Acadie
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Posts posted by Acadie
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Well, having a tricky MIL myself, what stands out to me in your subject line is the phrase, "caught off guard."
I tend to react, rather than respond, to my MIL when I'm surprised or blindsided by what she says. I spent several years in this state when I was around her. But when I'm able to identify the ways she tends to judge or underestimate me, I'm less thrown off and better able to respond in a way that feels true to who I am, rather than just reacting to the bizarre ways she seems to perceive me.
It sounds like there had been some tension over this earlier, but that she'd come around to respecting your choices for your children. Maybe that's why the recent conversation came as such a surprise.
You may or may not want to practice responses to less-than-sympathetic questions. But your children's education is completely up to you as parents, so there's no need to explain or justify anything.
It's your choice if you want to kindly but firmly draw a boundary on discussing education, or if you want to make another brief attempt to explain your priorities in a way that feels right to you. She may or may not be able to hear it, but that's her issue, not yours. All you can do is figure out what will make it right for you.
Amy
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We've purchased 1/4 beef in the fall. My understanding is that the meat is fattiest (in the good sense) and most flavorful in the fall from a full summer of fresh pasture. And grassfed beef has healthy fat that we don't get from many other foods.
ETA: I've also noticed an off-taste at other times of year when the cows are being fed some turnip greens to make up for lack of fresh grass.
Amy
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Sounds awesome! I'd love to see pictures. I need to move my dd5 into dd9's room and we're going to have to do something creative to make sure they both have spaces they can call their own--not to mention squeezing all the furniture in.
Amy
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I love our gerbils. I have a lot on my plate and purposely chose a pet I could forget about for days at a time. ;)
They're desert animals, so they pee (and thus smell) very little. We only clean the cage once a month or so. More often is better, but they are thriving and don't smell before that point.
My dd9 refills their water every other day, food bowl coupla times a week, takes them out to play now and then.
They are a bit skittish, not a cuddle in your lap type of pet, but we've all learned a lot about rodent/prey behavior and they love to come get seeds from our hands.
Mostly, I love that my kids love them and they take almost zero effort from me. If we go away 4 days or so, we leave them home. Much more than that and we give them to a friend who has hamsters.
Amy
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Sympathy and hugs from here, too!
You need a meal plan. A 4 day rotation, as a pp mentioned, is great. 5-7 days is even better, if you have enough foods for that.
First list what proteins, carbs, veg/fruit you CAN do.
Proteins--you mentioned beef, any kind of fish/seafood?, beans?, goat milk/cheese/yog (or do you need to avoid this just like cow's milk?), lamb or peanuts (you mentioned tree nuts, not sure about peanuts), what else?
Carbs--millet, amaranth, buckwheat? keep going...
Veg/fruit--seems like you probably have more choices here
Fats/oils--what works?
If you could post a list of what you can have, maybe people could post recipe or meal suggestions.
It is doable, but you need a plan when you have so many restrictions.
How do you know candida is not an issue? What about other fungal or bacterial gut issues? Possibly related to sick building/water damaged building issues? Any leaks at all in the house? High dose probiotics can help in so many ways. Not all gut dysbiosis (which can cause so many allergies/sensitivities) is due to candida, as there are many other microbes that will colonize the GI tract. Inhaled allergens can cause gut issues because the mucous we swallow goes through the GI tract.
For meals, I no longer think in terms of recipes with multiple ingredients. If your family gets a protein, carb, fat and fruit/veg in one meal, that's good.
Amy
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Kathleen, trace amounts of sulfites, below a specific number of parts per million, are not required to be listed on labels. Unfortunately, some people react to levels of sulfites below that level.
This website helped me figure out what foods to avoid in order to limit sulfites. Start with artificial sulfites and don't worry about natural sulfites until you see if there's any improvement. Grapes and grape juice are the one exception--they're pretty high, so it's worth avoiding them along with the artificials.
http://www.learningtarget.com/nosulfites/index.htm
There is extensive research on the sulfites/asthma connection. The majority of asthma sufferers react to sulfites. I have no idea if BHT could cause asthma, but because the data on sulfites and asthma is solid, that seems like a good place to start. Good luck.
Amy
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My girls don't tolerate BHT, but it's an intolerance reaction, GI and behavior stuff.
Your dd's reaction sounds like an allergic reaction. I don't know if people can be allergic to BHT. Responses to your other post have given good ideas about most likely allergens--cross contamination with nuts, fish from the gelatin, wheat or dairy.
I also wanted to mention that gelatin contains a sulfite residue from processing that is not on the label. My girls are intolerant to sulfites but I do know several people who are allergic. Many asthmatics react to sulfites. Corn syrup and cornstarch have unlabelled sulfite residue as well.
Amy
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Both my girls had newborn jaundice and the NICU doc's advice was MORE nursing. Bilirubin is excreted in stool--the more they poop, the faster they get rid of it. And as far as I know, breastfed babies tend to poop more often than formula fed.
Bililights are the treatment of choice, as far as I know, for jaundice. DD1 was in the NICU for 2 days under lights, then home with a portable bililight for another week or so. With dd2 we knew what to expect and went home with the bililight. It was covered by insurance and easy to keep her on it at home.
