Aura
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Posts posted by Aura
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1 minute ago, Garga said:
So he was on a plane with a confirmed case of Covid-19, and now he and all the other passengers and going about their lives? Standing right next to you have a conversation?
Welp. There’s basically no containment for this, is there? Not even an attempt really.
He said he cleaned up as best he could when he got off the plane, also tried to disinfect as best as possible before heading home, then took his shoes off before he went inside his home, went straight to the shower, etc. Also, the air wasn't working that great on the plane, so he was hoping that nothing really circulated into the cockpit.
I know he doesn't want to spread this, but he was given no guidelines for afterwards. He was doing his best based on the information he knew.
So what exactly what are we being told about possible exposure. NOTHING. Just go about your day and IF YOU DEVELOP SYMPTOMS, then get seen. They're not testing possible exposure. (They can't.)
So yeah, I agree, there's basically no containment. at. all.
I really hope this virus isn't as bad as it appears, that it's really only a very small percentage of people that develop complications.
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Was busy yesterday and didn't get much chance to get on here. Took me a bit to catch up!
The meeting for dd's Italy trip was very informative...but not wrt the coronavirus, at least, not from meeting itself. The department holding the meeting said that they would have no input on that decision; it would come from above them. Dd shared that the university already stopped trips to China, and the students were reimbursed for the fees, courses, etc. I'm not sure about tickets. The kids were supposed to get those themselves, and dd said most had not even done that before their trips were cancelled.
At the meeting, though, I was able to talk to a dad who is a pilot for a major airline (I've known this man for several years now). He works out of the Atlanta airport and is gone from home for days to weeks at a time. This past week he flew from Toronto to Atlanta. As they approached Atlanta, he got a message saying that a passenger needed to be allowed to disembark before anyone else because the CDC was waiting for them at the terminal because that person had COVID-19. Neither the pilot nor anyone else on the plane had any idea that an infected person was on the plane. I don't know if the airline knew about this in advance and did not share it with anyone, not even the pilot (which was what he seemed to think was going on) or if the CDC tracked down that individual and located him/her mid-flight.
Between things like this, other stories of people who have been exposed being turned down for testing, the whole DP fiasco, the Italy cases, and the faulty test kits that the US sent out (not just to states but to 30 other countries!) which has led to there only being THREE places here in the US that can test for the virus ... I really feel like no one really knows what's going on. Officials are playing catch-up. They're not staying ahead of anything and pretty much everything is reactionary.
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Just now, Pen said:
Which part of Italy?
Right now a lot in the North seems semi suspended
Rome
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14 minutes ago, PeterPan said:
If she had trip insurance paid for *before* this outbreak, she might be covered. If she doesn't yet have trip insurance, good luck. The insurance I'm looking at for cruising is putting lots of caveats at this point, saying don't plan on them covering it.
We've paid for some fee for the study abroad class, but I think that's it so far. She's responsible for her own airfare, but we haven't gotten the tickets yet. I think everything else is through the university, though. We (students & parents) have a meeting tomorrow, so it will interesting. If no one else brings it up, I will.
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Oldest dd is supposed to be going to Italy to study abroad this summer with her university. I really hope the warm weather helps clear this up!!
ETA I also wonder IF the warmer weather will make a lot of difference... Isn't it already hot in Singapore?
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Thank you to everyone who is following this and posting updates! but especially Ausmumof3 🏆
I've been following it, too, but have been too busy to really post much. But I wanted to chime in w/ a few things:
The guy that left the hotel quarantine is EXACTLY why we need decent, accurate information instead of pandering to this let's-not-start-a-panic phobia! If you've followed the news only, then this is no worse than the flu and there's no real reason for anyone to worry. If he was allowed outside the hotel already, what's the purpose in the quarantine?! If I believed the news (and didn't do any further reading on my own), I'd probably think it was all a PR stunt with no real risk to anyone and the problems in China will stay in China...else, why wouldn't the experts insist on an actual quarantine instead of just giving lip service?! (Updated info says that everyone's tests from that ship came back negative.)
The CDC and WHO have no credibility because of stunts like this. Either we should be taking this seriously or not. Either we quarantine people, or we don't. Either this is something that should not be allowed to spread and proper precautions should be taken...or it's not! I know that it's an evolving situation, but half-hearted efforts and contradictory measures do not instill confidence. People dismiss the "experts" when the experts are obviously not telling the whole truth.
