[if your teen was a bad driver]

Our drivers ed would not let them come to another lesson with instructor until after a certain # of hours practice (with the parent or whoever had agreed to be the primary adult) and anyways I can't imagine paying instructor for the many hours of practice time older needed.  

DH wouldn't drive with older at all either. Heading into it again next year (and feeling way more stressed since I didn't understand what I was getting into the first time). 

It was a lot of me sitting in the car with her (while freaking out and trying not to show it too much).  Starting by parking lot, and then going round and round in our small neighborhood. Then she would drive to end of our neighborhood every time we'd leave and same coming back in (switching drivers).  Then moving up to nearest place we regularly visit. It was all about lots of repeated practice on very simple streets, and only very slowly adding a little more.  Got her license at 18 (mostly due to COVID which set her way back since we didn't go anywhere for a long time).

[Nickname as given name]

IME if both formal and nickname are unusual for US -- then chances are the school won't use the nickname unless the parents push hard (and will need to do it over and over each year) and child will end up called the formal name by most people  (IME this ONLY applies for unusual nicknames, opposite of common nicknames which often take over even when the parent wants the formal name to be used)

Additionally IME a LOT of people go solely by first name on the record -- Dr office, teachers especially at college level,  HR depts etc. 

And I've seen many people get pushed into a specific name by what the IT dept put as their email name (i.e. name of record) -- of course their immediate co-workers know the nickname, and they can sign nickname on email, but very often people use the name from the email address anyway. 

I would definitely go with the nickname if that is the name they prefer to use.

 

 

 

 

 

[Carnivore vs vegetarian …]

Looking at the OP -- this isn't really a carnivore vs vegetarian question anyway--  anyone drinking sweet tea is probably more of a "meat and potatoes" type person vs a carnivore.   IMO "meat and potatoes" diet is very often just as bad as my "high starch" vegetarian diet.  I know many people from my parents generation who are "meat and potatoes" only (in my DH's family, canned green beans and peas were pretty much the only vegetables served)-- this is similar IMO (although opposite in regards to meat) to my "high starch" version of vegetarianism -- both do not actually contain very many vegetables or fruit.    

[Carnivore vs vegetarian …]

I pick the meat option. 

I have tried vegetarian and although I love grains & cheeses, I could never eat vegetables again and be perfectly happy (and that mostly left me on a grain & cheese diet which was NOT healthy for me so even though it fits under the vegetarian name I will not count it).

I have tried eating more veggies as part of eating low carb diets as well-- still blech! 

I do not love meat the way some people do so I haven't tried a carnivore (meat only) option but I have eaten only meat + dairy and eggs + dairy as short term dieting strategies (several weeks) and had no problem. 

There was that guy Vilhjalmur Stefansson who ate only meat to prove to people that it could be done and was done regularly by the Inuit at that time.  Plus there is a whole subset of people eating carnivore on social media and I've seen citations of studies that support eating that way  (although I did not care enough to take note of them).

Today I lean carnivore vs. 20 years ago when I was leaning vegetarian (although I don't actually eat more meat just less grains and other starchy items).   I would advocate for people eating what works for their body as the best choice.

[Purging questions]

21 minutes ago, sweet2ndchance said:

The "time will tell" box method, I tried, and I find I don't get around to going through it until it is a hot mess. In fact, my current version of a "time will tell" box under my desk is screaming at me to be decluttered lol. I like the "box it up and donate unopened" method because I know I've already gone through the stuff once and "soft donated it". If I don't remember what's in there and I haven't thought about it in six months to a year, it makes sense to me that I don't even need to look at it and it needs to go. It's actually less stressful for me to not go through the stuff again. It works for me. I'm glad the "time will tell" box works for you even though it doesn't work for me. 🙂 

I actually use the paper ‘time will tell’ differently than minimal mom too - I only use it for papers that I know have a short life (year or less), and that I most likely won’t need - mostly insurance papers lately it seems since so many other bills are digital only. Then I just pull the bottom few papers maybe once a year (no real schedule because it hasn’t ever overflowed its spot) and toss them.
I can’t put stuff that I might do (coupons, places to go,catalogs)in there as Minimal Mom does because then it is lost forever to me -  although I don’t get much of that in paper format anymore either, so it is a small pile anyway (folder in my ‘Sunday basket’ although I don’t follow that exactly either 😆)

i also call my other stuff boxes that are meant to see if the stuff really matters to me ‘time will tell’ because that makes more sense to me than quarantine 😄

[Purging questions]

2 hours ago, sweet2ndchance said:

Since you have a larger house Minimal Mom has a trick she uses when she isn't sure about something that you could use. She puts all of her "unsure" items in a bin and puts a date 6 months (or a year) in the future on the bin. She puts the bin in her basement and if she hasn't gotten into the bin to find something she needed by the date on bin, the entire bin, bin and all unopened, gets donated to where ever she donates her stuff. I don't have a basement or an attic to store the bins to do this but if I did, I would definitely try it!

