Kathleen in VA
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Posts posted by Kathleen in VA
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How old is your laptop? You probably need to download an updated version of Flashplayer. I am not able to watch videos that require the new version of Flashplayer because it requires an Intel chip and my laptop doesn't have one. You may not be able to download it if you do not have an Intel chip in your computer, but you can try. Here's the link:
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I love it! Real shutters and a door even! I'm very impressed. Btw, your kids are adorable and it looks like they had a blast. Great pics and tutorial too.:)
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Thanks for the update. Praying things will continue to improve.:grouphug:
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I don't really have any great advice - sure wish I did. Here's my meager offering.
As far as her being disappointed about you not being able to follow through on an agreement to take her some place, one thing I make sure to do that helps keep my children's expectations real is to tell them that I am not promising anything. If they ask if we can go somewhere or participate in an event or whatever, I always say I will consider it, it's quite possible but that I cannot promise anything - I will just have to see how life plays out and if it works out, then great and if something comes up that causes us not to be able to go then that's life. Of course, if it's an event where you have to buy tickets before they sell out or something along those lines, I realize leaving it up in the air won't do. But for something like planning a shopping trip or dropping her off at Disneyland - something that could be rescheduled or just not done at all with little inconvenience - I would not make promises.
Of course, I make every effort to accommodate my kids and usually end up doing whatever they asked about, but when I simply cannot they know I really, truly cannot and do not complain (I have back problems that range from slightly irritating to completely disabling depending on my activity level on any given day.) Alternatively, you could just say, "Yes, I can take you to __________, barring any unforeseen circumstances such as sickness or the like."
If you state upfront that you may end up not being able to follow through due to life's little curve balls then she already has that caveat in her mind. I guess as adults we realize this is obvious - when we say we'll do something it is always understood that means if we are not prevented by serious illness or a houseful of sick children, or a car that won't start, etc. But for kids and teenagers, this is something that must be learned.
It is perfectly ok for your daughter to be disappointed - that's understandable - but it is not ok to be resentful or pout about it. Sometimes it takes a few hours/days for kids to get over their disappointments and I would try to be patient as they work through how to properly respond. I would take a few minutes to discuss with her how she needs to learn that life is full of disappointments like this. Circumstances are very often completely out of our control. The thing to do is learn how to manage our disappointment gracefully because that is what we will be expected to do as adults and really, what's the alternative? If we throw a hissy fit (internally or externally) we are only making ourselves miserable. Learning to deal with let downs gracefully is essential to being a happy, contented individual. She may still be resentful and pout - you cannot make her have the right attitude - but you can continue to encourage her to try to respond correctly. She's still growing and learning. She may not really get it until she's moved out and had a family of her own. In the meantime, you have no reason to feel guilty. You are doing the best you can and if she doesn't get that, oh well.
As far as you buying extras at the store when she could easily buy them herself, I'd just make it clear each time before we entered a store that you are buying what's on your list and if she wants anything that's not on there to tell you before you go in. That way you know she's not just thinking about buying things on impulse. For example, if she has been thinking all week about buying a certain food item because she read somewhere that it would be good for her she can mention it to you before you go in. If she can't remember anything like that then it's really not that important to her. Then, if she sees something she wants, you can remind her that you're only buying what's on your list and if she really wants said item, she's free to purchase it with her own money. No guilt! Again, you can't control her response to that - she will have to do that. Just refuse to feel guilty if she tries to play that card. If you feel compelled to explain yourself, just remind her that you provide well for her dietary needs and don't feel any obligation to indulge her whims for specialty items.
I think the trick is to make sure she understands what the rules are before she starts playing the game. Make sure you make your limitations and plans known to her and then remain calm and unemotional when she reacts badly. Learning to deal with disappointment is difficult but necessary. You just have to keep gently pointing her in the right direction and not be surprised if it takes longer than you think it should.
And about getting her to work and having to load the car with babies and such. You are much more adventurous that I am. I would have just told my daughter she couldn't have a job because I wasn't willing to go to that amount of trouble getting her there and back. You really are very kind and generous to do that. Perhaps if you made a list of all the things that must be done each and every time you load up the car to get her to work (get diaper bag ready, get children dressed properly, etc.) and then divided those responsibilities between the two of you, explaining that you are doing her a favor and helping to get the necessary tasks accomplished in order for you to get her to work is the least she could do. Knowing ahead of time what's expected should help her to gear up and help out. Tell her that if she isn't willing to do her part, you will no longer be able to transport her to her job. She needs to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Fwiw, I'd rather have a child who voiced her disappointments and was open about her expectations, even if I disagreed with them, that a child who simply stewed in resentment without mentioning why. You can then sympathize with her struggles (none of us really enjoys not getting our way), but the communication lines are then open to teach how to deal with those struggles.
