Clarita
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Posts posted by Clarita
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My parents were hashed it out. When I was younger my mom was physically abusive toward my dad (she would throw things at him). He mostly just avoided getting hurt (he was an orphan so having a family any family was really important to him). After she became a Christian she stopped being physically abusive, but my dad never really got over what she did in the beginning. By high school there was just a lot of yelling, and a lot of asking me to take sides. Overall my parents tried their best when it came to their dealings with me; they've never spanked me and rarely yelled at me. The only negative things my parents did was my mom would ignore me for a long time when she got mad at me.
I turned out to be a conflict avoider and repress all the sh*t. In marriage counselling, we dealt a lot with me being able to tell my husband how I feel. With my kids, I read all the books and try my best. I don't "do the right thing" often and have to apologize for my mistakes. My kids are definitely not going to grow up thinking their mom has it together.
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On 6/29/2021 at 7:58 PM, LucyStoner said:
I wonder if it will be cancelled like 19 and Counting was, which was basically just thinly revamped as Counting On after a heavy on the spin interview that was a clear bid to rehabilitate the Duggar brand
Is anyone still watching their show after all this?! How is their brand even salvageable? The way the family (or JB) has treated this whole ordeal is just ugh.
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Da Bird was an absolute favorite when my cats were kittens. It was magical I can't explain it; the way that toy moved or something.
They also have these little foam balls for cats we built obstacles using boxes, pillows, clutter whatever and throw the balls into the midst of the obstacles. One of our cats loved that and would play fetch like a dog (bring the ball back out of the obstacle to us every time).
If your husband is competitive or likes being competitive, you can convince him to help you entertain the cat by making contests between him and the cat. Get a stick with a ribbon (they have premade ones at any cat store, Target, or make your own with ribbon (or just get enough ribbon)). Then you taunt the cat with the ribbon to get the game started, once the cat is interested and has his eye on the prey let the games begin. Your husband then does his best to keep the ribbon thing away from the cat but close enough to taunt. I would come home to thuds and skids; I don't know who was having more fun the kittens or my husband. The only thing is after the game is done you have to give the cat a toy - as his kill this calms them back down after this game.
If the cat likes food and treats you can try to train him to do tricks or useful things. This adds a bit more mental stimulation than the run of the mill play with the cat stuff. My husband taught one of our past cats how to turn lights on/off, sit, and shake. My MIL has taught her cat to shake, sit, roll-over and play dead.
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5 hours ago, Seasider too said:
But I don’t get why it would have been on the table in Cosby’s case. If there was enough evidence to prosecute in the first place, why agree to let him off the hook for saying he did it?
It sounds to me the first case (for which this deal was made) the prosecutors did not feel like they had enough evidence. And this evidence played a key part in the other trial as well (according to the article).
I agree with 2 of the dissenting justices that "though Mr. Cosby’s due process rights had been violated when he relied on Mr. Castor’s promise and testified in the civil case, the remedy should not have been barring further prosecution but throwing out the evidence the prosecution gained from Mr. Cosby’s testimony."
Having this type of case overturned on a technicality makes me upset.
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8 hours ago, LucyStoner said:
The study that came to the largest numbers on sexual assault of males by females found that less than 30% of sexual assaults on males were committed by females not acting in concert with a male. The journalist Hanna Rosin wrote a good long form piece on this focused on research specifically about females sexually assaulting males.
So I found this article by Hanna Rosin on sexual assault against men. Male rape in America: A new study reveals that men are sexually assaulted almost as often as women. (slate.com) I hope I found the one you are referring to. That article says 46% of male victims report (of I assume sexual assault - actual study is behind a paywall) or even 30%. That is not almost never, even if it isn't the majority.
This all comes after the article discusses that the FBI up until 2012 only defines rape as “the carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will.” After that they focused it as "focused on penetration, with no mention of female (or force)." In a separate study which widen the definition of rape to include "being made to penetrate" then "nonconsensual sexual contact basically equalized, with 1.270 million women and 1.267 million men claiming to be victims of sexual violence."
How Often Do Women Rape Men? - The Atlantic This article does talk about the follow-up research to the one Hanna Rosin wrote about.
