Tokyomarie
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Posts posted by Tokyomarie
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Marie, suddenly everything you're saying MAKES SENSE. Thank you. :)
So then how would you handle it if the plan was a 13th year, largely cc, still called high school, but NOT with a formal middle college program available? Would you grad with a party at 12 the or after 13th?
Both of our younger children had a "13th year." Our daughter was on track for graduation at the typical age because we kept her with her American age group when we moved back to the States. She was on track for graduation, credit wise, but was not on track for admission to a competitive college and was not ready socially to leave home. During the 1st semester of her 11th grade year, her academic maturity suddenly took a huge leap and I had to rethink the goals for post-high school studies. We decided then to add another year. During what would have been her 12th grade year, she decided to "graduate" from the homeschool co-op and to not continue in the homeschool band when her best friend graduated. But we gave her a graduation party and her diploma the next year, after her 13th year. It was a little awkward at first but once we got into the last year it wasn't really a problem. She understood that continuing to study at home/in CC/online one more year would give her more options for where she went to college the following year.
I think if it is decided earlier in the educational process to add another year, there is more time to adjust the thinking about what the social situation will be.
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For formal purposes, I would go with the age-grade designation in your state if you think he fits well socially. My son has a late fall birthday. Our state- at the time- had an even later cutoff date. The year we moved here, he could have been in 1st grade. In math concepts he was quite advanced and, similar to your son, even more advanced in content knowledge. Fine motor and literacy skills were just not there. I called him K the fall he turned 6yo. By Christmas, it was clear that he was struggling with even K level work in fine motor and literacy. Because we don't have to file paperwork in our state, I didn't have to have a formal designation. I ended up staying flexible for a couple of years, but then for the rest of his schooling until into high school, I kept him on the track he was in by calling him K the fall he turned 6yo. Socially, that was the right thing to do.
In high school, it became clear that he wasn't going to be ready to move away to 4 year university at 18 or 18.5. He was just still too asynchronous in his development: academics, social, executive function- the whole ball of wax. He was just all over the map at age 14-15. He ended up going into a middle college program, which is essentially full-time DE at the CC for 11th grade. It's a 3 year program, so he didn't graduate until 19.5yo. I would not have a 19.5yo graduating from a traditional high school. There is just too much of a social development gap between a just turned 14yo and a 19.5yo. Having a 19.5yo being hot-housed in a single building that holds 1000-2000 adolescents is just not a good choice, IMO. *However* a 19yo at the CC all day while still having some advantages of being called a high school student was a good option for a student who still needed to work on writing and EF skills while working on advanced math and science skills. (We have a good CC that has excellent math, science, and IT courses, some of them taught by the same profs who teach or have taught at an elite university down the street!). He is turning 20yo this fall. He is a 1st year student at his 4yr university- still asynchronous- but definitely ready to take full advantage of what the university has to offer.
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My son had already homeschooled K-8 and was hsing 9th grade when he had his neuropsych evaluation. I had also afterschooled (in Japan) his older sisters and then homeschooled them through to graduation after we moved back to the States.
Our neuropsychologist didn't exactly say in so many words that he recommended homeschooling as the best placement. However, he did HIGHLY recommend against placement in a traditional high school if we were to enroll him in school prior to traditional college entry. He gave two particular suggestions for local high school resources if we felt we wanted to move him into school. One was a well regarded non-traditional public high school (an idea I liked but wasn't available because we live in the wrong district) and a public middle college program (which is what we chose after one more year at home).
Despite challenges we experienced homeschooling during the elementary and middle school years- let's face it, homeschooling a 2E highly dyslexic & dysgraphic learner is just not a walk in the park- I believe he is where he is today (a 1st year STEM major at university) because of the foundation we built during those years.
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Since it had only been a week, I would be likely to take the email thank you at face value. Though a mass email, I would take it as the mother's way of expressing her own thanks. I do hope the niece writes her own thank you notes, whether handwritten or by email. I think a college graduate moving into the professional world should understand that doing a personal note is a thoughtful expression of gratitude.
On the other hand, I'm not willing to stew if a note doesn't arrive. I also hope those who attended my son's party this summer don't stew about the fact that his thank you notes were jointly written by him and me and addressed by me. He is severely dysgraphic and it was all he could imagine was to simply write, "Dear______, Thank you very much. (signed)________"
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Hazal, I feel your frustration! You want your son to do well. Your son wants to feel successful. But your family has been through a huge, big change. You have so many new ways of doing things to get used to. Be gentle with your son and be gentle with yourself. It will take time but he will soon learn English and will learn to read and write.