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This is joyful news. This is JOYFUL news.
Congratulations!!
:iagree: More congratulations!
I, too, have relatives who are negative about babies. When I was pregnant with #3, 4 and 5 my father told me flat out each time that I should get an abortion. Lovely.:glare:
I just ignored him and his attitude. I am blessed to have a church family filled with wonderful friends who were happy and thrilled with my news so I tuned out my family's responses and basked in my church family's responses instead. You don't have much control over how people react but you can choose how to react to them. I know you already know that but, for me anyway, it helps to restate that in my mind and just let the negative responses fall flat to the floor.
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Praying here, too.
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I tried a recipe for Turkish Delight once and it reminded me of jello (the kind that uses less water so it is stiffer) sprinkled with confectioner's sugar. (powdered sugar)
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Let me clarify my response. I do NOT get offended or annoyed by store clerks, strangers, etc. saying Merry Christmas or whatever else they may celebrate. I do not get annoyed with acquaintances sending us cards. As someone else said above, I simply smile and go on. However, to be specific, my in-laws have known for several years that we do not celebrate and exactly why. We have asked them over and over not to get gifts, send cards, etc. But they absolutely insist in going through this every single year. In their opinion, our "poor girls" are being deprived of one of the "most wonderful things in life," and we are not raising them to be "real, normal" Christians. So therefore, they simply must do something to help "fix" us. Anyone out there who has controlling parents, in-laws, etc. will understand.
In other words, they are not doing it to be "nice." They are doing it to "convert" us to their way of thinking.
I can't say I understand the controlling parents/in-laws thing totally. My mom loved Christmas and wanted our kids to experience it in all its "glory" when she was alive, but she died in 1995. My dad lives 5000 miles away and even though he is a die-hard, militant atheist he insists on sending gifts and cards at this time of year, too. He's next to giddy about Christmas with all the trimmings. But his influence is certainly mitigated by the distance between us.
I may not really get what it's like to have relatives forcing their beliefs on me, I'll grant that wholeheartedly. But, I do see it still as their viewpoint and I understand the strong emotions they had/have about the holiday. When you've been steeped in this holiday all your life it becomes a very emotional issue and I can understand completely why relatives are flabbergasted over the fact that we do not celebrate it. They truly cannot wrap their minds around it and the friends I have who celebrate it as a religious holiday find it unfathomable that, as conservative Christians, we do not think it honors God to celebrate it. I have similar difficulties understanding others whose views on other things don't match up with mine and have made similar errors in trying to "convert" others to see things my way (take homeschooling for instance:D).
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I get why a parent/in-law would feel so strongly about us not celebrating what, to them, seems like a sacrosanct part of of childhood - something every single child should be allowed to experience to its fullest. I don't agree, of course, but I do understand the strong emotion connected to it. Because of that, I made/make an effort to overlook their responses to our not celebrating. I just see it as their way of looking at things and try to teach my children to respond graciously to it. I don't feel threatened by it because we are very settled and confident about our reasons for not celebrating. Now If I had to face my dad and deal with him being in my house trying to convince me I'm a horrible parent for not allowing Christmas in my home, I may be singing a different tune. As it is, I just let him (and I let my mom and my grandmas when they were still alive) express their views, told them I understood how they felt, and then continued to not celebrate.
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I think it's just as funny that people here are commenting the family got the fruit wrong. :lol:
yeah, that's the problem!
Too true. But, then, if you're going to make a psychotic federal case out of something, you should at least get the facts straight.:D
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We had a homeschool craft fair and all my children worked very hard to make things - can't remember what they all were but a lot of them were very time and skill intensive and ended up not selling well at all.
BUT - my youngest decided to make "goo" (also known as slime) - you combine water, borax and white glue and it turns into a squishy glob of fun. We put about 1/3 cup in tiny gladware containers and she sold them for $1 each. They sold out in about a half hour. Lots of children at the fair had at least $1 to spend on themselves so this was in their budget. We made twice as much goo the next year (and had the good sense this time to pick up glue when it was 25 cents a bottle at Walmart during the Back-to-School sales) and again, it went very, very quickly. Not exactly crafty, but very profitable.
http://chemistry.about.com/od/chemistryactivities/ss/slimerecipe.htm
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no, I don't get offended. I really love the ones with family photos, I like to see how the families are doing, how big the kids are getting...
