lovinmyboys
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Posts posted by lovinmyboys
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2 hours ago, 4kidlets4me said:
I also finished Anthem by Noah Hawley for the recommended by a local bookseller square. I loved this book! But this book is very divisive. Goodreads reviews are all over the place. The plot is basically teenagers across the world are killing themselves in mass and the grownups don't know why. But also everything that has happened in this country in the last 5 years is in this book- Trump, Epstein, wildfires, crazy politics, COVID etc. I gave it 5 stars and would definitely read it again.
I have this one on kindle- I’ll move it higher on my tbr list. I read Before the Fall by him a few years ago and enjoyed it.
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Happy anniversary! My 21 anniversary was yesterday.
I am in a summer funk- not necessarily in a bad way, but in a “I want to read all day” and not actually do productive things way. Isn’t summer for reading?
Figure out what I am wearing to a wedding
help youngest get his clothes organized
plan menu for the week
general tidying to be ready for weekend
take kids to flag football
read my book 😀
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I have absolutely had close calls with toddlers and cars. At my oldest son’s birthday party my neighbor rang the doorbell holding my youngest son. It was so scary- he said he was driving home and he saw him walking alone in the middle of the road. He was just a very young toddler. Thankfully we lived on a quiet street and people generally drove slowly, but I felt so awful. Dh was deployed and it was only me. I had done a great job making sure the gate to the backyard was closed the whole party, but then when parents started arriving I got distracted. In hindsight I should have asked another adult to stay and help. But thankfully, everything turned out fine.
And another time my then 3yr old decided to go play in our van and we looked for him for a long time (no clue how long- but it seemed long) before we found him. Thankfully it was not hot, but that also scared me. He had gotten himself into the van and then couldn’t get out. He was so upset when we found him. I felt awful.
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I should clarify that my love for Masterpiece is more nostalgic than that it is an amazing game. I do enjoy playing it with my kids when we visit my parents. There are other games I like more, but I would jump at the chance to own it even if we only play it once or twice a year.
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I think the her being found alive is not the only reason people think it is a hoax.
The circumstances of her disappearance were odd for a kidnapping. I’m not saying it couldn’t have happened, but why would a kidnapper draw attention to the kidnapping? And the fact that no one else reported a toddler on the side of the road makes it more unlikely. I get it that people drive distracted, but there are passengers. With that busy of a road, someone else should have seen the toddler.Now the police aren’t giving any indication that they are looking for someone. It could be that she is unable to give them info to work with, but I would think at this point if she had been kidnapped we would see some investigative activity. (Maybe there is something I have missed here).
I don’t know that it is any more unkind to speculate on this case than on any true crime story. I am very glad she was found safe and I hope she is able to access the help she needs.
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I have read 3 non-fiction books so far this month:
It Goes So Fast: the year of no do overs by Mary Louise Kelly. I really enjoyed this one- My oldest is a senior this year so I found it relatable and I feel like I “know” her a bit from listening to her on NPR
Poverty by America by Matthew Desmond. I was so excited for this as I loved Evicted, but this was a much different style of book and I just wasn’t expecting that. It is more of a manifesto. I thought it was good, but I am a huge mood reader, and I don’t think I was in the mood for it.
Armageddon: what the Bible really says about the end of the world by Bart Ehrman. This book was interesting and it is a topic I have been wanting to learn more about.
For fiction I read Pineapple Street, The Golden Spoon, and The Soulmate. They were all enjoyable, quick, easy, fun summer reads.
Next up is I have some questions for you for fiction and I’m not sure about non fiction yet. Maybe The Price you Pay for College or Jesus and John Wayne.
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26 minutes ago, freesia said:
Are you feeling homesick?Your recent posts make me wonder ( I’ve lived in three countries other than my home country.) will you get to visit the States this summer? Could you?
I don’t think I am homesick as much as I am just not a confident teen parent, so I alternate between anxiousness and guilt. I am pretty good with the 10 and under crowd, but now all of mine have crossed that threshold. Things just seem more consequential now. I wouldn’t think twice about moving a 6 year old, but I still agonize over moving our 16yr old- even though he seems to be doing fine (maybe even better than fine) and objectively it has been a pretty cool experience. I feel like guilt clouds my thinking.
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I think he will be fine. I am more upset about it than I thought I would be. I think it is a combination of just realizing he is growing up (a good thing! but also a little sad for me) and feeling guilty about moving him here. I think if he were still at his old school he would feel different. Otoh, I think exposing him to more of the world has been a good thing.