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16 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:
I can probably figure out how to present the concepts in a way that a parent can put into practice, but I'm still not sure if I want to actually write a curriculum. For one thing, I don't know if anyone would want to do what I do, because it's extremely stripped down -- it's basically mostly interacting with arithmetic. I don't go into early geometry and we don't work hard on time or money or most of anything else.
I think there is value in what you are doing, even if it's tidbits on how to interact with your kids with arithmetic. Perhaps we all just wish you wrote a curriculum, because your method seems so successful.
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18 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:
Interesting. I'll have to think about making a YouTube channel where I just lecture in front of a piece of paper or something, I guess.
The Montessori math curriculum that I had purchased for my kids, the lady sometimes just does the demonstration with her there. She just pretends like the camera is the child and presents the lesson to it. She does do a mix of videos with kid and without kid (she'll fast forward and skip sometimes if her daughter is super distracted). Some parents says that the ones with her daughter does help, in terms of not feeling like the only one who's kid that is suddenly building towers with the manipulatives and actually knowing how much engagement we expect from a child (# of problems done and time). The parents (when she surveyed) thought the solo presentations were enough, coupled with some suggestions on things to say or ways to address a child who is not engaged in an ideal way.
If videos are too difficult . Pictures of the lesson/manipulative setup and showing how those change throughout the lesson (where they move to or whatever) along with the descriptions are also good enough.
I know this is super early in your blog launch (and it is not necessary to be one of the first things you do); however I find a general scope and sequence map really useful. This does not have to be linear in any way just a which things are kind of parallel to other lessons and which ones need to be sequential.
PS I'm now demonstrating counting on to my son. I just supplemented that detail into the adding lesson we were doing in his current curriculum.
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2 hours ago, LucyStoner said:
But who is sexually assaulting men and boys? It’s largely biological males. It’s almost never biological females.
My very limited experience actually, biological females. Anywhere from inappropriate touching all the way to rape. I don't know and I'm not sure if anyone really knows largely who is doing what, because all the men who have told me these stories have never reported these events.
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4 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:
Women who do feel a need to defend some single sex spaces are not often being asked to “compromise”- they are being told they are hateful bigots for not disregarding their own lived reality. I’ve seen that on these boards, and I’ve encountered it in my life.
I hope I did not come off that way. People have different traumas, triggers and what matters to them.
I do get on a soap box for people dismissing the fact that sexual assault happens to men. I knew the support I got and it pains me that some of the men in my life didn't get the same support nor felt comfortable getting that support from anywhere. I also feel the same way when women and trans people don't receive support for their trauma.
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You are not alone. Although I am hoping when I turn 40 a magic booklet will show up to tell me all I need to know. 😛 My only saving grace is that my parents didn't know what they were doing either so the shoes I have to fill aren't big.
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1 hour ago, Melissa Louise said:
Seriously, the problem can be avoided ( or made the problem of individual women, just as good, apparently, given we can't expect penis people to have to hear 'no' ) if businesses are HONEST.
Well biological women can go to men's bathroom/locker room spaces as well. So both women and men in that boat will hear a no.
50 minutes ago, KSera said:I also still can’t see comparing the threat from pervy women to that from men. The fact that one can impregnate and one can’t makes a huge difference to me (in addition to the differences of strength and likelihood of danger). Not to say both couldn’t be traumatic, just that the stakes are much different in one case than the other.
I guess for me the trauma is enough of a threat and danger for me. To me, the stakes to me does not need to be increased to pregnancy for it to matter. I also believe that even just because a person is physically capable of defending oneself does not mean they are mentally capable to defend themselves in the moment. Some people just freeze up in these situations.
I do think some signage would be good to warn people that an establishment is allowing self ID people into the bathroom/locker room of their choosing. I think it should be done whether the company decided this as a policy or whether it is mandated by law.
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35 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:
How many random women are perverts or pose a threat to women and girls? Equality doesn’t mean pretending that females are equally likely to be pervy boundary violators as males are. They are not.
I just don't believe single biological sexed spaces will mitigate abuses. I mean people put secret cameras in these "safe" spaces, certain women feel it's OK to sit and chat with their friends directly behind my toweled body (honestly that feels pervy to me) and pervs have done things to me in spaces where everyone is clothed.