:iagree:I love getting any mail at all and especially love to hear each year from friends who usually only write at this time. I like reading the long letters and hearing what everyone's been doing all year and I love the family photos, too. (even the letters that sound more like advertisements for how awesome and gifted their children are - I mean parents should be allowed to brag on their kids sometime.:))
I don't mind any type of card either. I've got friends and family all over the Christmas-celebrating spectrum so I get a real variety. I think of their choices of expressions of who they are and not who they think I am. If I don't agree with their view on the holiday it doesn't bother me that they send a card expressing it.
We do not celebrate in our own home, but if others do and want to send a kind expression of that I see no reason to be annoyed by it. I've never felt as though anyone was trying to push their viewpoint on me. Honestly, it wouldn't bother me to get mail all year from someone trying to convert me to their viewpoint - if I don't want it, I would just pitch it into the trash can and go on with my life. I don't see the need to be touchy and offended about that.
It's kind of like when the check out clerk says "Merry Christmas" to me. I know he/she is trying to be pleasant and I take it that way. I don't have to say it back but I can smile, say thank you, and appreciate the effort to be kind.
I think we live in an era when people are way too easily offended about every little thing under the sun. If anything bothers me, that does.
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Maybe you were on Candid Camera.:D
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I just found these. They are wool and have a thinsulate lining. Good price, too.
http://www.beltoutlet.com/visnrafiglby.html
ETA: Found these too:
http://www.supportplus.com/supportplus/Item_Ragg-Wool-Convertible-Mittens_FB0532_ps_dpr.html
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I made this teacup birdfeeder for all the adult women I had to give gifts to last year. I bought the teacups, saucers and bud vases at Goodwill and paid about $1 for each part (sometimes less), plus the cost of the dowel. I also bought silicone adhesive at Michael's with the 40%off coupon. The tube, which cost about $4 after the coupon, lasted for about ten feeders and a whole lot of other stuff. So the total for each birdfeeder was about $4. I also included a little bag of cheap birdseed.
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I bought the Isotoner ones at Walmart last week.
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I offer up the possibility that the reason Michelle rarely holds a baby (at least while standing up) is due to her back issues (I mentioned those in my first post in this thread). I have six screws in my spine having royally messed up my back during the birth of my last child. I can't imagine any mother of approx. 5 or more children not having back issues.
When my granddaughter comes for a visit I must always sit to hold her - even when she was newborn and weighed only 7 lbs. I don't watch the show (my solution to the tv trash problem was to just cut out the cable altogether) so I don't know if she is shown a lot sitting down sans babies. But I know only too well from personal experience how difficult it is to carry anything 5 lbs. or heavier when you have back problems. Also, she is probably the one who gets up in the night with the babies, so perhaps the older children are trying to give her a break on that account as well. Just some thoughts.
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thing on earth once the banana is removed? No one minds picking up a banana peel when it has a banana inside - even if the banana is visible but still half inside the peel, but once that banana has moved on completely, whoa - no one wants to get within a mile of that stinky ol' peel? What's up with that?
:D
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We have a 19month old and ever since he was born, my dd8 has taken every chance to hold him or has wanted to hold him when she doesn't have him. I don't "pawn" him off to her, she loves him and wants him. If she had it her way, she would take care of him all the time. :) DS10 wants him equally as much, too. I see Jill as a loving sister and Josie as a well loved baby from all. I'm also aware that Jill wants to be a midwife (from seeing her study on a previous show) and from other shows I can see a great love and compassion in her, therefore I think it's her choice to naturally be involved, not to mention it is her sister. :) It is also God-given that a girl wants to be a mommy and take care of little ones. We could all learn from the Duggars, instead of criticize them. If you don't care for their lifestyle, turn off the tv and go hug and care for your little ones and find in yourself where you can improve, as we all can as parents and individuals. I'll tell you, it is refreshing to find a family like them to watch on tv instead of the other trash that's on there breaking down the family.
:iagree:I really don't understand the nit-picky animosity so many have towards this family. Is it really so surprising that an older sister would take joy in caring for a newborn in her household? Perhaps that says more about the critics than said sister. How exactly does what this family does affect those who delight in tearing them down? Why anyone would care to the point of having to say something unkind or critical about them is a complete enigma to me. Like Dianne said, if you don't like them, turn off the tv. I mean, really, why watch if it's going to be so painful?