At home, focus on helping your son feel safe and secure. That will probably mean speaking your native language with him. It will also mean keeping some of the same traditions you had in your home country- the daily routines of life- meals, bedtime routines, etc. Do whatever it takes for him to feel loved, secure, and like you are "on his side." Only when he feels secure, can he learn a new language and a new way of life.
The "experts" on language learning say that it takes most students 5-7 years to learn a new language well enough to handle all academics in the new language. Most children will learn to speak well enough that they can play and handle daily routines in their new language within 1-3 years, but it takes longer to catch up in reading and writing. Also, they learn to understand others speaking before they can speak well themselves. Think about how a child hears his native language for about 1.5 years before he starts to say many words of his own. Then it takes years more before he speaks long sentences. It is much like that when a child learns a second language. Listening comes first, then speaking, then reading, then writing. If we try to rush writing too soon, an anxious child will feel overwhelmed. When he is overwhelmed, he can't learn.
Is there someone in charge of bilingual/ESL learners at your son's school? Maybe you could talk to the teacher or the principal to find out who is in charge of programs for ESL learners. Maybe that person can help you find some strategies to help your son. Sometimes ESL learners also have a learning disability. When there is difficulty with reading and writing in the second language, it can sometimes be hard to figure out what part is learning a new language and what part is having a learning disability. I might suggest trying to get extra help for language learning at school. If that doesn't help, you might talk to the school and your son's pediatrician about testing for a learning disability.
I have lived in another country with young children. It was sometimes hard to help my children when I felt like a baby in the culture myself! I couldn't speak the language, I didn't understand the customs, and I was always doing things "wrong." Eventually, I figured out how to do life in my new language and culture, though I never became truly fluent. It took time but it wasn't too long before my kids passed me up in language skills!
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I've had a similar but different experience. I discovered a few years ago via a Google search that I was used as a case study in an article published in a medical journal. I had no idea until about 10 years after it was published! It was a rather odd feeling, starting to read the abstract and realizing, "Whoa! They're talking about me!"
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I have a friend who recently posted a photo on Facebook of her ds holding his MIT application which he had received in the mail. He had a big grin on his face, and her caption read, "This is the one he has been waiting for! Boy better get some scholarships!" I think many people thought it was an acceptance and started offering congrats, etc. She then clarified in a comment that it was only the application for applying but how exciting it was to be "singled out." :/
My son got "singled out" to receive an MIT application last year. But that was only because when he took the state-mandated ACT he had no idea which colleges he was interested in so he put MIT as one of the few names he knew. :001_rolleyes: His ACT score, though decent, was nowhere near MIT's range. He had fun looking at the brochure, though. At least I was able to use the brochure as a starting point to help him finally start learning how to look at college information. Before that he wasn't really interested.
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For most typical US weddings you at least have a DJ (can be a family member!) to play the traditional dances. I mean, if you're going to call it a reception and send out invites and all that.
I'm not sure I'd say "most typical." It probably depends on the US region and subculture to which one belongs. I've been to many, many weddings that didn't have a band or a DJ. I've also been to lots of weddings that did.
My husband and I had a church afternoon luncheon reception. Not a lot of money for a wedding. My parents provided the deli meats for sandwiches and the cake. The church women provided salads. We definitely didn't have a DJ.
One daughter had a formal evening reception with an Irish/folk band. The other had an informal lunch reception with no special music planned, though she and her violin/fiddle teacher did some impromtu Irish tunes after the cake was cut.
I had a good time at all three receptions because I was eager to spend time with the guests and have them share the day with us.
I have never been invited to a potluck reception. I heard of it for the first time when I was reading online about a wedding that happened earlier this year.
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I just posted this in another thread today:
One place you could check is the provider list on the International Dyslexia Association's website. Click on the "Find a Provider" tab. If there isn't an evaluator listed for your area, you could try contacting someone who is listed as a tutor, academic therapist, or SLP to see who they would recommend in your area.