Is there by any chance a blood incompatibility? We had ABO incompatibility. Let's see if I can remember this...I'm type O and my girls are either A or B. Somehow our blood mixed a bit and I formed antibodies to their blood cells, which caused increased breakdown of RBCs and thus more bilirubin for them to excrete.
Also, it's turned out that both girls have food intolerances. This isn't uncommon in my family, so I think a number of us have very mild liver issues, meaning it takes us a bit longer to break down some substances than it does for the average person. However, we're all healthy and happy despite that!
Please know that lots and lots of babies have jaundice and that there's an elevation in IQ associated with high bilirubin, as long as it's not above a certain level. Dd1's was 18 and she's as smart as a whip.
Don't let this interfere with your nursing relationship. We did have some unrelated interruptions in nursing that led to mastistis for me, antibiotics, and then yeast issues for both of us. The yeast has been a long term problem. Snuggle that baby and nurse, nurse, nurse!
And congrats on your new litle love.
Amy
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I'm going to second Melissa's post in that I've wondered about RS at times. But having scanned what's ahead and just plugging through the book, I've been able to see the logic and, most importantly, the benefits for my dd.
I've used RS A, B and we're partway through C, and it really is coming together despite my occasional doubts about the unconventional sequence.
Like a pp, I thought subtraction was introduced a bit late in C, but recently I've talked to several hs'ing friends whose children use other programs and keep confusing multi-digit addition and subtraction. I think my dd may not be having that difficulty because she spent so long solidifying 4-digit addition that she knows the how and why inside out. Encountering subtraction a bit later than the standard sequence, she easily comprehends it as a discrete yet related operation.
We originally started with Singapore 1A, but it confused dd1 so we switched to RS, and I plan to use RS with my younger dd too. We may switch back at some point, but midway through RS C I'm so pleased with the depth of what she's learned that I plan to continue. I wondered about all the geometry in C before subtraction is introduced, but then noticed all the addition and multiplication practice there is in the warmups for those geometry lessons. There's so much that the child is making their own in those lessons and postponing subtraction seems very deliberate.
The games are a blast. If nothing else, get the games book and cards and have fun.
Amy
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Your excitement at spending time with your brother and your desire to welcome his sweetheart into the family are absolutely lovely.
You don't need to make this decision yourself. Just communicate that sense of excitement to see them and your desire to make them comfortable, both in terms of your brother's allergies and giving your SIL-to-be a warm welcome. Then ask him what he thinks will work best--you have a number of good options, from fixing up the guest suite at your house, to boarding the pets if you see that as an option, to a nearby hotel. Another possibility is to have them try staying at your house, as long as you'd be able to find a vacancy at a suitable hotel at the last minute if it didn't work out. And as long as you'd be ok if they choose the hotel after the work you put into readying the room.
Whatever pleases your guests will likely be the most comfortable for all of you. No pressure, no sense of obligation on either side, just whatever works.
Like a pp, my hubby gets major asthma attacks from cats and it's simply not an option for us to stay with my sister when I'm traveling with him. We stay at a nearby B&B and are able to spend time in certain rooms of their house (hard flooring that is easy to clean, no upholstered furniture), out in the yard, at the B&B and out on the town. I would never expect them to pay. They make us feel very welcome and treat us to lovely meals, BBQs and outings.
Now that I think of it, their understanding goes a long way to make us feel welcome and visits fun. We do have other relatives who are in denial about allergies and it tends to create some tension and misunderstanding.
Enjoy the visit!
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I'll be the lone voice of dissent here--I have a crown that has caused problems since the beginning. It was put in too high and a couple subsequent visits to grind it down and correct my bite did not work. I switched dentists and we've spent years trying to correct my bite. My other teeth still don't contact each other properly and I'm supposed to wear a mouthguard day and night. I may end up getting the crown removed and an implant or whatever other options there are. That sounds like a relief, actually. No more grinding can be done on the crown or the tooth above it because it's been ground down so much I get nerve pain.
I know root canals work well for some, but I've also heard many horror stories, so at this point I'd rather just get my tooth removed than risk more years of trouble.
Honestly, I'd get a second opinion from someone who is conservative about disturbing a healthy tooth with a healthy root. What's wrong with living with a hairline crack, watching it carefully along with your dentist? Can you have a filling done, again, knowing you need to watch it and get dental care at the first sign of trouble? My old dentist told me I couldn't have a filling but 2 more conservative dentists said they would have tried a filling first.
I wish I could rewind and get my old tooth back, with the thin pie-shaped fracture out of it. I had more options at that point than my dentist disclosed to me.
At the very least, make sure you completely trust your dentist and that s/he is aware that bite adjustment is an essential followup and may take several visits, way more than 2 if needed.
Good luck! Probably it will work out fine. I'm glad to see so many people have NOT had the trouble I have.
Amy
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That is fantastic!!!
I know you don't recommend the route you went, but do you mind saying what treatment you used?
My sister has had major energy/mood/GI issues after a round of antibiotics a couple years ago, my daughters have food intolerance/GI/mood/sleep issues, and I'm starting to think all of it is related to imbalanced gut flora. Yeast, bacteria, parasites, who knows.