I think it is especially ironic that homeschoolers, who as a whole tend to abhor this kind of behavior when it is directed at them by friends and relatives who cannot abide their choice to homeschool, would have so much to say about how another family chooses to live. There is no abuse going on (I understand the Pearl animosity very well) - the Duggars are just different. Why is it so hard to just let them be who they are? I think they are a perfectly lovely family and head and shoulders above many families I know as far as closeness, caring, industriousness, selflessness and many other desirable character traits goes.
We all have blind spots in our parenting no matter how many children we have. We all fail in this area or that. How about showing Michelle a little grace here. And if you're really concerned that she's such a lousy mom, why not pray for her? I'm sure she'd be the first to admit her shortcomings and redouble her efforts to improve her parenting.
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I don't know that much about Michelle, but a friend sent me the Tea with Michelle Duggar DVD that Vision Forum sells and she did share that she has back problems and that the older girls love to take care of the little ones. She was interviewed and that was one of the questions that came from the audience (whether her older daughters resented having to help so much with the younger children). She said they had never given her any reason to think so - actually the opposite - they really do enjoy being big sisters and helping their mom.
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Do people know that? No snark, I promise. I'm just curious if most people think that all Christians celebrate Christmas?
FWIW, dh and I are devout conservative Christians, and we do not celebrate Christmas. Or Easter, for that matter. We don't decorate, or have a tree, or any of that. We don't do Santa Christmas OR baby Jesus Christmas. :tongue_smilie:
We don't say "Merry Christmas", and couldn't care less what sort of 'greeting' anyone shares with anyone else this time of year.
I know we've had the whole 'Why do Atheists celebrate Christmas' threads before on the boards. The latest one left me with the distinct impression that it is just *assumed* that if you are a Christian, you celebrate. So I just thought I'd throw my two cents in.
That's all. Now you all know a little more of the odball-ness that is me and my family.
ETA: Our family has no denominational affiliation. We are simply Christians. We do homechurch, but we have no denomination. For those who were wondering. :P
Also, plenty of those that we homechurch with DO celebrate. Some do the whole nine yards, with the tree and lights and all that. Some don't do a tree, but do other aspects. It's not a 'rule' for our homechurch that 'we don't celebrate Christmas'. (Uh, we don't have rules at all.) Just trying to clarify where we're coming from.
Oddball Christian here too.
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I bought my mail carrier a pair of Isotoner mitten/gloves - they look like mittens but you can pull the tops back and underneath are fingerless gloves. That way she can keep her hands warm while driving and still be able to finger the mail easily when it's time to deliver it. I left them in the box on Thanksgiving and so she probably picked them up yesterday. Hope she likes them.:)
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All will turn out well. It will be the event of the year. :)
When my childhood friend got married, she chose a to wear a black evening gown in lieu of the traditional white or ivory gown.
It did turn out well - everyone was lovely, way back then. The bride and her husband recently celebrated their first child's first birthday (Nov. 4), their second anniversary is approaching and she's expecting her second baby in May.:)
Wow, this is a very old thread!:D
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Yesterday, at church, I told a young lady (she's about 15yo) that she looked very beautiful (which she did!). She had obviously tried to look nice and had her hair up in a twist with a lovely kind of hair decoration (not sure what it's called). She is just beginning to bloom and thought it would encourage her to know that someone had noticed the extra pains she had taken with her hair.
I think I'll do something for my mail carrier today. We live on a dirt road tucked near the back of our subdivision. She is not required to bring my packages to my door and all the other carriers before her just left notices in the box. It is extremely helpful that she takes the extra time to bring packages to my door as I don't always have an easy way of getting out to the post office.
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Pass the bean dip. You won't change the minds of people like this. :grouphug:
:iagree:
I have a couple of stock answers to these kinds of comments:
"You think that if it gives you comfort." (from Pride and Prejudice)
"Yes, well..." (from The Sound of Music )
"I'm quite sure that's not any of your business - (from a movie but can't remember which one.)
All of these are said very matter-of-factly and with a sweet smile.:D
The idea is to just skim over the comment as if it were a hiccup in the conversation and go on with life. Mrs. Mungo is right - these people never change. You know you are doing what's best for your children, so just stay confident and don't let him rile you.
Prayer Request...
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
:grouphug:Praying for you all.:grouphug: