hippiemamato3
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Posts posted by hippiemamato3
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Our kids both have the large Hemnes desks and we really like them. They are definitely sized for an adult, but my small 11 year old uses one too with no issues.
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15 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:
That’s REALLY harsh. And I don’t think it’s in any way a fair response to things I said, which have been aimed at picking part my own internal unproductive behaviors (and as a result overfocus on things I do badly.)
I don’t even know what to say to this post. I feel like engaging with it is simply getting me into a pointless scuffle, since it’s such a misrepresentation of what I said. I don’t know if you’re projecting other experiences or what, but I’d think deeply about what, exactly, is the point of trying to PUSH strangers on the Internet might be for you.
I think it's pretty accurate based on the picture of your life you've posted here and on numerous other threads. I hope you are able to get some help.
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He passed away in the night. DH and his sister and mom were right with him. Thanks for all the kind thoughts.
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2 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:
So, a pattern I've noticed is that when we have a day with a serious fight, I will be VERY sweet for a few days. Then I'll be more restrained for a few more days. Then we'll usually a few weeks of "normal" levels of frustration (not quite Bob Barker patient, but patient), and eventually I get frustrated with the attitude and we'll have another day of yelling.
Anyone else have this pattern? Anyone have workarounds?
I've been trying to figure out all day why this makes me so uncomfortable, and I just realized it's because it's an abusive pattern of behavior. Having "serious fights" with an 8 year old and then behaving "very sweetly" is a sign that counseling - both family and individual - is a good idea.
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1 minute ago, hjffkj said:
This is how I felt when were looking in 2019. It took awhile but we found the house that fit our needs perfectly. We had to increase our house price by $20,000 and cross state lines but it is perfect for everyone's needs. Plus, our property literally touches the state we were living in so we didn't go far from where our entire lives are at all.
I'm glad to hear you found what you need!
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2 minutes ago, dsmith said:
Sorry about your father-in-law. We moved in with my in-laws about 10 years ago for financial reasons on both ends. It has mostly worked out well. The most helpful thing we did before we moved in was to finish the basement and create a rec room and an office for our use. If I didn't have the rooms down here I would probably lose my mind. When my father-in-law was alive he had the TV on all day very loudly. I prefer quiet. They watch Hallmark movies all the time and we like sci fi and thrillers, etc. I get along very well with my mother-in-law, but we are completely different personalities. I am not a good social outlet for her, nor she for me. Normally this is ok, but during the pandemic it has caused some issues. We don't allow anyone in the house to protect her and us, so she visits outside on the deck. We've been coming into conflict trying to keep us all safe from the people around us who are not safe, and we have even made a backup plan to move out if we have to. It's hard when the rest of the family isn't on the same page. That can become an issue in the future regarding medical decisions, etc., not just trying to stay safe during a pandemic. I don't know how many other family members there are, but that has a potential to cause issues.
If this is a permanent thing, keep in mind future care. My mother-in-law had been in a wheelchair when her knee blew up on her, and in the beginning when she could do less for herself it was physically hard on me. I'm the only female in the house so I was helping her with dressing, using the bathroom, etc. I'm very worried for how it will be after her knee surgery in February. She will never go to a nursing home, so the future scares me. I have MS so this is a major concern for me. I hadn't been diagnosed when we moved in and it probably would have factored into the decision if I had been.
Overall I would say the good far outshines the bad. The feelings in the house at the moment are kind of negative, but we lost my father-in-law to the virus, a neighbor is staying with us since March and trying our patience, family members that don't live with us and aren't careful are pushing against us, and it's just an awful year in general.
It has been a hard year for so many people. I hope things improve soon - for you, and all of us.
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My daughter (11) is thrilled with the idea. My son (18 this coming Sunday) is also happy, but we had planned to buy a house with a little apartment for him, and now I feel like we're looking for a unicorn of a house to accommodate everyone.
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Just now, Not_a_Number said:
That’s very broad and not, I’m afraid, very helpful. I don’t want to change our basic structure, because the kids are thriving with it. I want to tweak my attitude and local responses to improve it.
