hshibley
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Posts posted by hshibley
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1 hour ago, Janeway said:
She sounds sad. And 81 years old, I would imagine she is tired. I only wish I could go back in time and have more sympathy for my mom when she would be down like this. If I were you, I would have compassion. I am only in my 50's, but I have felt the slow down in the last couple years. It is really getting me down and I think I am finally "getting it" on how much more I should have been patient and compassionate. It is too late for me with my parents, but you still have time.
This. She’s 81 years old and working full time. That’s exhausting. My dad’s that age and in relatively good health I can imagine him working full time and having energy left for much else.
I think as people age they become somewhat of caricature of themselves. If she was always somewhat negative now she’s just more so. You need to let it go.
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2 hours ago, regentrude said:
Oh yes! Irrational, out of proportion anger was my main perimenopause symptom.
Tons of physical exertion outdoors helps somewhat. As does recognizing the pattern; mine was worst right before a period.
Physical exercise (hard and a lot) helped me. Recognizing that my anger was out of proportion to the situation helped me remain silent when that was the most appropriate response. Also having friends my own age helped tremendously - shared suffering. I don’t know your family size but sometimes those of us with large families tend to spend the most time with moms the age of our youngest children (I’m 55 my youngest is 11). As I get older I more appreciate friends my age we share more in common.
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11 hours ago, Heartstrings said:
I feel bad for using social media so much for my news, especially as a former news junky, but all of the good newspapers are paywalled now and it's so frustrating. We don't have TV anymore, only streaming and I don't like keeping up with news that way. I do have news podcasts but I've been kind of avoiding them all lately for mental health reasons. So it's mostly just Facebook posts from NPR or the Times, or things that pop up when I scroll TikTok, smooshed in between cats and recipes. And here of course. I'm less informed on the detailed machinations overall, but mentally healthier.
Have you checked what’s available online through your local library? I’m able to read the nyt wsj and washpost online on my device using my library card.
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3 hours ago, pinball said:
One of the victim’s, Joe Walker, who died grabbed a knife and rushed towards the killer but was shot twice in the abdomen and died. The state police told his father this. The father said he wasn’t surprised his son would do that.
"No, not at all," Leroy Walker said. "I know he would do that to protect his people.“
https://www.wmur.com/article/lewiston-maine-shooting-victim-stories-102623/45657709#
XXXXXX
Me again:
If Joe Walker had a different weapon, the outcome could have been reversed.
This is what you literally wrote. You switch the responsible party from Mr Card to Mr Walker. You are taking the focus off of Mr Card to advance your agenda.
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7 minutes ago, pinball said:
My post was in direct response to the post that said there were no good guys there
which was obviously, patently WRONG
Your narrative is false. The narrative that if there is a good guy with a gun this tragedy doesn’t happen. The only responsible party here is Mr Card and his gun. Without the gun the young man who charged with a knife probably lives. Yes the young man was a hero who needlessly died because of our fetish with guns. A bar full of people easily overpowers a lone crazed man. Give that man a gun and many people die.
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9 minutes ago, pinball said:
One of the victim’s, Joe Walker, who died grabbed a knife and rushed towards the killer but was shot twice in the abdomen and died. The state police told his father this. The father said he wasn’t surprised his son would do that.
"No, not at all," Leroy Walker said. "I know he would do that to protect his people.“
https://www.wmur.com/article/lewiston-maine-shooting-victim-stories-102623/45657709#
If Joe Walker had a different weapon, the outcome could have been reversed.
The last sentence is your opinion and not in the article. You should only carry a gun in public if you are willing to use it. The reality is that most people are not willing to kill some one regardless of the NRA fantasy narrative that we’re all walking around like John Wayne in a movie ready to kill at a moments notice.
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22 hours ago, Scarlett said:
Said wealthy husband has met with this out of state group a couple of times already. He is pushing the wife to go there for marriage counseling. He keeps singing their praises because they specialize in helping wealthy families . When I looked at their web site it appears they work with people with addiction and mental illness.
Is there a possibility that there’s an addiction you may not be aware of? Perhaps prescription drugs? Addiction can be easy to hide.
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10 minutes ago, kbutton said:
I’ve heard that women who are widowed tend to lose a huge part of their social circle, but I suppose they depends on whether they socialized mainly with or without their spouse.
I think that goes for both men and women regardless of how you socialize.
My mom died this year leaving my dad widowed. They’d been married over 55 years. It’s the person you built your life with, grown up with, knows you better than anyone. And one day it’s just over and you’re alone. Friends and children just aren’t filling that void. Yes you should prepare financially (know your financial situation) and medically (know their wishes) but nothing truly prepares you for the day it ends.
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It’s hard and tiring. Teenagers are exhausting. Be kind to yourself.
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25 minutes ago, SKL said:
Today I drove my kid to the optometrist. I valiantly fought the urge to say or ask anything about school, work, or anything likely to be stressful.
She volunteered that she is finding math difficult. I suggested she not hesitate to ask the teacher for help. She said "I hate tutoring." Again I fought the urge to say another word about it.
A lot of the drive both ways was silent, but there were a few brief moments of nice conversation. She even asked me to look at some videos on her phone while we were in the waiting room. (She didn't have her air pods; otherwise there might not have been any conversation at all.)
