zookeeper
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Posts posted by zookeeper
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Thank you for all the great information in this thread! And for the hugs, they're sorely needed right now.
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If abuse of any kind is present, marital counseling is contraindicated.
From a personal perspective, my 15 year marriage had severe emotional/verbal abuse and infidelity. It was an episode of abuse that was the last straw ~ but it took years to get there in terms of understanding the dynamic of abuse.
I can't post about the episode here, but it wasn't the episode exactly, it was that the episode finally corresponded with a time in which I was educated, informed and ready.
Financially, it was and continues to be devasting. A (re)marriage that had both love and utilitarian components has turned out to be an additional challenge. The last 7 years have been the hardest of my life. But I'd do it again to be free and out of what I was in.
I lost me in a profound, fundamental way.
I was kinda hoping you would chime in here. Can I ask why counseling is contraindicated with abuse?
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She and her husband had been married 16 years. They spent every penny they had ( including thousands in the bank) on counseling. He had become abusive verbally and physically. She loved him dearly and didn't want their children to not have mom and dad together. But He didn't want to change. And he still hasn't.
They divorced. She asked her church members and family if anyone knew of a a house to rent. She found a house. Put her home schooled children in public school and got a job (dental hygienist). This past year she found a former homeschooling mom who agreed to help home school her kids while she works.
She is off on Fridays and spends it with her kids.
It has been really hard, but she has taken her children out of an abusive situation. Her ex is somewhat better towards her now, but has made no permanent changes.
I don't know your situation, and I don't advise divorce. But if you are in dangerous situation you may have no other choice.
Don't know if this helps, but thought I'd share my friend's situation.
Sorry you are in this situation.
:grouphug:
That helps a lot! Thanks you
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Can you see a counselor? Mine was really good at helping me see what my options were, walk through everything, etc.
I'm quite disillusioned with the whole counseling thing at the moment. We/dh have tried 4 different counselors over the last 18 months and things have only gotten worse.
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If both are willing to believe in the basic good and fundamental love of the other person, any feelings or hurt can be easy to let go and leave behind.
And when one of them loses this, it becomes torturous. :crying:
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When I am driving and dh texts me I have ds text or cal dh to let him know I am driving and can't text....of course if you were driving alone you can't do that! :)
No and I can't call him at work either. :glare: A few people were abusing the personal call issue and so there's been a ban put on that for the time being.
I'm glad to have gotten some other perspectives.
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I started noticing issues in my late 30's (turning 41 in a few weeks.) I didn't like myself very much until I started treating my thyroid/adrenals and hormones. It changed my life! I love life again and my cycles are back to being fairly regular and totally manageable now instead of debilitating for about a week. No more excessive bleeding and horrible pain. I've got energy again like I haven't had in over a decade! I get a little more sluggish for about 3 days around the start of my cycle but that's really nothing to complain about.
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I've been homeschooling for over 12 years. I've always loved it! We're quite relaxed in our schooling and have very productive periods followed by not so productive periods. I think the ebb and flow like that is part of what's kept me going. When I get tired of it or need a break because of a crisis or something, we take a break. Having older kids and seeing how they learned IN SPITE of me has helped me be not so demanding of my littler kids.
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I generally keep my phone in my purse (so I don't forget it when I leave the house!), so if I'm not in the same room, I don't usually hear when I get a text and don't notice it until the next time I go to use my phone. If dh really needs me, he'll call. If I still don't answer, he'll try the landline. I guess I can see him being a bit miffed if he KNEW I got the text and didn't bother to text back, but it seems a bit petty to be upset at no response from someone who is busy and who you're not even certain got the message in the first place. Texting isn't a face-to-face conversation, after all. It's not like you're ignoring a verbal comment and leaving him hanging.
This is kinda the way I feel. I have friends that I text with and it will sometimes be hours or even a day or two before we answer a text, depending on when we get it. I don't assume they don't like me or something just because they didn't answer my text right away. I know they're busy moms and they'll get to it when they get a chance.