I found this 5 minute video from North Korea which does a better job of explaining things than anything the CDC or WHO have put out. From N. Korea!!! Regardless of whether you agree that the virus is a deadly as they seem to think, they quickly go over how it affects you, how it spreads, how to protect yourself--with a heavy emphasis on proper hand washing!--and what they are doing as a government to deal with it. 5 minutes of decent, actionable information that doesn't (IMO) incite panic but encourages people to be proactive and might actually do some good. From North Korea 🤯
(Of course, in N. Korea, they also shot dead a guy when he left quarantine w/o a mask, so I'm not supporting that kind of regime. I'm just flabbergasted that they would do a better job of giving out information to their country than our health officials do to ours.)
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Keep in mind that not only are your kids going to get bigger, so are their friends. And then they're going to have boy/girlfriends that come over all. the. time. so your body count is going to go up as well as the size of the bodies! (Speaking as a mom w/ six kids.) And keeping the kids where you can keep an eye on them is great for now, but as they get older, that's not going to be practical or desired.
I would try to adjust things to make it work for you for now, at least I would try that before looking to sell/buy. (Speaking as someone who's recently just done this myself....packing up to move and keeping the house "show ready" is such a pain!) I would definitely be having a serious discussion w/ dh about what you need in a house as the person who 1) does the most work in it and 2) spends the most time in it. If you're the one who takes care of the majority of the daily maintenance, then you need your house to work for you, not against you.
Surely there's stuff that you really liked about the house when you bought it? Doing things to emphasize those and strategizing how to make the house work best for you would be my first option. Some ideas (dh might have to give a bit, but there's room for compromise): learn to wear shoes or house slippers and get a robot vacuum; put an additional fence on the top of the brick fence (iron fencing on bricks looks very nice IMO!); get non-breakable dishes like stainless steel and/or plastic/polycarbonate, or just cheap stuff that you plan on replacing regularly; replace the flooring that you don't like; fix the walls the way you need them
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I'm fixing to head out the door (just waiting on something to download) but I guess I would handle things a bit differently than most. I'd ask, in a thoughtful and planned-ahead way. In this case, when I had the chance and it was just the recently divorced and myself, I would ask something along the lines of: "I just found out about your divorce. Is there anything I should know so I don't stick my foot in my mouth or that you'd just like to share?" This clears the air, lets them share (or not!) as much as they'd to share, and lets you know how to proceed. And then after they finished, I'd end it openly: "I'm here if you need me." If a big family event is coming up and I wouldn't see them in person until then, then I'd call or message them ahead of time. "I just wanted to make sure I didn't do anything to make you uncomfortable at Thanksgiving." Or something like that.
The point of asking is not to satisfy my curiosity. It's to put the other person at ease. Not addressing the elephant in the room rarely does that.
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10 hours ago, SquirrellyMama said:
I just remind myself that it could be worse. He's not drinking or doing drugs. His grades are going down since he's decided that he doesn't want to go to college.
He's going to go into the military. When I tell them that the military will definitely not care about his emotional connection with his friends he says I'm being mentally abusive.
Teachers were no help at conferences, they all looooovvvveee him. Want 5 more of him in class.
This too shall pass.
So what the teachers are saying is that all your rules and high expectations have helped him become a good student and excel in school. So you should continue with what you're doing. 😉
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I found an artificial Christmas tree on Amazon that I wanted, but I couldn't afford it right now. I was kinda hoping that maybe it'd go on sale sometime before Christmas and I could get it that way. I just looked yesterday, and the price has actually increased by about 70%. I think they're jacking the price so they can mark it down again around Black Friday and claim super huge savings. 🙄 I'll just make do with the one I have for now.
Last year, I got what I thought were good deals on a few things for the kids on Black Friday, only to have the price drop even more about 2 weeks later. Not just with Amazon, but with Walmart and Kohls, too.
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Can I be a bad judge of character by proxy? Generally, my gut has never failed me. I can't think of a time when my instinct said "stay away" or "avoid this person" where it was wrong. And left to myself, I will follow it. BUT if I trust someone else, and that someone then trusts another, I'm very likely to trust the other even if my gut says don't. That's happened more than I care to recall (though I've been doing much better in recent years!).
