Diane in CO
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Posts posted by Diane in CO
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Cinnamon tacos....yeah, I thought the cinnamon was taco seasoning :tongue_smilie:
My husband had a few bites and then mentioned that there was something wrong with the tacos :lol: Ten + years later he still mentions it whenever we have tacos:D
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I love my pottermore name :001_smile:
Diane in CO = NimbusProphecy20398
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Ravenclaw here :001_smile:
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Love it!!!:lol:
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Phineus and Ferb is a huge hit here. It's on Netflix too. We all watch it here (even DH and the older teens).
:iagree: My almost 9 and almost 11 yr old love this as well... we watch Doctor Who over here (11 year old loves ....9 year old does not) but I would prescreen as some are pretty scary.
Diane
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I know everyone worries about different him really afraid of windows for a long time. Four years old, bad guy peeked in windows. Then one saw "Ghosts of Mars" and she freaked. I watched that not long ago and thought it boring.
Who knows?
DS and I actually joked about this the other day how anything with elephants in it terrified him until he was about 5 :D He has gotten over this though and not much seems to scare him but I know one of the other boys is very sensitive so I am actually more concerned that his friend saw that scene than my son.
At the bottom of each post toward the right are 3 "symbols" (not sure what you call them). Click the 2nd one with quote marks (") and it turns red. Click each post you want to quote (in my case, for this post, I clicked 3) and then reply. Buuuutt.....I can see doing it your way if you want to increase your post count and become Queen Bee. :D
Thanks April May, it worked!!! Ooh, am I going to be a Queen Bee soon? Cool :D
:iagree:
:grouphug:what a hard lesson to learn. i'm glad the other mom called you. i'm sad she went to bed before the kids were asleep.... they're seven. maybe you're lucky that's all that happened?!
re R rated movies.... none here, but we do have a few movies we want to be sure to watch with our dc the first time, due to content that we think needs some discussion during/afterwards, and those are kept in our room until we've watched them together once. (eg. the great debaters).
:grouphug:
ann
Hi Ann,
I was glad the other mom called as well, though as the kids are 11(sorry if I wrote they were 7 someplace else) I didn't expect her to stay up the entire time...I don't know that I could have. We also watch movies with DC the first time to discuss anything that might be a bit questionable as well, though we haven't been keeping those movies in our room...but that might be something we do from now on.
Thanks!
Diane
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I can't get past being upset that he saw an alien pop out of someone's stomach. It's not real. Now a r@pe, or people having $ex? That would bother me.
Well, when you put it like that :D
Diane
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It sounds to me like he was trying to fit in with a newish social group and got caught out. Can you gently probe and find out if peer pressure was involved. I am not saying that there shouldn't be consequences but it might help to know the background.
Incidently you say he has been lying more recently which re-inforces to me the suspicion that more is going on his group of friends than may be apparent.
I could be way off here of course, you know your son best.
I don't think direct peer pressure was involved...I think he thought he would be cool if he brought "the awesome scary movie" to the party.
In regards to lying I think he does it because it is "easier" in the moment to lie then get in trouble for something he did or did not do. I explain that it will only be worse when we find out later on, but that hasn't been a deterrant.
Thank you!
Diane
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Something to add to your "list of things to discuss" might be the difference between being a leader and a follower. My DD was getting sucked into bad ideas by some of her playmates so we had this conversation. It seemed to empower her to know that she could take the lead in doing the right thing. :)
Yes, the hostess brought this up with her son and I will be discussing with my son as well. He is definitely a leader in some ways (artistic projects, getting groups together to make comics etc.) I just need him to use his force for the good instead of leading others "to the dark side":001_smile:
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:iagree:
BTW - I watched that movie way before i was 11 and I was not scarred for life :)
As another mom of older teens..... yeah - the sneaking is something that needs to be talked about but,,, honestly I think you're REALLY over reacting. Obviously there have to be consequences, but.....
and if I was the mom over there - well - I would have felt it was my fault, not yours. I've had kids bring video games and movies over here that their parents were fine with that I said, "yeah - no, not tonight...". Keep in mind - at 11 - MANY kids are allowed to watch that stuff. I know my kids were fine with watching things like that by the time they were 10.
Anyway - hang in there :grouphug:
:D Yeah I am hoping he will not be scarred for life over this! First question my husband asked was is it Alien or Aliens...evidently one is far scarier than the other and they had picked the "less scary one".
I probably did overreact but as this was his first sleepover with a bunch of his book battle buddies I had hoped he would have behaved better.
thank you for your thoughts!
Diane
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I remember when my boys watched that one. It goes with the age...it won't be long before he's ready for it and the Disney Great Movie Adventure Ride.
One thing parents can do to build up the lad's self-confidence is to give him the resources and/or opportunities to develop his expertise in some area. Also, check the other boys - is someone trying to control the others via the "I'm cool, you're not route?" or is it a healthy friendship where he's trying to find a domain where they can respect/admire him?