I think it's great that your pediatrician suggested vision therapy, because many pediatricians don't see value in it. But as you are finding out, VT may bring a lot of improvement but it's often not the whole story. Try checking the list above. You can also try asking your pediatrician since he/she seems to be cued into local resources.
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Barton is the one system that can be used without too much difficulty by a person without previous training in teaching dyslexic students how to read. Barton is on the expensive side, but the videos make it possible for a parent to learn how to teach their own child.
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One place you could check is the provider list on the International Dyslexia Association's website. Click on the "Find a Provider" tab. If there isn't an evaluator listed for your area, you could try contacting someone who is listed as a tutor, academic therapist, or SLP to see who they would recommend in your area.
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As DS is 9, it would be difficult to test his Executive Functioning, as it doesn't exist at that age?
EF is something that occurs in the brains Frontal Lobes, where it is essentially the overall manager and coordinator of all of the different regions of the brain.
But the way that the brain develops, is that it begins with a focus on developing the multitude of regions.
Then around puberty, a small connection to the frontal lobe and EF is made.
But this is a very basic connection, and just used for what is termed as the brains 'pruning process'?
A lot of 'junk connections' are formed in childhood.
So that EF is introduced, to help with the pruning.
But it is not until the late teens/ early adult, that a real connection to the frontal lobe is developed.
Which puts the brain's manager/ coordinator in place, to take care of Executive Functioning.
Though it then takes around 5 to 8 years to really develop Executive Functioning..
Which then manages adjustments to aging process.
So that with a child or teenager, their is actually no EF to test?
All that can be tested, are the brain regions/ functions that EF will eventually manage and coordinate.
Geodob, I believe that most researchers and writers on the topic of executive function, including George McCloskey, would disagree with your statements above on this topic. The common understanding of professionals working in this area is that the development of executive functions is a complex developmental process that begins in infancy and continues into the adult years. It is punctuated by periods of rapid development, such as the one you refer to that happens in puberty as connections between the frontal lobe and other parts of the brain are increasing rapidly in number. Another time frame where there is tremendous growth is during the pre-school period.
There are assessment tools that can be used as early as pre-school age, though more are available once a child hits school age.
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The bold part is why I was asking about EF testing. I dont really know that it is necessary. Reading Smart but Scattered was a real eye opener because the description of the little girl in the first chapter could have pretty much been written about ds. I don't care much about labels, I care more about what can help him. And I guess I've felt like I needed the labels to find the treatments? And it seems like there is more going on than ADHD.
I feel kind of stupid asking questions because I'm not even sure I am asking the right ones. I'm feeling not so smart and scattered lately. I think I just need to take a step back and get some perspective. (And stop being impatient. I would give ds these tests myself if I could. I'm a "do it myself" kind of person so waiting on doctors, therapists, etc. gets frustrating. )
I didn't quote but I have not read Mislabeled Child by the Eides. I keep seeing it recommended. I guess I need to go get that one.
Do get The Mislabeled Child! It is a terrific book. I, unfortunately, had it on my shelf for a few years before I got around to reading it. I could have saved myself a lot of frustration in trying to understand my son had I just read this when I bought it!
Don't worry about your "stupid" questions. No question is too stupid. As you keep asking questions and reading various websites and books, understanding will come. It just takes time. EF is a huge part of ADHD, but it is also a big part of autism spectrum disorders and can be a part of LDs. EF deficits are a major component of what makes so many of our children hard to parent and hard to teach. Learning how to help your child develop those missing skills will be a big part of helping your child with all of academics and life.
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That is an unusual circumstance, b/c most universities/colleges function under the ADA for student accommodations. Here is a link that describes why IEPs are not used at the collegiate level and student responsibilities if they want to seek accommodations:
http://www.tcnj.edu/~technj/2004/transition.htm
This simple quote from this website also explains that IEPs do not carry beyond k12 ed:http://www.campusexplorer.com/college-advice-tips/6BBFCFE5/IEP-Students-and-College-Planning-Your-Transition/
8FillTheHeart is correct on this, as her links demonstrate. Colleges will typically consider the IEP as one source of information when they draft their own list of accommodations for a student. However, from a legal perspective, college students are indeed covered under the ADA and Section 504, and not under IDEA 2004, which governs the IEP process. It is important to note that a college MAY choose to use the IEP as the only documentation for a disability. However, MOST colleges require students to submit a recent psychological evaluation report (typically 3yrs. or less) before they grant accommodations.