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Like you, I grew up never dressing up for Halloween. I'm still trying to figure it out. *sigh* So this thread has been interesting.
I tried to go the homemade, thrifty route, but I'm rather creative and a perfectionist, and I swear we ended up spending more than if we'd bought actual costumes.
I tried doing a thing where they either bought a cheap costume or had to come up with a costume that mainly used actual pieces of clothing they would need anyway. This was mainly to satisfy dd as she got older who wanted more cosplay than costume. It still works well for her. She's done Regina from OUAT, Scarlet Witch (she got a sweet [fake] red leather jacket out of that one, which was a bit big then but fits perfectly now!), and Daisy (Agents of Shield) and got some nice new articles of clothing that she got a lot of everyday use out of.
This year, I have four that will dress up, ages 9-15. The oldest doesn't want to go trick-or-treating, but he wants to dress up to hand out candy. I told the kids $50 each. That's it. It's more than I'd like to spend, but I have yet to figure out how to come out cheaper! At this point, they're almost all too big for the cheap costume suits at Walmart. I told them they had to figure it out however they wanted but it needed to be under that amount. The kids have done well with this, and for the most part they've stayed well below that. But then... Amazon. *sigh* Ds11 wants to go as either Hiccup from HTTYD 3 or Link from BOTW (Switch game) but most of the costumes were too small or more cosplay and outrageously expensive. We finally found a BOTW Link costume in his size on Amazon for about $35. We put it in the cart thinking we could get a NERF sword to go with it and still be in budget. A few days later, the price increased to $50. 😡 🤕 Oh well. I don't have the heart to tell him they increased the price and he has to forgo the sword. Thankfully, the others coming in under budget gives plenty of room to still get the sword.
I'm not sure any of this really applies to your situation, just musing out loud and commiserating.
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Coming from a very conservative background with a natural desire to smooth conflicts, I understand the desire to make others comfortable. Besides Romans 14, there's also Romans 12:18: ...as much as possible...live peaceably with all men.
It took a long time for me to realize that smoothing over possible conflicts, avoiding confrontation, and allowing others (usually the stronger or louder people) to be comfortable is NOT trully living peacefully or being compassionate in any way. If we are to use Jesus as our example, he did not shy away from confrontation. He was nice to people (mostly) but more importantly, he set an example even if it made people uncomfortable. True compassion means standing up for the weak, the oppressed, the marginalized. And in America, breastfeeding mothers are still marginalized.
Jesus called the disciples out when they wanted to keep the kids away from him. Maybe having the kids around was culturally unacceptable. Maybe it made the disciples uncomfortable to let little kids around while they're talking grown-up religious stuff. I bet it was certainly a distraction. But Jesus did the compassionate thing: he made them face their assumptions and reminded them what was really important.
Another parallel is the Martha & Mary scenario. Remember that Martha was doing the culturally appropriate and respectable thing, but she's the one who got called out. Not Mary. Martha is the one who had her priorities mixed up.
Breastfeeding mothers who refuse to be relegated to another space are more like Jesus than those who meekly go hide in privacy because of what others think or feel.
Can you imagine what Jesus might say if he were sitting in a small room Bible study and a woman gets up to leave so she can breastfeed simply because she might make the men uncomfortable? He would know why she was leaving. And if he knew that she was leaving because some of the men were uncomfortable with her nursing in the same room, I think he'd have a few choice words to those men...maybe something along the lines of reminding those men where their priorities and focus should really be. And I think he'd encourage the mother to stay.
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4 hours ago, scholastica said:
I would keep the 3 year old home. If the older kids are older than the 6 year old, and can be counted on to not share drinks and such, I’d take them.
This. I've got too many kids to keep everyone home when one of them gets sick. Now, when they were younger, sickness was guaranteed to hit them all, so yeah, I'd keep them all home. I knew that they'd spread it. But now, their ages range from 9-22. I've have many instances of just one or two getting sick and not anyone else. So no, I'm not going keep everyone home from most church-like things because one is sick.
HOWEVER, even if only one of us is sick, I do avoid pot-lucks and such. If even one person has had a fever, we all pass on the after-church dinner events.