But without giving medical advice...can you mention some things that we might check out with our biomed practitioner?
I'm so glad you've noticed a big change. It's hard living with chronic issues.
Amy
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Well, as someone with MIL issues, I'd say try to find the boundary between your comfort and responsibility zones and hers, so that it feels ok to you.
You have no control over whether MIL is willing *or able* to tell the twins apart. It could be that she's just not making it a priority (ugh) and I truly feel for you on that. It's also possible that something else is going on. Could this be a very early sign of cognitive impairment? Not that I'm suggesting that's the case, but it is a possibility. Sometimes unusual behavior (which I think this is) signals just how human we are.
If it's important to you and the twins that she differentiate, you could try nametags, especially if the kiddos think it's a good idea to help her call them by name. Or name bracelets, if they'd be into that? They could joke with her and hold up their bracelet...it might help her learn to tell them apart.
There may be other options that would feel better to you and your kids. Make it right for your family to the extent that you can, framing it positively for yourself and your children and on the outside chance that this really is a challenge for her. Only she can do her part.
Now let's see if I can heed my own advice in interactions with my own MIL. ;)
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Thanks for the link, Angela.
I've been thinking of making my own, but looking at these options I think I'm going to combine a purchased timeline with additions of our own. That way we've got something to start with and can stick any pix, artists, crazy stuff my kids come up with on the wall below that timeslot. Yay, it's easy, open to creative additions and decided! :001_smile:
Amy
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No songs in RfR that I've seen. There are some cute teaching ideas, like using a "magic e" wand for silent e, to make the vowels say their names. There are also teaching ideas that seem boring and repetitive, so it's a mixed bag.
My guess is that AAR will be similar to AAS, coming with word cards, tiles, and other ideas to make it multisensory. For AAS 1 when it teaches blending, I had dd out on the driveway jumping as she said each phonogram. There are also lots of ideas for having the child write phonograms in various media--a ziplock bag of pudding or shaving cream, carpet, etc. I feel like I'm able to come up with my own ideas to mix it up for dd now that I've used the program.
Haven't tried Phonics Pathways, can't help you there!
I'm like you, I hesitate to use online programs with young ones (though math fact practice got me to eat my words!) My plan for my 2nd dd is to start her with AAS only, until her handwriting is smooth enough that it's not daunting to write in the ETC books. Other people do them orally and act as scribe for the child. For ETC 1 and 2, though, I think you can cover the same material painlessly using just AAS, especially if the fine motor skills need some more time to develop.
I had been using Handwriting Without Tears, but we dropped it because her printing is now excellent. Her handwriting practice now is ETC books, AAS dictation, and the million things she comes up with herself to write.
Part of it for me is which program is user friendly enough that I will use it regularly. :)
Amy
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I've ended up using AAS and ETC as phonics for my dd7. It was somewhat by accident--approaches to reading that were not strictly phonics based were not working for her, and we didn't see much progress until we started AAS when she was 6.5. Based on this experience I'm a huge fan of OG multisensory programs and controlled readers (which AAS has up to level 2, at least!).
I have Recipe for Reading and occasionally use it to add ideas to AAS, but that's very rare. AAS is the most teacher-friendly program and has given us great results. AAS comes with a word cards, tiles, etc, but with RfR you'd need to make manipulatives and visuals to use. I appreciate that RfR is an inexpensive OG approach, but there are typos in the book and it isn't as clearly laid out as AAS. Also, while the RfR workbooks are good, ETC is better, so we usually stick with ETC. AAS and ETC work well together--I started introducing topics with AAS then giving corresponding ETC pages for practice, but dd's doing so well now that she's working in sequence for both programs.
As another poster said, AAS for phonics might be too slow-paced for some. However, since my daughter was developing some bad guessing habits with her reading, I haven't minded slowing the pace to get her phonics really well grounded and give her a little more time to develop. At 7.5 she is making huge strides that I suspect might not have been possible for her earlier. Before age 7 she seemed to need lots of repetition and we camped out on a couple AAS lessons, but these days she's flying. I plan to have her complete all levels of AAS and ETC and feel that this will give her a fantastic foundation in phonics.
Amy
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Matryoshka, I'd love to hear your favorite picks for the related topics--the homefront, Japanese internment, etc. Thanks! :)
I think I pushed DD8 too fast
in K-8 Curriculum Board
Posted
My dd9 has a late Aug bday. We call it 4th grade this year, but I've found it fascinating that her social, public speaking and reading skills are ahead of that while her writing and math is mid-grade 3 at this point. She's often ready to switch to the next level in math or writing in January. I'm perfectly willing to go at her pace and move up whenever--it's just funny to me that it often does work out to switching in Jan for those challenging subjects.
If she were in school we'd have a bit of a dilemma, but with hs she can simultaneously work on her strengths and areas where she needs extra attention, and feel good about her progress all around. We use several programs that have level #s or letters rather than grade #s, so she doesn't particularly notice the grade level of our materials. I wouldn't be above cutting off a cover that made it explicit.
Amy