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My son will take all he has, which isn't much. Something like 3 pairs of jeans, a handful of t-shirts, a couple of polos, a couple of hoodies, and some underwear and socks. I will also insist he take his suit (probably won't need it at all and has only worn it for a funeral but he'll be more than 500 miles away with no way to get it if he does need it). I'll also make him take the one pair of khakis he owns, but only because I made him get them for his graduation photos. It's not much clothing but I learned long ago that it wasn't worth buying a range of clothing styles for him because he won't wear anything other than what I've mentioned.
Somehow, I also need to buy him a winter coat. He has refused to wear a coat for years even though it gets very cold here. Since he'll now be walking to class in snow country, he's realized that a coat could be a good thing. However, it can't be "poofy." My eyes bugged out at the price of "non-poofy" high performance gear, so we haven't come to any conclusion yet about what to get. He'll need it by mid-late Oct.
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We finally did our first shopping today and we leave on Friday to drive ds up to his school! We bought a mini-fridge, Twin XL sheets, and a mattress protector. I don't think I want to buy too much other "stuff." I have a collapsible laundry hamper left over from the girls. Maybe I'll get something to carry his toiletries to the bathroom. I need to get extras of shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, etc. but I think we'll wait on any more accessories for the room until he gets up there. The only thing he really cares about is his computer equipment, which is all going with him: desktop, large flat-screen monitor, and probably both of his laptops.
I suppose I should look at the list someone posted and get serious about this dorm stuff. We also haven't done anything about books. I expect that we'll just procure all books from the college bookstore for first semester, but it would help if we ordered them tomorrow to be ready for pickup when we arrive.
I was feeling rather nonchalant all summer about my "baby" leaving home. He's 19yo and ready to go, I've reasoned. But suddenly, I'm feeling like I'll be rather lonely without any of the kids at home. :sad:
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Thank you for sharing your story! This is so inspiring. My son, now almost 20yo, heads off to his 4yr university next week. His story is similar in many ways as regards the years prior to about age 17. Your voice is another one calling out to moms of younger children to stay the course and not get discouraged. Our bright children learn differently, but they are able and will find their niche in life with the help of adults who work hard to help them along in their journey.
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I need another degree like I need a hole in my head, but I am intrigued as I haven't heard of this one before.
I am looking online and it appears to be a certificate and not a degree?
Can someone elaborate?
OhElizabeth is right about me. I am currently enrolled in an online certificate program for educational therapy and am a student member of AET. I have also been doing some other coursework outside the certificate coursework, including working on a certification in O-G methods and the Level 1 course for NILD. I'm not sure exactly how my own practice will take shape, but I want to be as prepared as possible by having lots of tools in my box.
I do not have a master's degree at this point. Crimson Wife is right that in order to become fully board certified with AET, the master's degree in a related field is necessary. Since the master's degree with educational therapy as a concentration that is recognized by AET is only available onsite in CA and I live very far from CA, I'm opting to start with the online certificate. If you already have an education related master's degree, Dawn, you would only need to pursue the certificate.
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His counselor has shared that many of the big colleges just don't do very much for students with disabilities, despite what is written on the campus website. She shared that he'd probably find it more accommodating at a smaller college with smaller classes. Under ADA the schools have to provide accommodations but they don't necessarily do a great job so her thoughts were it would be easier to navigate in the smaller setting. When we looked at the cost of sending him to a school with a dorm experience at the cost was over $30,000 and the local CC to get those 2 year undergrad credits out of the way for under $6,000 it made more sense. After experiencing that first year with him and it requiring quite a bit of my time helping guide him through the adjustment, we would have most likely spent $30,000 for him to flunk out because he was overwhelmed and exhausted by the changes. Baby steps have been key...the accommodations were great but slow and steady adjustments were even more key.
CC for the first college experience is basically what we did. Even though my son was technically still a high school student because of the program he was in, after the first semester, he was taking CC classes. He is just now going away to a four year school and will turn 20yo later this fall.
It was extremely helpful for my son to make the transition to a college schedule and adult-level expectations while still having support and oversight at home. The first couple of semesters were extremely challenging in terms of keeping all the balls in the air- organizing, asking for help, initiating study time at home on his own, etc. Now that he has 2.5 years of experience under his belt and more overall maturity, I think he's ready to try being on his own.