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Viruses and bacteria are adapting to our medicines. They've learned to adapt faster than new medicine can keep up. Because of this, people are going to find that colds and such are stronger and harder to get over. Simply taking medicine and continuing to work (be it in or out of the home) as we have grown used to isn't going to continue to happen. It's also going to mean a return to times when people must take very proactive and prolonged steps to recovery.
This means that all of the wonderful advice above is something that people need to learn to do immediately when they're starting to feel bad and continue to do until they're all better... and it still could take several days to recover!
So when someone suggests something, it's not a one-time thing. It's could easily mean continue to do that every few hours for several days.
I don't mean to sound all gloomy, but it helps me to know--and I hope that it helps you, too--that I can't expect to just take some medicine/remedy and move on... I've got give myself time, and that means days not hours. My body's fighting off an army with a vast network of intelligence and advanced weaponry. It needs a little extra time and care.
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I don't know what kind of shows you like, but I just recently finished watching all 7 seasons of Star Trek Voyager (Netflix) and thoroughly enjoyed it. Of course, it's Star Trek (which I grew up on...my dad loved the classic Star Trek!) so you have to roll with the "science," but it was a pretty simple plot and, with a few exceptions, happy fun to watch. And I had no problems with my youngest watching it, as opposed to TNG, which had several episodes that IMO ventured into a bit too adult-y territory in several episodes.
Another show I've enjoyed is The Good Witch (Netflix). Definitely fits the not too deep, happy, and simple plot lines requirement.
Psyche (Amazon) is loads of fun.
If TV-14 is ok, I'd also say Merlin ((Amazon) simple and funny, though it does have a bit of a sad series ending) and Warehouse 13 ((Amazon) not complicated that I can remember and it was funny).
Hope you feel better!
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3 minutes ago, TravelingChris said:
Wrong. It is to prevent harm from happening to someone. If one runs a Ross a rapist about to rape someone or some guy is about to start chopping off fingers of someone, they are certainly allowed to shoot.
I interpreted what Katy said as meaning if the trained person pulls a gun, then someone is going to die, and whatever is happening is worth killing over. Stopping someone from committing rape or torture would, IMO, justify lethal force, or the act is so egregious that it's worth preventing even if it means killing.
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25 minutes ago, StellaM said:
Yeah, because most kids learn, and are not sociopaths. It's not some spanking-required secret. In all probability, she was going to grow up to be a great person anyway. So why bother hitting ?
Smacking is ineffective, it doesn't work. And there are always options to smacking.
Given that, why bother defending it ? Because you want to protect your parental right to hit your kid ? Makes no sense to me.
It's like giving your kid a medication that doesn't work and may cause harm (depending on the child's personality/other needs) because you want to be able to give ineffective medication. Why do it ? Why defend it?
This is a fair point, IMO. I wouldn't say that smacking is ineffective, but there are always other options. The problem is that many parents don't go into parenting knowing what kind of options to look at much less what is developmentally appropriate. The one-size-fits-all approach simply does not work with parenting. at all. Kids are just too different. Some would respond to the tomato approach, but others would be traumatized by that. The reverse is true as well.
I think the push-back is that just like medicine, it can be helpful and yes, even an appropriate choice. So much of parenting involves learning on the fly, which means making mistakes. You do the best you can, but you WILL make mistakes. Parents tend to be judged very harshly for many of their decisions. Most parents love their children and are trying their best to raise them into responsible, caring adults.
23 minutes ago, EmseB said:Honestly, when it comes to research on child psychology, discipline, and outcomes, I trust most of it very, very little. If for no other reason than there are so many variables it is almost impossible to control for even a smidgen. That and I consider a lot of what people in that field advocate for (and its origins) to be way more abusive than a hand to the backside. So that may be why I'm hesitant to even acknowledge the literature angle.
Yes. Honestly so much of what I've read on all this has only served to teach me that there is no definitive way to parent every child. Some children might do well with a spanking here and there. For some, that would be a trauma that they would have to recover from, not simply a lesson learned. For some kids, a time out is traumatic. For some kids, it's nothing.
Parenting is not easy. There is no easy answer. Spanking, if done at all, should be done sparingly. Doesn't mean never for all children.