Then, at some point enforcement is an issue. I mean how is anyplace suppose to enforce the biological gender rule ( or have a penis or vagina rule), have a perv sit in these spaces to check everyone's genitalia. (I'm pretty sure that's a pervs dream job.) In that case, I absolutely prefer changing next to a biological male than to be subjected to that.
Of course all these thoughts may come from my own messed up experiences. I'm not an expert at all. It just saddens me how we can't just punish actual wrong-doers and instead we have to resort to throwing other innocent and vulnerable people under the bus instead. BTW I don't know the intentions and the actions of the accused in the video, and I believe that the woman who complained should have been listened to and respected (even if she is to be told that under the law they can't do anything about it).
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36 minutes ago, Catwoman said:
And if anyone here is one of those women who likes to sit around the locker room and chat with friends for an hour or so while you’re all naked, could you possibly at least sit on a towel?
And explain why this is a thing? I mean it may not be as gross as the men's locker room but it definitely doesn't smell like roses in there either.
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2 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:
Do you understand that 'perversions' - ugly way to say fetish or paraphilias - are vastly more likely in males?
I know what official statistics say; however I also know males (especially ones who fully identify as such) are very likely to under-report abuses that have happened to them. I haven't talked with enough men about this to have a good scientific sampling for statistics, but I have talk to enough men to know women can be just as ugly to men as men have been to me. In my talks 100% of the time I am the only person they've talked to about it; that breaks my heart.
13 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:I have an abuse history with a female parent - it hasn't wrecked my sense of relative risk.
I have had issues with both males and females all strangers. I admit I have a hard time trusting anyone with my body.
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6 hours ago, Catwoman said:
Honest question — How do we, as biological women, know when we are “being played” when we are in a women’s locker room and a biological, non-surgically-transitioned male walks around naked in there with us? How can we determine if that person is a trans woman or just some random pervert getting his jollies by walking around in a women’s locker room? We can’t. We have no way of knowing. And we deserve to feel safe.
On the flip-side how do we, as biological women, know when a random pervert biological women is walking around the locker room getting her jollies on? I don't, I have no way of knowing. And yes, with my life experience, I actually don't feel comfortable in an all female locker room either.
It's wrong for anyone of any gender/genitalia to be a pervert in public spaces. I'd open to a time limit in the locker room and banning of "air drying".
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I don't care too much about who is actually in my locker room as long as they don't have a camera, aren't acting creepy and are honestly there to shower and change. Which honestly shouldn't take more than 15 mins. I have an issue with people hanging out in my locker room naked not changing and not showering just hanging out in all their glory. Then in that case I don't care what genitalia you have I am uncomfortable.
If you just showered and change I wouldn't know what you have going on, because I'm also busy showering and changing.
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2 minutes ago, Garga said:
Well, to clean it properly, you have to do all this. I just want to spray it, wipe it, and be done. I don’t want to do 20 minutes of soaking, create a baking soda paste, scrub with the paste, and then a wipe down with a sponge, steamed rag, and toothbrush. 😄
I’m not the best housekeeper and so I don’t do all of the above, and the stove always is a little crumby or greasy .
Haha perhaps that's why I think it's easy; I've only ever done a quick wipe of the cast iron parts. I will just say the grease proves I cook on my cook top.
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I have a Thermador gas cooktop. It is really easy to clean, but I don't know why your old gas cooktop was hard. If I want to clean the whole thing it's 3 cast iron grills plus a star shaped cast iron for each burner then wipe it up. I don't really have to clean the cast iron parts I just flick the burnt stuff off. It gets hot enough whatever was on there becomes ash.
I have a Dacor double oven as my oven, I like it a lot of recipes call for rotating pans I never have to do that food turns out fine. I like the telescopic oven racks. This was my first oven that I actually used (my mom isn't a cook and her oven was for storage), so I can't tell you how it compares to other ovens.
Personally, now that I have gas I don't feel like I can go back. Cooking is so fast on a gas cooktop versus electric. Plus it imparts that flamed touched goodness on your food when needed. (There's a term for that in Chinese but that is the best English equivalent I can come up with. )
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3 hours ago, Earthmerlin said:
My 11 year old has always been an avid reader but she’s recently reading books at dinner and in the car. I’ve had to put limits on those times since I believe it’s rude to not engage in conversation then.