Our CC was actually very well set up for students with disabilities. The office of disability services was great, but in my son's case, because so many of the instructors actually did things in a way for all students that eliminated the need for ds to have formal accommodations, he didn't actually "use" his accommodations. These included such things as students being permitted to use laptops for taking notes, as long as they didn't abuse the privilege and tests that were given in the testing center with no time limit.
I have followed many stories of students with special needs who went away to college at barely 18yo and did very poorly because they just didn't have the personal maturity or insight into their learning needs to make it work for them. There are also some stories of students who did very well, but they almost always involve a student who understands and accepts his learning needs and is not ashamed to ask for help when needed.
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We used a neuropsych who doesn't do any insurance billing or approvals at all. Like someone else said, it was important to us to use the person we felt was right for our situation, not just anyone because they would bill our insurance. This was 4 years ago, but I was told over the phone that we had coverage for a neuropsych eval as long as the purpose was not solely academic. I went ahead on that basis, knowing we would have to pay out of pocket and submit for reimbursement. In the end, our claim was denied the first time, and I had to take it up the chain. When I made it clear that I was concerned that our high school aged child may not be able to function in the world as an adult if we didn't figure out how to help him, the insurance company agreed to pay.
If I were doing it differently today, I would make sure to note in a log the name of the person I spoke with and the date and time of the call for each call or other communication with the insurance company about the potential or actual claim.
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I injured my fingers several times on those things and thought repeatedly that if I had arthritis there'd be no way I could get a kid in or out.
I am a grandmother now. The carseats of today are so much more difficult to wrangle than the ones I used for my children and my children were little kids in the mid-80s to late 90s. I find it a tad overwhelming to try to operate the buckles on my grandsons' 5-point harnesses because they are so tight I can barely get them to click in.
I can't even imagine being a kid and being squished to death in one of those harnesses. With my discomfort of being squished and pressed in on by anything, I think if I were a kid I'd be in one continual panic attack. It's no wonder some kids scream every time they are taken in a car. I also can't imagine being a kid and having to ride with my knees up to my chests because of having to ride rear facing with nowhere for a kid to put his feet when he's 5 years old. I get the story on safety. But there has got to be a more comfortable way for kids to ride and parents to deal with the constant 5 minute struggle just to get the carseat buckles to actually buckle!
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Elizabeth, it sounds like this second psych should be a good one for this first eval. As has been said, you may not get every question answered. And labels aren't THE most important thing you will get from an eval. What you want is insight into the way your son takes in information, processes it, remembers it, and uses it to interact with others and show them what he knows. You want to know what his strengths are and what his weaknesses are so you can tailor your interactions with him and your education to improve weak areas and take advantage of strong areas.
Something that might help you is to make a list of your concerns, prioritize them, and turn them into questions to be answered. If you have concrete questions you want answered, in order of priority, it can help you focus on what you want most from this evaluation.
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A school psychologist actually issued the diagnosis in our case, but it was based on multiple test reports from other professionals, including a neuropsychologist, an OT, and a SLP, plus a few of her own tests. By the time my son was identified, he was given a diagnosis of "Disorder of Written Expression" that included both the physical aspects of handwriting and the composition difficulties that were part of his dyslexia profile. Tests related to the physical aspect of handwriting were done by the neuropsychologist and the OT.
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Elizabeth, I started with the FIAR concept and had been doing that for awhile when I got introduced to the whole TWTM version of classical education. While there are elements of the classical approach I like, I feel now like I jumped ship from the unit study/FIAR sort of approach too early in my son's education. If I had it to do over again, I would skip the first 4yr "cycle" of history and wait until probably 5th grade to jump into the chronological approach. I also wouldn't try to do much memory work with a dyslexic student like my son who gets more out of constructing his web of knowledge based on narratives. My son LOVED what we did with FIAR and I squashed his love of learning by giving that up. What we did wasn't all bad. It was still literature based, and he loved the literature, but it required too much written output too early in the game. He just couldn't handle memory work and written output at that young age.
If your dc is *very* 2E, did you grade retain/adjust?
in Accelerated Learner Board
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We ended up mostly listing the last four years, though I think I included health from an earlier year. We arranged her transcript by subject and didn't list years. Did it that way, too, for my oldest who graduated at the typical time.