You're not thriving with it though...you've made a bunch of threads about being stressed, frustrated, yelling. You can change things without completely restructuring, but the situation sounds miserable. And you seem very resistant to any kind of suggestion that helps. My DD is profoundly gifted and we've had to change things many times over the years. Your daughter may be gifted, or not, but she is 8 and you are having screaming matches with her because you're so frustrated. It sounds to me like you need to change some things. But hey - keep doing what you're doing. I've seen what that looks like and the pushing and constant frustration can really ruin relationships.
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10 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:
So, a pattern I've noticed is that when we have a day with a serious fight, I will be VERY sweet for a few days. Then I'll be more restrained for a few more days. Then we'll usually a few weeks of "normal" levels of frustration (not quite Bob Barker patient, but patient), and eventually I get frustrated with the attitude and we'll have another day of yelling.
Anyone else have this pattern? Anyone have workarounds?
Restructure, communicate, change expectations.
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Lots to think about. I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed, and I wish we had more time. We always think we have more time.
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Low blood sugar can cause really panicky, awful feelings of anxiety, depression and anger. The PB toast is a great idea. Make sure he eats small meals with some protein every couple/few hours and it should be much better.
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2 minutes ago, Jaybee said:
Yes, my mom is 90, but is still pretty on top of things and able to manage. I think she does get lonely, as my sibling's family life is pretty busy, but after my father died, she lived alone for about nine years, so we are glad she finally agreed to move closer to remaining family members. Maybe some kind of combo situation could work (if affordable), where she has a bedroom and sitting room if she wants the privacy (or just a large bedroom with a little sitting area), but shares meals and main living with you all. If my mom lived with us, despite her desires to not "interfere" with our family life, I'm pretty sure she would be folded in more to our lives than she is now. But we live too far away from the rest of the family for her to be willing to move here.
That's what we are thinking - we'd like her to have her own bedroom/bathroom and a living room type situation. I stay home (one kiddo still at home full time) and DH works from home, so we're around enough that I don't think she will be lonely. But I do want her to feel she has her own space. It's a little tricky.
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I was originally thinking of getting a house with an in-law apartment for her, but she has some confusion (not a ton) and we are thinking she will be very lonely. It's all still TBD I guess...just trying to get a sense of what it will look like. Thank you for sharing!
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Hi
We've received the horrible news that my father in law has only days to live. It is likely that my mother in law will move in with us (we plan to sell both houses and move to a new house to better accommodate the new situation). If you have done inter-generational living, what does that look like? What are ways we can help her to be as comfortable as possible? We currently live next door to each other, so we spend a fair amount of time together already...but we are trying to be prepared. Thanks
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I do wonder if your teaching method simply isn't working for you anymore. Not every day needs to be a constant push for greater and greater achievement. An 8 year old is....8. A gifted child doesn't need to be pushed in order to be gifted. If you're experiencing constant frustration, sit down and work out a new school plan WITH your daughter. She may have some amazing ideas for her own education.
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DD 11: art supplies
DS 18 (in 6 days!): never asks for anything, so I have no clue
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I understand. I'm sorry you're feeling like you need more, and at the same time feel that you can't have it. It hurts.
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I'm so sorry Scarlett. Sending prayers for their recovery, as well as for you.
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13 minutes ago, hippiemamato3 said:
Of course not. But it could still explain the whining.
I was just wondering though - is it possible there's a physical reason for the whining? Stomach issues? Headaches?
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3 hours ago, DawnM said:
Yes, but attachment "issues" don't need to be as severe as RAD. Our 16 year old came to us at the same toddler age. I don't remember him being this whiney but that was also a long time ago! 😆
Of course not. But it could still explain the whining.
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3 hours ago, DawnM said:
My husband and oldest son are home.
He is starting part time preschool in November, we are hoping that will help with more stimulation, etc.....Thankfully his therapist said she sees no signs of RAD and said he has appropriate attachment.
Honestly, it's extremely rare for a toddler to be removed from a parent and not have attachment issues. The therapist may, however, not be that familiar with them.
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Who is with him during the day? Do they also report constant whining? My daughter (who came to us with a reactive attachment disorder diagnosis) screamed at her previous foster homes incessantly. She did not do it here, but I attachment parented her 100% of the time until she had mostly healed.
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Can you try wearing him?
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Weekly (night before trash goes out)
Freezer in garage - rarely, but I did it tonight because tomorrow is trash day
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I miss....
in The Chat Board
Posted
I miss feeling proud of being an American.