As far as discipline - punishment was not making it thru the scary scene in front of his friends - use your normal plan. This calls for a sincere apology, an added chore, and maybe he needs to work his youth group's haunted house next fall.
Thank you, Ironically enough this slumber party was the culmination of the boys participating in the battle of the books, something we got him involved in as he is a big reader and has a mind like a steel trap for remembering details :D He is admired for his ideas and creativity but also made fun of as he is not athletic at all.
There is some friction between him and the hostess son...they do seem to try to "one up" each other and this may have had something to do with that.
He will be writing his apology letters today and seems sad about the incident.
Thank you for your thoughts!
Diane
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To the OP. Hopefully your son will learn a good lesson from this. :grouphug: It's hard to be the new kid. I switched schools in 5th grade. It was hard and I was teased but I did make new friends.
Thank you! It has been a hard year for him. My hope is that he does learn a lesson and that we don't continue to have these issues come up as often as they do :tongue_smilie:
Diane
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:iagree:
I would guess he either caught a glimpse of the movie when dad watched it one time and thought ot was cool, or a friend talked about it and he said he could get a copy of it. If you storre movies like we do, he knows what you own.
I think grounding for a month and apologies is a reasonable punishment. I hope you are able to work with him on not lying. :grouphug:
Yes, on the first part of the quote...friends talked about it at school and evidently knew he was bringing it to the party....he knows what we own but up until this point we have not had an issue with him watching "our" movies.
Thank you for your kind thoughts!
Diane
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:iagree:
Where WAS the other mom during movie time?? When I have teen boys visit my 16 y.o. ds for a sleepover, you can bet the only tv is in the living room where I am sitting and watching with them. (I also make sure the modem is "off" when I go to bed and take the laptop & smartphone with me into my bedroom. ;)) Kids can be kids -- but they also can do dumb things.
It sounds like the OP's child was trying to look cool in front of his friends. I am more concerned as to HOW the boy got a hold of the "R" rated movie in the first place?? :confused:
Other mom watched movies with them (Tin tin, part of UP) until 11:30. They turned off TV and were supposed to talk quietly and then go to sleep. She went up to bed at midnight...this happened sometime after that.
In regards to the where my boy got the rated r movie...we put all of our movies together on the shelf...the Rated R ones are not "hidden" or separate from the rest of the movies. They just know which ones are Ok for them and which ones are for mom and dad....apparently this needs to be revisited.
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Sneaking is a problem but this isn't the end of the world says the mom of older teens. The other mom should have checked what they were watching as well. Discipline according to what matters most to you but not because you're embarrassed. He was trying to act cool, it didn't work. It was good for all the kids to decide how much peer pressure they were willing to stand. Not that we want our kid to be the one to dish it out. I'm sorry.
Yes, he was definitely trying to act cool....we moved here this past year and it has been a difficult transition for him so I do appreciate that. Thank you for your thoughts!
Diane
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It's a good opportunity to gently discuss oh, so many things. I like the kind of gentle discussion where you can talk through the kids' decision making process and pinpoint where he went wrong, and explore why, then discuss how it could have been handled better. Other topics would include peer pressure, trying to be one of the gang, deceit, sensitivity to others - whether others really wanted to see it (was anyone scared, etc.), why movies are rated as they are, why parents use the ratings to restrict what their kids see, temptation and how everyone gets tempted sometimes but it's how you respond to it that matters, etc. And then a discussion of how perhaps he could have asked you if he could bring it, and how that would have played out, and if you would have said no, why you would have said it, and how the other parent(s) may have felt and why. And then perhaps a discussion of needs/wants that aren't being met, since he's growing up, and how perhaps some things can be allowed now that weren't before, but that it requires trust, and being up-front with each other, etc. etc. And ideally this wouldn't be a lecture, rather it would be a guided discussion where you would kind of lead him along to work much of it out for himself - the reflecting feelings, active listening techniques are good for this.
Most importantly, I'd gently discuss how, when you hide something, it's usually because you know that you're doing something wrong. And that feeling, that urge to hide what you're doing, is your conscience. And deep down in your heart, you know right from wrong, and when your conscience is telling you something, it's a good idea to listen.
And then I'd be less likely to say yes to sleepovers for a while.
If he really honestly saw how what he did was wrong, and talked honestly about why he made the decision he did, and seemed to see how he could have handled it differently, and be genuinely contrite and willing to atone by apologizing or otherwise making an effort to make it right, then I would leave it at that.
Wouldn't be everyone's style, but this approach has worked for me so far.
Pauline, I wish you had been with me when I was talking with DS tonight! I tend to freak out and then calm down later...unfortunately DH seems to be the same way (aren't we supposed to balance each other out?). I need to have a calmer discussion tomorrow to discuss all of these things.
Tonight we had a heart to heart about trust, putting our friends in a difficult situation and that our actions have consequences that we don't always forsee (hostess son called the other two parents to apologize that the movie was shown at his sleepover)....I think this last thing really affected DS the most.