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I love change- but it obviously isn’t all good. We have lived 7 different places since we got married 21 years ago. I love the fresh start and change of pace.
I will say I like changes that I choose. So, a change at work would not necessarily be something I would like. When I have worked, it did seem like every time we got a new boss they wanted to change things and it mostly just seemed pointless.
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Masterpiece is one of my favorite games. I wish it would come back in print.
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1 minute ago, Bambam said:
I'd support him. If he has been thinking this for a while (ask him), and he is just mentioning it now, that's great, quit now. If this is a very recent thought (like just today), I'd be more inclined to suggest he think on it for a week - offering that if he wants to consider continuing, I would help him think through some possible ways to get help?
But honestly, it sounds like working full time and doing high school? That is a LOT. I can't imagine fitting anything else in - even if I loved it, priority would be #1 School. Does he need to work full time? If not, maybe that is something to explore as an option?
I know of no high schoolers in the US that work a full time job and do school. Maybe that is normal and I'm just not aware?Sorry, I wasn’t clear. He is working full time in the summer and then going to school and not working at all during the school year.
He has never worked before and his previous high school was easier, so I think it didn’t feel like his time was as precious. Now that he has more homework during the school year and a job in the summer, he has a lot less free time.
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My ds17 has LOVED baseball since he was tiny. He has played travel baseball since he was 8, then played the first two years of high school. We moved out of the country for his junior year and he played in the semi-pro league here which is the highest league in the country. He played every game at his favorite position and seemed to like it.
He broke his hand in June and now says he doesn’t think he wants to play anymore. He said since coming here it is too competitive and he doesn’t think he is going to play in college. This is kind of out of the blue to me, so I am just wondering how I should respond.
I am actually ok with it because it takes a lot of time and I have always wanted him to realize there is a world outside of baseball. I kind of feel guilty moving him here, because he probably wouldn’t want to quit if we were still in the US.
I think some of it is him just growing up. He works full-time (8-4:30 M-F) and I think he is just tired to then go to baseball. And the school here is more challenging for him. And since the baseball isn’t attached to the school, I feel like it makes it harder for him to fit in both.
Maybe this is a good grown up decision for him? But I hate for him to give up something he loves.
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I’m probably no help. We have several IKEA shelves (the cube kind and the floating ones) full of Lego creations. I have four boys who all were into Lego at one time (and a couple who still are) so we have lots of Lego and no one wants to get rid of them. It is such a hassle too because we have moved 3 times with a large collection.
I also have several bookshelves of games and books- so that is how our house is decorated, shelves of Lego, books, and games.
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Thanks everyone. I don’t know that my heart and brain are ready yet to be that far away from my oldest ds, but it sounds like from your experiences, I will get there.
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2 minutes ago, MEmama said:
Well, I sent my kid across the ocean for university and it's been fine. How does yours feel about it? Does he need or even really want you near? Being far comes with its challenges (and mine is autistic and has ADHD as well so yeah...there have been some rough spots), but honestly I have friends with kids who attend uni much much closer who struggle mightily. Distance doesn't really play in to the emotions we go through when we let our kids fly.
Maybe a place to start is talk with your DS about what he realistically thinks college will look like and how often you'd see him anyway. It might be that even you lived close you'll only see him on major breaks anyway, that's really common. And even that might only last a couple years before he starts spending breaks with friends/ a partner. They let go pretty fast. Is that worth disrupting *your* life, and the experiences your other kids get?
Personally I wouldn't make a major change just to be near him. Are you planning to do that for all your kids? I get that it's scary to think of them being far away, but that's kind of what we raise them to do: become independent young people. Consider it a job well done. 🙂
I think I would just like to be able to get to him if there were an emergency. And I would like to be closer in time zones. I don’t mind being away for a year, but I think I might be sad to be away for all four years. I don’t know- I’ve never had an adult child before.
I do want my kids to feel like they can spread their wings. I definitely felt like my parents expected me to come home more than I wanted to from college, so I don’t plan to put that pressure on my kids.
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4 minutes ago, mmasc said:
Is retirement anywhere near in the future? Is your DH military?
I’d likely move back to the US in the “one year” option because I could be stateside while my oldest starts college. Everyone is different on this, of course, but it would be *my* preference.