I personally can't do the donate unopened thing -- BUT I still find the "time will tell" or "quarantine" box idea incredibly helpful -- its usually much easier to donate it 6 months later and if it's not, then 6 months after that. 

For clothes,  I don't store those bins in a basement or attic either -- I store them right in my closet -- because this makes me acknowledge the space those clothes are still taking in my closet (which is NOT a walk in).   I don't think this would work in the OP's case -- but I would at least still store them in the overflow closet while continuing to go through things there. 

[s/o what paperwork do you keep?]

old computers:

I take out the hard drive and then then I take it to Best Buy (who will take and recycle up to 3 electronic items a day)

I have a couple hard drive cases I bought on amazon some years ago that fit most of my old hard drives and allows them still to be read -- I got these for photo reasons because of a laptop that died (figured the $20 bucks total was worth trying over the $1k estimate from a recovery company). 

Lately I've gotten all the multiple copies of the digital photos cleaned up (thank you Duplicate Cleaner Pro!) and I plan to go through the drives one last time and then smash them (but that hasn't happened yet).

Everything else:

No advice because I am in same situation -- especially for old tax docs and property related docs -- I know we have far too many years and stuff for houses we haven't owned for many years (moved a lot for a while) -- and I also have had to deal with 70 year old taxes returns when cleaning up my Dad's estate and don't want to pass that on to my kids (and still ended up with a big storage box of his papers too).

[Purging questions]

For times when I'm trying to go through all my clothes, my Number 1 most important rule is-- If it has any issue that bothers me at all, it's out.  Any issue -- include comfort, look, stains, missing buttons, always rides up, bad memories etc.    Anything that you can't bring yourself to actually get rid of anyway should go in a "time will tell" or "quarantine" box (or memory box if keeping only for memories) -- because it can be way easier to get rid of it when you haven't seen it for a while (I have pulled things back into my closet -- but then usually they go in the next go-round, because of whatever the issue is with them that is why they ended up put away to begin with)

Note: of course, with clothes there is always the size thing too -- I do keep other sizes -- but I have a limited space for them (container concept) and if that space gets too full, then something has to go. 

As I've done this more times, I find myself putting stuff aside as I put it on or take it off (I wash everything again before taking it anywhere anyway).

[Bellevue Worker Seen in Citi Bike Video Has Receipts Showing She Rented Bike]

FWIW I have had several fear experiences where my brain short circuited from fear/adrenaline and I made very stupid choices -- the part of the video where someone else asked what's wrong and she started sobbing, then got off the bike at their suggestion is also exactly like my own experience (randomly crying and stopping + not thinking of obvious choices until someone else suggested them) 

note: my fear experiences were not guy related in any way

Also must admit I still don't quite understand why he felt he had to reach into the center to stop her -- why didn't he just grab the handlebar from the side or front as most people would (which it appears he could have since that is where the videotaper is)

[May 2023: What are you reading?]

On 5/7/2023 at 5:37 AM, marbel said:

I started A Town Like Alice by Nevil Shute. It's an older book, and was one of my mother's favorites. I've started and rejected it a few times but decided the time is right. It's set in World War II and it's aftermath, about a woman who survives captivity in Malaya when the Japanese invade, and what she does when that is over. 

I read this ages ago because the mini-series was my mothers favorite (and I'm just not a movie/tv watcher) -- the first half is a sad, hard to read war story but I really enjoyed the second half (after she survives).

[WWYD if you were ds26]

To me it depends on what else he could get, for example, if he's going to be paying more than 4200 for anything else

 -- then IF the rogue has been reliable otherwise -- then I would pay for the transmission (don't care about the junkyness of the car such as paint or ac etc--  only the reliability of not breaking down i.e. the transmission is the first issue in a while)

-- but sounds like you are saying it is not reliable? -- in which case I would scrap it and buy another car

However I would buy a cheap car, which does not sound like your truck?  I would NOT buy a 13k known reliable truck over an unknown reliability 4-5k junker for example (made up #'s obviously).   

But really, in this particular case -- I would just keep driving my Mom's car until she said no more, and work to save up as much as I could for a new car in the meantime.

(from the mom side perspective -- a lot of my opinion of what I would be willing to do would depend on the size of the loan of the one currently drivable car)

[Those damned deer]

Our local zoo sells predator poop (tiger/lion) that they swear will keep the deer away 😄  (don't know if it actually works)

[Boy shot for ringing doorbell]

3 minutes ago, AnotherNewName said:

CNN is correct about the SYG defense. Zimmerman used a basic self-defense claim (remember his version is he was under physical assault and pinned down).  Based on preliminary rulings I think the defense believed the SYG defense was a loser before that judge, so they went the traditional route, and I think I read at the time Florida somehow allows the SYG claim to even be made post conviction.