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Is he a control freak?
No, he's really not but we've been having some issues lately and this is one little side effect of the issues.
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I would assume the person is busy. OP said it was her at fault for being a slow texter. I would advise that if you know this is a push-button issue for dh, to text back quickly. It only takes a second and you can blow off other texts.
Considering I was driving for over an hour today when it happened, I can't exactly take that advice. ;) Really, I'm not ignoring them on purpose (no matter what he thinks to the contrary!)
I don't have my phone plastered to my hip. My little kids will carry it off to play games and then it's a hunt for it or, heaven forbid, I want to take a shower and get dressed without having to worry that I might miss a text.
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You have 7 kids and he wants to know why you haven't answered a text? What does he think you do all day?
Apparently not what I should be doing which is sitting around waiting for his texts so I can answer them immediately. :glare:
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Looks like I'm not the one overreacting then. :D
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I had a friend send me an "i love you" text one time. She meant to send it to her dh. :D
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FYI, *I'm* the one not responding quickly enough.
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If you (or your SO) send a text to each other (just saying something along the lines of "love you, have a good day") and you DON'T get a quick response or even one at all, what are the thoughts going through your head?
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When it rains it pours eh? Is there someone at your insurance company that can deal with the other drivers insurance?
They're looking into it. There was a witness, but his testimony has been thrown out. His description of the vehicles was vague. Honestly, he didn't hang around. He checked to make sure I was ok and that the other car was turning around. Then he left. It just galls me that they are LYING!! Oh well. It's only money right? I knew there was a reason we didn't go with a high deductible. Because of the storms we had several weeks ago (LOTS of hail) I won't be able to get the car into the body shop til the first week in August. The good part about that is, I won't need a car that week so we won't be out of pocket for a rental like we would be for the next 5 weeks. (I'm taking a class.)
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They make a great flourless brownie!
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:grouphug:
If you want a good laugh:
We had a rat (yes, a rat!) climb into our a/c unit. He was electrocuted, which shorted out the unit.
So never ask what else can go wrong. There are plenty of bizarre possibilities. :lol:
(On the plus side, we were fearing it was the compressor and thought it would cost $$$$ to fix. As far as home repair issues go, a rat taking out your a/c is fairly affordable.)
But I feel for you. I have been having one of those years where I just don't think I can take one more thing.
Thanks for the laugh!!
One of my favorite movie lines is from Disney's Tarzan. Jane is hanging between two trees and says "it cahn't get any worse, cahn it?" It starts to pour and she says "obviously it cahn!" I feel like that's our life these days! :lol:
And truly, I know there are much worse things that could happen (because they HAVE happened in recent years!) It just feels like things pile up sometimes, YK? Especially things that require money I don't have!
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:grouphug:
Do you have a shop vac that you could stick in the garbage disposal?
That's a good idea!
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About a month ago, after some really bad storms, a huge branch fell on dh's truck, shattering the windshield and denting the cab. We sold it because it would have cost more to fix it than it was worth. Last week, while I was on my way to class, someone coming the other direction, crossed the center line, hit my car, taking off my mirror and dragging it down the whole length of the car. I know it could have been much worse BUT their insurance company is denying the claim. The witness wasn't a very good witness and the other people are lying about what happened.
On the day of my accident, our dog killed the two baby bunnies we were watching in the field. Yesterday, my oldest ds left his turtle outside in 100 degree heat and, of course, it died. Today my dd broke a large glass measuring cup in the sink, on the side with the garbage disposal. I cut my hand several times trying to get the glass out. It's still full of glass.
Sigh......I know, in the grand scheme of things, it's all not that big of a deal. Add to that the horrible stress my marriage is under right now and I'm just at a loss. Sigh.........
If you've divorced from a lengthy (15+) marriage, I have some questions.
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
Thank you for those recommendations. I'm going to look them up.