16 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:I have never accosted a parent about them spanking. I have offered to help a worn out or exhausted parent (carrying groceries, holding doors, talking them food, offering a reassuring word) but even as strongly as I feel about it, I’ve never told a parent off for swatting their child in public.
I HAVE been accosted by loud people telling me to spank/whip my child for either developmentally appropriate behavior or meltdowns tied to their developmental delays. Many times. Many, many times.
Non-spankers are in the minority and many of us have had this experience. It’s a common post on my local autism families group actually.
I have been accosted by loud people telling me all kinds of things wrt to kids. (Did I mention that my oldest was very strong willed? Did I mention that at least two others of my kids are as well?) I had one person threaten to call CPS because my oldest was carrying my youngest on his shoulders. There are just loud, obnoxious people out there. It sucks. I would guess with a kids prone to meltdowns or with developmental delays, that's even more so. I'm sorry.
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24 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:
How does being hit on the butt teach a kid to not run in the street? All it would have taught my kids is that their mother hits them on the butt. It’s not a natural consequence. Not being able to walk if you are going to run away unsafely IS a natural consequence.
Spankings create a definitive, concrete line in their developing brains. Depending on the child, that may be the only thing they can grasp at the time. It creates a literal link in their brains between the action, running into the street, and the consequence, which is NOT getting squished by a car--that is often too abstract for little kids to grasp--to getting spanked, which is very concrete and easily grasped.
Children will make a concrete connection between what they've done and receiving immediate punishment, regardless of what that punishment is. If they throw their sippy cup on the floor, it gets set on the counter out of reach, not given back to them. Even little kids learn quickly that Mom's not trying to keep them from getting something to drink, it's a direct response to their actions. Same with spanking, if it's rarely used. If it's the go-to method of discipline, that link will most likely be made not with a specific action (running into the street) but with a parent's reaction (I made Mom mad).
HOWEVER, I would not rely on spanking to keep a child out of the street. If they are so young that such a concrete line is needed, they're also too young to have enough impulse control to keep them from running into the street. But accidents happen, and children escape, especially when there's multiple littles and one harried mother. The spanking might still be appropriate, but it's certainly not going to be a preventative.
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I wish I'd had a better understanding of the negative aspects of spanking as well as other options when I began parenting. I was raised in the south with a "spare not the rod" mentality in my parents. I was rarely spanked, though. And when I was, I was pretty deserving of a hefty punishment, so as an adult now and a child then, I have no issues with the spankings I received. When I first became a parent, this is the mindset I went in with.
However, I was one of six kids. My mom didn't have just one generally-compliant child. She had SIX kids, each of us with different levels of ...shall we say, stubbornness?She should have eventually figured it out. Like I eventually did. But when my oldest was born and turned out to be very strong-willed, her counsel was to spank him. [insert the head-banging emoji!!!!!] So I did. I soooo regret it. I really wish someone had told me of better methods! I did eventually figure it out, that spanking did NOT work for him or for every child! But geez, Mom, why didn't YOU figure that out and pass that info on to me!
I do agree that sometimes, in those precarious toddler years of great mobility paired with terrible judgment and forward thinking, a simple spanking is the best way to get a message across. But yes, it really only works if it's used rarely. And by the time they're old enough to imagine themselves in different scenarios and come up with alternative actions in advance, they've outgrown spankings. There's generally a very short window in child development when a spanking might be an appropriate measure.
And in that short window, I feel it really depends on the child. But understanding what works for your child is something the parent has to learn, too. A spanking (actual spanking meaning a few swats with the hand on a clothed butt ...not a beating!) by a loving parent is really not going to permanently damage a child. Let's face it, there are LOTS of things that parents do that aren't the best, but we have to learn things, too. Personally, I think a full year of early childhood development should be required in every high school.
Institutions, on the other hand, should NEVER result to physical punishment. That should be totally illegal.
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I've been rolling my eyes at the "monster" and "catastrophic" labels for the past few days. I was thinking the first storm of the year and they're already going crazy, no wonder people start to ignore things ..but then it went to cat 4 ...now a cat 5! and it's the "2nd strongest Atlantic hurricane!" geesh! I guess they really weren't exaggerating! Stay safe everyone!
