and say "let's learn counting. How many lepers do you see with Jesus? If we add 3 nails + 1 cross what does that equal?" :lol: Math is a science and Theology is the queen of the sciences, it all points to God on a deeper level intrinsically.
However, I still think it'd be nice to have a good, solid curriculum that was academically rigorous, relatively open-and-go, and didn't contain heresies. Probably too much to ask ;)
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Are you using a systematic phonics approach with her? What have you tried so far?
I was a late reader (age 7) and I had anxiety about it as well and it was because nobody had ever thought to systematically go through the phonics rules with me (back in the days of whole-language reading instruction, yuck!). What worked for me was a dual approach of systematic one-on-one phonics and my reading specialist taking the time to sit with me and let me read aloud to her, gently pushing me to sound out the words myself. By the end of the year I was reading chapter books and remained an above-average reader since then, even went to school on academic scholarship and was an English Ed. major.
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That would be strange. Everyone knows our salary, and as much as I don't like it, I understand and totally respect the need for transparency. And DH's church now is a pretty big one too (for Lutherans), yet if anyone was curious about where the budget is going they could easily get that information.
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Where do I put my books???!!!!!!!!
Lol! I know, this is actually my one hang-up and I brought this up with DH when he was all into the Tiny Houses. We decided we'd need to cut back to maybe a small bookshelf of reference/collectible books and put everything else on the kindles. The issue I have with that is I HATE to read nonfiction of any sort on the kindle, I prefer to take notes, highlight, and just use the formatting of larger reference books (I'm thinking like TWTM with its easily viewable lists or my teaching books with pictures and charts and graphs).
My other issue even in retirement is having our grown kids and their kids over. My desire for hermit-like simplicity wars with my desire for the stereotypical fun, loud, large family gathering. Basically I'm too picky to use one of the pre-made designs, I need to design my own home for retirement, it'll be perfect but very very quirky and particular to our likes and dislikes, lol!
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My DH is obsessed with Tiny Homes, and we plan to live in one after retirement. I'd be happy with a small home with kids, but couldn't possibly do a tiny home with the kids, we need more bedrooms and space for homeschooling. Our currrent place is around 1200-1300 square feet and I think that's perfect for our family knowing that we'll be adding a couple kiddos soon.
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But...we just got the bill. It's $2354.25. Yes, we have insurance. That's after the insurance discount (it's not actually covered because we never meet our deductible.
We're still paying off the MRI I had last April because of severe back pain. We pay $350 a month for health insurance that doesn't actually cover anything. It's so discouraging, and I have no idea how we are going to pay this bill off.
We were in a similar situation the last 2 years, DH's employer was paying a ton for health insurance and we were still shelling out $400-$600 a month for medical bills. It was insane, and then we found out other shady stuff about his church's health insurance plan from a moral standpoint so when he took this new position we asked for a different plan. They were willing to work with us and now we have a much much better plan that has a lower deductible and an HSA and actually covers maternity, thank God. Is there any way your DH could work with his employer for a better health plan, get together with some colleagues and ask?
I agree about the payment reduction and a payment plan though, and :grouphug: I know how much it just sucks even if they reduce it a bit and let you pay in installments.
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haha! I like that Mrs Mungo
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Dh wants to watch the HBO series "Game of Thrones" and I told him we could after I read the series. I've plowed through three books in two weeks and haven't gotten a whole lot of sleep. Curse you George R.R. Martin :cursing:
Ooh, I'm reading the first in this series too and it is AWESOME! Definitely bad for sleep though :)
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my family of origin also deals with emotions the way yours does.
thankfully I've never been able to bend myself to be that way and life with my DH has been very healing.
Same here on all 3 points.
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We never locked our doors and we've lived lots of places. Southern NH, Northern MA, suburbs in Florida, suburbs of Atlanta, Phoenix suburbs, St. Paul, MN (kind of cheating there as we lived on a seminary campus, lol!), and West Virginia (if someone is willing to make the 1 hour trek to steal our 15 year old tv they're more than welcome to take it off our hands). We lock our doors now as we live in a city in PA, and I locked my doors when I lived in downtown Atlanta. I mean, we'd usually remember to lock up at night but not during the day or when we were just running a couple errands. My parents house was broken into once in FLA and they came through the window (door was likely unlocked anyway, but they forced entry through the back window, lol!)
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Yeah, I'm not sure why it was so quickly dismissed either. I'd say Unscripted's ideas probably hit the nail on the head, it was an easy target for women chafing under rules and guidelines they didn't understand. Things seemed to go way liberal after V2 but then have recently come back around to a more balanced middle I think. At that same point many churches went from teaching strict catechism to just "Jesus loves you" fluff. I was told that the catechism wasn't for kids anyway and that's why we didn't study it in CCD. Sigh, not cool, but like I said things seem to be coming around to a more balanced approach now.
If you are not an attachment style parent...
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
Wow, you have a lot on your plate, I'd be exhausted too! I am not an Attachment Parent, I have great friends who are, but it is not for me, I am very much the opposite. Just for reference, I have actually worked as a baby sleep consultant before, just recently for actual pay though that's not the norm for me, lol! Anyway, 5 years nannying experience and 2 kids (one with severe reflux and colic) who both are happy sleepers now.
Anyway, I'm currently working with another mom so I'm online a lot checking for messages from her anyway. Feel free to PM me and ask away, I'm happy to give advice and you can take whatever works for you and leave the rest. Personally I think any baby advice goes best when it's geared towards that family's needs and style, whether that is structured or unstructured, okay with CIO or not or anywhere in between.