He was acquitted of multiple charges including manslaughter, so CNN is wrong unless they were hinting that the prosecution spent too much time trying to prove the 2nd degree murder charge.  

The article about the 2nd degree specifically referenced that manslaughter might have gotten a conviction so definitely was incorrect then.    Guess that goes to show that high level searches of top news sources still give inaccurate information. 

Searching again with manslaughter in the search -- I see another CNN article that references both the 2nd degree & the manslaughter charges  (not sure why CNN is coming up so high in my searches).

 

[Boy shot for ringing doorbell]

25 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

As was her right, and what any reasonable person would have done. 

Except case law shows otherwise.  The jury let George Zimmerman off.  He left his house to chase down a teen, after being told not to by 911.  Still found innocent.  I AGREE that it’s ridiculous but we live in Bizzaro land.   You most certainly CAN chase someone down then kill them and claim self defense.  The last man standing is the victor so shoot first seems to be what precedent is telling us.  

According to CNN, George Zimmerman did not use a "stand your ground" defense -- they also say that part of the reason he got off was the second degree murder charge (which requires hatred/ill will/spite).

[Grumble grumble grumble petty whingey thread]

5 hours ago, MEmama said:

We have to pay for DS to be fully insured on both our cars because he's a "licensed member of the household" even though he's a college student ACROSS THE OCEAN and obviously isn't borrowing the car on the weekends. I'd be happy to put him back on over breaks when he's actually home, but as it is this adds >$1000/ year. 🤬

Wow! my insurance told me I didn't have to add DD at all as long as she only drove occasionally (she is also away at college but home for breaks and summer).  Note: this is with 2 cars and 2 other adult drivers (DH and I) ETA: DD did not get her drivers license until she was going away for college

[Please tell me this answer and other thoughts]

Fluid ounces measure liquid volume and ounces measure weight

[General female gift]

17 minutes ago, skimomma said:

These are great suggestions!  We were recently given Turkish beach towels, which we fell in love with immediately.  They are compact enough that even someone who already has some and perhaps has a lot of towels in general, would welcome them.  We love ours so much that I recently converted all of our bath towels to Turkish and donated all of our old towels to the Humane Society.  Given that I now have 12+ of these towels (that takes up 1/8 the space as the old towels), one would think I would not want more as a gift.  But I would still be thrilled to get them.  I would love to stash one or two in each car if I had extra, for instance.

I also consider wool socks to be "consumable" and a great gift.

I would LOVE cloth napkins and/or tea towels.  And again, I would loosely consider those "consumables."

I feel like what is coming up when I google turkish beach towels can't be what you are talking about?  Looks like a blanket with fringe on it not a towel

[Let’s add more to my plate because I need it apparently…]

Also not as close as you're looking for -- my brother had pancreatic cancer (passed away in 2021) -- sending hugs and best wishes too.

[Does anybody still wear those running shoes that have five toes?]

I pretty much only ever saw them online anyway -- maybe one time saw someone in real life wearing them 🤷‍♀️

note: I actually have shoes made with the same 'barefoot' sole those shoes used but they look like normal shoes on top-- I still like them and wear them in the summer -- but I don't think they're made anymore (just by glancing on amazon -- haven't seriously looked for them since the ones I have are still fine)

[When extracurriculars become impractical]

Aging out of sports (at the level the child plays at anyway) -- is just another part of sports that often happens some time in the teen years.   It is a normal occurance and not some catastrophe for the teen.

Of course if the child loves the activity passionately and is working hard to get better at it -- the parent should do a lot to support them.  In my first post I specifically said that to me that meant the child was willing to put effort into it -- which could be hours practicing not just effort in trying to find a ride -- and does not mean to me the child has to be best or even good at their sport in any way.

But the other side of that that even if the child loves and enjoys the sport -- if they are not putting in the extra work needed to make it in the next level (a lot of this is about the amount of practice IMO or at least activity at home to support their progress since not all can actually be done at home) then when they age out of the current level, IMO the best choice is for them to drop the sport/activity at that point.  Choosing to put the child/teen in the next level at that point IMO is PUSH by the parent, not PULL by the kid -- even if the reasons for doing so are 'good' (such as exercise or friendships or time away from siblings). (ETA: and even if the kid themself is begging for it)

I personally know kids where that PUSH to the next level worked out horribly for them, even though they said they loved the sport and wanted to be on the team -- worst on the team & some pretty extreme remarks from teammates causing loss of some close friendships & loss of confidence in themselves.