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3 hours ago, PeterPan said:
Social-emotional learning is pretty big in the ps right now. My ds isn't enrolled, but I try to keep up because of his IEP, etc. I think they'd like him to be able to say
-I feel frustrated
-That was hard
-I need a break
And I wouldn't get too creative about it. I'd shut down the knife/gun/violence/anything completely, emphatically. We're at home but we hawk my ds constantly on this and never ever ever allow it. As he's finding, it will cause huge problems and shut down doors of opportunity.
I wouldn't assume he had the emotional language to say what he meant when he was joking. You could straight up ask him, when you said xyz, what were you feeling?
If you did that with my ds, he would say some kind of jibberish. So it's nice to be creative, but I'd make sure he can actual do the straight task of saying how he feels. Walk through his day and some scenarios and start putting words on it. He may need some practice to build competency, so he can self-advocate without saying extreme things.
If you have a chance to talk with the school counselor again, I would ask her what things she'd LIKE him to say (she'll probably have a list of self-advocacy phrases that they teach students) and whether there are social story books you could read with him about it.
Ds is very good at explaining things, when he wants to, so I know he's capable of it. But you do have some good points.
2 hours ago, Beircheart said:Part of being 9 is learning what is and is not appropriate in various social contexts. I've no doubt ALL kids use a drastically different vocab hanging out with their friends than they do at home with us stodgy parentals. Even now my eldest, when home from college, is a bit more colorful, though still reserved, in speech with dear old dad (me, btw) that when within earshot of his mother. Aside from pointing this fact of life out, I don't think it sounds like much of an issue: a live-and-learn, experience sort of thing.
Oh yes! It's definitely a live-and-learn thing, the school didn't seem overly concerned, but I don't want it to happen again. I don't want him ending up with a "label," iykwim. But being the youngest does have the advantage that he gets to hear from not just us "stodgy parentals" (love that phrase!) but his older siblings, too. When we discussed it at the dinner table, I brought it up so that they could help come up with some phrases. But their first reaction was groans and rolled eyes with: "Oh no" and "You did NOT!" and "You can't say that stuff at school!" It's so nice when the stodgy parentals are the ones to get back up (cause you know it's usually the other way around). 🙂
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3 hours ago, happysmileylady said:
I think the suggestion is more along the lines of learning some things to say in another language that might *sound* intense, but really aren't.
So, maybe he yells something like "NO ME GUSTA EL POLLO!!!!" which basically says "I don't like chicken." It might sound funny and appropriately intense, but in reality it's meaning is really benign.
This is what I understood, too.
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32 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:
I am so mad I could spit nails.
i won’t cuss but where I spit the grass won’t grow.
or my brothers favorite “swear swear cuss cuss!”
remember ramona Quimby’s “I’m gonna say a bad word” where she said “GUTS!”
I love these, especially your brother's!
wuhan - coronavirus
in The Chat Board
Posted · Edited by Aura
And I've seen several news reports about how the flu is doing a second wave this season here in the US. So while some people will actually have the flu, those that have mild cases of COVID-19, will probably assume it's a cold or flu and self-treat. And continue to go to work/school because going to a doctor not only means money out of pocket, but they'll have to miss work/school--which is not allowed in many cases w/o a doctor's note!
ETA: Below is not directed at anyone and is really me just ranting about the situation.
And I reject the whole notion of not giving accurate information for fear of starting a panic. If officials were honest from the beginning then most people won't panic. But they will prepare. And businesses can prepare. And communities can prepare.
Every year, hurricanes hit the SE USA. People prep for it. They do clear out shelves when a storm is coming. But stores know what's going on and limit quantities and try to order things in advance. Communities prepare places to ride out the storm. No one is rioting in the streets! Mostly people just do what needs to be done and lives are saved. The idea that people should be treated like children and not told the truth about things is something I just don't agree with. Withholding information causes more problems. Imagine the outcry if weather stations downplayed a major hurricane that's clearly visible on radar.
But I don't know whether it's because they don't want to share the truth for fear of a panic, or whether they simply don't know! Stupid decisions like the ones wrt to the DP passengers and then this situation w/ my pilot friend really reek of ineptness and inefficiency.
I expect the US to be like Italy at some point. Everything's going normal for most people, then all of a sudden, schools close, towns are quarantined, etc. So I'm preparing for that.