Need to stay strong.
But ... if grades start looking bad, I'm not going to be able to stay completely silent about it....
You did great. If grades go south I suggest you let it go. Reiterate that you’ll pay for a tutor, she should see the teacher for help and take advantage of any extra credit opportunities then let it go. I had a similar situation with one dd she ended up with a c in English but if I had ridden her like a rented mule (which is what I was naturally inclined to do) she would have gotten a better grade but ruined our relationship and she would have shut down. The c did cost her her first and second choice college but in the end she’s turned around and started taking responsibility for her grades and is very successful at the college she attends.
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I wear Nike tempo shorts for running. But just a heads up I find leggings far more modest for strength training at the gym than any of my shorts.
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Ladies who fast for long periods 20+ hour periods. Are you dizzy going that long without food? Do you do strenuous exercise ie long runs during your fasts?
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Sorry she went through that. Your advice to her was good. Has she any interest in joining band or cross country? Something that could help her find a friend group.
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Two of my dd in their 20’s and my son in his teens saw it this weekend and loved it. As did their friends.
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I saw it and loved it. It’s pg13 so clearly not for a young audience. Gloria’s monologue was for me epic and spot on. Loved it!! It definitely has Barbie elements for all women tween and up.
I was reading an article today discussing the movie. There’s a scene in the movie where Barbie turns to an average elderly woman(70’s) sitting on a bench by herself and tells the woman she’s really beautiful. The woman replies I know. Apparently Warner brothers wanted the director to take that short scene out of the movie in order to tighten it up and the director fought hard to keep it in. I loved that story. A movie that discusses patriarchy, how women hate women men hate women is sometimes the only thing we agree on as a society, and as a woman never get old and you have the the execs and Warner Bros wanting to cut that simply beautiful scene.
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36 minutes ago, pinball said:
So your daughter is gay?
It’s none of your business.
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39 minutes ago, SKL said:
Well, there've always been people who would rather die bitter and alone than learn to "agree to disagree." I just don't think it's healthy, and I don't think it's wise to encourage that mindset.
I think it depends on the issue. I’m catholic once you start sharing your extreme anti catholic opinions we’re done. There is no common ground. I don’t have to tolerate your prejudice to make you comfortable. I can understand people having the same views on other issues race, religion, LGBTQIA+ issues.
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A couple of things to think about. If she has a car try looking in Leland or Hampstead for a temporary rental for the summer. It will be a drive 30 minutes or so but it’s an option.
My daughter goes to school in Charlotte and rents an apartment that rents by the bedroom. The bedroom’s lock and it’s worked out fine. I think these types of apartments are becoming more popular for college areas.
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28 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:
It's an unusual crime for a female, and I suppose there will be interest in the factors predisposing a female to commit a male-typical crime. I'm not going to lie; I'm curious to know if this murderous gun-crime spree by a female person is an outlier, or if it reflects an ongoing shift ie are females committing more male-typical crime than in the past? Because it's a really unusual shift, and worth understanding.
I'm sorry to sound cold. The rest of the world looked on at American mass murders by gun in sorrow and concern for a long time, and now look on in acceptance. Sadly, this is how it is.
My sociological curiosity is, of course, utterly unimportant in the face of the suffering of the victims, their families and friends, their community, and also the suffering of the survivors and first responders.
I hope it doesn't become a focus, and I can see that the temptation, on both sides of the debate, is to make it a focus. I hope the focus remains on gun culture/access.
I think it may be different in the USA due to the ubiquitous nature of guns. It doesn’t take much to be a mass murder here.
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If there’s any way you can swing just paying for the movers with out it causing a financial strain for yourselves I’d just pay for the movers and be done with it.
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I have/had college age kids and generally have no idea what their class schedule or grades are. We pay tuition and room and board.
I would thinking missing class for a death in the family (my grandmother died when I was in college and I went home for the funeral) and sibling weddings would be common (not a week just a day or two). The rest not so much.
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1 hour ago, Bambam said:
I think I'd be very concerned about how this person seems to know where either you or your sons are. How is that happening? Tracker? Someone telling him? Is he following you? I don't want to be paranoid, but I think I would be at this point.
It seems as if most of the time this is occurring when the kids are with the in-laws. It’s not necessarily that he’s crafty more likely the in-laws have poor/conflicted judgement.
I’d cut the time with any of the in-laws to the legal minimum until the husband is stable and stops abusing the kids.
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5 hours ago, BandH said:
I'n not saying I'm right, my gut is just that pubic isn't always better.
I was assuming that you were the target of the verbal abuse not your son. Given that the child is the target of abuse and the one that the restraining order is protecting there’s no way my child would be allowed over to a private home (yours and especially not your in-laws) with your child. Your child would be welcome at my home as long as we agreed your dh was not notified of the visit. Even if he is not violent by your standards now this is the United States he can get a gun tomorrow if he wants.
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I’m sorry that this happened to you. If I knew the other parents well enough I’d be proactive explain/apologize for the incident. I’d also suggest that future get togethers be at a public location etc.
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We need prayers right now (update in OP)
in The Chat Board
Posted
Praying for your son and your family.