He isn’t military so thankfully we do have some more choice. Some things though are better for his career. I am leaning toward moving back next year with the kids- I just don’t know if he will be ready to come back with me. And then when we get to the US, I would love for my younger two to be able to go to same high school for the whole 4 years. But, again, that may mean living apart from dh and I’m not sure that is the right answer
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We currently live in Poland and mostly love it. Dh has to work here for 1-2 more years. He can add on 2 or 3 years if he wants to, but has to decide in the next few months. He wants to because he really likes his job here and the people he works with. And we get to experience another country, with pretty easy travel to other countries, and the cost of living is pretty reasonable.
However, our oldest ds graduates and will be going back to the US. I think, realistically, I will not want to be here for long with him a whole ocean away. I almost think it doesn’t matter how great it is here, I don’t want to be that far away from my young adult son.
And if we don’t stay here, we have to decide where we are going in the US in 2 years. If we go to the US, we will probably end up moving my 3rd son’s senior year. I could stay put with the kids while dh moves all over, but I don’t really want to do that either.
The future just seems sort of depressing to me- like there are no good choices. I want to be nearish to all my kids and I really don’t want to keep moving. But if we don’t stay here, I know dh will keep moving every few years. So the options are basically stay in Poland, move every couple of years in the US, or move somewhere in the US and let dh move alone.
I know lots can change in the future and there is a lot I can’t control. And I know that I have a pretty good life. Dh just keeps wanting to discuss this, and it puts me in a bad mood because I actually want none of the things. Our kids are going into 6, 8, 9, and 12 grade right now, so they are definitely old enough to be affected by these moves. There really is no more “good” time to move. Otoh, they have moved a lot, so it isn’t like they are moving away from everything they have ever known.
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As far as food, it would make sense to me to have good habits when I could, so the times I couldn’t wouldn’t be so bad. I think it is better to eat well some of the time rather than none of the time. When we are home, I eat pretty well because I meal plan and shop and cook. We travel quite a bit, and I do not eat as well those times. But I like that I am still eating well more often than not.
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I have read most of this thread, but I may have missed something, so just disregard if this isn’t helpful.
Can you just do nothing for a few weeks and then see what you miss or what you feel like doing? I let my kids do that this summer and I think it worked well. We moved to Poland a year ago and it has really stretched them and they have been fairly tired. The first week after school they told lots of friends goodbye. Then the next two weeks they mostly slept, ate, binge watched shows, used social media, and played video games. After those two weeks of sloth, they all found non screen hobbies, physical activity, creative outlets, etc. I’m wondering if you just let yourself “do nothing” for a bit without guilt, if you would come out of it with some more clarity and internal motivation.
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I also associate it with all things Covid- masking, distancing, vaccinations.
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If I found out he voted for one certain person.
We have our normal ongoing one issue- him working a lot then coming home and telling me and the kids how to live. So far I mostly just don’t do anything I disagree with, but I do worry that one day that arrangement may become untenable.
And anything obviously destructive- law breaking, addiction, abuse, infidelity.
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I grew up very close to my family and extended family (although it was very small). I thought I would always have these people in my life. Over the last few years, various things have happened and I feel like my family is no longer what it was. Yesterday my only female cousin did something really horrible. It will probably change our family forever.
I have no sisters and no daughters. I’m sad about all the hurt in my family, but also worried I will one day have no one. My female cousin was really my last female relative. I have 4 great sons and husband, but my kids are getting older and will have their own lives. I don’t really know where I am going with this. I just miss having a family I trust. It’s so weird to have it and then lose it.
When I was growing up my uncle would always say we weren’t a normal family with how well everyone got along. He said he had never seen anything like it. Maybe that was true. I just never imagined our family would blow up like this.
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Nothing nearly that clever, but I did take the kids cherry picking here in Poland this week. That is usually something I give up on because of the language barrier, but I was able to talk to the farmer and figure out enough of how it worked. I was way prouder of myself than it warranted
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My aunt thinks every occasion is a gift giving occasion because she just likes to do that. I guess it is easier because she doesn’t have young children so I don’t feel like I need to reciprocate. But, yeah, she sees stuff she thinks they will like and buys for them. Last 4th of July it was slingshots and foam airplanes that flew really far
Vacations with teenagers
in The Chat Board
Posted
My kids like the beach, mountains, and amusement parks.
We have done NYC and Boston and Philadelphia.
I would like to take them to Maine and our west to National parks. Also, to the sand dunes in Michigan. They want to go white water rafting sometime.