Set the limits. This was me as a child and getting in trouble for "reading too much" did not stifle my love for reading. There are times when reading is inappropriate. It is a good problem to have, but a problem nevertheless.
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6 hours ago, Scarlett said:
I was not happy with her lack of punctuality. I also found out she had committed to sit with an elderly friend yesterday and did not show up or call.
Oh I'm sorry about this experience. Punctuality and actually showing up was something I had to deal with my first cleaners and as much as I loved their level of clean (had they not quit) I think I would have looked elsewhere if the schedule issues continued.
6 hours ago, Scarlett said:I hated the excess polish she left on .......and she used it on surfaces that aren't wood which is just a greasy mess.
I end up telling people to just clean and not put any of the extras on. It's easy enough for me to put on after they've cleaned and since I have littles and cats I'm kind of picky about the stuff that we use that stays on the furniture. (I forgot to include that in my advice, because I thought that was our family specific.)
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I do calligraphy. It's nice because I produce something but all of it can fit into a notebook and I can recycle the notebook when I'm done.
I also really liked ballet. I enjoyed it as an activity and loved the way it made me look.
If I had unlimited funds and time I would probably get into laying out electronics circuits for people. I'd get a software license and try getting work layout other peoples idea/designs freelance so I wouldn't have to go into work fulltime. (I did that as part of a job before I became a SAHM and I loved that part of my job.)
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I have had 2 cleaning services. We are a messy family - we have a lot of good qualities being organized and housecleaning is not one of them.
1) Payment - usually the cleaning service will set up the price higher for the "first time" or when they haven't been at your house for a while. Once a month counts as being regular.
2) I define the places I want them to clean. For us I mainly want them to clean the kitchen, bathrooms and communal living space. Mostly because there is too much junk in our rooms that there isn't really floor space for them to clean.
3) If you have clutter laying about the cleaning people (unless you pay them for organization services, or it's super clear where things go). They will generally find a box or area to consolidate all your clutter in and clean the rest.
The first cleaning service that I had was about 10 girls who would descend onto my house and clean it. I really loved the level of clean they went to - scrubbed baseboards the works. However they would only clean "surfaces" so all my dirty dishes would be in a pile with all my other clutter. Also the main lady would be present at the cleaning and she was FANTASTIC, the other girls she hired some left a lot to be desired. 1) There were different helper girls each time, and 2) the helpers were not necessarily respectful of my stuff - weren't careful, didn't heed instructions given to them.
The current service that I have is a much smaller operation. It's always the same 2 ladies. They know my kids and my pets. They know where a lot of my stuff goes so sometimes they do put my clutter away. They make my place presentable. They don't scrub the baseboards every time so to speak. It seems like they pick one or two "scrub the baseboard" things to work on each time, then spend the rest of the time doing a good job cleaning. They will wash my dirty dishes, put laundry in the hamper in addition to the surfaces.
The first cleaning service charged me $180 for routine cleaning - I only had them twice before the main lady quit because the business was too much for her life. The second cleaning service charges me $180 for initial clean and $130 on routine cleaning. They both do about 1200 sq ft. of floor space 1 kitchen and 2.5 bathrooms.
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I like Natives. They look and feel like crocs only they look better. I'm just comparing my natives with my kid's crocs. My natives are falling apart after over 2 years of use. They are still useable but there's a decorative piece on it that's falling off and it bugs my husband because he says it makes it look like he doesn't give me enough spending money.
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5 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:
The fact that she didn't want to live with the two of you together says a lot about her awareness of the severity of the issues, and it may be a relief for her to know there will be a resolution to this situation. She actually may have seen this coming more that you have. So don't let "ruining her senior year" hang out in your brain very long. You can't be responsible for that. It may be hard, but it probably won't "ruin" anything.
Just speaking from my experience, my parents stayed together in an unhappy marriage for convenience. If your daughter is saying that, unless finances or whatever will make things different for her, the actual divorce won't ruin her life or year. For me I wish my parents would have gotten a divorce - even if they had decided to do that my senior year of high school or college it would have been better and easier on me.
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Encouraging / teaching flexible thinking
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
No advice just I struggle with the same things with my son, but he's only 4.5. So, I'm going to stalk this thread.