I appreciate your thoughts and words!
Diane
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Trying to answer some of the questions that came up.
DS got the movie from our home as my husband like Sci-Fi movies. He knows that these are mom and dad movies only and we have discussed the reasons for this. I don't believe he has seen this movie in the past but has probably heard about that scene from other people at school and wanted to see it for himself. It is my understanding that at least two of the boys (total of 4 boys including my son) did NOT know that he was bringing it. 1 of the boys at the party chose not to watch it.
Sorry for the confusion on no movies or sleepovers ever...I was a little upset when I wrote and should have clarified that it is no movies/sleepovers for the next month.
In regards to being harsh....I am worried about this but at the same time we have had a lot of things come up lately where he has lyed or been sneaky...I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and for the next thing to come up.
DH and I have talked about this alot and I had even read threads on lying here and we discussed how we needed to improve our relationship with DS. DH has been spending more 1 on 1 time (hiking, drawing etc.) and I have been making sure to have extra reading/cuddle time at end of night. We have had MULTIPLE talks about trustworthiness and how our actions have consequences....I just don't feel like we are getting through to him.
I am hoping that the consequences we have given in addition to the relational aspect will help with this.
Diane
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What did your son have to say about it? Did he seem truly repentant? My response would depend greatly on the attitude of the child.
One thing I would require is a hand written letter or phone call of apology to the hostess for putting her in a bad position with the other guests.
Just getting back from talking with DH and there are a lot of responses...thank you! I will try to respond to all but don't know how to do the multiple quotes.
He is repentent, but didn't admit to it even when he knew I was talking to the boy's mother (she called and he heard part of the end of the conversation so he must have known that he had been found out, but didn't admit to it until I confronted him with it). He will be writing a letter of apology to the hostess and to the other kid's parents.
Diane
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I just received a phone call from a friend that my almost 11 yo son brought over the movie Alien to a sleepover with a group of his friends.:confused:
I am so disappointed and embarrassed. We have allowed PG and an occassional PG-13 movie, but don't allow him to watch any rated R movies.
Apparently they watched the part of the movie where the alien pops of out the stomach and then didn't watch any more (about 20 minutes of the movie).
My DH and I are at a loss at what we should do. I am especially at a loss as I checked his backpack before we left to make sure that he hadn't forgotten anything and did NOT see this movie in the backpack....which means that he hid it someplace else so that I wouldn't see it. :glare:
As of now we are taking away his IPOD and he is not allowed to watch any movies or attend any sleepovers in the future. We are also thinking about having him call and apologize to his friends and to the parents of his friends.
Any thoughts, ideas, BTDT suggestions?
Ugh, this parenting thing is hard!
Diane
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Here, Here!!! :iagree: This just happened today in our house...my husband's response was that they would get dry eventually :glare:
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I really like Meg Cabot when I am needing something light ...and she is hilarious! My recommendations are Boy next door, every Girl's got one...can't remember the other ones, but those are great!
Other recommedation for fun "Chick" books set in the south is anything by Mary Kay Andrews.
Enjoy!!!
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This made me laugh. It is so very true.
Also, I heard a wise woman say once, "When you are the only naked woman in the room, you are the most beautiful woman that man has ever seen."
Bottom line is that a man who is excited about the possibility of getting lucky, does *not* see imperfections. A man doesn't notice cellulite or stretch marks or bOOks that are shaped like tube socks.
:lol: thank you! You made my day!!!
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When I was on a diabetic diet during pregnancy ( I failed the 3 hour glucose test) I was told that whenever I had sugar cravings I should spread about 2 tsp of peanut butter on a slice of toasted wheat bread and that this would help the sugar cravings. I went through a lot of peanut butter ;) but it did really help. Also, I would allow myself 1 treat a day (1 serving of Nilla wafers or gingersnaps) and would savor those treats. Fresh berries with cream is also a good idea as berries are considered low on the glycemic index.
Wishing you the best! Those first few weeks are very hard!!!
Diane
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Hi!
My family just moved from Abq to CO about 6 months ago and I wanted to reassure you that it IS a wonderful place to live and I wish we could move back!
The people I came in contact with (we lived in the north east heights and my children were in elementary school at Georgia O'Keefe) were welcoming, friendly and wonderful. My children miss their friends greatly (and so do I). It is a lot more relaxed there and people seem to accept each other and their differences.
My husband went to grad school at UNM and we had thought about living near the campus, however we had heard that the northeast heights had the best schools and was one of the safer areas to live in (we lived about 2 miles from Abq academy). The commute for him was about 25-30 minutes by car and there is also the option of taking the bus...though that can take significantly longer.
Anyways, I couldn't pass this thread without putting in my 2 cents ;) Wishing you the best of luck on your move!!!
Diane
what little -isms does your family have?
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
Our family says...
"What's up buttercup?" "Nuffin, Muffin"
:D