I am sure there are also kids where that push was all they needed -- but as I said, IMO those are more 'natural' athletes -- who can still do well or at least average at the next level with little to no extra effort.    

Also IMO, the teen years are actually the least available for sport, especially for the lower level of athlete.  There are still a lot of sports for the adult if they care enough to look for them - there are adult soccer, volleyball, softball, flag football leagues (to name some I have myself played on) as well as many others, and it is actually the really good athletes that have more trouble finding a correct level team as an adult.

None of this is to say that OP should NOT do what it takes to get her son to the sport -- only she and he (and her DH) can decide what the level of commitment is and whether it is worth it to them.  But it is not a no-brainer IMO as many of you seem to be saying.  

[When extracurriculars become impractical]

It appears to me that a lot of people answering on this thread have kids who are good at their sport, and maybe who get better at it just by attending practices.  I don't have those athletic kids - so I need to see drive and passion for the sport from my child -- enjoyment or being sad to leave the activity are not enough to move to the next level -- and definitely not enough to make the rest of the family do all sorts of contortions to make it work.

It is not always a good thing for kids to move up in sports with the extra drive needed.  There are downsides to being the worst player on the team -- such as spending a lot of time sitting out during games and being verbally attacked by teammates for mistakes made on the field.  

Moving up in sports to me means the child must have already shown me their commitment to improving and growing in the sport -- not just that they enjoy it and will miss it.  

note: can't tell from OP's posts which way her son fits on this

[When extracurriculars become impractical]

I have to admit that for a 16 yo I wouldn't do all this extra work that some are suggesting without clear input from my child that the activity is extremely important to them -- important enough for them to put in a decent amount of effort themselves -- like in calling the friends to get a ride etc   Just wanting to do the activity at that age is not enough IMO when the activity is a pain for everyone else on an ongoing basis. 

Already having these discussions with my 14yo for her favorite thing -- that she needs to be doing things to show me that her activity is important enough to her that she is willing to put the effort in at home --not just enjoying being at the activity while I do all the grunt work of prepping/getting her there, and that if I'm having to do it all, that maybe that means she's not as interested as she claims.  Obviously there's a lot she can't do herself-- and there are things she struggles with-- but I'm not asking for her to be perfect at it but just putting in some effort.

I would also be blunt in this case that continually walking away from me instead of discussing his options to get to the activity would default to not doing the activity. However, I do feel that if you're trying to push any discussion to the idea that your son should find some other activity that would be easier on everyone else --  that would not be the same as what I'm saying. 

Also from my perspective -- for most sports at 16, if he did not move up to the next level when the other kids did, then he has already been left far behind (unless he happens to be a 'natural' which I'll admit I have seen).   

[How long do you tolerate a one-way friendship?]

Overall, I believe I fit into the introvert, not good at setting up get together's group, and I definitely lean more toward randomly getting together only every few months for many of my friendships -- but I still have had several times where I stopped reaching out to friends where I was the main one setting up get-togethers (coffee or lunches or walks mostly).  Sometimes because I got busy and wasn't paying attention but also times where it was because I was in a slump and believed nobody cared about me (which has happened periodically over my life).

A few of the people reached out to me eventually (not immediately but in an appropriate amount of time given the variance of our normal get-togethers) -- even if only to text "hey, been a while -- we should try and get together sometime"  

A few of the people did not reach out at all.  I continue to see some of them occasionally at various functions and we talk normally (chit chat) in that situation.  

I have only ever added back reaching out to the ones who reached out to me during the 'down' time -- so I guess I do tend to feel like this shows their level of interest in our get-togethers. 

[I hope I didn’t destroy anyone’s childhood innocence]

10 minutes ago, bookbard said:

Another interesting American custom - we don't do any leprechaun things in Australia and this thread is the first I've heard of it. I wonder what happens in the UK/Ireland? We do generally have tooth fairy/Santa Claus, but Valentine's Day isn't much of anything here (and definitely not in schools). The only really weird school-based custom that I've seen here is around the horse race, the Melbourne Cup; our preschool once did a themed day around it and I was really shocked. There's been more criticism of it lately (more around horse welfare than promoting gambling) so I don't know whether they still do it.

I'm in the US, my youngest daughter is 14 -- and I never heard of this leprechaun thing until this thread.  

[Toys, games for Shiloh that are mentally stimulating and physically demanding (within reason to tire her out)]

FWIW I tried to get her to play when I posted earlier and she was uninterested -- but just now I was on the ground stretching and she started bringing one of her stuffies for me to throw, so I tried again.  I didn't get any that quite show how much she's moving to chase it but I got one good picture of a jump at least (the gray shadow at top is the tug toy)